Be AMBITIOUS without the STRUGGLE

Speaker 1: 0:01

Ladies, gentlemen and others. We're gonna talk a little bit today about how to go for those big, massive goals and achieve big things while, at the same time, enjoying the actual damn process. A ton of you and I see this a lot in my coaching program a ton of you are like really massive achievers or you want to be, but I often see you guys and girls getting really stressed and putting all this pressure on yourselves, like thinking you have to be perfect, beating yourself up if you're not where you want to be yet and you're not really enjoying the process of this self-improvement thing, of these achievements of these goals. Instead, you're feeling like, or you're treating it like it's a grind, like it's a chore, and so one of the things that one of my aims with this content, with my YouTube channel, with my coaching, is I want to push, i want to encourage you to feel a little bit more peaceful, to actually enjoy the process of achievement, of working on goals, because a lot of the goals that a lot of you have might take potentially years to achieve. Like, some of you want some really big shit If you want to lose, you know, 100 pounds, that might take you a year or two. If you want to make a ton of money, that might take you a couple of years. If you want to have an elite sex life, that might take two or three years. It took me about three years or so. And so some of these big goals that take a while to achieve, i don't want to see you locking yourself away into this pit of like torture and grinding and misery and hating the process. In other words, because these goals can take years to achieve, you're allowed to have fun while you're working on them, and if you don't have fun, often, god, you burn out. You know, this is a lesson that I had to learn many times before. That lesson, bloody well, finally stuck with me. I would constantly push myself and then I'd be stressed and I would hate the journey. I'd get really frustrated that I hadn't made it yet. I'd be really angry at other people, at myself, at the universe, all of this shit, and I'd be like why can't I just have made it already? And then finally, one day it clicked with the help of one of my coaches who sort of said you know, you don't have to suffer to reach your goals, you're allowed to enjoy the actual process, and that was a huge shift in my mind And as soon as I started practicing being more peaceful, i actually achieved more And it felt better. Obviously And I want you to think about this When you're stressed like when you're really stressed are you in a flow state, and by flow state I mean like, do things happen easily, like you're just kicking ass and it's smooth and efficient?

Speaker 1: 2:40

No, you're fucking stressed. It's hard to think. When you're stressed, you're not always rational. When you're stressed, you get very easily demotivated. When you're stressed, you have moments of frustration and sometimes even breakdowns. You know you hit that breaking point and you're like, fuck, i can't do this. And then you have to self-medicate with alcohol or food or taking a break from your goal or quitting temporarily because you were so damn stressed, and all of this shit gets in the way of working on the actual goal.

Speaker 1: 3:09

Now I want you to think about a time in your life when maybe you've been in a flow state. You know so stuff is just happening, happening easy. It doesn't even really feel like you have to think about it. Much Like that's what a flow state feels like You're in the zone, you're on fire. It's amazing. And when you're in that flow state it feels like shit just happens. It feels like you're making massive progress with your goals. You're kicking ass without even really having to try that much. Sure, you're still doing things, you're still taking action, you're still trying to some extent, but it just comes easy, it comes naturally.

Speaker 1: 3:41

And so think about that flow state versus that state of stress. That is one of the biggest reasons why I encourage you, guys and girls, to enjoy the process of self-improvement, to enjoy making money, getting better with the opposite sex, making friends, building a business, whatever it might be. Enjoy that process and you will actually be more productive. Another thing to think is it's easier to wake up every morning and think, yeah, i want to work on this goal that I'm excited about, as opposed to waking up every morning and going, oh fuck, i have all this stuff that I have to do or I should do or I need to do. That feels like a chore, and so, with that simple little mental trick of just saying, man, i'm excited about this, i'm passionate about this, i accept that this is the journey that I'm on, and there is acceptance there, they're more likely to succeed because you're more likely to actually get up in the morning and take action because you want to rather than because you think you have to.

Speaker 1: 4:36

So, flow state, peace and all of this. This is stuff that I encourage a lot, and it's okay if you're not always in that flow state. It is perfectly okay if you're not always at peace. I'm not always at peace, but we're aiming to just be there a little bit more than we have in the past gradual improvements, like I talk about all the time. So all of that might sound wonderful, you go yeah, that sounds great, andy, but how do I actually do that? How do I actually be more peaceful? Well, fear not, dear listener, i wrote down 11 things just off the top of my head, kind of just jotted them down some strategies and some mental tricks and some ways of thinking about things to help you be a little bit more at peace while still achieving massive goals, because those two things aren't mutually exclusive.

Speaker 1: 5:19

A lot of people think I can't enjoy the process of working on my goals, or maybe they'll phrase it like this they'll say I will be happy when I achieve my goals, which, if you think about that statement as you saying, okay, so I'll be unhappy until I achieve my goals. In other words, i'll be unhappy while I work on these goals. I'll be unhappy with the self-improvement. So here's some strategies on how to make sure you don't do that and how to make sure you actually enjoy working on those big goals.

Speaker 1: 5:46

I think the first one is with mindset and some of the stories that we tell ourselves, right? So I encourage my coaching clients and I encourage all of you to try and have a little bit more of a mindset where you say look, i'm okay as I am right now and I just want to be a little bit better. In other words, you're okay as you are and you just like to have a little bit more. You'd like to achieve a bit more, you'd like to be a little bit more efficient, you'd like to be more calm, you'd like to be happier, you'd like to have more money, maybe You'd like to have more sex, but you're not broken. You don't need fixing. You're just a human being who's doing their best and then aiming to be a little bit better.

Speaker 1: 6:21

With every day or week that passes, you're on the self-improvement journey, rather than you beating yourself up for not having already made it. So this is just with the stories that you tell yourself and not looking in the mirror and saying man, i'm such a failure, why haven't I done it yet? No, i'm okay. I'm a human being. I'm doing my best. Yes, i would like to be better, but I will get there. I just need to keep taking action every day. I'm on that path. It's okay. I might have to wait a little bit before I make it. I might have to wait a little bit before I achieve the next big goal. That's okay, i got some time. I will eventually get there if I just don't quit, and you will. All of you will get there if you just don't quit. It's about being okay with the journey and the fact that this stuff might take you a few months, a few years For big goals, it might even take you longer than that and being okay with that.

Speaker 1: 7:12

Another big trick that I talk about all the time of how to feel peace while still achieving big goals is set realistic goals, and I wrote this down, but I want to explain what I mean by realistic goals. So, set big goals, that's fantastic. Set big goals, but then break them down into more realistic, like smaller baby steps that you take towards getting there. So for some of you, let's say you know I get this a lot.

Speaker 1: 7:39

Let's say you're a virgin and you're in your 30s and you've never been with a woman. Maybe you've held hands with a woman, you've been on a date, but you've never done anything sexual in your 30,. Right, you set the goal of I have to build an elite sex life. I'm such a fucking loser because I haven't done that yet. That's a wonderful goal. It's a wonderful one in your sex life. It's wonderful.

Speaker 1: 7:58

Wanting to be elite at sex, that's great. I love that. But set a more realistic, almost like a stepping stone, of how you're going to get there. Because if you just hit there as a 30 year old virgin and say I'm a failure until the moment where I have had, you know, multiple threesomes and slept with 20 women, i'm a failure until that point, it's like, mate, that might take a couple of years to get to. It might take you a little bit, depending on where you are, how much you need to improve. It might take you a couple of years. Do you really want to sit there feeling like a failure for the next couple of years? That just sounds painful. That sounds like a recipe for quitting.

Speaker 1: 8:34

And so what I get guys and girls to do instead and what I encourage you guys and girls to do is break that goal down into smaller, achievable goals, like goals that are very realistic, that we can achieve. So still have that big goal. That's amazing. But what steps are you going to take to get there? And so you might break that goal down of you know, i want an elite sex life. You might be like, okay, let me just lose my virginity first. Okay, that's my first goal, that's the first goal. I will humble myself enough to just make that the goal. I don't have to worry about building an elite sex life. That can happen later, that's okay. Right now that's probably too scary and too hard And I don't even know how to do that. Let me just start with this first goal of losing my virginity And for a lot of you that goal will still be really scary.

Speaker 1: 9:18

And you go how the fuck do I do that Like I'm 30. I haven't done it yet. How am I just going to go and do that? If it was so easy, i would have already done it. Okay, i would have done it even more. Maybe I will just try and go on a date with one woman. See how that goes.

Speaker 1: 9:33

If that's too scary or that seems impossible right now. Okay, i will just go and talk to five women and just say hello, how are you going? How are you kid? And ask for their phone number. If that's too hard, i'll just talk to one. If that's too hard, i'll improve myself and work on my self-esteem and go outside and just looked at some women or socialize with some women. If that's too hard, okay, i'll just socialize with people in general.

Speaker 1: 9:58

And do you see how you can keep breaking the goal down into smaller steps until you get to one where you're like okay, i could definitely do that. And so that's what I mean by realistic goals. Another way of phrasing that would be maybe realistic is the wrong word, but set like a big goal and then set baby goals that you can definitely achieve like little stepping stones, and so I'm a big fan of humbling yourself and bringing the goal down, you know, to the level you're at right now. And if you're not at the level where you can do something big, like you know I'm going to have an elite sex life or I'm going to make a million dollars. I see a lot of people that come to me and say, hey, i want to make $10 million And I'm like, cool, how much money have you made, like outside of a job, how much money have you made with your own business? And they're like $0. And I'm like, okay, so $10 million is just going to scare the fuck out of you. How about we just make the first $1,000? And if that's too scary, just make $100. If that's too scary, make $1 and start there. That's what I had to do myself.

Speaker 1: 10:54

I didn't think I was capable of even just paying the bills from my coaching. I literally never thought that would be possible, and so I had to just make a dollar. Literally, it took me about three to probably six months of really trying to earn a dollar before I finally did, because mostly I was self-sabotaging and I was holding back. It doesn't take that long to earn a dollar. Most of the client coaching clients in my program earn like $100 in the first week if their mission is to make money. But I had my own hurdles. everybody lives life at their own pace And it took me a little while. But that's where I had to start. And so, whatever your big goals are, break them down to something that you definitely can do and then get started Another big cheat code when it comes to feeling peace at the same time as having all these big, amazing, ambitious goals, is gratitude.

Speaker 1: 11:44

I talk about gratitude all of the time, and gratitude is such an amazing fucking cheat code, and so what I recommend is, every time you make some sort of progress or you achieve something, even if it's just a tiny little stepping stone towards your big goal, be grateful, like be grateful for the people that have helped you. Be grateful to yourself for having the courage to work on this goal. Be grateful for the people that you listen to. You know my podcast, other people's podcasts. I'm constantly thinking, sometimes even saying to these people how grateful I am to the podcasts and stuff that have taught me a lot, and the YouTube channels and the coaches that I have. I told them that I'm grateful all the time. You can tell your friends that you're grateful for them. Tell your family, tell girls that you sleep with or men that you sleep with if you're a woman, all of this stuff.

Speaker 1: 12:30

You're building that muscle of gratitude, especially when you hit a big goal. I talk a lot and we're going to talk about this because I've put this as a separate one in a second like how to actually celebrate wins and goals, but just if you can encourage or if you can build that muscle of gratitude, it makes the process of self-improvement and achieving goals so much more fun, because you're spending the entire time feeling good, you're feeling grateful, you're like man. Thank God, i have this opportunity. I love the fact that I can work on myself rather than bitterness and frustration and I'm not good enough and why am I not there yet? Gratitude is just a. It smooths, it lubricates the wheels, it just. It makes you so much more productive and, more to the point, you actually enjoy the goddamn process and you don't want to quit because you wake up every day feeling gratitude.

Speaker 1: 13:17

Now, gratitude is just a muscle. That's why I keep referring it to to it as that And so you build this muscle by practice. So you can do it like this You can every day have an alarm or a reminder that goes off in your, in your phone or your calendar, and just the reminder will say Write five reasons or come up with five things I'm grateful for. It can be, like I said gratitude towards your friends, towards your goals, towards the universe, towards people that have helped you. It doesn't really fucking matter, you're just practicing gratitude. And the more you practice it, especially if you do it a couple of times a day, you do get really good at gratitude, and so it is something that's muscle keep building that. That's been a game changer for me. Similar to that is mindfulness and meditation. So being a little more mindful, which is just another way of saying being present rather than being in your own head or thinking too much About the future or the past, if you can just try and stay in the present, which is another muscle, it just takes practice, and Meditation is a really nice way of doing this. It helps you Be a lot more calm on this process of working towards your goals. It helps clear some shit up in your head.

Speaker 1: 14:23

I use mindfulness and meditation, and I'll talk about how to meditate in a second. I use these so much when I'm stressed. I will just sit there and I'll meditate and I it's like a clearing of the mind. It's me processing all of the stuff that's been stressing me out, and then I'm far more effective at actually getting the things I want and working towards the goals. So, as for how to actually meditate or be mindful, a lot of people have this like Surface level understanding of meditation and they just think meditation means I'm not allowed to think anything. I have to clear my mind. No, that's not meditation. My meditation is the complete and utter opposite of that. Meditation is all.

Speaker 1: 14:59

Mindfulness is just you focusing on the thoughts that are in your head, and so a lot of people, when they try and meditate, they think the thoughts in their head are wrong. They're like fuck, i shouldn't have any thoughts, and it's like no, of course You're going to have thoughts. Everybody does, including Buddhist monks. They just let the thought go, or they're okay with the thought, or they listen to the thought, or they focus on the thought, or they think about the thought, or they notice the thought. They see the thoughts kind of coming and going and they don't attach to them and say this thought is bad, i shouldn't think this, i should be thinking this different way instead. No, they don't do any of that, they just notice the thoughts. That's all that mindfulness is. That's all meditation is is just sitting there or laying there. You can even meditate when you're walking. I do that a lot and just noticing shit.

Speaker 1: 15:43

A really good book on learning how to meditate is a book called the five minute Meditator, and it literally teaches you how to meditate if you've never done it before and you have no idea how to do it, and you just do it in little like one or two or three or four minute like meditation practices. And this book is fucking brilliant because it really opened my mind up to the different types of meditation that there are and Probably the easiest one to start some of you off with. Again. I recommend you go grab this book the five minute meditator. Just read the book. It's it's fucking good. It's such a good book. But The easiest meditation practices I can give you is the next time you're doing something, just be fully all in with that thing that you're doing.

Speaker 1: 16:26

So let's say, you're washing the dishes. Normally you might have a podcast on or you might be thinking of some other shit, or you're just you're doing anything except for the dishes. Like you're doing the dishes But you don't actually want to be there doing the dishes because nobody, or most people don't enjoy doing the dishes, right. But what this book teaches you is You can enjoy everything, even the stuff that you thought you weren't enjoying, like doing the dishes. And so the way that you meditate while doing the dishes is you just Notice what's going on. So you feel the warmth of the hot water on your hands, you feel the soapiness of the bubbles. You feel every little plate or Falk or anything that you pick up, like you literally feel how heavy it is in your hand, almost like you're just becoming so hyper aware That you're focusing in on just every little tiny detail. Maybe you listen to the sound of the knives and forks clanging around in the sink And the way the plates sound when they scrape, the way they sound when you wipe them after you're cleaning them All of that stuff just become hyper aware of every little thing and what you find is it's almost this like transcendental Dental experience. It's like you transcend to a higher fucking plane or some shit. Like I swear to God. Sometimes it can feel like you're tripping balls from just doing the dishes. Because you become so hyper focused, you forget about Everything. You forget about the shit that's been stressing you, you forget about all of the stuff around you And you just become almost like one with the dishes. This is like you and the dishes have become one and the same. You've joined together in perfect fucking harmony And you can do it with everything.

Speaker 1: 17:57

Eating meditations is one of my favorite and he talks about it a lot in this book again, the five-minute meditator. He talks about it really just noticing all of the flavors, the textures, every little bite, how it feels as it goes in your mouth and goes down your throat. Gimme that no shit. Likely, if you're anything like me, you know it's likely that you've never really actually paid attention to what you're eating. You think you have and you go hmm, that's that tastes delicious. I love this, but you're just shoving it in your mouth and swallowing.

Speaker 1: 18:27

For the most part, especially those of us living in the West, we don't really appreciate food, not quite to the same extent as a lot of like Eastern and Asian countries do, where food is a celebration, food is like a fucking event. Southern American countries do this too. It's like a fucking event and they pay attention and they're present with what they're eating. Often we in the West kind of don't. We just view food as like self-medication or fuel or we just kind of shove it in and off it goes. And so if you can slow down and really pay attention to every bite, the way it tastes, the way it feels in your mouth, that's a form of meditation.

Speaker 1: 19:02

Another form of meditation is to just go sit in a park, close your eyes and just listen to the sounds around you And you will likely hear shit that you didn't. If you do this for like five minutes or so, just try and identify as many different sounds as you possibly can You'll hear shit that you didn't even know was there. Like you'd be like holy shit. Like I can hear someone yelling like two miles away or a mile away maybe not that far, but you know. Like half a mile away I can hear someone yelling at their dog. I didn't even notice that before because you just weren't sort of paying attention, you weren't tuned into it. So that's another form of meditation.

Speaker 1: 19:35

But the point is there are so many different forms of meditation. Another really good one I like to do is to just focus on the thoughts that are in my head. Just whatever thought is in my head, i just let that play out and I just go with it. I almost like let the thought have a mind of its own. That's a form of meditation, and meditation and mindfulness just makes you feel so fucking at peace And it helps clear up a lot of that stress and that frustration, especially those of you who are working on big goals and your heart on yourself And you're pushing yourself to the point where you almost want to have a breakdown. Meditation really helps with that.

Speaker 1: 20:09

Another thing that really, really, really helps with this journey is self-compassion and self-care. You might have heard me say it as self-love. I talk about this on my YouTube channel all the damn time, on this podcast, all the damn time. The more you can learn to just be okay with being you in all of your perceived flaws and perceived imperfection And I guess you are imperfect. I'm not perfect, none of us are perfect The more you can sort of embrace the fact that you're not perfect, the more peaceful this journey is and the more you actually achieve and the happier you'll be.

Speaker 1: 20:42

You know setbacks. Let's talk about setbacks for a little bit. How many times do you beat yourself up? when you have a setback, you probably call it a failure. A lot of you do You beat yourself up. You say why have I made this mistake? Or anytime you have a rejection, you know someone doesn't want to be with you or someone doesn't want to buy your product or whatever, and you go oh man, like I've been rejected again And you're kind of hard on yourself. But it's worth understanding that this process or this journey that you're on of achieving big goals, you're going to have setbacks. Like there is no possible way at least none that I've ever seen of achieving big things without at least 100 setbacks, at least 100 moments where you feel like you failed, at least 100 moments where people say no to you and you go fuck, that really hurt. Oh shit, they said no, fuck, i'm going to have a breakdown. It's kind of just the thing that you signed up for when it comes to big goals.

Speaker 1: 21:30

That's why I push self love, it's why I push compassion, it's why I push trying to be as kind to yourself And then, in the moments where you're not kind to yourself, being okay with that too, like being kind to yourself when you're unkind to yourself, not beating yourself up for beating yourself up. So the more self compassionate you can be, the more self love you can show yourself, the easier this thing or this journey is, especially those of you who are working on your dating lives or your sex lives or you want a relationship. God like learn to love yourself, and there's so many books on this, there's so many different resources I can give you. But the more you can love yourself, the more someone else will come along and go oh, i want to love you too. Another way of phrasing that is why would you expect somebody else to love you if you don't love yourself? You don't have to be perfect with loving yourself, but at least start that journey with yourself of self discovery and self love. Books that really help on this, i think a good one to start with, is I need your love. Is that true? Bye bye R and Katie. Another really good one is loving what is. Bye bye R and Katie.

Speaker 1: 22:32

And then, on top of that, i think the easiest way to build love with yourself is to just start telling yourself you love yourself. It's why I do the mirror therapy that I talk about all the time with you. Guys and girls Go into the bathroom, look in the mirror, look into your own eyes and just say I love you. And the first few times you do it it might feel weird, as fuck It did for me. It was really weird, i hated it. I didn't hate it, but I felt really uncomfortable. You just keep doing it And eventually, at some point now, when I say I love you to myself, there's a big smile on my face and I might fuck you. That's nice. So there are different ways of building self love, but it's a journey that you go on. But if you want other people to love you or even just like, you, start with yourself. I wouldn't expect other people to do something that you're not willing to do yourself.

Speaker 1: 23:15

The next thing that really helps build that peace, while at the same time still having massive ambition, is celebrating the small wins. I hinted at this before when I talked about gratitude, but let's talk specifically about the wins. I see so many people that do something that's called moving the goalposts. So let's say you have a goal, you achieve that goal and then you go oh, that didn't really count, or I need to achieve the next goal. And you move the goalposts and you say that wasn't really a goal, or maybe it was a goal, but fuck it, i need to go into the next goal. And you don't take the time to pause and really celebrate that win or recognize the amazing thing that just happened. Because for a lot of you, you set these big, crazy, ambitious goals, which I fucking love. I have big, ambitious goals too And then you achieve them, but you just immediately move on to the next goal.

Speaker 1: 24:02

And I love when my coaching clients do this, because they hit the pause button and I go whoa, whoa, whoa, motherfucker, like several months ago or several weeks ago you said that if you ever achieve this goal, that would be impossible. You literally said this goal was impossible. You thought there was no way to do it. You've just done it. Why the fuck aren't you pausing to be like holy shit, i just did something impossible. Maybe the next thing that I think is impossible isn't Holy shit, like I've just broken the matrix. I've realized that nothing is impossible, jesus Christ. That's worth celebrating, but a lot of the time we're just so focused on the next fucking goal that we don't even realize we just did something worth celebrating. It's part of the reason why I get you guys and girls to have some sort of accountability group or join a coaching program. You know, join my fucking coaching program. Or have friends or just accountability partners, someone that when you achieve things or a group of people is even better. They can get around you and be like hell. Yes, this is amazing, good fucking job, and that also includes being open to that and letting them congratulate you and congratulating yourself.

Speaker 1: 25:08

But if you're just constantly moving the goalposts and then, moving on to the next goal, you don't feel any sort of peace. In fact, you only feel a distinct lack of. You feel like I don't have enough, i'm never gonna have enough. How can I achieve goals and I still don't feel good. And so a big part of it is not just celebrating the big wins, but every small little daily win.

Speaker 1: 25:29

In my coaching program, one of the things that we get everybody to do is, every day, we get them to write down what they did like, what their successes were, and every time we have a weekly group coaching call. Before anyone asks a question like, let's say, there's a guy who you know puts his hand up, he goes how I want to ask a good question. We go okay. Before you say your first question, tell us what your biggest win for the week was like, what was your biggest fucking victory? And sometimes it's a big victory, sometimes it's just something small, like, look, i was depressed and I got out of bed every day this week and I went out for a walk for 15 minutes. That's awesome.

Speaker 1: 26:03

But we make sure everybody is constantly thinking about what they did do, as in their wins and their victories, rather than what they haven't done yet. Because if you just sit there and obsess about what you haven't done yet which a lot of you do, it's very tempting, isn't it? if you sit there and obsess about what you haven't done, you just feel, like I said, this distinct lack of, this feeling of I'm not good enough, i'm not there yet, i can't be happy until I reach it. You feel this neediness, you feel this lack of abundance. It hurts, but if you sit there and constantly focus, not focus, constantly celebrate all of the little victories and the things that you have done and the actions that you have taken, now you feel good. Now you feel motivated to keep going. Success breeds success. And if you don't celebrate the wins and celebrate the success, you literally won't feel like you've succeeded. And then why the fuck would you be able to level up and succeed even more? you feel like a failure, and failures don't win. And so, as much as you can, if you can focus on those small wins and the big wins obviously as well and tie up gratitude in that and you know positive vibes and other people encouraging you and all of that the easier this journey is. If you hear all that and you want help with that, we have a coaching program and the guys in there are so fucking unbelievably encouraging. You cannot even believe the support network that we've built up and how fucking lovely everyone in there is. So if that sounds appealing to you, i will leave a link in the description to the coaching program. We would absolutely love to have you. I'll jump on a call with you, will make sure the coaching is a good fit. But, yeah, get some people around you that want you to win and celebrate it. The coaching is basically paid a win. It's like a cheat code to just get you that network of people that will give a shit about you immediately.

Speaker 1: 27:43

Another thing that's super fucking helpful with this piece in this ambition and balancing or having both of them at the same time, is prioritizing your mental health. Another way of phrasing that is prioritizing happiness. I always say don't sacrifice happiness while you're working on your goals. If you think about it, the reason that you even have goals or ambition in the first place is because what you want to be happy, right. That's why you have goals. You think achieving those goals will make you happier.

Speaker 1: 28:12

But I see time and time again people who are grinding, who are suffering, who are enjoying the process of working on their goals because they think that they have to. They think that beating themselves up or suffering or being miserable will get them to their goal quicker. And I will hit the pause button on that and I'll gently say to them isn't the entire reason that you're working on these goals to be happy? and so why are you sacrificing happiness now to achieve a goal that you hope will make you happy? isn't that kind of just inserting an extra step? why don't you skip the middleman and just be happy now? why don't you be happy while you achieve the goal? why don't you be happy before you've achieved the goal and then, when you achieve the goal, you'll be even happier and you were happy the entire time. In other words, why don't you practice happiness? because that's the other thing.

Speaker 1: 28:56

I see so many people that achieve the goal and they don't know what to do with themselves. They literally don't know how to be happy because they haven't practiced it. They haven't prioritized their happiness and their mental health, and so they achieve a goal and they go fuck. I don't even know what to do with this goal, i don't know how to be happy, i don't know how to be peaceful, and so I say practice building that muscle of happiness, of gratitude, of appreciation of your mental health, in other words, of peace. These are all muscles and skills that you can build up and you don't have to be great at them at the start. I certainly wasn't. I'm still a work in progress. So all of you. But just start building that muscle while working on your goals. In other words, happiness is a choice, mental health is a choice, and that isn't to say if you're mentally unhealthy or if you're depressed, that you're choosing to be. That's certainly not what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 29:43

Another way of phrasing that might be prioritizing your happiness is a choice. Well, happiness is a skill. It's something you can choose to prioritize and say, okay, i will get a little bit better at this every single day. I don't have to be perfect, i'm not there yet, but I will just work on being one percent happier every week. Can I do that? and the answer is yeah, all of you can be one percent happier every week. If that's too hard, just be zero, point. One percent happier every week. Can you do that? yes, you can, of course you can. So just start with those baby steps. Prioritize that mental health and that happiness and that peace, build it like the muscle that it is, and then, when you reach your goals, you know how to be happy, you know how to celebrate because you just practice that for the last couple of months or years.

Speaker 1: 30:25

Another one is embracing imperfection. I've talked about this a lot already in this podcast and I talk about it a lot in my content. But look, except the fact that you're a work in fucking progress, i know a lot of you and I used to be the same, i still am sometimes the same. I know a lot of you don't want to accept the fact that you're human. You want to be this perfect God who just has his shit together. Or you compare yourself to other people and you say, man, i'm not as good as that person, so therefore I'm a failure. No, accept where you are right now, because that is the reality. You're not accepting it doesn't make it better, it just hurts. So accept the fact that right now you're not fucking perfect and you're on a journey to just be a little bit better every day or every week.

Speaker 1: 31:09

And so accepting your imperfection doesn't mean complacency, it doesn't mean not taking action, it doesn't mean not improving. No, it means the opposite. It means you can accept where you are right now and then say, okay, fine, i'm not going to fight it anymore, i'm not going to argue, i'm not fucking perfect. okay now, how do I want to improve that? what do I want to do now? How do I work towards being better and you can actually get fucking started? But that frustration and that fighting and that anger and that self-hatred that you feel when you aren't perfect and you wish you were, that stops you from taking action. It just makes you feel ashamed, it makes you feel guilty, it makes you feel angry, it makes you feel scared. These aren't empowering emotions There. No one here is empowering is just Acceptance and going okay, i'm not fucking perfect, great, i'm a fucking mess of a human being, like everybody else, like Andy, like every other person on the pluckin fucking planet. Okay, how do I want to be just a little bit less of a mess? How do I want to work towards Being pretty fucking good? How do I want to work towards that? What do I want to do now? and then you can get fucking started.

Speaker 1: 32:18

So, embracing that imperfection, embracing your inner humanity. This is why I talk about humility, because it does take humility to embrace that your big ego, and we all have a big ego. Your big ego wants to say, no, i am perfect or I can be perfect. It was like, no, you probably can't be perfect, i'm not perfect, and I've been at this shit for, like you know, if we include the years of depression, i've been working on myself for like 15 years at this point and I'm not perfect. You're probably not going to be perfect anytime soon. So embrace that and then just try and be a little bit more perfect. I still don't even like that word. Perfect. A little bit better. There you go. A little bit more decent, a Little bit cooler, a little bit richer, a little bit more sexual. Whatever it is that you want. Just work on being a little bit more every day or every week. Another really big one that helps is learning to say no, or in other words, learning how to have boundaries, and The flip side of this is also learning what you want, learning how to go for what you want.

Speaker 1: 33:14

like a lot of the time, we don't feel peace when we're working on our goals, because Maybe you didn't even really want to work on the goal in the first place. You just thought you should, you should, or you had to or you'd be a loser if you didn't. I get this question a lot right, where people Will look at my sex life and go you know, andy, you've had all these three sims. You and your girlfriend have three sims with girls you date together. You're in an open relationship, like you've had a ton of sex. But what if I don't want to do those things and I go well then, don't fucking do those things. Like, why would you do what I've done if you don't want to do it? I don't want? I never said do what I've done, ever, ever. I will never say that I've said here's what I like to do. If you want to do the same thing, go for it. It's fun, but it might not be for you, and so a lot of the time I see people who are working on goals But they never really learned to say no or to have their own desires or to have their own boundaries.

Speaker 1: 34:04

And fair enough at the Star. It's something you have to learn. I used to be terrible at Boundaries and saying no. I really needed to practice that. I was so non-confrontational I couldn't handle disagreements. I couldn't handle even just the slightest, not even a confrontation, just like Conversations with people about things that I felt uncomfortable about, and so these were skills that I just practiced. But yeah, i see so many people that go for a goal that they weren't actually even passionate about. They just thought they should or thought They had to. And so a big part of peace while working on your ambitious goals is Actually knowing what you want to work on.

Speaker 1: 34:41

And now the caveat if you don't know what goals you want to work on, if I say the question to you, what things do you think would be cool to have in your life, and you're like, fuck, i don't know any. I literally can't think of anything. I have no direction. Okay, then just try a bunch of different stuff. Literally, just try random things as long as it's not hurting anybody. like, don't try punching puppies or something. But you know, try some different random hobbies, try different pursuits, try different careers, try different goals. You know, try different shit. Think of it like it's a hat and you put the hat on, see if it fits. If it doesn't, you take it off And you try putting on another hat. You just try a bunch of different hats until you find one that fits for right now, and it doesn't have to be the hat that fits you for the rest of your life, but just try some shit and see what you enjoy. And so we actually get in there and try some shit, but Yeah, to bring it back.

Speaker 1: 35:30

I see so many people working on goals that they're not actually even passionate about and then they go fuck Like, why don't I feel any peace when I'm working on this goal? Why am I so stressed when I'm working on this goal? and I say, do you actually even want to work on this goal? Fuck, no, but I thought I should. Wouldn't I be a pussy if I don't work on this goal? and I say, no, there is no pussy, there is no right, there is no wrong. Just work on the shit that you want to work on. And again, if you don't know, try some stuff until you find out what you want to work on. So learning to say no or more like learning to say Yes to yourself and your own desires rather than doing what other people or you think other people want you to do, that is such a big one.

Speaker 1: 36:08

The final one and I already kind of hinted at this one Finding some sort of support system or a group or people around you that can be my coaching program. Again, we would love to have you in the coaching program. The guys in there are so unbelievably supportive and motivated and they're doing big things and they're just an absolute bunch of legends. We would love to have you, outside of that, finding friends, going on my forums, finding groups, finding other people that are working on ambitious goals And I will add in the caveat and not suffering while they do it, because there are lots of like entrepreneur groups or you know, getting laid groups, whatever the goal is. There's lots of groups of people that are super passionate but they're fucking miserable and Fair enough.

Speaker 1: 36:51

I used to be miserable while working on my goals to before I learned all of this shit. Before, like I said, my coach Said to me you know, you don't have to stress and struggle white and suffer while you work on your goals, and that was a game changer for me. I thought you had to suffer while working on your goals. I thought it was like the only way. I Didn't know that there was an alternative. So try and find support systems where they're positive.

Speaker 1: 37:12

I think, again, that's one of the really Awesome things we have in the coaching program is we've deliberately screened or we've created a culture or an environment or a group Whatever you want to call it of people that are very positive, like I say all the time to a lot of my coaching clients. In fact, we had this call today, this, this discussion today. Right literally said look, you guys and girls are all gonna make it. You're gonna reach your goals, no matter what like you are. But part of the purpose of this coaching program, part of the purpose of my coaching and cam and the other coaches in the program, is We're there to help you do it in a way where you actually enjoy the damn process, because there's a million different coaching programs and books and shit out there. They can get you to your goal like we're not unique in that. Yes, we can get you to your goal, but so can 10,000 other coaches. But I think the thing that we have this unique is we will get you there in a way where you actually enjoy the process and you feel Peace and you're happier at the end of it.

Speaker 1: 38:03

You don't then have to go and learn how to be peaceful. You don't have to learn how to not move. The goalposts will fucking teach you every step along the way. So we would love to have you in the program, but, yeah, really just finding a support system and some people that can surround you and help you with everything else I'd listed in this list today. So to summarize the takeaway you do not have to suffer to reach your goals. It is not mandatory, it doesn't even fucking help, it actually hinders a lot. And so, being a little bit more peaceful, you don't have to be perfect with it, but, like I said, just practicing peace, practicing gratitude, practicing happiness. If you're not perfect, that's okay. If you want help, we are right there. I will leave a link in the show notes or the description to the coaching program. We would absolutely love to have you, but go out there, crush those goals and Enjoy the damn process. Right, life is a game. It's meant to be enjoyed. You don't have to suffer, have fun.