Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

WHY Gratitude is So Life-Changing (How Gratitude Works)

July 28, 2023 Andy
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
WHY Gratitude is So Life-Changing (How Gratitude Works)
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Ever wondered why some people seem to reach their goals effortlessly while others struggle and strain? What's the secret to their success? The answer is simpler than you might think - gratitude.

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Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentle, dudes, i got a really, really, really kick ass question in my coaching program this week And it kicked off this really interesting discussion between me and this coaching client and a few of the other guys. And so the question was about gratitude, and I talk about gratitude all the damn time. I call it a cheat code. Guys and girls know that I'm always going on about gratitude and praising people and giving them appreciation and all of that kind of shit. And so the guy in the program said I have a hard time understanding how gratitude is a cheat code for achieving and enjoying your goals. Can you guys please give me an example related to your own goals, or maybe my goals, and tell me how gratitude can actually help? And so, oh man, this was such an interesting discussion. A bunch of people jumped in there and said, okay, here's how gratitude has helped me, here's what it does. But I gave him a link to a couple of podcasts and you can just search on this podcast channel, just search for the word gratitude, and you can listen to the other podcasts that I've done about how gratitude works or why it's a cheat code, but one in particular I had this day, and the podcast is called Why I'm Grateful to You. I really didn't want to be here today And on this particular day when I recorded this podcast, i really, as the title implies, did not want to sit down and record a podcast. I couldn't be bothered, and so I could have sit there and fought against that and gone. Oh, i have to motivate myself, i have to push myself, i have to force myself, but instead what I did is I turned to one of my favorite cheat codes, gratitude, and I said, okay, what if I just sit here and start feeling some gratitude for the audience, for you guys and you girls? What if I sit there and just love you guys and girls and say why I'm grateful? And so I sat down and I recorded this podcast and it ended up being a really fucking good episode. It was like a 26 minute episode of just gratitude and love and appreciation, and then from there, i was able to sort of talk about. You know, look at what I've just done. I've just used gratitude as a cheat code to get myself to do something that before I really didn't want to do, and so that, right there is probably the biggest example of how gratitude can push you towards your goals or can help you with your goals and help you with you know, achievement and stuff like that. It can literally help you when you really don't want to fucking sit down and record something. I've done the same thing with gratitude when it comes to the gym. So many people will just, you know, say, get your ass in the gym, just shut up and lift, bro. But they never really give advice on like what to do when you want to lift weights. But maybe you'll have them one of those days where you're just like, oh fuck, like I don't enjoy this, i don't want to be here, i don't want to do this. Gratitude is my cheat code in the gym. Like I will literally, in the gym, just sit there and think of gratitude or things that I'm grateful for. It doesn't even have to be related to the gym. I'll just think of people that I'm grateful for. You know, people that have helped me. I'll think of you guys and how grateful I am to you guys and girls. I will just go through a list of gratitude, like in between each set, and sometimes I even do it during a set Like I'm literally lifting the weight, thinking of things I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for the opportunity to add muscle. I'm grateful for the opportunity to build my body. I'm grateful that I can get stronger. I'm grateful for this gym. I'm grateful for my girlfriend. And I will often text the people that I'm grateful for, like I will make a post in my coaching group and say, guys, i'm so fucking grateful for you guys helping me pay the bills. I have no idea how much love I have for you guys, holy shit. I will send my girlfriend, imogen, a message and tell her I'm grateful for her. I will tell my mother that I'm grateful for her, and I will use gratitude to like boost my. It's not motivation, although I guess it is, but it's sort of like boosting your drive, especially on those days when you need a little bit of a kickstart. So gratitude really is a beautiful motivator. You get a hell of a lot more done. Gratitude also and this is what I said to this coaching client in particular, because I thought he would benefit from this aspect of gratitude I said look, gratitude helps you reflect after each goal and appreciate what you have just achieved, which makes you feel good, which then motivates you to achieve the next goal. If you don't use gratitude after each goal, as in, if you don't sit there and say, man, i'm so grateful for this goal, i'm grateful for this achievement, i'm grateful for the people that helped me, i'm grateful for the opportunity. I'm grateful to myself for having the drive to do this and the courage to push through when it was hard. If you don't sit there and use that gratitude after each goal and reflect, you'll often just end up doing what's called moving the goal posts. So you achieve a big goal Let's say you make $5,000 a month, or you sleep with some new girl and you guys have a wild, wonderful, amazing time together And then you'll go all right, what's the next goal? Like, i just need to, i'm not good enough because I haven't earned $10,000 now. And then you'll earn $10,000 and go yeah, but I'm still not happy, i need to do $15,000. And you'll just keep doing that until you get to a point where you're earning like $100,000 a fucking month or sleeping with all these women and having great adventures and all of this, but you can't actually fucking pause for long enough to enjoy it And you never feel good enough. You never feel like you've done enough, you never feel like you've achieved enough, and that's a life of unhappiness, a life of perpetual unhappiness, perpetually moving the goal posts. Gratitude protects you from that, it inoculates you from that. Gratitude literally makes you pause And this is something that you have to build into a habit. It won't be a habit at the start because you will be tempted to just move the goal post. Most people are. So you build gratitude into a habit after each goal that you achieve and you sit there and you go fuck man, i just did something amazing. Okay, i'm really grateful. You can make yourself or encourage yourself, get yourself to write down like 10 things you're grateful for after you achieve every goal, after you achieve even a tiny goal, after you just make a little bit of progress, like, let's say, right now, your goal is to build a better body, a bigger body, more muscle Every week that you go to the gym. Take some time at the end of the week to talk about or to think about some things that you're grateful for with that week in the gym. Man, i'm grateful that I did such a good job. I'm grateful that I went when I didn't want to go. I'm grateful that my personal trainer helped me. I'm grateful that my friends encouraged me. Do that every single week. I do this with Imogen, my girlfriend. We will once a week sit there or we will go for a walk and we'll come up with a huge bunch of things that we're grateful for with that week Grateful for other people, grateful for ourselves, grateful for opportunities, grateful for each other. And on top of that, i also use gratitude every single night. I will just list a couple of things that I'm grateful for every night and you can text them to a friend. I often text them to Imogen, sometimes I just keep them for myself, but every day just a couple of things. You know, this doesn't have to take very long. It can take two minutes a day, and we all have two minutes a day. And I promise you this thing pays absolute dividends because it means you appreciate this journey that you're on, instead of setting your happiness or making your happiness conditional and contingent on you reaching these goals. Because if you just say I'll only be happy when I reach this goal, it's like fuck, well, what does that mean for the next six months or a year that it might take you to get to that goal? That sounds miserable. So gratitude, especially weekly or daily gratitude, and then gratitude when you reach a goal or make some progress. Holy shit, man. It just makes this journey fun. It makes it worth it. On top of that, if you use gratitude towards your friends because that was another question that this coaching client asked he said you know, how can I use gratitude towards my friends? Like I don't know how to tell them that I'm grateful for them. It seems weird to just say I'm grateful for you. You know, he's one of those guys and a lot of people feel like this, like I've never really practiced like telling people that I'm grateful for them or telling them that I appreciate them When it sounds weird, when it's sound kind of like kooky or just like strange. And so I helped him come up with some ways that you can tell your friends you're grateful for them without saying I'm grateful for you. And I'll read some of those out in a second, because I know a lot of you have that same concern of like fuck, but how do I actually be honest with someone? How do I actually open up? Like it feels weird, and it does feel weird if you've never done it before. This shit felt really weird for me at the start. I thought that I was going to get judged or criticized or that my friends would be like, huh, that's gay. But no, none of them did. But I'll talk about that in a second. So gratitude with your friends. Why would you want to do it? Because it helps foster deeper friendships. And if you do the same thing in a relationship, even a casual relationship, as in give gratitude towards the women or the guys that you're sleeping with, gratitude makes the relationship again, even a casual one, better, because you get more of what you want. We get more of what we want. When we tell someone that we're grateful for you get better sex, you get kinkier sex. You get more appreciation. You'll be happier. She or he will be happier. You will be more present with them. You'll be paying more attention. I've covered all of this in podcasts, many, many, many times in videos. Probably the best one to go and listen to if you want to see how great gratitude can help with friendships and relationships is one called relationships shouldn't be work if you water your plants, so you can just search for you know that title on Spotify or anywhere else. Wherever you're listening to this podcast, listen to that. It's like a 25 minute episode. I go deep on how gratitude helps with even just casual relationships, but all relationships. And so another thing that I said, let's move on to the part about the friends. Because, like I said, this guy said, you know, I really want to use gratitude with my friends. Like how the hell do I even say it? Like won't it be weird when it sounds awkward? Like what if they think it's, you know, strange? And so I said like look, you know, I personally use the word grateful all the time and there's no weirdness there. Like I even sent him a screenshot of Cam. A lot of you will know him as radical. He's, a coach in my program, is one of my best friends, no-transcript. I sent a screenshot of all the times i just search for the word grateful and i send a screenshot of a bunch of times that cam and i have told each other that were grateful for each other in like the last week or two, and those you know bunch of those times and i literally just sell i'm grateful for you, i'm grateful for you helping with content. You know i'm grateful to you for helping build the coaching program. And he'll say i'm grateful to you like thanks, man. Like i'm grateful that you put money into me, i'm grateful. Like we just say that we're grateful, and i say this to all of my friends, even my very like masculine, hyper masculine Friends. I'll still just say, like, bro, i'm grateful for you. So i promise you can say grateful. But if you still go like i don't know, like i'm just scared to say, like i don't want to say that word, what i said to him is, if you want, if the word grateful, gratitude, doesn't click with you which for some people it doesn't another word that might help instead is appreciation. You're literally just telling someone like yo, i fucking appreciate you. And so some examples are you can literally, just after you hang out with one of your friends, you can say, mate, i had so much fun. Hanging out with you yesterday was fucking awesome. We could say, dude, yesterday was sick as hell. I always have so much fun. When we hang out, we say, bro, thank you for the chat yesterday and listening. You literally helped me solve a problem that had been bugging me for weeks. You can say, man, i'm so glad we talked about whatever you talked about. I feel so much better. Fucking thank you, man, like holy shit. It really helped. You don't have to use the word gratitude, you don't even have to say i appreciate you, but you're just getting it across. You basically saying thank you, basically saying like yo, you're even saying i just had fun. Like i had fun hanging out with you bro, it's always awesome hanging out with you. Like, dude, you're a good friend, like you don't have to use the words gratitude, the same stuff, when you're Talking about relationships, even casual relationships, after every time you have sex, even if you've been seeing each other for a long time, in fact, maybe even more so. Then send a message afterwards and just say like yo, last night was so fun, last night was wild. Like holy shit, you're so fun. I always have fun when we hang out. you're really cool to be around. I really love hanging out with you, just any of these kind of things. After sex or after Friendship hang out, any of that kind of stuff. It just gets you more of the thing that you want And you're making it more likely that your friends or people that you date I don't want to hang out with you again and that's the thing you want, right? you're literally making them more excited to hang out with you because they know that they'll get a little dopamine hit afterwards, don't know. Like yeah, this person actually appreciates my time. This person wants to hang out with me. My time spent with them isn't wasted. They make it obvious that it's not wasted time. They literally tell me thank you for hanging out with me, or i had fun, or you're always cool to be around, or, like yo, i love hanging out with you. It literally makes them want to hang out more, and i used to go through this, or i went through this phase i call it my red pill phase where i was much more A lufa. I was much less encouraging i was. I didn't never really gave praise to women that i dated and i was just A little bit more cold and distant because i thought that's what you had to be. I didn't know you could be honest and open and vulnerable and real and raw. I didn't know you could just be a fucking human being around women like that might sound funny now, because that's Obviously. My main message is that you just fucking be real with people who can be bothered playing games. But yeah, i went through a long period of time probably about two years, where all i did was play games with women and i didn't know any better. But, like i said, i genuinely didn't think that you could praise them or tell them that you had fun after you had sex and stuff. And guess what? Almost none of them opened up to me. They would just randomly, just stop seeing me, that randomly ghost. They would just fall off and disappear and fade out of my life and I never realized why. I mean, i eventually did realize why, obviously, but at the time i couldn't figure it out. I was like why? why don't any women want to stick around? it's like Mother fucker, because you're so aloof and you don't even tell them that you had fun with them. And sometimes they would even ask me. I even had girls and, holy shit, when i look back i just want to give them a big cuddle. But at the time i was just being cold and distant. I had girls that were like, do you like me? And because i was like well, you gotta be aloof, you can't be real with a woman i was just like maybe. And it's like what the fuck? and fair enough, i didn't know any better. Right, and a lot of you listening. It's like, oh shit, like maybe you've done the same thing. The human being literally says to you in the most vulnerable moment do you like me? and you could just be like yeah, i like you a lot of hanging out with you. Really cool, like you, really fun, i think we have a great time. You could just be honest and say that, because that is the truth, and if it isn't, by the way, just You know, don't continue seeing that person be kind when you told them that you don't want to see them. But most of the time the answer is like yeah, i fucking love hanging out with you. Are you kidding me? but we're too shit scared to say that because we think something bad will happen. And then, guess what? people don't want to stick around. Almost all of you will have an example in your life of someone that you were dating or sleeping with or friends with, who was just so enthusiastic about spending time with you And i'm not talking about to the point of clingy, you know it can go in that direction If they're texting you fifty times a day saying when can we hang out? when can we hang out? yeah, but that's an extreme example. Just think of somebody who's like, very affectionate, very appreciative every time you hang out with them, like pro, yesterday was so awesome, or you know Woman that you hang out with, and she's just like oh, my god, i had so much fun. When can i see you again? i'm so excited to see you. It makes you feel good. It makes you want to fucking see that person more because you like This person's like so endearing, like they're so nice to me. They just they don't play any fucking games and being around them is easy, and they make it obvious that they like me and that just makes me want to spend a little bit more time with them. It makes me want to put time aside for them. It makes me want to prioritize them because they're enthusiastic. I don't want to take the wind out of their sails and chop down their enthusiasm. I want to reward their enthusiasm. That is the way most humans are wired. Image in my girlfriend is probably the best example I have in my entire life of someone who made it very fucking easy to hang out with her, because after every time she would say I had so much fun, thank you for seeing me. And I'd be like oh, like you're so fucking sweet, like I had fun too. And she would message me like you know, if we didn't see each other for a week, she would message me and say, hey, like I'd really like to see you again. You know, here's when I'm free. Like here's my schedule. You know, if you're free, that'd be amazing, i'd love to see you. If you're not free, that's okay too. Like I would just see you next week. But yeah, i'd really like to see you And I'd be like, holy fuck, like I want to see you now. I literally want to see you, and there would be so many times she would send me that message and I'd have a busy calendar or something and I'd just look at my calendar and I'd be like, okay, well, like I have like three hours free. You know, friday 4pm. Does that work? I would like try and squash her into my calendar. There's a girl that she and I are dating together right now And this girl is exactly the same. After every time we hang out with this girl, she will send us a message saying hey, i really appreciate you. I can probably pull up my fucking phone right now and there'll be a bet you 10 bucks. There'll be a message right there. I'm very grateful for both of you. I hope you have a nice day There. You go Like fucking, just random messages. What else does she send? I go back to the last time we hung out. You two were both really hot. Okay, there's some sexual stuff here. Maybe I won't read that shit out, but yeah, basically that she loved having sex with us, loved hanging out with us, can't wait to see us again. Like she just sends one of these messages every time we hang out And what does that do? It makes us want to prioritize her and she will send us messages if we haven't seen her for a week or two And she'll say hey, i'm looking forward to seeing you guys again. Here's my schedule. You guys can just pick a time Like what time is good for you guys? What day is good for you guys? You know, if you're busy, that's fine. And then it makes us go like holy shit, okay, we're going to make you a fucking top priority because you make it clear you want to spend time with us. It makes us want to spend time with you, it makes us want to be extra nice to you, it makes us want to appreciate your appreciation of us, and so she literally gets more of the thing that she wants, which is spending time with us and having sex with us, because she's given us gratitude and appreciation. This is why, or part of why. There's just one of the reasons why I say gratitude. I say gratitude is such a fucking cheat code. If you just tell people like, hey, i had fun with you, they're more likely to go okay, well, i'll fucking see you again. Even in friendships. If you just hang out with one of your friends and you say, bro, i loved hanging out with you, that's more likely that he'll go okay, i'm going to make you a priority and I'm going to have a better time when I'm with you And I'm going to pour more time and attention and energy into you and having fun with you and helping you and solving your problems, especially if you know you have a friend or a couch. You have a friend or a casual relationship or a full time, any type of relationship or friendship. If you have a relationship or a friendship and that person helps you like let's say they listen to you for an hour about something that's bothering you. Or let's say you tell them a problem and they come up with a solution. If you then say to them, yo, thank you for listening. Holy shit, you really helped me solve that problem. Or like man yesterday, when you just listened to me, oh, my God, like you have no idea how much that helped. Like, thank you. If you just say that they are, then more likely to go, okay, i will put an hour aside again. Next time you're suffering or next time you have a problem, i will help you more next time. I said the same to this coaching client. If you tell us in the coaching group that you appreciate us helping you, we are more likely to help you again. I say this to coaching clients from time to time. I say if somebody helps you, like in the coaching group, fucking make it clear to them that they helped you, because otherwise they were like why would they bother helping you again? A lot of you on the forums I see the same thing. I see this so much on the forums. It doesn't really happen as much in the coaching group because people are pretty invested in the coaching group, but on the forums a lot. I will see somebody come in, make a post about something they're struggling with and then a bunch of people will write like fucking 10 paragraphs. And I used to be one of those people like as in. I used to be one of the people that would come in and write 10 paragraphs to try and help people, and then the person who wrote the original post, like the person with the problem, would just never reply. And whenever that happens, something in my brain goes well, fuck you, i'm not going to help you again. You didn't even say thank you. You didn't even acknowledge that you read what I wrote. I don't even know if you read my reply, so why would I bother next time you have a problem? And then often those people then do make another post a week later going hey, here's all my problems And we have a pretty good forums that people get this. People will then come in and be like bro, you didn't fucking respond to anyone on the pre, like why should we help you? No one's going to help you now And, yeah, true to form, nobody will help them, because you didn't fucking appreciate the last help. Why the hell should we give you something for free that we don't even know if you read again? And so a big cheat code here if somebody helps you is just saying thank you. Literally, that's all you have to do. You could literally just write the word thank you and then a full stop thank you And they'll go. Okay, this person said thank you, i'm gonna help them again, even if the advice wasn't helpful, like unless it was really bad advice, like they said, hey, you should probably kill yourself. Yes, that's not good advice. But if, even if the advice that they gave just maybe wasn't super helpful and that's pretty rare, honestly, most advice Like there's at least a little gold nugget in there, there's at least Something that might help you. But even if the advice they give you isn't helpful, just say like, hey, thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to do this, to write this, like to offer me advice. You don't have to follow the fucking advice. People give me advice all the time. I don't know why, but for some reason, when you have a YouTube channel, people just give Unasked for advice, which I appreciate. I don't use the advice most of the time because most of the time it's someone who has absolutely No experience with the thing that they're giving advice on. But I still say to them like thank you. I appreciate that I'm never gonna follow that advice, although, like I said, i do when it's good advice, and quite often, to be fair, it's good advice, but a lot of the time it's not, and so I get advice all the time. There's just not fucking. You know It's. It's. It's like the advice that someone would give if they've never tried the thing before, and if you tried it once you'd go Okay, this definitely doesn't work. So it's advice that's like founded in no experience whatsoever. But I still say I appreciate you trying to help, i appreciate you saying this, thank you for caring. Like I'll just say thank you so that person understands hey, listen, your advice didn't go for nothing. Your, your, your care and love that you put into this because you were, you had beautiful intentions. You were trying to fucking help me. So, even if the advice isn't useful, look beyond the advice, look deeper and go. Okay, this person cares enough to write this. That's fucking beautiful. Somebody gives enough of a shit about me to try and help me. Regardless of if their advice was useful or not, the fact they care, that's the meat and bones of it. That's the magic, that's the fucking gold nugget right there. So if you tell people that you're grateful for them, they are more likely to help. Why? because people like being praised. They like being appreciated. It feels fucking nice. It's so simple. We're literally like dogs, and I mean that in a beautiful way. We're like a little dog that wags its tail when we get a pat on the head and gratitude or appreciation or praise Is that little pat on the head. It's that little good boy that we love, like. We literally love good boy, good girl, like we fucking love that I. I truly believe every human being has a praise kink and for those of you aren't familiar with that, It's a sort of like a btsm or a kink term. It means when someone loves to be praised like they literally feel good when you say good girl or good boy, or that's amazing, or you're so hot, like, like just some praise, or like you're doing a good job, every single human being has a praise fucking kink They do. They might like different variations of the wording, like some people don't like to be called good girl because they find that patronizing, but they would like to be told you know I don't know, come up with a random example They like to be told you know, you do a really good job at work or you're a really good friend. That makes them feel good. Every human being has a praise kink. We just like different words when it comes to being praised, but we all have a fucking praise kink. We love knowing that we were able to help someone Well, that the person had fun with us because we hung out together, or we love knowing that we did a good job at work, that our work matters, that our opinion matters, that the help and advice That we give to other people made some sort of difference, even if all it did was just make that person feel a little bit cared for. We want to do it again as in. We want to help people again or hang out with people again or spend time with people again. If we're given gratitude and appreciation because that gratitude and appreciation makes us feel good and we are at the core of our being Dopamine chases like we like to feel good, we do that's a beautiful thing. It's why we do fucking anything, because we have a reward system built into our brain, into our soul, into our very being. We get, we get a reward and we feel good. We like that. So we go for the same thing to try and get another reward. And so if you are the person that dishes out lots of praise, lots of appreciation, lots of gratitude, if you are the motherfucker who's just like yo, thank you, then people will want to be around you, people will want to give you the things that you want, you are more likely to achieve your goals. People will support your goals because people will go hey, this motherfucker always says thank you for every time I help them. Do you know what? I'm gonna go above and beyond to help them even more because I know they'll say thank you and They'll really appreciate it. So I wasn't going to sit there and help them for five hours, but you know what? fuck it. No, i'm going to now because I know that they'll appreciate it again. If you use an example like the forums or my coaching program, the person that says thank you and I'm grateful for this and holy shit, this really helped, thank you for writing this that person, if you go and look on the forums, for instance, or any of you in my Coaching program, you'll see the same thing. That person gets ten times the fucking help and assistance and motivation and and pushing and support from other People, compared to the person who writes nothing or who just says like thanks And again thanks is still better than nothing. But the person who writes nothing eventually gets no fucking help, because why would I help you? Why would anyone help you? Why would we care about you? You haven't given us a reason to care. And so to bring it back to the example of casual sex, you know, when I was having casual sex and not figuring out or I couldn't figure out why women wouldn't stick around, it's like because I gave them no reason to fucking care about me, because they didn't say thank you when they hung out with me, because they didn't appreciate their feelings for me. I didn't appreciate the sex and appreciate the time they spent with me. I didn't appreciate any of it. And so why the fuck would they give me more of it? They all quickly figured out, or the vast majority of them quickly figured out. This guy isn't going to make me feel good And even though he might be good at sex, even though he might be cool, even though he might be interesting, i'm gonna go with the less cool, less interesting, less attractive guy who makes me feel great Like fuck this Andy guy. No matter how cool he might be on paper or how good or interesting he might be on paper, he doesn't fucking win because he doesn't make me feel good. And human beings at their core will go with the people or hang around with the people that make them feel good. Attraction is surface level, it matters a hell of a lot. Let's be fucking clear Attraction is maybe the thing that matters the most when it comes to getting laid, but when we're talking about people sticking around and having those deeper connections and that intimacy and people seeing you for a long period of time instead of just having sex with you three times and then disappearing, those deeper things do require a little bit of feeling good. And, like I said, the quickest way to make someone feel good is to tell them yo, i like hanging out with you. Yo, you're cool to be around. Yo, i fucking love the sex that we have. Holy shit, you're so hot when we fuck. Like just any of these compliments, they really make a fucking difference. And on top of that, don't you want people to feel good? Don't you want your friends to feel good? Don't you want the people that you're sleeping with to feel good? Like gratitude or appreciation or saying thank you or telling them that you had fun is the easiest way to just instantly make people feel good. That's why I say it's a cheat code. All of these are reasons why I say it's a cheat code. You get to feel good saying the gratitude, because it makes you feel good too. I haven't even talked about that. You feel good. When you make other people feel good, They get to feel good hearing it. They're then more likely to do the same thing Or the behaviors that you liked, or the behaviors that you wanted. They are more likely to give you the thing that you want. They're more likely to have a deeper connection or friendship with you. It's a cheat code, because it takes so little time to do as well. It literally takes 30 seconds less than that, even to write a message to someone saying, hey, last night was really amazing. Well, like holy shit, you were so hot last night. Well, like Jesus Christ, last night was amazing. Or with your friends, bro, like thank you for listening yesterday. That really helped, man. That was like top shit, thank you. Like that takes like what 10 fucking seconds. You can type that message out. You can send them a voice message, which is what I do all the time on Telegram or WhatsApp, or there's different apps that can do the same thing, like Loom. Just go to loomcom. You can record audio messages for people for free. I do that because it's easier than typing. It takes you like literally 10 fucking seconds to hit the record button. Be like bro yesterday was sick man. Holy shit, thank you, bro. You literally helped me so much. I send that message after every single friend I hang out with, every time. Even if all we did is just go and grab burgers together and talk for half an hour an hour, i'm like bro sick. Catch up yesterday. Like fucking appreciate you, man. Like you know, keep crushing it. It takes 10 fucking seconds and it pays incredible dividends for the rest of your life because you're building a stronger friendship, you're building intimacy when it comes to sex and relationships and dating and all of that. It's the fucking cheat code to life, ladies and gentlemen. And if you're not using gratitude, holy shit. Like I said, it takes like 10 fucking seconds. It's so unbelievably easy. And the first couple of times you do it, yeah, it might feel a little bit weird. It did for me. It felt really weird, really kooky, really like why am I doing this? But I saw the dividends, i saw the payoff. Immediately. My friendships deepened. My friends started saying, like bro, i'm grateful for you too. And then I was like whoa, that feels good. Is that how I'm making them feel when I tell them that I'm grateful for them? If so, holy shit, i'm going to keep doing this because I want them to feel as good as that just felt for me. I started doing it with women and guess what? They fucking stuck around. Now they had a reason to stick around. There are the reasons. Obviously, you know a person sticking around with you isn't just because you praised them or told them that you're grateful for them. It felt like that was the biggest missing ingredient or the biggest upgrade to my you know, so-called retention. As in people wanting to stick around and keep seeing me, it was just me saying guess what? I had fun with you. I have a retention guide. I wrote a really big guide. It's on my website. Just search for the word retention on. Like you know, how do you have people stick around in your life a little bit more when it comes to casual sex and relationships? I have a whole section on if you want a woman and this applies to men too, applies to birthchangers but if you want a woman, a person, to stick around with you more literally, just tell them that you want them to stick around a little bit more. In other words, gratitude. You're hey, i love seeing you, i'm having fun. I want this to keep going if you're happy with it, if we both like each other, let's keep seeing each other. You know, every time we hang out, i just have so much fucking fun with you. You're just so cool. You're really cool. Like just those little fucking bits that literally take 10 seconds, like I'm saying, you just dish them out like they're candy, you just throw them out there. I do it during sex as well. I've done entire podcasts and videos on my YouTube channel You can just search for the word praise on my YouTube channel. Just search for the word praise And I've talked about, like, how to praise your partner, how to praise women and men that you're dating. That, especially during sex, holy shit, makes the sex like 10,000 times better. And if she's giving you a blowjob and it feels really good to say, holy shit, this is the best, like this feels incredible, this is so amazing. You are just so fucking good at this. And obviously only praise someone if it's true. Like don't lie, but praise them. Yo, you're so fucking sexy, holy shit. And then guess what That makes her or him, that makes the person feel absolutely mind-blowingly good about themselves. And then they go God damn it. Now I'm going to feel more confident in my body. I'm going to feel more sexy. You know what I'm starting to feel myself. I'm starting to feel good. You know what? I might be a little bit more kinky and filthy and confident for you now, and that's what we all want in our partners, right? None of us want our partners to be less confident, less kinky, less sexy I mean, maybe some ultra religious conservatives might, and if so, more power to you but most of us want our partners to be more confident, more sexy, feel good about themselves, feel comfortable in their skin. That's so easy with gratitude and praise. I've helped or I've seen so many women come out of their shells by just some gratitude and some praise and some appreciation from myself and my girlfriend. When we sleep with them together, it's like you just praise them a little bit and they start feeling good, they start being more filthy, they start opening up, they come out of their shell and they go. Hey, i feel fucking good around you And I think about how good it feels like the girl that we're seeing right now. She praises me a lot too, and she'll be like you're so fucking sexy during sex. That makes my dick unbelievably hard. It makes me feel good in my fucking soul to hear that from someone. You're so sexy. It makes me have better sex with her. It literally makes me try harder. It makes me perform better. It makes me want to be more into her. It literally makes me crazy. It makes me lust after her. And guess what? She gets better sex out of it. And so gratitude, holy shit, what a cheat code We have, ladies and gentlemen, being given the keys to the universe, the cheat code to life. And if you're not using gratitude right now, just start taking some baby steps. Every time you hang out with your friend, just say like bro, yesterday was cool. Literally just start with that. Every time you have sex with someone, just say yo, yesterday was so crazy good, yesterday was so fun. Like, holy shit, i can't wait to see you again. That was amazing. Like just little tiny baby steps. See that it is well received. By the way, not every single person on the planet will receive your gratitude well. So if they don't, that's okay. Just keep trying. Keep at it. If they genuinely don't receive your gratitude well, after you've tried like five or so times, hey, that's okay. Maybe that isn't the best person to be in your life. Maybe just see them a little bit less or just don't have expectations of how they're going to respond to your gratitude. At the end of the day, you're doing gratitude for you. The signs might always not be obvious on the surface as well. Some people hear your gratitude, they feel good, or it might take a few times for them to hear it before it feels good. They might not necessarily respond and say like oh my God, thank you for being grateful, like, but you're doing this for what it eventually builds to. It builds to intimate, stronger relationships, stronger friendships. You like yourself. You get more of the thing you want. You make other people feel good, which makes you like yourself even more Quite. A lot of the people give you gratitude and appreciation back, which makes you feel even fucking better. It is the circle of life. It is the magic, secret sauce that I think a lot of you have maybe been missing out on. Start using some gratitude. It's completely free, it's right there. I tell you what isn't free. Wow, what a fucking segue. My coaching program. Imagine trying to, like, convince someone or encourage someone to sign up for coaching by saying, hey, my coaching program isn't free, but it isn't free, and that's part of the fucking magic and the secret sauce of my coaching program. Think about how much love and care and energy I put into helping you guys and girls in my free content. Imagine how much more I can help you if you pay me. Imagine how much I care about my coaching clients. You can't even begin to fathom how deeply I love, appreciate respect and am grateful for There's that word again gratitude. I'm grateful for every single one of the people in my coaching program. I pour fucking 20 times more love and care and energy into helping each and every one of them compared to what I'm able to do on this podcast and on my YouTube channel and my articles. If you love the idea, if you would be grateful for the idea of me being grateful for you and caring about you and giving you a custom plan of action just for you and your unique circumstances, and getting there every single day, helping you, pouring all my heart and soul into you. We have a coaching program 12 week coaching program and it's kind of a lifetime coaching program, given you get access to the Discord group that we have and all of the material that I will ever make for the rest of my life, all of the eBooks and podcasts and all of that good shit. All of the members only content. We would love to have you on the coaching program. We have payment plans. If money is an issue, you can jump on a free call with me. We'll discuss if the program is right for you. I won't push you into it, i won't convince you. I don't like any of that sales bullshit. We'll just sit down, have a casual chat, see if we want to go ahead. If we do, fucking holy shit, amazing. I will be so grateful for you. If you don't want to, i will be so grateful to you for being honest about what you want. I'll leave a link in the description below to that and click that button. Fill out the form. We will jump on a call. You'll get to see my cute little face talking just to you. As always, ladies and gentlemen, go out there, crush those goals and try some gratitude. Sprinkle a little bit of gratitude on top of your goals, on top of each day. Like I said, you can do it each day or week or month and just see if it pays off or not. I think you'll be surprised at the results.

Gratitude's Power in Achieving Goals
Expressing Gratitude and Appreciation in Relationships
The Power of Gratitude in Relationships
Gratitude and Praise in Relationships
Coaching Program and Power of Gratitude