Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

How to MOVE in Order to Prioritise Your Goals (Moving Guide)

September 08, 2023 Andy
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
How to MOVE in Order to Prioritise Your Goals (Moving Guide)
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Speaker 1:

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to talk about moving, moving to prioritize your goals, so moving to a different city or a different apartment or even a different country. But before we get into that, there are two days left to grab my coaching deal, where you get 18 weeks instead of the usual 12 if you sign up in full, or if you pay in full, I should say, within the next two days. So, speaking of my coaching program, it's a pretty common thing in our coaching program that a person will come to us and I swear to God, guys, I swear to God, it never starts out with this intention. But we will end up encouraging them to move. And most of the time they come to us and say, hey, look like I think I want to move, but like I swear to God, like this has been like 10 or 15 people now in the last year that come to us having no plans of moving. You know, maybe one day they think they might want to move to a different city or a different apartment or a different country and for some reason, halfway through the program or early on in the program, they go Fuck it, I think I'm ready to move now. I think a big reason people procrastinate this one? Or maybe let's talk about the opposite. A big reason why people come to us and say, fuck, I'm going to do it now is because they've wanted to do it for a long time but they've procrastinated it. And if you're that person, you know, if you're thinking about man like would it actually benefit me to move, even if that's just like would I be happier, maybe moving out of home, like would it be easier for me if I lived on my own? You know, maybe you're right now you've moved out of home but you're sharing an apartment with other people and you're thinking like would it be easier for me to work on my goals? Would I achieve more, would it be more efficient if I had my own place? And if we're talking about things like sex and dating and relationships, the answer is, like an unequivocable, almost always, yes. It would be way easier if you had good logistics and you had your own apartment. I can get into the reasons why I encourage people and, by the way, if you have no plans on moving, you don't want to move. That's perfectly beautiful as well. If you're thinking about it, or if you're even thinking, would it help me to have my own apartment for sex and dating and relationships. Yes, more than anything, because you don't have to coordinate with a roommate, you won't hold back, and even if you have the most chill roommates in the entire world, there is still sort of a little bit of resistance, or at least a slightly like a feeling of like. I want to be respectful. If I have a woman come over, or if you're a woman listening, if I have a guy come over, we're probably not going to like have sex in the living room area while my roommate is sitting there right. We're probably not going to fuck on the balcony when my roommate is home or could come home soon. And so there's all these like and they're not massive things, but there's just little things that you keep in your mind. I want to be respectful. I want to make sure I'm not too loud because I have roommates. I want to make sure I want it having sex until four in the morning because that might keep up my roommates up. Maybe for some of you you might think something like well, I probably don't want to have a threesome, right, at least be a little bit more hesitant. I'd be a little bit more nervous to have a threesome if my roommates literally see two of my sexual partners walk past and we go, hi, how are you going? Good, what are you guys going to do? I don't know? Just like hang out in the bedroom, I guess, and then boom, they hear sex noises. And not that there's anything wrong with those things, and I've had plenty of coaching clients and even a couple of friends that just don't care about that. But I know me myself personally I do. I'm surprisingly this might surprise some of you to hear I'm very shy with my sex life and a lot of you are probably going what the fuck are you talking about? There are photo shoots that you have done with women on your website. There are videos that you guys have all shot together. You've had women on your podcast to talk about your sex lives. You an image and talk about your sex life all the time on your YouTube channel. Like, what are you talking about? You're shy. I'm shy when other people are physically there. I'm perfectly comfortable in front of a camera, but I wasn't at the start. That took me a long time to get comfortable. I'm very comfortable having three Sims and all of that. I'm very comfortable talking about my sex life, but I'm not comfortable with someone actually physically being present. I have never been to a sex party or a sex event. I've never been to a BDSM event. I've never been to, like you know, a place where people are having sex and you watch them. I've never had anyone else there while I have sex, other than someone who was there to actually participate and maybe I will one day. I've never been to a strip club either. I'm someone that's surprisingly shy about that aspect of sex somebody else being there and so I know for me personally, I was basically never going to have sex if I had roommates. There's been a couple of exceptions to that. I had a friend that stayed at my house for about nine months. He just, you know, crashed on my couch and we I had sex one time when he was home and I really didn't enjoy that and even the next day he and he's someone that's very honest and we have a very honest and open relationship. We've been best mates for, like you know, eight years or whatever, and he was like very gently he's like hey, man, I'm really glad you had fun, but like, please remember that I had work, I have work, and you guys were kind of like keeping me up until like fucking five in the morning. So if you'd mind like not doing that. And I was like bro, I'm so sorry, I get it, dude I bought him a couple of beers and some other shit to basically say I appreciate you, dude, thank you for being patient with me. But I did that once and I was like, yep, I. This is why I like having good logistics, and even if you do what I did during that period because, again, you know that friend of mine stayed with me for nine months, so I essentially had a roommate for nine months, even if you do what I did during that time we kind of came up with a like a little code, a little thing that we would do, not a code, but like and I was like bro, I'm so sorry, not a code, but like an agreement where if he was having a girl over you know, he had sort of like a girl that he was seeing for a while, if she was coming over, or if Imogen was coming over, or Imogen and a girl that I was seeing or we were seeing, if, basically, we wanted to have sex, we will kind of just text the other person and talk about it and be like, hey, bro, like and we would usually give each other a better notice, like a day or two and we'd be like, hey, like, I'm going to see this girl or Imogen's coming over, would you mind if I have the apartment from like five PM to, like I don't know, nine PM? Yep, that's cool, I'll go sit in a bar and I'll work on my laptop, I'll do some work, like, that's cool, that's easy. And so we had a code. But you are cognizant of the fact that you are asking someone to leave the place where they are residing and go outside, especially during winter, go outside where it's cold, and, yes, you can go find a nice bar to sit in. But that person would probably much rather be at home asleep. And I know that I felt like that when I would go out and you know this this friend of mine would be seeing a girl. I was very aware of the fact that, like, I'd rather be at home right now in my nice warm bed slowly falling asleep than out here in this bar you know, being kept up later than I would like to. And he felt the same way. We talked about it plenty of times and that's obviously a compromise that you make because we supported each other, we loved each other, we wanted each other to reach our goals and to have an amazing sex life and all of that kind of stuff and be intimate with our partners and all of that. But it is. You are cognizant of the fact that you're making a bit of a compromise, and so even the person that is seeing the girl or sleeping with the girl, at that point in time you're not fully, or we weren't fully, relaxing and enjoying it, because we had the thought in the back of our mind of like, okay, I better sort of hurry this up because my friend is out in the cold and yes, he's in a warm bar right now, but he is like out there in the middle of winter Thanks a lot and he'd probably rather be here. And so you sort of speed it up a little bit. You don't fully just let go and lay there and enjoy it all and you're still having fun and all of that. But you are making like a slight compromise and you do the best you can. You enjoy it and that was a very beautiful time in my life. I was very glad that he stayed with me for nine months. I really like him a lot. Like I said, he's my best friend, one of my best friends. I have a few, but it was a great time in my life. But I was very cognizant of the fact that you're making compromises and so you know, if you start out with the question of would moving actually help me with sex and dating Absolutely Like would having my own apartment help me Absolutely In ways that you can't even fathom, you know that's not even thinking about it from your partner's point of view, especially if you're a guy listening. You know maybe you're not fully or you've never really thought about what would it. What is it like for the women who come over to sleep with me and are they able to feel fully comfortable If I have a roommate who they walk past and say hello to, knowing that we're going to go and fuck? Or if my roommate, you know, is going to come home at some point and she kind of knows that, like I can't just stay here and have sex with you for five hours because your roommate wants to come home. And so for the women themselves as well, they weren't able to 100% let go. And now you still have an amazing experience. You still have this great intimate experience wild sex, all of that stuff, like it's still beautiful, it's still amazing, it's still amazing. But it's even better when you have your own place. And I can't tell you how many women have said to me when they come over, like, is this your own apartment? Like, do you share with anyone? And I'm like, no, it's just me. And you can like literally see that and some of them have even like literally said it to me. They're like oh God, okay, cool, thank you, thank God, like I get to relax a little bit, I can be naked on the couch with you and make out, we can fuck on the couch and I don't have to worry that your roommate will come home. I also don't have to worry about, like it's the little things that you even think about, the subconscious things of like, oh well, we can make more of a mess. Like we can leave our clothes all over the lounge room floor, the living room floor, and it doesn't matter because you're not in someone else's shared space. We can make a mess on the couch, I can squirt on your couch and I'm not thinking like, oh wait, that might be gross for, like your roommate who might have to sit there. It's all your stuff, everything in that apartment. If it's yours, like because you are the only one in the apartment, she's not thinking like, oh, I have to be a little bit more careful. So again, these are like very subconscious things and they're not big deals on their own. Like can you have the world's most amazing sex life while having a roommate? Of course you can, of course. But the question was can your sex life be even better? Would it make a difference if you move into your own place? Yes, women are more likely to say yes and come back to your apartment. I can't tell you how many times when I was sharing with my roommate, you know, I'd invite a woman back and she'd be like, do you have any? Do you have a roommate? And I'd say, yes, he's out for the next couple of hours and she'd go oh, okay, like you know, maybe I won't come over. Versus, as soon as you start saying, yes, I have my own apartment, I have no roommates, you can literally say, okay, no one's going to judge me, I can relax, I can let go, I can just chill at your place, I don't have to sort of think about roommates or other people. So more people, or I just got more yeses, and not a, not a huge amount. Just, I don't know. Let's make up some number, I don't know. 10%, 20%. More of the time they would say yes, but it's more the subtleties. Like I said, they would be more passionate, they would let go, they would literally be louder during sex. You can be as loud as you fucking want, as long as you're not screaming and annoying the neighbors, though if you want to do that, more power to you. But you can be a lot more. You can let go a lot more when you know you don't have roommates. You can have sex in different rooms in your house. You don't have to confine it to the bedroom, and so sex can be this thing. This is another thing that I really like to do when I have sex, particularly in the thrasoms that I have with my girlfriend and these girls. I like us to have sex, and maybe we will start on the couch or something, and then we'll kind of take a little break during sex, like I won't come, they usually won't come. We'll take a little break and we'll just kind of sit there on the couch naked, or we'll lay on the floor or we'll sit on the bean bag or whatever, and we'll just talk and you know how's your weekend been, what have you been up to, what goals are you working on? And we might just gently be playing with each other, and then we'll start having sex again, and maybe we're going to the bedroom now and then we have sex for a little bit and then we chill again and we talk, and maybe we go out and stand in the kitchen and talk and we're all kind of naked and maybe we make some food while we're out there and we're all naked and you can kind of use the entire house. Do you get what I mean? It's like the entire space is available to you, rather than when you have roommates where it's like, okay, I can't, I'm probably not going to sit on the couch naked because, again, what if the roommate doesn't want my wet fucking pussy juice all over the shared couch that is half his? Do you get what I mean? So it's just these little subtle things. So, anyway, whatever, I'm not here to convince you to move. If you want to move, amazing. But it's these kind of conversations that I think have prompted a lot of people who sign up for the coaching to go. Oh, wow, like, maybe I do want to move, and it's not just about sex as well, like even things like making money. One thing that we've noticed quite a few people do in the program is they'll move because they want to be surrounded by other people who are working on these goals. Okay, and one thing that has happened quite a few times which doesn't surprise me, but at the same time it is a big deal is people come to the program, you know, make a ton of changes, change their life, do all that cool shit, and then they go into the discord group which we have, a like a private discord group just for the coaching clients, and they get to stay in there forever. It's essentially like more coaching after the end of your coaching for the end of for the rest of your life, and in that group, people obviously make insane connections because think about it and if you haven't been through my website to see what the application process is to join the coaching program, like, obviously I want to work with as many people as I can, but I don't just take everybody. There's like a full on question there you fill out and you know it's not a difficult question. I'm not like testing you or something, but I just like to see. You know, does this person have some goals they want to work on? Are they pretty serious which you are, if you're paying the amount of money that it costs at the? At this current moment in time it's $10,000. So, like you're pretty fucking serious if you're paying that already. But the questions are there just so I can get a feel for the person you know. And sometimes someone will say something where I can then go back and say, hey, like you wrote this answer, let's jump on a call and like really see where your headspace is at. So essentially, I'm like screening and again, most people make it through that screening process. So if you're thinking about coaching, like please don't be intimidated. I promise you I'm super nice, but anyway, there is a screening process nonetheless. And so to even get into the coaching program, let alone, I then coach you and the other people you know we have three other coaches. We all all four of us coach you for 12 weeks and everybody else in the group has the same mindset and you develop this culture and this way of working on your goals and this productivity. You go through all that and then you go into the discord group with every other coaching client that I've ever worked with. So now you're surrounded by all of them, like to go through all of that process to get to the end of it. Like these are the most serious might be a good way of saying it, but like I don't know if I'd say that Like these are the people that are most passionate about their goals. So maybe you could say serious, the most serious about their goals, are the most passionate, and so like to be surrounded by people like that is a really rare thing, and I myself in my own life have one group that I can think of and a bunch of friends as well. I have set my life up to only have the most elite, serious, dedicated, passionate I guess you could say non-mainstream people in my own life, and so that's essentially what my coaching is. My coaching is essentially like yo, let's just like pay to win. You can pay some money and then you get to be surrounded by people who are as serious about their goals as you and will lift you up and don't like push you on all of that. So like you're talking about like 0.001% of the population, and so it makes sense that this has happened, where quite a few people in that group will go fuck it. It is so unbelievably rare for me to find people like you guys in the real world, like outside I'm probably not going to just randomly stumble upon someone who's as serious about their goals as me. And you guys here are fucking amazing. Do any of you want to like move across the entire world? Or I'll move across the entire world and we can just like rent an apartment together and live together, like, do you guys want to do that? Or we can just live in the same city or we can live near each other. That has happened so many times and in my own life. Back in the day, like eight years ago, when I first started working on my self-improvement and my goal at the time was like I want to get laid, I want to get really good at having sex, meeting women, getting laid, all that shit. I had a friend that was as serious as me. We knew each other for about a year and a half and after a year and a half he was like, okay, bro, like there aren't many people that I have ever met. They're as serious as you, andy. And we were friends with another guy as well. The three of us sort of made this little like accountability group and this guy was like I think I want to move to Australia. And he was from the UK and he was like fuck it. I think I want to move like literally across the entire world, because where the fuck else am I going to find an accountability partner who's as hardcore as you? And so this has happened like a surprising amount of times where someone will go fuck it. I want to move like across the damn country to be near you motherfuckers, to be in the same city or even in the same apartment, but like to just be around other people who were this goddamn serious and so like that has happened like so many not so many, but like that's happened multiple times now where people are just like I'm going to upland my entire life and fucking move. So you know, with all of that context, lots of people in my coaching program move and if you're sitting there thinking like, fuck man, maybe I want to move, if this is something that is serious, okay, I might do a separate podcast. Maybe if you guys and girls are interested on like how to move, it's something that we have in the coaching program, like we've done content. We talk about it all the time on like how to actually move. So obviously the quickest way is, you know, sign up for the coaching, but I might do just like a free video or podcast If you guys and girls are interested. You can email me if you are and tell me on like, what to think about when you move, like how to actually execute on that, because I think that's where people get stuck. They get overwhelmed by all of the things that they might feel like they have to do, like, oh, I have to quit my job. I have to put in my notice at work, I have to get a new job. What about making friends? Where do I even live? Which city should I move to? Like what if I don't know anyone there? What if the public transport isn't good there? Like, how would I even get a car there? Because if you're moving across the country, it might not be super easy for you to take your car. You might have to sell it and then by you know, how do I move? Like, how do I actually physically pack up all of my shit? How do I clean my apartment so that I can get my you know down payment back or my bond or whatever you guys in your country call that the money that you pay when you first move into an apartment so that the landlord or the real estate agent they give it back to you at the end. Like all of these things they kind of overwhelm the shit out of you or they can. And so right now there's a guy in our coaching program who went through the same sort of, or he's going through the same process. He just randomly, like a week ago, he was like oh my God, like I've been thinking about moving for like years and you guys and girls like you make it sound so easy. Fuck, I think I want you all to push me to move. And so we were like sweet, like how long do you want us to give you on a deadline, bro? We could give you like a three month deadline. If you want, we could give you a one month deadline. We could give you a two week deadline. You tell us what you want. And he kind of we went back and forwards and I was like, bro, do you want us to like make you move and we can't make someone, but like sometimes that phrasing can be really helpful Do you want us to make you move out within 30 days and he thought about it and he was like, yeah, I kind of do. And I was like, all right, 30 days it is. And so he's currently like four days into this, hence me recording. Actually, by the time you hear this, he'll be like seven days into this. So he started this whole process and he was putting a lot of pressure on himself that he has to find like the right place, so to speak, to move to, like the perfect city, the right city to support his goals, and his main goal right now is getting laid and improving his sex life. He's got some other goals too, but that's like the number one putting pressure on himself to find the right area within that city, like the right apartment if he moves in with other people, like the right housemates and roommates. All this pressure and I think that's really common because, like moving is one of those things that feels really scary, like it really does just because there's so many unknowns that you haven't solved for yet, like where am I gonna move? How am I gonna move? What job do I get? It very much feels like you're just jumping off a cliff and hoping that you land, and so one of the things that can help is to sort of list out all of the things that you feel like you need to do. Okay, so this I guess this is me giving you the answer I said before like I can do a podcast on how to move. Fuck, I'll just do it now. So you know how to actually move, list out all of the things that you feel like you need to do and like put everything down. Like you know, I will need to tell my boss that I'm quitting, or ask my boss if I can get a transfer, or ask if I can work from home. Depends on your work situation. Then I wanna ask my boss for like a reference and you know, almost like a testimonial, I guess, but reference that I did a good job, blah, blah, blah. Then I probably wanna research, like which jobs could I get in this new city? I probably wanna research which cities I even wanna move to, like based on my goal, or what it is that I'm looking for. I might even need to write a list of things that I care about, like what am I looking for? Like I know for me, andy, when I first moved, when I made my first move, all I cared about was sex. Like literally that was my only goal. So I moved to the center of the city, and I literally mean the center of the city. So what's a city that you will all know, most people will know like New York City, right, even international people. We know New York City and think of Times Square, which is like the center of New York City. I essentially moved there Like I literally was on the main strip in the middle of the city, like the dead fucking center of the city. I moved to an apartment and because getting laid was my goal, I moved. The place I was in was like connected to a giant shopping center, like a shopping mall, and also connected to a giant train station and also connected like one block away from a giant university. So it was like the fucking heart of the city, like a train station. No, sorry, two shopping centers. It was connected to two shopping malls. They were kind of like back to back. It was a weird fucking setup but there were two separate shopping malls that were literally joined together, like you could literally walk out of one and walk into the other. They were connected. So it spanned like two blocks, two massive blocks of like shopping centers. That was like eight stories tall or something, plus a giant university, plus another university like 10 minutes walk away, plus like a train station multiple train stations in that area. It was like insane. It was like the best place ever, if your goal is like talking to women. So I moved into that apartment and it was expensive. I had to take out a $10,000 bank loan. I've talked about this all the time. That's why anytime someone says to me look, I wanna sign up for coaching, but like I just don't have the money. Obviously, spend your money however you want to, but there is a part of me that I sort of like I'm like dude, just like, fucking, take out a bank loan. This is like cold, going all in. I fucking did this. Anyway, spend your money, however you wanna spend your money. But I took out this bank loan, went all in, moved there, and so that was me going all fucking in. What point was I making? I was making a good point, wasn't I? But now I forgot. Anyway, I moved to the center of the city because that was the thing I cared the most about. So, yeah, to pull it back. You can write this list. If you wanna move but you're scared, write this list of all the things that you felt like you would need to do and then just start like slowly executing on that. And some of those things might be scary, like it might scare you to think how do I get a new job, like in the new city? That might just be overwhelming and you feel yourself procrastinating it. That's usually why people haven't moved if they wanna move. If you've been wanting to move for months or years, or even longer than that, and you haven't, it's probably because you've just been feeling fucking overwhelmed because each one of those tasks seems gargantuan and monumental, like there's no way you could do it and so just break it down. So, if you wanna you know, if one of those tasks on that list is I wanna get a job in the new city that I'm gonna move to, you know that might feel scary. Okay, step one is jump on Google and Google job opportunities in this new city, depending on, like, what your industry is. That's just your. Just do that for the first couple of days. Just literally look at different jobs. You don't have to apply to anything that might be too scary for you. You don't have to work on your resume that might scare you too much. Like, just start looking and then maybe, after you've done that for a couple of days, maybe you start working on your resume and just do that over a couple of weeks, like, take your time, you can do it quicker than that, and I obviously, in my coaching program, push people to do that way quicker. Like I said, we get people to move out within 30 days. Taylor, who's now, funnily enough, one of the coaches in my coaching program, but when he was a coaching client of mine, we got him to move out within 14 days and he did Like he was like I think I want to move within 14 days and we're like, let's fucking do it, man. So you can definitely move quicker, like way quicker. Whatever you think is possible. You can usually do it 10 times quicker than that. But, that said, if you're getting yourself too overwhelmed and stressed, take your time with this shit, right? You have a long fucking time, and so start working on your resume over the next couple of weeks. Just fuck around with it a little bit. Make it a fun little thing that you do, and if that's too scary, okay, I will spend one minute working on my resume every day. One minute, that's all you have to do. Can you do one minute yes, you fucking can. And if you really can't do one minute, okay, I will literally spend 15 seconds working on it and you log in. You do your 15 minutes of working on your resume. Then you freak out and you log out and you go, ah, that was scary, that was scary Cool. At least you did 15 fucking minutes, sorry, 15 fucking seconds. That is infinitely more than zero. And so just do the bare minimum, whatever you can possibly do. And if you can't do that bare minimum, break it again, break it down again, do something even smaller than that. This is what I have had to do, or what I have done every time I've changed jobs or moved, and I've moved like three times in the last what like seven years, imaging has moved like six times, seven times, I think, like a ton of times in the last, like seven years or five years, sorry. And so I get this pressure of feeling like everything has to be perfect, like I have to find the perfect place, I have to have the perfect resume to get the perfect job. It's like no, you don't Like. The first thing is give yourself permission to suck. So there you go. That's probably my biggest tip. Those are my two big tips on how to move. Three big tips. The first one is write down everything that you feel like you would need to do in order to move. Just have a nice big list. So now it's actually tangible. It's not the fear of the unknown Now it's known. We just have to do these things. And then the second thing is break each one down and just start taking some tiny little baby steps towards those things. And then the third tip is give yourself permission to suck with this. Like you don't have to have the perfect resume, you don't have to have the perfect city, you're allowed to move again, and this is something that we drill into guys and girls that want to move, but they're putting all that pressure on themselves. Like the city that you choose to move to or the apartment you move into, or the roommates that you get, they don't have to be your forever home, so to speak, and they likely won't be and so you don't have to put this pressure on yourself for this to be the most perfect fucking decision. The same thing applies to getting a job, by the way, or going on a date with someone Like, or hitting on some girl or some guy. You don't have to be perfect with this stuff. This probably, with moving, isn't going to be the city that you'll live in for the next 50 years. It might be, who knows, like, but we can't predict the future, but it probably won't be. And so as long as this new apartment or this new city or this new roommate or whatever, or this new job is an improvement on where you currently are, that's all that matters. And then in the future you can just move somewhere even better if you want to, or apply for an even better job or upgrade whatever it is that you're upgrading. So that is the key word there Like we're aiming to just upgrade our living situation or whatever other situation it is. We're just aiming to upgrade over time, like it's basically a self improvement project and you can kind of look at it over a longer period of time and say look over the last three years or five years or, hell, even 10 years. Am I happier with where I live now compared to where I was, like you know, five years or 10 years ago? And if the answer is yes, like I am happier in this new place, fucking awesome, congratulations. That's all. We were aiming for Progress, not perfection. If the answer is no, like I'm less happy with my current city or my current job or my current roommate or whatever. Hey, awesome, like now we've fucking identified that. Let's move. And so use the strategies that I said earlier in this podcast, write down all the things that you feel like you would need to do to move and then just start really slowly working on the first thing on that list and don't look at the whole list and get overwhelmed and go oh my God, there's like 50 things on this list. That's too scary. That's okay, you got time. We're just going to start with number one and if number one is too scary, like I said, break it down into sub parts, break it down really into tiny little, really small baby steps and we just get started. Another thing that I said to this coaching client and I say it to lots of people is, like, because he was basically saying, yeah, I felt like I was putting some pressure on myself to find the perfect city in the perfect department. I said to him I don't even know how you would find the perfect place to live, given you can't possibly know everything about what it's like to live somewhere until you actually you know live there. Like there are things that will come up when you move there and live there that you wouldn't have been able to think about on paper. And so on paper, a city might seem like perfect or amazing. And then you go there and you're like, oh, wow, I didn't even know this thing. Like, this thing just popped up, that I didn't even know. All the reverse might happen. You know, you look at a city and you're like, okay, I think this place will be pretty good. You move there and you're like, oh, my fucking God, actually living here is amazing. What I'm talking about here is the feeling of a place, and you can't really get the feeling of a place until you're there. There's a word in I guess it would be in like philosophy or psychology. There's a word in philosophy called qualia, and qualia refers to something that's sort of like intangible, in other words, how something feels right, and it's kind of hard to describe a qualia. That's the point of a qualia. It's the feeling you get from being with someone, the stuff that you can't quite explain to someone else. It's like psychedelics. For any of you who've done psychedelics or LSD or any of that sort of stuff, which I've done quite a bit of. It is basically impossible for me to explain what psychedelics feel like to someone who's never done them. I can rationally explain all of the logical things that happen. I can walk you through minute by minute what is happening in an LSD trip and you'll get a feeling of it, like you'll get sort of an idea of it. But then if you actually try it, if you actually try psychedelics every person that I've ever been with because I've done a lot of what is known as sitting, which is where you babysit someone who's on psychedelics to make sure they have a great time you look after them. Basically You're like a spiritual guide for them. Through the experience I have done sitting, I've sat for people like I don't know maybe 30 times in my life, I swear to God. Basically 100% of people two hours or one hour into the experience they go. This is nothing like what you told me it would be like and I tell them that beforehand when I'm explaining it to them over weeks. I usually make someone wait weeks and weeks and weeks. I prefer months, I'd prefer years even before they take an LSD experience with me. I make sure they really, really, really take their time and during that process I will tell them like a thousand times, no matter what I tell you, it's like I promise you, within the first like fucking hour or so, you're going to tell me this is nothing like what you told me it would be like. And they go yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, I understand, but then still, within an hour or two, they're like bro, this is not what you told me it would be. And I'm like yeah, I told you that. And they're like oh, my God, you did Holy shit, wow, and it's still different. So that's caught. That's an example of like qualia the feeling that you get from something that cannot be quantified, it cannot be explained, and cities, when we're talking about moving and apartments and roommates and friends and sex and intimacy and dating and all of that. It has so much qualia. Everything in life has qualia essentially, which is stuff that I can't explain to you and you're just going to have to try it to see for yourself, to see what it feels like, and so how the hell can you possibly find the perfect place when you haven't lived to that? You don't know what the qualia is like, you don't know how it feels to live there. The same thing with talking to a woman or being in a relationship or dating, you know you can't possibly understand the qualia and so like. It's why I in particular one thing you'll never really hear me ever really do is like give. I feel like this is more like a newbie thing that people do and maybe that sounds judgmental. It's not intended to be, but people who are new to working on their sex life or having a lot of sex or, you know, getting laid, will often rank the opposite sex and there's usually men that do it. So a lot of men will rank women with a number out of 10. So they'll be like oh, this chicks like a nine out of 10 in terms of attractiveness. Once you've had a lot of sex, once you're a little bit further along, you stop really doing that because you're like that doesn't explain any of the qualia of what it is like to be with this woman, to be intimate with her, to date her, to see her, to fuck her, to taste her, to feel her, to share my bed and my time and my soul with her. Like I can't get that across with a fucking number, like it's such a, it's such a. It's just like the tip of the iceberg. It's like shallow. And I don't mean shallow in a judgmental way, I mean it in the literal way. You're only getting the top surface, like 1%, of who that human being is. If you assign a number to her, you're saying her attractiveness is nine out of 10. And even that that doesn't fully explain the attractiveness. Like a big part of attraction is how a person makes us feel, rather than just what they look like. And so the qualia there. You're missing so much of the qualia by just saying she's a nine, she's a 10. It's why you won't hear me do that. I'll say you know, I might say this woman's unbelievably hot or she's so sexy, but you'll often hear me talk about how it feels to be around her, because that's the stuff I care about and even some things. Like you know, imogen doesn't come on this podcast very often, but she goes on my YouTube channel all the time. So, by the way, if you're not watching my YouTube channel, go check it out. Kill your Anelusa. We've just about hit by the time this video comes out. We've just hit six thousand subscribers on there, which is awesome. But she comes on the YouTube channel a lot and all you're really going to see is what she looks like what she sounds like, maybe some of the philosophies in her head, but you can't imagine the qualia of what it is like to be with her in a relationship. You can guess, you can make it up, you could be like, oh, I bet it's fun, I bet she's cool, but like it feels so much different and I will never be able to get that across to you ever. I can try, I can, I can use words, but it's clumsy language because it can't get across. The, the unspeakable. Unspeakable is a bad word, isn't it? The it's almost like unidentifiable, it's just a fucking feeling, it's almost subconscious, and so that is quality. So, yeah, you can't know the quality or the feeling Of a city or a place until you fucking go there. And then the second reason I say don't put pressure on yourself to find the perfect city. And, by the way, like, put effort in and do research and try and find a great city. Of course, of course, but like, to some extent understand that you might not be able to find the perfect city, or a better way of saying that is if you want to find an amazing city, you might have to go and like, try out a few different cities. Like that might. It might be a process. You know what I mean. It might be a little bit of a numbers game. You don't have to try like a hundred different cities all they can if you want to. My friend, cam, has traveled a hell of a lot and Probably is going to visit hundreds of thousands of cities in his lifetime, so you can do that. You know, I certainly sampled a hell of a lot of women when it comes to sex and dating and probably will continue to do so for many, many, many years to come. So you can play the numbers game but, like the point here is, don't put pressure on yourself to find the perfect place in. The second reason, the big reason is you're always evolving and changing as a person, particularly as someone who saw into self improvement. All of you listening a hardcore into self improvement or you wouldn't be listening to this. I don't shut the fuck up about self improvement. It's all I talk about most of my podcast and definitely on my youtube channel as well. Most of them go for like at least 30 minutes, some of them an hour, some of them like three hours long, and I put out content on my youtube channel every single day. I don't put out as much content here on, on this podcast, on Spotify or apple podcast wherever you're listening to this to there isn't as much content here. So if you've been desperately fuck man, I really want more andy content. Go to my youtube channel. I put out like daily videos and I put out some shorts every now and then. They're always like motivational and shit like that, but like it's the same content you're getting here, except you get to see my beautiful face. You get to see the image and more. It's more of me. I put way more. I love this podcast will be fucking clear, but I put way more effort into my youtube channel. I put like 80% of my effort into the youtube channel and like 20% into this podcast. So if you like this podcast, you'll probably like the youtube channel even better. Then you can listen to it. The same way you listen to this podcast, you just turn it off and just listen to it while you go for a walk, like turn the video off and just listen to it audio only. But anyway, the point is, if you're listening to all of this, your hardcore into self-improvement, you just start, and so a year from now, you're gonna literally be a different human being like you have different goals, different priorities, different wants, different preferences for living arrangements, and all of this applies to the job you take and think, other things like that, friends, like how you spend your time, like all of this stuff is probably going to change. Some of it won't like, some of it will be stuff that you have for the rest of your life and I can't predict what you'll change. I can't predict what I will change a year from now, but, like you're probably gonna have different goals and different priorities and all of that in a year or so from now, let alone 10 years from now. As someone who has been doing self-improvement for I mean a long time, let's have been like hardcore about like it's been everything I eat and live and breathe for the last, about like eight years, right, a little less than that. No, yeah, about about pretty much exactly eight years actually, and so that's been the focus of my life. I am like I swear to God I have there's a reason my username is kill you in a loser. I have just like a phoenix, like died and then be you being reborn from the ashes, like hundreds of times like I. The number of times where I have looked back three months ago and gone. I don't recognize myself from three months ago. Holy shit, that's scary and like. Sometimes I will catch up with people, or people will sometimes point out an old video of mine from only like six months ago and they're like but Andy, you just said this like Six months ago. Why you now saying something completely different, unlike, oh, my god, yeah, like I've just evolved so much in six months. Holy shit, it's like wild to see, let alone across eight years and select all of you listening. The same stuff will most likely happen with you. Might be slightly more than that, might be slightly less than that I can't predict that but like You're probably going to evolve and change as a human being so many times of the next like five or ten years, and so putting all of this pressure on yourself right now to know what you're going to want to be like, which city you want going to want to be in or which job you're going to want to have, like five or ten years from now, not only is that insane pressure, but it just Probably isn't realistic. It might be realistic for the average person even then. I don't think so. The average person changes and evolves so much over five or ten years. We're just constantly evolving, but you people who are into so much self improvement you're going to involve, you're going to evolve at a rate that's like ten thousand times more than most people already are, and so try and put a little bit less pressure on yourself of I have to know exactly which city I'm going to move to and as be perfect, and I'm not allowed to like move again like this one. It has to be this, it's like no, you can just move again. Like if you really don't like it, if you really don't like the job that you're in or the place that you move to, or the woman that you're having sex with or the guy that you're in a relationship with, you are allowed to just leave and move and try again Like you're not locked in. I mean hell. We even live, most of us, in countries where, if you settle down and make the ultimate commitment to someone and marry them, if you then, five years later, decide like or find out then not the person that I thought they were which, by the way, is why I generally recommend you don't rush into something like a marriage. You know, take some time to really get to know the person, ask a bunch of deep, deep questions. I've got so much content on that. On my YouTube channel I literally have an entire playlist dedicated towards building a very deep and open, an authentic and vulnerable relationship. But you can get five or ten years into a marriage and decide, fuck, I don't think I resonate with this human being anymore. I still love them, I still care about them, but I think I want to go in a different direction. And you can you can in any country, but I understand that lots of countries have a lot more consequences than the West does, for instance. So we live in a time and a place most of us well, we can just Nope out of that decision. And so I take some of this pressure of yourself to be perfect with these decisions, obviously put in your your research and do your due diligence and all of that and try and make a good decision. I'm saying just like Pick a dot, pick a, pick a board and throw a data at random and move to that place. You can do that. By the way, there's a YouTube channel that does very similar stuff to that. It's called yes theory and it's one of my favorite YouTube channels and they have done videos where they have like a map of the world and they close their eyes and throw a dot at it and they're like wherever that lands, the closest city or town to that, we have to go there. And they've had some amazing experiences doing that. They've gone to some places that they wouldn't you would never normally go to. They've gone to some wild places like Syria and Lebanon you know what on it was what on Lebanon? They've gone to like the least visited country in the world. They've gone to the most remote country in the world, like Island in the world, the place with the smallest population, like. They've gone to some wild places and had some wild experiences. So you definitely can do that. That's why I say give yourself permission to suck. Even if you made what looks like on paper to be a bad, quite bad decision, it's like you can still make the most of it, have a wild experience and if you really don't like it, you can just move and leave like nobody's trapping you there. You're probably not going to get fucking handcuffed to that apartment and someone comes along with a gun and says, hey, you have to live here for the next 20 years, motherfucker. And even if that did happen, which was why would that ever happen? You would still just make the most of it, and so there's usually not as much pressure, or we put the pressure on ourselves. But it's usually not like a do or die situation, it's just not. But we make it up to be, and fair enough, because moving can bring up a lot of fear. But I promise you, guys and girls, the worst that happens if you move to a place where you're really not happy Is you just move again. I hope this was helpful. As I said at the start of the podcast, there are two days left if you want to grab that coaching deal of mine and come along and change your life and have me and the other coaching clients change your life. Eighteen weeks is what you will get if you sign up and pay in full, and if you can't afford to pay in full, that's okay. We have payment plans and you'll obviously get the 12 weeks of regular coaching if you take that payment plan. Would love to have you on something interesting happen. Recently. I had a woman sign up and I've worked with women in the past. I've done like one on one coaching and stuff. But we had a woman sign up for the group coaching, which is really cool because she's technically the Depends, how you want to define it. She's the first woman to come by herself. But we've also had one woman in the past, but she was part of a couple. I coached a couple and so I don't know how you want to count that, but this is basically the first woman by herself to sign up for the group coaching program and I have like nothing but respect for her. Like holy shit. This woman is actually like an absolutely ask kicker and I want I want to talk about like her personally. I'll, you know, make sure she's comfortable before I do that, but just know that she's like an absolutely ass kicker. She's like Worth a lot of money. She has built so much in her life. She's like a mother of four kids. Like this woman is just like insane, like utterly insane. Like when she first applied, I was like you know, I try and be as non-needy as I possibly can and if someone doesn't want to sign up, beautiful, but like man, there was just a voice in my head that I was like oh my god, please sign up. Like you're amazing. I call each. I literally just want to talk to you because you're so fucking amazing. And she has slotted in so well into the coaching program which, again remember, is like mostly men and a lot of the men are there just to get laid I say just to get laid, to get laid and other goals too. I'd say about half of the people in the group are starting businesses or already have a business and we're helping them with that. I'd probably like 95% of the people join the coaching to work on self-love and mindset and all that. So there's other goals in there. But I can't deny the fact that it is a group of almost entirely men and so I have nothing but respect for her for that. And we had a big conversation in the group before we added her or before I said yes, where we just said you know, it's like make sure that everyone's you know on board with this and everyone understands and like yes, it's been a predominantly male only environment. You know, are there gonna be any changes that happen when a woman joins? But like no, because it's, it's about the culture, and the culture of the group is very much like everybody supports everyone else, everybody is like on the same team where all buddies gender really doesn't fucking matter, like I've been Impressed by how well everybody has opened her with welcome arms and said, like hey, we don't really give a shit what's between your legs. As long as you were hardcore into self-improvement, as long as you just like, shut the fuck up. No, shut the fuck up, but like, as long as you take action, as long as you voice to us any concerns that you're having or any thing that comes up or any Emotions, like you don't run from them. Like we embrace them, we talk about them as a group, we deal with them, we make you into a better person. As long as you have the mindset of like wanting the world to be a better place and wanting to be Kind to everybody else, like as best you can. You know we have to be perfect with those things, but as long as you fit the culture, you can come in, and I've just been like very, very happy, very. I feel a lot of love and gratitude for the guys in my coaching group and I do for all of you listening to Like I have so much love for this community. They really, really, really do, and it's been nice to just. There are days where I wake up and I'm like I can't believe I get to do this like I get to just like Help people with their goals. It's already a reward enough. You know what I mean, like watching people just achieve things, but I can't believe you all help me pay my bills on top of that. Like it's just such a beautiful position to be in. When I started this, like four or five years ago, I never thought I'd make a single dollar and I wanted so badly, like I desperately. Just I had this pipe dream that, like one day I'll be able to do this full-time and I won't have to work this job. And I was commuting for about five hours a day, the job that I was working. Like it would take me about two and a half hours to get to work and then two and a half hours to get home, and I was writing articles on the train and on the bus, which is very difficult because I didn't have a laptop back then. I only had my phone and the battery on my phone wasn't great, and so I was like typing articles on my crappy phone screen and just Trying so badly to help people. And I would have given anything. I used to think about it and talk about it with image and hundreds or thousands of times of like. I would give anything to be able to just like. Could you imagine if I could pay the bills from coaching people? Like what the fuck like? That Would just be insane. Think how much time and value and effort and love I could put into helping people if I didn't have to worry about this job, if I didn't have this five-hour commute, if I could just sit at home and I could afford a laptop. One of the first things I ever bought myself when I got a little bit of money Was a laptop so I could write even more articles. And then the next thing I bought was a microphone so I can. A camera so I could do videos and fuck man, I've just. It's taken me so much time and so many hours and there's been so much stress and and so much beauty out of it as well, but it's definitely. I've paid a Price to get to this point and it's a beautiful price. It's one I wanted to pay. So please don't take that as me saying it's a sacrifice, but it is definitely required something to be paid, and I'm so glad I've paid this and I'm so glad that I'm at this point where it's paying off and I get to have all these guys and you know now girls in the coaching program that lift each other up and Put a smile on my face every fucking day. I really wake up every day and I'm so grateful that I get to coach people, that I get to do this podcast, that I get to do my YouTube channel, that I get comments and emails from people saying, hey man, like you really changed my life, thank you. Like that never gets old and I get that so often now. It feels like multiple times that it is multiple times a day. Someone will leave a comment or an email saying like, and not just like hey, man, thanks, this is helpful. I get plenty of those too. But like, someone will literally take the time to write like fucking five paragraphs about all of the time, all of the action they've taken, how much like they've changed their life and how I had some part in that, and it's. It's so unbelievably overwhelming, in the most beautiful way, and I can't believe this is just the beginning. This is very much just the beginning. I you know full disclosure. I've mentioned this many times I still have a massive tax debt that I'm paying off. It's about a hundred thousand dollars and that still brings me a lot of stress. It's part of the reason why I'm pushing this coaching so much right now, why I'm having this 18 week deal while I'm doing content every single day. I'm doing four pieces of content every day across all my platforms. I'm pushing it like crazy so that I can Pay off this debt. That is keeping me up at night. If I'm honest, it really does keep me up at night. It stresses Imogen. Now. It's been a very big point of stress for both of us in our relationship. It's been difficult to deal with at times, but we've done our best and I think we're doing a pretty good job. But you know, even with that stress and that debt like I would take this Over any job that I ever worked like this is such a beautiful position to be in and, like I said, this really is the beginning. Like maybe a year from now, once the debt is paid off and I can just sit there and go like, holy shit, I don't need to do anything anymore, because right now, you know I'm telling myself a story that I do need. I need to hustle, I need to get more coaching clients, I need people to give me money, I need to pay this debt. I need to be able to sleep. I need Imogen to be able to sleep as well and not be stressed. Like you know, I need to be able to pay cam, because I pay cam to be a coach in my program. I'm definitely like telling myself a story of stress, but you know, a year from now, when it's paid off or a little bit further towards being paid off, goddamn it. Like you guys and girls have no idea how badly I wanted this and how much I never thought it's something like this would ever be possible. Like why the fuck would I ever think this would be possible? Like, even where I am right now yes, with all the stress around money. Like what the shit like? Why would I ever think this was possible? I started this website with like one article which was give yourself permission to suck. That was the first article I ever wrote. Because I had to write that article, because I was putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect and I will eventually had a breakdown and I was like I can't fucking do this. I can't start a website, I can't help people what the fuck like? All right, what if I just do a shitty website and I suck at it and you know it really sucks. What if I just give myself permission to suck? And that came into my head for some reason. I was like, give myself permission to suck, that sounds like a good tagline. I don't know where that came from the universe someone else, who the fuck it knows? But that was the first article I ever wrote and I gave myself that permission to suck. And I'm still doing it now, five years later, still giving myself that same permission to suck, and it's been the cheat code that's gotten me through everything and it's the under underlying, or the underpinning, of this podcast here today. Right, what did I say earlier? If you want to move but you're nervous about it, just give yourself permission to suck. You don't have to make the perfect decision, you can just move again. Like. It applies to everything. It applies to dating, sex relationships, money, your body, mental health, peace and love. Honesty. I say all the time just try and be a little bit more honest. You don't have to be perfect. Give yourself permission to suck. So I'm really glad that that idea was given to me or came into my head. I don't know who gave it to me, but thank you Whoever or whatever gave that to me. But I'm just grateful. I'm so unbelievably grateful, and so if you'd like to be a part of this journey, if you'd like more of my undying gratitude, you have no idea how grateful I would be if you signed up. But hey, even if you don't sign up, I'm still grateful for you. I really am. I really appreciate each and every one of you. I can't say that enough, and I'll probably be saying that for the next 50 years, and it probably still won't be enough. So, thank you everybody. I really fucking appreciate all of you. I

Moving's Impact on Prioritizing Goals
Benefits of Having Your Own Apartment
Consider Moving Through Coaching Program
Overcoming Overwhelm and Taking Action
Tips for Moving and Overcoming Pressure
Finding the Perfect City
Financial Freedom and Coaching Success Journey
Giving Yourself Permission to Suck