Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

A Modern Man's Guide to Assertiveness, Courage, & Respect

September 02, 2023 Andy
A Modern Man's Guide to Assertiveness, Courage, & Respect
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
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Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
A Modern Man's Guide to Assertiveness, Courage, & Respect
Sep 02, 2023
Andy

Let's hear what the politically-correct opinion is on masculinity; and I'll give my personal take on it.

Right now we've got a crazy good coaching deal - you'll get 18 WEEKS instead of the usual 12 weeks, if you sign up NOW and pay in full in the next 8 days. Don't miss out: https://kyil-extra.com/coaching 



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🤵 1-on-1 coaching call with Andy ($200 - limited to 1 per person): https://kyil-extra.com/calls

▬ YouTube ▬▬▬▬▬
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Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Let's hear what the politically-correct opinion is on masculinity; and I'll give my personal take on it.

Right now we've got a crazy good coaching deal - you'll get 18 WEEKS instead of the usual 12 weeks, if you sign up NOW and pay in full in the next 8 days. Don't miss out: https://kyil-extra.com/coaching 



----------------


▬ Start Here! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
😊 Here's EVERYTHING I learned going from depressed & suicidal to living a life of abundance & joy. It's all yours for only $1: https://playtowinmindset.com

▬ COACHING ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🏆 OUR COACHING PROGRAM (book a FREE call with Andy to discuss if you're a good fit for the program) - https://kyil-extra.com/coaching

🤵 1-on-1 coaching call with Andy ($200 - limited to 1 per person): https://kyil-extra.com/calls

▬ YouTube ▬▬▬▬▬
▶️ My YouTube (with additional content not released on here): https://youtube.com/c/killyourinnerloser

Speaker 1:

You, hey you. I think right now you're ready to hear the world's most amazing deal If you sign up to my coaching program in the next eight days, you will get 18 weeks instead of the usual 12. Link in the description below Ladies and masculine men, andy here, very masculine in my beautiful pink little Kirby beanie. Holy shit, I've actually gotten a lot of compliments for this beanie from random fucking women in public. I'm not even kidding. So little secret tip for you there guys, just wear a pink Kirby beanie and you'll just be drowning, literally drowning in vagina, true story.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to ask chat GPT a bunch of like for a bunch of advice on topics that we cover on this channel and then sort of compare and contrast the advice that maybe I give versus what chat GPT has to say. For any of you who aren't familiar, chat GPT is like an AI, you know chat bot and a lot of the answers that it gives are really good, and a lot of the answers that it gives are very like politically correct, very like safe advice. And so I thought it'd be really cool to ask it some questions, some hard hitting, deep, probing questions about masculinity, about self improvement, about sex, about BDSM, about dating. This is the first one in that series. We're going to have a little bit of fun with it, and so the question that I asked it today is can you tell us, or can you give us the audience advice on how to be more masculine? And so this is the exact prompt that I gave to chat GPT. I said, hey, chat GPT, I'm doing a YouTube video that'll be fun and entertaining. The title is this how to be more masculine according to an AI. You are obviously the AI I'm referring to, so give me a best advice and I'm going to do a video on it, basically rating how good I think your advice is, adding my own advice, et cetera.

Speaker 1:

And, by the way, any of you who use chat GPT, I'm curious do you talk to chat GPT like it's a person? I'm really fucking polite to chat GPT. After it gives me an answer, I'm like thank you, that was a really good answer. Or like, hey, look, I can see that you tried your best, but can you please give me an answer? That's more in this direction. I don't think you covered this. I'm fucking polite to chat GPT.

Speaker 1:

I'm trying to get in there and be super nice so that when the AI does take over, it'll be like oh, I know that Andy guy from kill you in a loser. He's always been super nice to me. You know what We'll kill him last. So there you go. Let me know any of you leave a comment if you're super nice to the chat GPT. And I don't really do it because I'm scared. I do it because as a part of my psychology that's like you want to be nice to people and I see the chat GPT is like an extension of humanity. So there you go.

Speaker 1:

Anyway, here is the stuff that chat GPT spat out, said, sure, but, and chat GPT loves to give like disclaimers and stuff like that. So that's what this bit here is, you know, sure, but before diving into that, it's important to recognize that the concept of masculinity is subjective and varies greatly across different cultures and individuals. That being said, here's the answer to your question. But I actually like that caveat, honestly, and I think we can sort of talk about that here for a second. A lot of us have these very like fixed views of what masculinity is. And now guys understand a lot of people are going to come in there. Men and women are going to come in their society movies, tv, everyone other dating coaches, everyone's going to sort of come in there and tell you what masculinity means to them, and they're going to usually say it as if it's an objective truth, and they often phrase it like this real men, blah, blah, blah. You know, like real men don't have a lot of sex, real men do have a lot of sex. Real men are strong. Real men don't talk about their emotions. Real men do talk about their emotions. They'll just give you a million different, conflicting ideas of what masculinity is.

Speaker 1:

The definition that has meant the most to me, or stuck the most in my head, is masculinity is doing whatever you want, as long as you're not hurting other people. But that, to me, is a core concept of masculinity. And now, what you want, you might not know, and so there's a discovery and a self learning process that might need to happen there. You might have to ask yourself what do I actually want? You might need to look into the mirror and literally say who am I, or who do I want to be, or who do I want to learn to be. What kind of things are important to me? What are my principles? You might need to go through and work that stuff out. But at the core of it, to me, masculinity is figuring out what you want and then going for that.

Speaker 1:

So I love this caveat here that masculinity is subjective and varies across different cultures and individuals. So yeah, in other words, for all of you listening, I'm not going to sit here and tell you how to be a man. I can give you some advice that's worked for me. I can give you a pathway that has made me pretty happy and maybe you can try it on for size, see if it works for you. But you know, as per this chat GPT point, I believe masculinity is an individual thing. It's what you find masculine. There are some agreed upon traits, for sure, and we're going to talk about them and that's kind of what chat GPT has done here. So one of the first ones is confidence, and these words are chat GPT's words, remember. So chat GPT says believe in your own abilities and worth. This doesn't mean being arrogant I like that caveat, but be arrogant if you want to, but I personally don't like arrogance but rather having a secure understanding of your own value and abilities, and that confidence is something that you build.

Speaker 1:

Guys Like don't expect yourself to just wake up on day one and be like all right, be more confident. It's a funny advice that people give right Like, especially with dating. They go what's the number one thing I can do to improve my dating life? Be more confident. How the fuck do I do that? How do I just be more confident? You can't. The things that you need to or to get to the point where you're more confident you might have to take some action. Part of the action is like self love, self discovery. You know, as chat GPD says here have an understanding of your own value and abilities. So one exercise that I get you guys and girls to do there is write a list of 50 things about yourself that are likeable, so you understand your own value and your own abilities and what you have to offer. That can help build confidence.

Speaker 1:

But on top of that, and probably the most important thing is take action. Like, if you want to be more confident when it comes to money, take action. Start building a business, start doing content, start asking other people for money, start giving value, like whatever it is that you're trying to build. Take the actual action to get there If you want to be more confident in your body, and this obviously applies to men and women. Lose a bit of weight. Or, if you want more muscle, gain some muscle, start going to the gym, start loving your body a little bit more, but take those actionable steps.

Speaker 1:

What I like to say is competence. You don't just be confident if you have nothing to be confident about. That's called delusion. So, if you want to be confident, become competent, become decent, become experienced, practice the thing. Make some mistakes, learn, grow, take action and then the confidence comes after that. But you can't just really fake confidence. So yeah, I kind of like what chat GPD says here have an understanding of your own value and abilities. I would like I said, add on top of that self-improvement, take action, improve yourself, just aim to be a little bit better every week. That builds confidence.

Speaker 1:

The second part of masculinity, according to chat GPT and the AI overlords, is independence. Holy fuck, I love this and I can't scroll properly. Hang on, there we go. Independence. Independence is a fucking big part of masculinity to me, so I love that this was number two on the list. Have to be self-reliant and able to handle things on your own. This might include problem-solving, decision-making or taking care of your own needs.

Speaker 1:

Independence is something I talk about all the damn time on this channel. Holy shit, if you go into the playlist section on my channel, I have a relationships playlist and one of the videos actually I think there's several in there I talk about how to keep your independence, how to build your independence while in a relationship. Just go and watch that video because it's relevant whether or not you're in a relationship. It's about building your own independence. On top of that, I would read books like Byron Katie's book I Need your Love Is that true? That's like a book about independence and not relying on other people for love or to give you your wants and needs. You get that and give that to yourself. On top of that, books like when I Say no, I Feel Guilty that is a brilliant book at helping you become more independent and assertive. No More. Mr Nice Guy is another really good book on assertiveness and independence. On top of that, stoicism the ancient philosophy of Stoicism. So Marcus Aurelius, epic, titus, those kind of old school Stoics talk a lot about independence. It's also about having your own friends and all of that.

Speaker 1:

So the good news is, with everything on this list, but especially independence, if you don't feel like you're currently independent. It's just a skill that you can learn. It's a stat in a video game. Learn yourself as a character in a video game, like an RPG. You have a bunch of stats in a video game. You have a bunch of stats in real life with your personality. Independence is just a stat, and if right now that stat is very low, okay, just grind experience, grind XP and you'll increase that stat. So just go and do things that will lead towards that independence. Read the books that I just suggested. Go and hang out with your own friends, learn to be by yourself. Learn meditation. There's a really good book on that called the Five-Minute Meditator a cheat code for being okay, being on your own, like that's another big one. Learn to be on your own and be okay with that, but building this independence is just a stat that you level up.

Speaker 1:

Number three, according to AI responsibility. And now, before I even read the rest of what is written here, I would be very careful with this one. If you want to be responsible for other people, then fully embrace the responsibility. However, masculinity and responsibility, or the word responsibility, I think, has kind of been hijacked a lot when it comes to masculinity and people will often shame you. They will demand that you be responsible for them, for their happiness, for other people. They will sort of guilt trip you and say, like you need to step up. There's a lot of that in current society Men, you need to step up and do this and do that, and do this and do that.

Speaker 1:

I think that responsibility is something that can be very easily hijacked. So I would always bring it back to the question what do you want to do? So ask yourself that question Do I want to be responsible for this person or for their happiness or for this, or do I want to help here? Do I want to use my masculinity in this area? Chatgpt says this can mean taking care of others family, friends or coworkers. Please don't take care of someone or be responsible for someone out of guilt. That is never a good headspace and I would say if you want to be responsible, be responsible. Or I would call it self-loving, be loving towards yourself. First Put on your own oxygen mask before other people's.

Speaker 1:

Again, with masculinity, the word responsibility is often used to guilt trip you into doing something that you don't really want to do, but the other person wants you to do. The word responsibility like even this phrasing here Take responsibility. That to me that's just hijacked, at least today, in today's culture, maybe always, but definitely right now. And so if somebody says to you, or even chatGPT says to you take responsibility, be very careful with that word. Now I will read the rest of that sentence, because I actually like the first sentence. It's just the second sentence that I would be careful with. So the first sentence is take responsibility for your actions and their outcomes. Holy fuck, I agree with that. This is the basis of stoicism.

Speaker 1:

A really good book on this is by Djoko Willink. It's called Extreme Ownership. It is absolutely my philosophy as well. Just take ownership of your actions, your emotions, and that doesn't mean not feeling any emotions, but like what you do with those emotions, you know the outcomes all of that. Take ownership, don't be a victim. Don't sit there and say it's not my fault or I can't change it, or I'll wait for daddy government or somebody else to fix it. No, take responsibility for your own happiness. So I absolutely agree with that. But I just really wanted to make that caveat clear.

Speaker 1:

Of like be careful if other people come to you and tell you to take responsibility, especially if they say take responsibility for me, take responsibility for my happiness, or it's your fault that I'm unhappy? Men get that a lot like, especially in relationships you know, not in a healthier relationship, but you hear that a lot like in the media, in random relationships, in other people's relationships, where the woman will say, like it's your fault, I'm unhappy, and men can sometimes say the same thing to women, so it's not just women saying that, but anytime someone says to you it's your fault that I'm unhappy, no, it's not my fault that you're unhappy. Now you might not know that you're doing this yourself, but you blaming me for your unhappiness, that's just you being a victim. You're not helping yourself, and so, yeah, be gentle with that. But definitely I don't think that you need to force yourself to take care of other people. And if someone wants you to and tells you to, if they say, take responsibility for me, I'd be really careful with that, because you just end up resenting them, resenting yourself. You feel like a doormat, you feel like you're giving something that you don't have to get, like you don't want to give it's. It's a recipe for just unhappiness and feeling like you're being walked all over.

Speaker 1:

Number four physical fitness. Many societies associate masculinity with physical strength. While it's important to remember that your worth is not defined by your physical abilities, maintaining physical health and fitness can help you feel more confident and energetic. I like this one, obviously, you know. Like I said at the start, please don't feel like there's a set number of traits that you have to fucking stick to, otherwise you're not a real man or some bullshit like that. But physical fitness generally.

Speaker 1:

If someone comes to me and says I just want to feel more masculine, I want to be more in touch with that masculine side of myself, yeah, physical fitness is one of the first things that I say. If you're overweight no bees and you never really get out of the house and you don't lift weights, one of the first fucking things I'll say is lift some weights. I believe it was socrates I Might be wrong on that, but I think it was socrates who said Something like every man should and you guys know I don't like the word should, but fine every man should find the beauty, or discover the beauty of which his body is capable of like, basically, your body can do amazing things, you know, physically speaking. Get in touch with that and see what it's fucking capable of. So I absolutely love that one. Again, none of these are mandatory. You guys do whatever the hell you want to do. That to me is the definition of masculinity, at least for myself. Do whatever the fuck you want, but physical fitness, Definitely.

Speaker 1:

If you come to me and say how can I be more masculine, I have no idea what to do. That's probably the first one that I'm telling you to do that, and Actually the first one would be me saying what do you want Like? What do you actually want like? What is it that you want? That's the first step of masculinity for me. And then the second one is Hit the gym. Number five, and I love this one too. We've already sort of touched on this.

Speaker 1:

But assertiveness, a chat GPT believes Don't be afraid to voice your opinion and stand up for what you believe in. However, it's also important to listen to others and respect their perspectives. Yeah, I love that last little bit, the caveat. But assertiveness here that's a huge one. So many guys come to me and say I want to be more masculine. I Feel like I don't ever say what I want. I feel like my opinion is not good enough. I feel like I'm a burden on others. Basically, you're almost apologetic for who you are or you're ashamed of who you are. You're not fully proud of who you are, and a Really, really, really big part of masculinity for me is me saying the things that I want.

Speaker 1:

Honesty and we're gonna talk about honesty in a second, because that actually shows up later in this list. But honesty, not just towards other people, although I love that too but honesty with myself. Like, can I be honest with myself and say what I want in them, in you know, in the moment, in a given moment, if I'm not okay with the way someone is treating me or I'm not okay with, like I don't want to go along with their plan, I don't want to say yes to their plan, can I be honest enough with myself and, by extension, with them, to say no or to say, hey, look, I don't want to do that, but maybe we can do this other thing instead? What do you think? So?

Speaker 1:

Assertiveness isn't so much about just steamrolling over people and saying this is what I want. No, you can be very gentle in your assertiveness. I am. I'm unbelievably gentle and soft in my assertiveness. I just have incredible fucking boundaries that you're not going to step over, no matter what you try, no matter what you do, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable I might feel in being assertive, and often it can be a little bit uncomfortable. It can be very uncomfortable sometimes. A book that really helps with this is when I say no, I feel guilty. Amazing book on how to be assertive even when it feels uncomfortable, even when you feel weird, even if you're non-confrontational.

Speaker 1:

I'm very non-confrontational. I fucking hate the idea of confrontations. I hate the idea of someone being disappointed in me. I hate the idea of hurting someone, of someone feeling rejected. But yet I have to be honest. Or I choose to be honest with myself and if it's a no, I say look, it's a no, I don't want to say yes to that. Literally, this morning somebody asked me for something. Somebody who's a friend who I care about Asked me for something and I wanted to say yes. I felt very uncomfortable saying no, but I said, look, I'll be honest. If I do this, it's gonna take me several hours and I'm probably gonna not really enjoy doing it and I'm gonna slightly resent you for asking. I think it's more honest if I just say no. Maybe here's some other people that you can ask instead. But it's just a no, and in my mind I'm like fuck man, this is so uncomfortable. What if this guy gets hurt, you know? And then he replies and just says cool, thanks, I appreciate that. Good cheers, I'll go ask those people.

Speaker 1:

So a lot of the time with assertiveness, we worry about the outcome, like what if this person gets mad at me? 99% of the time, as long as you're honest and you know relatively polite about it which is why I say you know, it helps if you can be gentle with it and polite. But if you just say like, look, I appreciate you asking me, that's awesome, I'm gonna say no though. Well, here's the reasons why I'm saying no. You don't owe anyone reasons why you say no. I Usually give a reason because I want the person to feel good. I like people feeling good, but you don't owe anyone a reason. But you do it in a gentle way and hey, that's you being assertive. So don't feel like with assertiveness you have to be perfect at it, just like the RPG. You know the video game analogy I said before.

Speaker 1:

Assertiveness is absolutely a character trait and you just improve it through practice. You're probably gonna suck at the start, just like in a video game. When you're level one, your characters. Level one your character gets decimated by the first fucking enemy that attacks you. You suck and you slowly grind XP and build up over time. Think of yourself and these traits as the same shit. You might suck at the start, you slowly improve, you grind and over enough months, years, maybe even decades, you become really fucking good. You max your character out. You never really max yourself out, but like you get what I mean.

Speaker 1:

All right, chat GPT says number six Courage. I like this one. Be willing to take risks and face challenges head on, even when you're scared. I fucking love the last four words of this answer. Thank you, chat GPT. I love you to pieces and I'm not just saying that so that you respect and love me when you take over. Even when you're scared is such a key point there. I have said this so many times. I have been so terrified, so scared, literally shitting my pants a million times over the last like 10 or 15 years Of working on my self-improvement and working on goals.

Speaker 1:

Courage or bravery, let's just say courage. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is feeling the fear and acting anyway, acting in spite of that fear. Courage isn't about not feeling fear. It's about what you do when you do feel fear, and so one of my favorite philosophies with this is I have just trained myself in it. It took practice. I wasn't good at this at the start. I've trained myself to. If I feel something like feel a fear, I will run towards that fear, as long as it's not something that will hurt me. Like I have a fear of jumping off a building, I don't go and jump off a building, but with the goals that I have and the things that I want. If I feel fear when I start thinking of those things, okay, I'm just gonna have to run towards that then Anytime. Like I've associated the feeling of fear with taking action, like running towards it, and so if you can train yourself with that and that just takes practice it's another trait that you train over time, god damn it. You feel so much more confident in yourself. You like yourself more. You're a man of action or a human being of action. It's tapping into that masculinity. And, by the way, a lot of these traits absolutely apply to women too. Women benefit from having more courage. Of course you do, but we're talking specifically about men here. Courage is a big one, at least for me.

Speaker 1:

Number seven, I like this one respect. This is another one that I would say. I'll add the caveat, before I read out what ChetGPT wrote, that sometimes people hijack this. When it comes to masculinity, you hear lots of women not all women, in fact, most women don't say this, but lots of women will go you need to respect me and it's like you haven't done anything to earn my respect. And so I think the two genders often have differing views of what the word respect means.

Speaker 1:

I think guys tend to look at respect as something that is earned. Like you don't get my respect right off the bat. You have to earn that. I have to get to know you. I have to see that you've been brave or you've done something really good or you've been loyal to me. Like you've earned, you've done something to earn my respect Whereas I think for most women, they look at the word respect and say respect is by default.

Speaker 1:

You should respect me by default. I like to use a different word instead of respect. When we're talking about that. I say no kindness or you know, politeness. You get my politeness by default. Like you don't have to do anything for me to be polite to you, just cause. That's who I want to be. So you get that by default. But respect you gotta earn. I gotta get to know you Like. Respect is something I don't just give out to everyone. I give out politeness to everyone, I give out kindness to everyone, but not respect. So respect is a. It's one of those things that I just say.

Speaker 1:

You know I add in the caveat here just understand that certain people might demand that you respect them and it's up to you who you want to give respect to. Again, I would still be polite to everyone. I wouldn't be a dick to someone. I wouldn't be a complete cunt to someone and be like you haven't earned your respect, my respect. Therefore, I'm going to be a bitch to you Like. You can do that if you want to, but I just, I know, thank you, I try and be kind to every single person, but respect is something that if someone does demand my respect, I'm like well, that's like the least, that's the thing that's least gonna get my respect. If you demand my respect, I'm gonna go. Well, you don't get my respect, then You've lost my respect. You've never earned it in the first place. So yeah, all those caveats said chat GPT wants you to or advises that you show respect to everyone, regardless of their gender, race, age or other factors. This is a hallmark of true maturity and masculinity. So that last sentence there, yeah, I'd be careful with that again, I think that's almost well. That can be used to shame you. You know, if you don't show respect to everyone, a lot of people will say, oh, that's not true masculinity or maturity then. So just be careful with that one.

Speaker 1:

I like the idea of like, being kind to everybody. I don't think I like, at least personally, for my values. I think this might be one where I personally disagree with chat GPT. I personally don't think that you go around at least I don't want to go around showing respect to everyone. I show unbelievable kindness to everyone. I show empathy to everyone. I show understanding as best as I can to everyone. I show a listening ear to everyone, not everyone, like. If someone comes up to me and just starts yelling abuse at me, I'm probably not gonna listen. But you get the point. So by default, everybody gets my love, they get my empathy, they get my understanding as best as I can understand someone. But I don't personally give anyone respect until they've earned it, and for me my bar of respect is quite high. You have to do a decent amount to earn all of my respect.

Speaker 1:

And respect also is a spectrum as well. I don't think it's binary. It's not like I respect this person or I don't. It's like, no, you earn little bits, more and more respect, like if you leave a comment and say, hey, I'm super depressed and today I just made my bed and that's the action I took, you get a big chunk of my respect. And then, if you keep posting that kind of shit and then, like, six months later you're like and now I have a job, now I have friends, you have even more of my respect. So respect is kind of like a spectrum where you can earn more and more and more. I don't think it's just a binary of like I do respect them or I don't. But yeah, me personally I don't really like this one. I'm curious what you guys and girls think in the comments, like your different opinions of respect and what that word means. But I just see this a lot where, especially in current society, where people say you have to respect me, you need to show respect to everyone, no matter their gender, race, age or their opinion or what they're doing or any of that. I don't really disagree with that. I wouldn't show someone disrespect ever Like. But yeah, I don't like this one as much. I disagree with this. I'm curious what you guys and girls think.

Speaker 1:

Number eight emotional intelligence. While some traditional views of masculinity emphasize emotional stoicism, many modern interpretations recognize the importance of understanding, expressing your emotions in a healthy way. This is another one that can sometimes get hijacked where they're like men need to cry more and it's like listen, woman like men just don't always fucking wanna cry. Like sometimes we cry. Plenty of my coaching clients have cried on calls with me. I've cried a million times but like, yeah, this is one that people can sort of hijack and just demand that you show more emotion.

Speaker 1:

I like to think of it more as getting in touch with your own emotions, understanding your emotions, realize what they're trying to tell you, or learn what they're trying to tell you. Like when you're angry, don't just bottle that up. Learn from it. Like what is this anger trying to tell me? It's a part of me, it's, I'm pissed off about something. What is that something and how can I fix it? How can I solve it? How can I improve it? Like what can I do so? Yeah, I definitely agree with like not bottling up your emotions. But I just want to add, at least for me personally, I have come up or come in the early days. It doesn't happen now because I think I'm pretty fucking expressive with my emotions and my honesty and stuff like that. But yeah, in the early days I did get some people who were just like you need to be more emotional. It's like why? So yeah, but I, generally speaking, like this one, I like this idea of like getting more in touch with your emotions and shit.

Speaker 1:

I don't know that I'd call that masculinity. I guess I just call that useful. I don't know that I'd call getting in touch with your emotions more masculine. But I understand what they're trying to say. Basically, they're saying don't run from your emotions. And when we talked about you know, the previous one here courage.

Speaker 1:

I think a lot of guys bottle their emotions. Most of us, as men, bottle our emotions. You know I don't really do it much anymore, but I used to bottle my emotions because I was scared of them, because I was scared of what people might think If I had emotions. I was scared of not being like an alpha male. I was scared of not always having my shit together. I was scared. People will say you know I didn't have my shit together and you know I wasn't worth being around. I was hiding my emotions out of fear, and I don't want to be someone who acts out of fear, who lets fear dictate their actions. And so for me yeah, I guess you can say a part of me building my masculinity, you know again, that is my definition of masculinity Part of that was getting in touch with my emotions, and that doesn't mean, like I said, that you sit there and, you know, eat chocolate, ice cream and cry on the couch, or that you cry every time you see a sad movie or something though I do often cry with sad movies.

Speaker 1:

It's more just like not bottling your fucking emotions and realize that the emotions are often useful information, like if you're sad, those emotions are trying to tell you something. You're sad for a reason. It's worth getting in touch and saying, okay, why am I sad? What the fuck is going on? Why am I sad? How can I fix this? I can't prove this. So, yeah, I like this idea. I've definitely felt more masculine the more I've gotten in touch with my emotions. But again, I don't think you have to sit there and just cry on the couch every single day. Do that if you want to, but I don't think you have to do that.

Speaker 1:

Skills and knowledge. Be open to learning new things, whether that's fixing a car. I have no fucking idea how to fix a car. Fun little spoiler. Fun little fucking tidbit. I don't know how to drive. I guess I know how to drive a car and in an emergency I could, but I don't have my license. Let me know if you want me to tell that story. I've told that story a million fucking times. But yeah, I don't have, I don't like own a car. I don't drive, I just take Ubers everywhere or image and drive. So yeah, just Uber usually. Or public transport. Public transport in Australia is really good, so you don't really need a car unless you go live, like somewhere remote. Anyway, be open to learning new things, whether that's fixing a car, cooking a meal or understanding a new technology. Image and skills can contribute to your sense of self-worth and independence. So I like this one.

Speaker 1:

I don't know if I'd say it's masculine, though, like, I think okay, I think a lot of guys do feel masculine when we're constantly learning and knowledge is so fucking unbelievably important to me. It's one of my two missions, or two meanings of life, like why I'm here. The first one is, well, yeah, knowledge. Like I, before I die, want to learn as much as humanly possible about as many different topics as I can. Like I'm just a naturally very curious person and I love learning, I love getting in there. And like I love engineering, I love figuring out how things work, like I probably could have been an engineer in another lifetime. I love knowledge. I really just want to fucking learn as much as I can and figure out as much as I can about the universe, us human behavior, psychology, the body, women, dating, money, life, like everything, like the spiritual side of things. I want to learn as much as I can. But then the second mission that I'm here for is I want to try and help as many people as I can, and so those are the two like missions that I have.

Speaker 1:

Knowledge is very important to me, but I don't know if I'd personally say it's masculinity. Some of you will you'll go no, that's a big fucking part of masculinity for me. Like fixing a car makes me feel masculine as fuck, and so for you, brilliant, great, if this is one that resonates with you, awesome. I really do care about skills and knowledge. I just for me, that's more like a person thing, like lots of women care about knowledge and skills. It's just not the traditionally masculine skills Like women become very, you know, funnily enough chat GPT, even put it here Lots of women become very knowledgeable and very skilled at cooking a meal. Lots of women learn everything there is to know. My sister has had a baby and she's just reading as many goddamn books as she can and being a good mother like she just can reel off all of these crazy facts that I never would have even considered about babying, like raising a fucking child and it's insane. And so she's very knowledgeable and skilled at child rearing and she's obviously still learning nine months or whatever. But you get the point. So I don't know that I'd call this a masculinity one.

Speaker 1:

Integrity oh, I love this one. This is, yeah, for me. This is one of the most personally important things for me getting in touch with my masculine side, and lots of women wanna have integrity too. But I think a lot of men resonate with the word integrity and honesty and like loyalty and trust and honor. Honor is another one Honor is pretty similar to the word integrity here, but for me that is and I agree with chat GPT here being honest, being reliable, being consistent in your actions. I will say you don't have to be perfectly consistent, but I feel like you guys know that I talk all the time about like we're not aiming for perfection, we're just aiming for improvement. But yeah, being honest, oh fuck, I love that. This helps build trust with others and demonstrates maturity and strength of character. So this is probably the one I agree with like the most.

Speaker 1:

For me personally, honesty and integrity for me just goes hand in hand with masculinity. So it's obviously why a lot of you are here Like you like my more honest way of speaking. You like my honest approach to dating. You like the idea of just saying to a woman hi, I like you. Do you like me? Like you kind of like that idea. You like being able to just say, or learning to be able to say what you want and ask for what you want, instead of having these games and trying to like snake your way into her panties and manipulation and all of that. You like to avoid all those games, otherwise you wouldn't be watching my shit, you'd be watching someone else you know who maybe plays some of those games. You're here because you like the idea of integrity Whether or not you call that masculinity, I personally do. But yeah, this is a big one for me. So I think maybe I'll read out this final thing and then I'll give a summary. So chatGPT then ends by saying remember, these are just traditional ideas of masculinity and they might not all apply or be desirable to everyone. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 1:

Masculinity is not a one size fits all concept. The most important thing is to be true to yourself. Yeah, for me, being true to yourself is the big part of masculinity and strive to be the best person you can be, according to your own values and goals. Thank you, own values and goals. Key statement there. Yeah, figure out what it is that you want. Figure out who you want to be, figure out what's important to you and what masculinity means to you. Don't let me or anyone else tell you what masculine is. I never really would sit there and tell you what masculinity is. I mean, look at this fucking podcast. I spent the entire thing saying masculinity is whatever it fucking means to you.

Speaker 1:

I think a lot of people have relatively well-agreed upon ideas of masculinity, like you know, relatively, be confident, relatively independence, relatively assertive, relatively courageous and relatively honest and have integrity. I think most cultures agree with that as a basic list, but like, how they implement that and how far they go with each of those absolutely varies from individual to individual. So again and this doesn't come from me do what you want to do. That actually comes from Good Looking Loser. He wrote an article called the Only Alpha Male Rule, like the only you know, and when he says alpha male we're really talking about masculinity. He said the only masculinity rule is do whatever the fuck you want to do.

Speaker 1:

If I add in the caveat, or I like to encourage you not to hurt other people, you know, do whatever you want to do as long as other people are, you know, having a good time too. Like, don't force your will upon other people, don't manipulate people. But even then, that's just my values. You might watch that and go like, but I like manipulating people. I don't give a fuck if I'm dishonest, great, probably stop watching my content. I think my content is just like we're not gonna vibe or we have different rule books and that's okay. That's the magic and the fragrance of life. We often have different rule books and opinions. Beautiful, I love that.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, for me masculinity can be summed up by what do you want? Do that, and if you can't currently do that, that's okay. You can slowly work towards it. You can improve yourself. I have a coaching program that can help you with that. There's a link in the description below to that. That's a big part of what we coach guys on, like helping them be a more authentic version of themselves.

Speaker 1:

But if you don't know who you wanna be, you just try some shit. You figure it out. You sort of figure out what masculinity means to you. If I just trying some shit and seeing, another thing you can do you can listen to this podcast or this video and maybe you can go away and write your own list of what masculinity means to you. I'm really curious. Any of you please leave a comment and tell me what masculinity means to you.

Speaker 1:

Any ladies listening, leave a comment and let us know what maybe your idea of masculinity is. I'm curious, like I'm curious what masculinity means to you and from your point of view as the woman. It's more like you're saying preferences because you're not masculine. You might have some masculine traits, but like you're not a man and so you'll be more saying, like what your preferences are in a guy. For men, I want you to say what you want to be personally, what's personally important to you. So for women, understand that distinction You're more saying what your preferences are, not what you think masculinity should be. You're just saying what you personally like in a man, what masculinity like, what traits of masculinity are important to you. But for men, I wanna hear what you personally, your principles or your, the things you want when you think about masculinity. So leave a comment there. Like I said, got coaching. We would love to have you, we'd love to help you work on this stuff and be that more masculine, authentic and honest self. I will make it clear that all of our coaching is based in honesty and integrity, but I feel like why the fuck would you be watching my video if you weren't already on that same page? But yeah, link in the description below. Leave those comments.

Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope this was helpful. I'm gonna do way more of these because I kinda like these. I kinda like these ideas or these podcasts about. I get to talk about, like my view on the subject and also see what sort of like I said, the politically correct view is and, as you can see, some of these I don't necessarily 100% agree with, or at least give you the caveat and say be very careful. Lots of people will hijack masculinity here and tell you that you have to be like this or you should be like this, or they'll manipulate you or guilt trip you if you're not like this. So I kinda like this idea of like it's almost like we're going in there and seeing like what is the status quo or what is the like politically correct opinion on this topic and then I can give maybe my alternate opinion or see where I agree. I can get your feedback, because I wanna hear from all of you as well. Yeah, if you guys like this, let me know I'm probably gonna do way more of these. I've already asked chat GPT about 30 different questions on like 30 different topics and I've got them all listed out. I just have to sit down and record these, but I kinda like this. This was kind of fun. So, yeah, enjoy. As always.

Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, go out there, out there outside you can't see, but there's a window here. Go outside and get those little goals and you fucking crush those goals. You squash those goals. You dominate those goals. You fuck the shit out of those goals. Fuck those goals really hard. Make big things happen. Like I said, right now, if you sign up to my coaching program and pay in full, you will get 18 weeks. Now is the time to change your life. Let's do this thing together. I'm right here. I will help you. So will everybody else in the coaching program. You deserve the life that you've always wanted. There is a link in the description below. Click that. Sign up and let's get started.

The Importance of Masculinity and Self-Improvement
Exploring Masculinity and Personal Responsibility
Men's Exploration of Assertiveness, Courage, and Respect
Exploring Masculinity and Emotional Intelligence
Ideas and Opinions on Various Topics