Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

Exploring Self-Discovery, Dating, & Relationships: A Roller-Coaster Ride with Paw

September 01, 2023 Andy
Exploring Self-Discovery, Dating, & Relationships: A Roller-Coaster Ride with Paw
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
More Info
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
Exploring Self-Discovery, Dating, & Relationships: A Roller-Coaster Ride with Paw
Sep 01, 2023
Andy

*** COACHING ***
Right now we've got a crazy good coaching deal - you'll get 18 WEEKS instead of the usual 12 weeks, if you sign up NOW and pay in full in the next 9 days. Don't miss out:
https://kyil-extra.com/coaching



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😊 Here's EVERYTHING I learned going from depressed & suicidal to living a life of abundance & joy. It's all yours for only $1: https://playtowinmindset.com

▬ COACHING ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🏆 OUR COACHING PROGRAM (book a FREE call with Andy to discuss if you're a good fit for the program) - https://kyil-extra.com/coaching

🤵 1-on-1 coaching call with Andy ($200 - limited to 1 per person): https://kyil-extra.com/calls

▬ YouTube ▬▬▬▬▬
▶️ My YouTube (with additional content not released on here): https://youtube.com/c/killyourinnerloser

Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

*** COACHING ***
Right now we've got a crazy good coaching deal - you'll get 18 WEEKS instead of the usual 12 weeks, if you sign up NOW and pay in full in the next 9 days. Don't miss out:
https://kyil-extra.com/coaching



-----------------



▬ Start Here! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
😊 Here's EVERYTHING I learned going from depressed & suicidal to living a life of abundance & joy. It's all yours for only $1: https://playtowinmindset.com

▬ COACHING ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🏆 OUR COACHING PROGRAM (book a FREE call with Andy to discuss if you're a good fit for the program) - https://kyil-extra.com/coaching

🤵 1-on-1 coaching call with Andy ($200 - limited to 1 per person): https://kyil-extra.com/calls

▬ YouTube ▬▬▬▬▬
▶️ My YouTube (with additional content not released on here): https://youtube.com/c/killyourinnerloser

Speaker 1:

Hey guys, here's part two of my catch up with power, and in this one we talk a little bit about like dating overseas, a little bit of like general advice power with someone that gives a ton of advice in the discord group, and the discord group is just like part of the coaching group. You get to stay in the discord group for life. Power is one of the most like active people in there. He's like constantly giving everybody else advice. He's very, very generous with his time. He's given a lot to me too. There's been a lot of times he's emailed me and just said hey, andy, you know he's a someone that's in like research and internet research and like SEO and shit, and he'll go like hey Andy, I researched a bunch of keywords for you. Try doing some topics on this. They might really help. So I love powder bits. He's such a great fucking human being. So if you sign up for the coaching program, not only do you get access to me and everybody else, but you got access to guys like power. You know people in the discord group who genuinely, genuinely, genuinely care about everyone in a very knowledgeable and very generous with their time, and that's fucking amazing to see. To be honest. While I have you here, actually before I do that, I'll tell you about power story a little bit.

Speaker 1:

So, if you're not familiar, he joined my coaching program like a year and a half ago. In that time he ended up having sex with like 10 women and he was like so nonchalant about it too, like he just kind of quietly had sex with 10 women and kind of just there was no big fanfare about it. He's just like, yeah, you know, it's just it was fun, it was great and he obviously enjoyed it. But like he is one of those people that and Ed is another one who just kind of gets to work and just does the work and they're kind of just over in the corner like quietly achieving amazing, insane things, but without much of the suffering or the struggling, so more like the tortoise, whereas I can personally be a lot more like the hare. I can be very emotional, I'm very, like you know, over the top sometimes. So yeah, I love working with guys like this who just kind of quietly sit there and take on everything that you're saying and they just change their lives quietly. It's fucking amazing to see. So he had sex with 10 women, he opened up a lot. He became a lot more authentic. He made a ton of friends in the program. Like I said, he's in the discord group, very generous with his time. He's a very amazing human being and if you would like to follow in power's footsteps right now, for the next, how long is it for? For the next nine days? I had to think there a little bit. I'm offering 18 weeks of coaching instead of the usual 12. If you pay in full, there's a link in the description below. Go check that out. I hope you enjoy this interview.

Speaker 1:

So this girl told me she went on a date with this guy and he just starts talking about trains, as in, like trains that go on train tracks, and, you know, after like 20 minutes she keeps trying to talk about other stuff, but he just won't shut the fuck up about trains, like different brands of trains, like the model numbers and like how many passengers like, like just full on obsessive, like autistic about trains, and because she's, you know, the average woman she's too nice to say I don't want to talk about this or I'm leaving and so she sat there for like three or four hours just listening to this conversation about trains and like he didn't ask her apparently a single question about herself or anything.

Speaker 1:

It was just fucking trains for like three or four hours and then finally at the end. Finally at the end, like he says goodbye and shit, and then texts her afterwards and says, like you know, when are we going to hang out again, like you know, when's the second date, kind of thing, and it was at that point she was like, uh, I don't know, I don't think I want to, but yeah, man, fucking three or four hours of train discussion. I love trains as much as the next guy. I don't know about three or four hours of trains. That's a lot of.

Speaker 2:

I have the perfect date for that guy. I know the first female train driver of Estonia. There you go.

Speaker 1:

Yeah but I'm sure even she doesn't need to know the fucking model numbers of all the trains and shit.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I remember she would like fucking go on Like she would work as a train driver and then she would like take the train home afterwards, because he's like I, just really like trains.

Speaker 1:

Okay, maybe they are like, maybe we can set them up. If you two are listening out there, shoot me an emo and power and I will hook you two up. Different countries.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but what I actually found interesting about that story is that she never fucking told, told him right, so he's never gonna know. Like so much, so much, no, and most chicks are too nice to say anything so he's just gonna think like man, I'm crushing it on these dates, bro.

Speaker 1:

Like just talking about trains, these girls are just kept, none of them are leaving, so they must like it. They sit there for three hours like nodding their head and being polite and, and you know, you know, there's that like awkward silence in the middle of the conversation. Like you know that that silence has come up and you know what she's done, instead of just sitting there and letting that silence Just exist so that he gets the hint, you know she's gone. Wow, that's really interesting. And then he's gone, oh, thanks. And then he's just like continued with the conversation. Like you know that she's like accidentally to be nice, tried like prompted him to just keep going. I don't believe anyone can have a three or four hour long conversation without a little bit of like that's really interesting, wow, oh wow. Tell me more.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so guys don't do that. Ask the girl questions instead. That's what she wants.

Speaker 1:

You talk about trains, if you want to just understand that, you're probably gonna screen out lots of women. But there's probably a guy out there who's like look, I, I know what I want. I want a woman who's obsessed with trains. Maybe he's that guy. Maybe what he was doing is screening. I just did a video on my channel, like today, about screening. Maybe he was like fuck man, I got to find me a woman that's just obsessed with trains and so I'm just gonna talk with her three or four hours and if she can't put up with that, that's not the woman for me. I need a woman who's like by my side, like a train enthusiast like me.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and if she says no to the second date, good, I don't want to go on a second date with her.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, why would I want to be a date with a stupid bitch who doesn't even like trains? Fucking bitch probably takes a car. Stupid bitch, plain bitch.

Speaker 1:

On a completely different on a completely different topic. I'm not sure what I want to ask you more about. Probably this okay, you mentioned that you're starting to feel like you're in a phase of less chasing women. Let's talk about that, because I think for a lot of guys watching, what they're focused on right now is I just want to have sex, I just want to have sex, and the idea of moving past that at some point and moving on to other goals is probably Insane to a lot of guys. So tell us about that.

Speaker 2:

I mean, I do still want to have sex, obviously. I feel that I want to right now my main goals is around business, basically, and and health. But I do want to yeah, it's a. It is a bit tricky for me because I have actually conflict about it. Like I do want to like, meet a girl and go deeper with her, like, but I'll always like that right, like even when I was in Colombia. If I meet one girl I like, then I'll continue seeing her, right, yeah it's not really incompatible with having lots of sex.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly, but I do feel that the chase has gotten a little bit old, perhaps. Right like that you keep going on a new fucking Tinder dates like three times a week and you have similar conversations and shit and the most of the girls they like you don't really like them that much, but you're like I'm already there, so you know, let's just like, let me just do this. But I think that's also like I could probably change the strategy quite a lot. Right, just screen out some of those people, some of those girls and and don't like even bring them home or whatever. Like don't, don't get into anything with them, right. But it's just a, it's just a desire thing. Like I'm kind of I'm tired of that a little bit and it feels a lot nicer to go deeper with the girl and like get to know her properly, like going fucking trips together and like just do two things like more. Like couple is shit. Like I really enjoy doing those things.

Speaker 1:

I think a lot of people get into this, thinking just sticking their penis in a vagina as many times as they can is like gonna satisfy them forever. I did like at the start I thought if my penis just goes in 10,000 women before I die, then I'll be happy and, just like you're saying, sex is wonderful, sex with a new partner is incredible. It's really exciting in that. But At some point you do or at least everyone that I've seen does start looking for the deeper things, like because you know, I think you know you could go and have sex with 100 women in the next year or two, like you could. You could if that was your mission. If I gave you the mission of like look man, you have to go and have sex 100 more times in the next year, you could do that. You could definitely do that.

Speaker 1:

But at what point does that become unsatisfying if you're just doing something that's like pretty easy now, like it really doesn't. It's not as hard as it used to be, and I think we as human beings, we love growth, we love progress, and going deeper with our intimate partners is definitely a big part of that. Like Learning more about them, connecting, being vulnerable, like figuring out some of the things that might make someone want to stick around with us a little bit more, rather than sort of casual shallow isn't the right word, but I think you know what I mean like casual relationships. So yeah, I have never met a person that didn't have a lot of sex, like everyone that I've met has a lot of sex and then goes. I think I want something a little bit deeper, or I want to try this new chapter of my life where it's like we go a little bit deeper.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and it's also kind of it's forced me to confront a little bit. What do I actually want? Yeah, and I know I definitely want something stable in the long term, or something deeper for for a better word than maybe stable. But at the same time it's like, like, what compromises am I willing to make? Like, how does this fit into, like the, the plans that I have, because now they have to combine with someone else's plans, maybe right. And like, where, like, how much do I say I'm going to only go for like that best, right. What am I, what am I OK with compromising, right, so, like, some things with this person might be the very best, but maybe some other things are lacking. What am I, what am I OK with? Like, can I go all in with this person or not? Like right. So then, like different it's different questions that this forces you to like think about?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, 100%. I like to think of it like every person is a character in an RPG, like a video game, and you have a set amount of. You have different traits, like personality traits, and you only have a set amount of points that you can put in in total. And so if you max out intelligence, there might be a little bit less in charisma, and it doesn't have to be, it's not completely binary, but we are kind of like balancing or another way of saying that is, human beings are sort of a balance of those different traits and sometimes, you know, we get so caught up in, I guess, the rat race of trying to find the perfect partner that we're just constantly like one arping and you can do that forever. Like there will always be someone better out there than the partner that you're with right now. Like I truly believe that. I don't believe that any of us. Maybe every now and then someone flukes it and finds literally the best partner on the entire planet for them, but there's just too many people that I think there will always be someone like quite better out there for you. And it's that sort of balance between how long and not that everyone wants to settle down. But if your goal is to settle down, how long do I spend finding the best partner that I possibly can versus building with that person? And so my mindset has what I like to.

Speaker 1:

I go on this side of things find a partner who's really really really fucking amazing and then build something absolutely even more amazing together. So find someone who's character traits are really fucking good and then max their traits out and make sure only traits out as well, cuz you know you and I works in progress as well, and you can kind of flip that. And I see some people like Aiming for the one or a perfect partner and my question is I flip that on them and say, are you perfect? And if the answer is, will know I'm still a work in progress. Okay, find someone else is pretty fucking amazing, but they're a work in progress and they're willing to improve that shit over time. For me, the most important thing has always been is my partner or any of my partners you know any of the women that I'm seeing, even casually? Are they willing to improve? And like, how serious are they about improvement? And I much prefer that rather than a finished, perfect product that's like a Trade that is non-negotiable for sure like there's to.

Speaker 1:

I don't know how you could be with someone who wasn't willing to improve.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly like you, there's to be like a baseline of that, like Self awareness and this, like being on the same team mentality, right, but that's a that's a really cool way to look at it, like the time you spend finding versus building, and that's something I've thought about. This is the girl I'm seeing now. Right, she's a few years older than me, so I'm about to be 28. She's already 30. Right, so that's one thing I've thought about. Okay, I'm still pretty fucking young, right, like I still have years to Like I can, I can still go all in on this and I'm like there's still lots of time, right. Or like you say, okay, because actually working on business is a hell of a lot easier if you're also not going on five days a week.

Speaker 2:

Right, and I know what it took to find this girl. Right, because that's a numbers game, right, and in the past year and a half I've probably been on a hundred days for something, I don't know something like that. So, shit, lot of dates. So it's like a one in a hundred or something like that, or one in hundred fifty, even so, and even then I know with my, with my girlfriend before, that they have very similar character traits. But then there was like, like my last girlfriend was just like really neurotic so that for that reason it could not work out right.

Speaker 2:

So they're like different, like even if you find that person was like the personality and the looks is like perfect, then there could be something else that's like oh no, that's a, yeah, that's it. So it's yeah, it's a. It is really a numbers game. Like, if you look at it, it does take time to find those. So, yeah, yeah, my and it's my internal debate right now. It's like Okay, do I keep leveling up a bit more and they keep I look in a bit more, or do I fucking take it and build something amazing? Because I know either way will be great, right, but it's just yeah.

Speaker 1:

Whenever someone's like struggling to decide to make that exact decision, what I say is like it's almost like you're focusing on the wrong. It's not the wrong thing, but like I would get you to focus more on the only thing that is consistent, that the only thing that is Consistent between either of those two decisions is you. In other words, focus on yourself and let's say you do decide to stick with this woman and build something. Make sure you're building yourself first and foremost throughout that process, so that if you do stick together for three years or five years but then split up, it's like, hey, that three years and five years was amazing for me because I built myself and it was amazing for her to Because she built herself. Which is why I say you know, find someone that's into self improvement and has a growth mindset, so that you can both be better off.

Speaker 1:

If you do end up splitting up, or if you say, okay, I won't build something with her, I'll just keep exploring my options in building myself, it's like you're still focusing on building yourself. So it's almost like what I'm saying here is it doesn't really matter what you pick. Like. I'm never, ever, ever thinking. It might sound like a weird thing to say, because I've been with image and for five years, five and a half years, but I'm never, ever, ever thinking like I want her to stick around. I like I love her to be it's and I'm really fucking happy to see her and I guess I do want her in my life.

Speaker 1:

But you know, if she was to tomorrow say hey, I'm no longer here, I'd be like sweet, the five and a half years were really well spent. Now I'm just gonna live the next five and a half years like nothing changes. Do you know what I mean? It's like whether I'm with someone or I'm not, I'm still focused on my own goals, man, self improvement, and that person is almost like a, a nice little bonus, in the same way that if one of your friends stopped being your friend, your entire life wouldn't change. You just have to change a few of the variables and do different things in that, but you'd still be the exact same human being, you'd still be going to your job and all of that. But I think when it comes to romance, we often get so caught up in like attachment to the other person and we use them to define like our goals and our purpose and our pathway and all of that, but I think it's just far easier to focus on yourself than either decision is correct, because either way you're improving.

Speaker 2:

That's true. It's almost like I'm almost, in a way, doing it more for her, because I know she has a clock If we're talking about kids and shit like that, and she is there. I know I want kids at some point, but I was thinking like 10 years, 15 years, that's not possible for her. So that's why it's like the main thing, I think.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, I have to remind myself sometimes like, okay, she's her own person, she can make the decision and I can just focus on myself 100%, I think, especially as men and especially because you're an empathetic person and most of us are like we're trying to make a decision for the other person, because we're like I want to make the best decision for them.

Speaker 1:

But I think one thing that's helped me is like I will give people the most information I can, like I'll try and be as honest and upfront and all of that. I'll try and mentor them and teach them as much as I have. But at the end of the day, whatever decision they want to make, like that's the beautiful, right decision for them. And if I was in their shoes and I had all the thoughts in my head that they have in theirs, I'd probably make the same decision. So there aren't really any like wrong or bad decisions and if somebody tells you they regret something or whatever, that's just their story and they're choosing to suffer. But yeah, I don't think it's necessarily your mission in life to make other people's decisions perfectly for them, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

I actually had a question for you. I was curious on your take on this. Yeah, so now you said, oh, you know if imaging would split up and blah, blah and these things that you quickly mentioned. No, I've sometimes heard, for example, caleb Jones. He'll talk about like upgrading, upgrading or downgrading a girl, right, and I sometimes think about that.

Speaker 2:

I'm like that would not be possible for me, like I don't think like a girl that I really like, like, oh, I will just downgrade her to like a friend with benefits or something like that. Like if you already have more of an emotional investment and stuff like that, I don't think that just goes away, at least not for me. So always when I, when I heard that, then I think like, like you can't do that, I can't do that. What's your, what's your take on that?

Speaker 1:

I mean, my philosophy is always going to be for you and everybody else listening Do whatever you want, like do what feels right to you. I don't think it's about a one size fits all approach. I don't think Caleb Jones says that anyway, he's a libertarian, but yeah, I'm. My philosophy is about the same as you.

Speaker 1:

I've had this conversation with Imogen many times. I've said like yo, if we ever broke up, do you think we'd be friends? And she has said like honestly, I don't think I want to. And I've thought about it and meditated on it for quite a long time and I've come to the same sort of decision as you. I'm like I don't think I would want to be, because it would to me feel like part of what is very important to me is progress and improvement and growth.

Speaker 1:

And Maybe it's just a weird way of framing it, but I would feel like if I went from a relationship of five and a half years down to like a casual relationship or friendship, that would feel like the opposite of growth to me and other people might disagree with that and they'd be like no, it's not, it's not going backwards, it's just a different chapter. It's like a different form of the relationship. You know now it's a French and I get that, but for me personally, no, I it would feel like going backwards. So, no, I don't think I'd ever be friends with someone.

Speaker 1:

There are some exceptions to that, like there's a girl that we're both dating right now that we've been seeing for about Ten months and I've had conversations with her where I've said like, yeah, if we have, if you ever like, get a hardcore, serious boyfriend or something, I'd still be down to be your friend. So there are, like some exceptions to that, but no, most of the time, once I get a lot of feelings for someone, I generally wouldn't downgrade them. But yeah, caleb Jones is a lot more pragmatic than both of us. I think. I think he's a lot more like rational and not that we're irrational but I think he's a lot less emotional than the two of us.

Speaker 2:

And with that girl do you feel like a really strong connection with her? Like, how would you describe it? Oh hundred percent.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've had some very deep conversations in that. Yeah, I don't know what's different with her. I think just because she's such a really good friend, I think it's that more than anything.

Speaker 2:

I think you already described yourself as friends.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, hundred percent yeah, yeah, and so it really because we've had lots of times where we hang out as friends, whereas I don't ever hang out with the image and as a friend. So with this other girl we have literally had friendship days where it's like we just go on a fucking road trip and like there's no touching. You might hug and maybe kiss once or twice, but it's like literally hanging out as friends. So I think it's a lot easier to see how it could just be friendship. It would just be like every time we hang out is going to be exactly like that, so they wouldn't be the sex, but they'd be all the other stuff that we're already doing, whereas with image and it's almost like you are rewriting things and it's like how do I translate what we're doing already Into like a friendship?

Speaker 1:

We've never hung out as friends. I don't even know what that would look like and in my mind I'm like why would I want to be friends? Like I have friends? I would just go and have other friends. So, yeah, that's why I say to everyone do whatever you want to do and do that depending on which person. I don't think you need a hard and fast rule of like I will always stop hanging out with someone or I will always be friends with an ex. It's like no, just kind of see how you both feel, depending on the relationship, and I don't think there's any right answers or wrong answers with this shit.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I totally understand the vibe you're talking about, so I can. I can totally understand the situation. Actually, that makes complete sense.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, if you're cool with it. Oh yeah, start wrapping up, then I can go and get some early dinner. Other any shout out to other, any shout outs or anything you would like to shout out at the end? Not really that's.

Speaker 2:

That's all good, we can wrap it up.

Speaker 1:

The universe and Columbia shout out to Columbia shout out the universe.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I didn't even tell half half the things I could have told. Good, stuff.

Speaker 1:

We'll save it for part two. I appreciate your brother catching up. It's been such a while, so I appreciate you going back appreciate you too, man.

Speaker 2:

Keep keep doing what you're doing. It's always fucking amazing. I really admire what you built with this whole community.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, man. I appreciate that you guys and girls deserve to live an amazing life, like power and so many others have. Right now I have an 18 weeks for the price of 12 deal. So if you sign up and painful only in the next nine days, you will get 18 weeks. I want you guys and girls to live the lives that I know that you deserve, and that maybe you're sitting around thinking I don't deserve this, or now's not the right time, or, you know, whatever other excuse might be in your head or a limiting belief might be a kind of way of saying that. But no more waiting, right, no more excuses, no more holding back. It's time to change your life. Link in the description below.

Dating Overseas and Advice From Power
Navigating Relationships
Remaining Friends After Breakup