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The original breakup article: https://killyourinnerloser.com/how-to-breakup/
By the way - the advice Cam gives in this video (and my original article) absolutely applies to women breaking up with guys too. The advice is pretty universal - try and be as kind as you can when you're breaking up, but remind yourself you're not a bad person for wanting to go separate ways. Sometimes people just aren't a great match, and that's ok.
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Ladies, gentlemen and people who want to change their lives, right now is the perfect time to do so. In my coaching program, we're offering 18 weeks of coaching instead of the usual 12, but only if you grab this deal in the next six days and only when you pay in full. There is a link in the description below. Click that. Let's get going. Fucking hell, yes.Speaker 2:
Hello everybody. It's me, cameron, and his assistant coach in his coaching program. How are we all doing? This one's going to be a little bit more of a conversational one and also I'm going to be bigging up Andy. I'm going to be talking about one of the articles that he wrote that had a huge impact on my life and hopefully, when he watches this because you watch this before he uploads it he understands, like once again, just like how much impact creating content to help other guys who go through the same shit that you go through how much impact that can have, how much you can give back just by putting pen to paper on the stuff that you have figured out in your journey. And it's something I'm trying to do. The videos I'm trying to make, I'm trying to go through what did, what problems did I face, what solutions did I come up with and how can any of them help you guys. But today it's really going to be about Purely celebrating Andy for something that really, really helped me and it's his favorite article. Sorry, it's my favorite article that he written. He's written not his favorite article. He knows what I'm going to say. It's how to break up with girls amicably. Now, this is an interesting article to talk about because it's not in the vein of like how to get girls, how to make yourself better looking, how to smash it on tinder. This is more of one of those later down the road problems that you're gonna come up with when you are doing well with girls, or even going through your first stages of doing well with girls, and you come to the realization that you no longer are super interested in the girl and there's the chemistry kind of gone. Maybe you're too busy, maybe you found other girls that you want to pursue and hang out with and you don't have time for these girls anymore that you've been seeing before and you reach a point where the question is how do you end it like? How do you end? It becomes A problem in your life because a lot of us are, you know, fairly empathetic people a lot of guys who watch and his content with fairly empathetic guys and it hurts to the idea of hurting another person by breaking up with them. It sucks. You know the idea of. It sucks the idea of making someone else feel bad, the idea that you've become quite an important person to someone else and that you have to now take that away from them. The other thing is fear, you know, fear of the drama it can cause, fear of getting backlash from someone. That's that there is, that there's a fear that if you try and break up with someone, that they're gonna explode on you in public, potentially. So it's this combination of, you know, not wanting to make someone feel bad but also fear that they're going to erupt on you and it's gonna, you know, cause a situation, and I've been in dramatic situations before and I do not enjoy drama. So Andy has written this beautiful guide that will not only allow you to be honest and open with someone when you're breaking up with them, but it will also allow you to minimize drama. I can't recommend you guys who are in this journey reading this article enough. A big thing that I noticed looking back on my own journey is that before I Really sat down and realized that there's a way to do this, like a good way to do this, I was pretty cowardly with some of the ways that I broke up with girls. A lot of the time when I was traveling, I would use the I'm gonna leave soon excuse and I wouldn't delve into. I wouldn't be honest with a girl. Basically, I wouldn't be honest with a girl and be like, hey, I'm not really feeling anymore, I think it's best that we part ways. Instead, I would just be like, hey, I'm leaving the country in two weeks, so bye. You know like what the hell was that accent, but you know like it was a sort of a cowardly way out. I ended my longest ever relationship this way. I didn't feel it with that relationship. I spoken about this in another video I think it might have been out before this or after this but I did a video called about settling and how my first long term relationship was kind of a settling relationship. I wasn't attracted to the girl and I'm ashamed to say that I broke that relationship off, not by being honest with her, that I didn't have feelings for her and I wasn't attracted to her anymore. I just told her that I was leaving the country and we should end it there and I used it that way and I just feel like that isn't, it's not good closure, it's not being honest and open with someone and you know it's not giving them, I guess, a satisfactory ending to some degree. Not that you owe anyone kind of ending, but I do feel a lot better now that I approach it in the way that Andy laid out. So we'll go into like, talking about why the article is so good. Basically, it splits the two kinds of breakups into two categories. There are breakups that you can do over text message and there are breakups that require in person. Now there's also an argument about whether or not you even need to break up with some girls. Obviously there is the concept of ghosting. A lot of guys ghost, but typically where I can, no matter what, if they're in the stage where they probably deserve a text message over a meet in person, I will always try and send that message. There are a few cases I would say that don't require a message, and usually that's when you have been ghosted on Like someone you know. Someone met you for a date or whatever. You aren't that interested in them. You sent them a message after a date like hey, it was nice to meet you, or whatever, and they never respond yeah, they're not talking to you actively. There's an argument that you don't really need to send a message, being like hey, I'm not really feeling it because they're not replying to you anyway. But everything beyond that, up until where we would say you probably need to speak to the girl in person to break up with her. Everything from they're still talking to you up until that, it's good to send a message, being as honest as possible and just being like, hey, not really feeling it, I don't think we should see each other again. It was lovely meeting you, goodbye. And now Andy gives you permission in the article. I think this is a pretty good thing for guys who are starting out, that once you've sent that message, you are allowed to block that number. So if you're scared of having blowback from this sort of thing, it is, you are allowed. You have our permission to block the number. So you don't have to read what they sent back, because you've already sent the message and they've got the message that you are interested in seeing them again. So this is very good for girls. Where you saw them a couple of times, they're hitting you up to meet again. You're just like I'm not really feeling it. Or they saw you, or you saw them one time. They're hitting you up to meet you again and you're just not really feeling it. Sorry, girls that you've slept with, but you don't want to sleep with them again also. So where the point turns over from, you can break up with this girl via text to you probably need to see them is dependent on how long you were seeing them for and how deep the relationship was. I would say I think everyone knows when they've got a girl they're seeing, where she is just kind of a girl you're seeing for sex versus a girl that you have, you know, built a little bit more with. I personally would break up with girls who are essentially serious relationships. This is something that you can kind of choose where your line is. You know, like if you've just been seeing a girl for sex and all you do is have sex when you hang out, it's probably okay to break up with them via text. If it's a girl you've been like actively dating, like currently I've been seeing a girl for eight months and we've been actively dating. We've been doing other things. We don't just have sex, we do other things as well. I'm ethically nonmonogamous, so I see other girls too and she knows that. But if I was to choose to break that off, this would be one of those ones that I went and saw her like at a cafe in person. There are other girls I've been seeing this year where I didn't see them in person. I think a girl that I slept with maybe like 10 times or something like that, and it was so casual that it felt okay to just be like hey, we're not really sure we should see each other anymore, and I was just moving on from there. That's what I would suggest and that's what Andy suggests too. I think he makes a divide in the article between, basically, friends with benefits and girlfriends, slash deeper relationships. But once you get into the deeper relationship sections, you've been seeing a girl we're talking like over three months and, as I said, you're doing things like dating. You're doing things beyond just having sex. It is, in my opinion, a good idea and Andy's and the article's opinion that you go and go to like a cafe and you sit down and you have a conversation. Now, what I love about Andy's article is he just puts in big terms breaking up sucks. Okay, you don't go into these conversations expecting it to be amazing. You don't even go into these conversations like expecting her to like accept it. It's kind of like you've got to go into these conversations. It's working on yourself being at peace with however she reacts. And now obviously, we're trying to minimize the drama. We're trying to minimize, you know, like getting aggressive towards you, I guess something going really badly in public. But there's a degree of you can't control her. Like, at the end of the day, relationships are 50 50. You only have control over your 50% of a relationship, and that goes doubly so for a breakup. You only have control over your 50% of this breakup. So, you know, be as calm and as peaceful as you can with whatever happens, because, yeah, this sucks, breaking up these relationships sucks. You can't really say anything other than that. The other thing I think guys worry about is timing, and I do want to tell you right now there is no fucking good time to ever do this. Putting this off due to bad timing is like he's going to make you put it off forever, you know, and you're going to put it off for longer than you want to. You're going to be seeing her when you don't want to see her. She's going to figure it out. Girls are pretty smart about this. They can kind of sense me. It's not good idea to put it off. There is no fucking good time to break up with someone. Just go for it If you've decided that's what you need to do. That's what you want to do, and this isn't really about. I'm not making a video here about weighing up whether you should break up with a girl or not. Okay, that's not what the topic of the video about. It's more about guys who, like you, just know yeah, you've got there's lack of some of the chemistry's gone. There's a lack of it. Whatever this is about, you know how you do it. Okay, there's some really good things that Andy writes in the article. I'm reading it now and it's like you know, no matter how hard you try, you are going to look like the bad guy, you are going to look like the asshole. Okay. He also says that she may cry and, as I said, as I said, you have to kind of try to be at peace with whatever happens. Seeing it happen in front of you is a little bit different, though, than like the theory that you came up with before you went to see her, so just be aware that you may react viscerally to seeing a girl cry or be very upset in front of you. I know from personal experience. I've been there. It's messes me, not good. He also goes into quite smartly goes into after you break up with a girl and the idea of. Maybe I want to get her back. You know, maybe I want to bring her back. She's been still messaging me. Whatever we say, this is a hard no like. Once you make the call, once you go through the breakup, just just that's it. Go, that's it, block her. If you have to give her all her stuff back, make sure it's a clean break. Tell your friends, if you have to, that you're not going to be contacting her or seeing her. If you let them back in and they are trying to get back with you, you are at. All you're doing is prolonging the breakup. You're not really getting back with her because everything that you had decided before the breakup is still going to be in your mind, especially if it's really raw. So all you're doing is prolonging the breakup and potentially you're just going to do that breakup all over again in a month or so. And you've been fucking around and now you've turned what was a cafe meet into a month long breakup. So we don't recommend you do that. Go and talk to other girls if you can. The breakup might. You might have to give yourself a little bit of time, but the soonest you can get on to talking to other girls and new girls or seeing other girls in your life, the easier it's going to be to, you know, move on. That's going to be the same for them as well, but sooner they can get to seeing someone else, the quicker they will move on from you. So, yeah, that's, that's basically how it goes. I do kind of want to talk about my own. The breakup that this inspired was with I was having an on and off relationship with someone, the first girl I ever fell in love with and I've talked about it in a like a podcast ages ago because it was really the catalyst for me seeing Andy, even though it happened quite a long time before I met Andy and basically I ended something where someone was trying to stay in my life after we had ended things a while ago and, I said, on and off, a lot of emotions involved. We had a thing that was very intense and not particularly healthy looking back, and I essentially broke up with someone who, yeah, was like lingering in my life and it was just not a good thing for me. So I went through, basically, this article, I read it, I ingested it and I was like, right, this is exactly what I'm gonna go and do Get them to a cafe somewhere, have a chat, have a very open and honest chat, and tell them that this needs to end completely. I need complete contact, break everything, and it was one of the best things I ever did. I remember it being like Back on the forum days used to log quite. I used to log quite a lot and talk about my life and everything I wrote about doing this and how much I was crying afterwards and stuff like I had a really bad like, really sad about it. I didn't really hold my emotions back, all that stuff and I wrote a post about it on good looking loser and it's like one of the. It was one of the most like up voted post I ever wrote about, just because everyone could see how important this was to my journey and how important it was For my progress to do this. And Andy was super like supportive of me doing this and he was super proud of you for doing this and really it was all due to this article. Like he wasn't pushing me in coaching to do it. He was. I just read his article was like, right, I need to do this. So, yeah, I really recommend you guys read this article. It means a whole lot to me, like it has personal relevance to me, like some of the best pieces of like self improvement literature ever. They can really resonate with you and really have helped you in a big way in a big part of your life. It's quite remarkable how content creators can you know someone like Andy or good looking loser or the other guys we read how important some of these pieces of content can be. I really want to celebrate it. So, yeah, check out the article I hope they are down below. Let me know in the comments if you have any thoughts about this topic matter and also consider signing up for our coaching program if you want to get help directly from myself and from Andy. It's 12 weeks is an intensive bootcamp. You kick your ass into gear, redevelop your mindset, help you have all of your self development goals, whatever you're aiming at, whether that is, you know, girls and dating, whether that's your fitness goals, whether that's your business goals, whether it's just generally spirituality and happiness, and he's loving that these days and he'll help you get to a level of peace you never have known before. So check out that information down below.Speaker 1:
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