Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

Sex in Porn/Movies/TV, vs Real Life (Don't Be Smooth)

September 09, 2023 Andy
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
Sex in Porn/Movies/TV, vs Real Life (Don't Be Smooth)
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

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Speaker 1:

Hey, ladies and gentlemen, I am still running my coaching deal. Two days left. If you sign up and pay in full, you'll get 18 weeks of coaching. I'll talk a little bit more about that at the end of the podcast. So let's have a little chat about sex and sex in movies and TV shows, and not just sex. We'll also talk about, like, how men and women interact with each other in media, and a lot of the time people put pressure on themselves. Women do it too, but men we'll talk about men in particular here. Men, when they're talking to women, you know maybe you're approaching some girl that you see in a cafe shop or a bar or on the street or whatever it is, or on Tinder. We often put a lot of pressure on ourselves that we have to say the right things and, to be fair, to be clear, women do this too. People put a lot of pressure on themselves on dates and before a date, that they have to have something interesting to say or something funny and it has to be smooth. God damn, do people put pressure on themselves to be smooth and that this has to be? You know, you have to be charming and she has to be fascinated by you and if you're a woman, you put all these, all this pressure on yourself too. You have to be interesting, you can't say anything stupid, you have to be agreeable, you don't want to say anything to hurt his feelings, like all of that kind of stuff. You want him to think that you're pretty, that you're nice, that you're agreeable, that you're interesting, that you're somewhat cool, that you're not a complete boring train wreck. And we put all this pressure on ourselves to be like perfect. And I think, honestly, a big part of it comes from like movies and sex scenes and people talking to each other in movies and like dates and people starting a conversation. And that happens because if there was a movie or if every movie in every TV show was a lot more realistic, like compared to real life, it probably would ruin the immersion, right, like a big part of the reason that we watch movies and TV shows and all of that and read books and fantasy and all of that is because it's cool, it's like it's smooth, you know, and not always, but most of the time in most movies and TV shows when people hit on each other, it's pretty smooth. There might be some awkward moments, but those awkward moments are cute. They're not as awkward as they often are in real life. And there's nothing wrong with awkward In fact I love awkward and the more you can embrace the awkward reality that life sometimes has, the freer I think you are, because you're taking the approach of yourself to be smooth. But the point is TV shows and movies like to show us the and we like watching the smooth side of approaching and hitting on each other and dates and sex and intimacy and all of that. And it's not a bad thing. Like I said, it's part of the immersion and part of the fantasy. But it can sort of give us false impressions or we can often then beat ourselves up if we don't live up to what we see on the big screen or on the TV show or on Netflix or even YouTube. If we're not super smooth in real life compared to our favorite movie characters or our favorite TV show characters or our video game characters, we can sort of beat ourselves up and go damn it. Why am I not a smooth? As, like James Bond or you know, women love smooth, confident, alpha males. How come I can't be one? And obviously there's self improvement there as part of the answer. Like, the more you talk to the opposite sex or the more you embrace or work towards your goals, the smoother you do become, obviously, but a big part of it is just embracing the fact that like, yeah, this isn't the movies, this isn't TV. I'm a real life human being and I have nerves, I have anxiety, I might not have done this a million times and I might not be good at this thing, and that applies to sex and dating and relationships, obviously, but it applies to everything. This probably not going to be very much that you're going to be good at the first time you do it if you've never practiced it before. But you get the impression from TV and movies that these people are just smooth and perfect the first time they've done it. But if you actually stop and pause and think about how movies and TV shows and all of that are made, they're heavily scripted, they're choreographed, they're filmed with multiple takes and multiple different camera angles and the lighting is perfect. And you know, if you watch blooper reels or behind the scenes, you will see that the actors and actresses fuck up a lot. That just never makes it to the final product. And again, it would be weird if it did make it to the final product. We don't want it to make it to the final product, and neither do they, but it can. If you're not conscious of what's going on when you watch a movie or a TV show, it can give you a false impression that they're better than you or that it's not, that it's that you're not good enough. And again, to really understand, to really highlight this, these are perfectly heavily scripted, heavily choreographed, heavily rehearsed scenes where they might do it 20 times and it's awkward. And these people have been acting for most of them, their entire life, or certainly for a long time, and so of course, they're going to be smooth. But you don't have to be in real life. You only get one take in real life, and whereas a TV show actor or actress or a movie actor or actress might get 50 different chances and they get to redo the thing if it's bad until it's no longer bad, until it's good, you don't get that luxury. You don't get to save your game and then reload your save file 100 times on a date, saying the perfect thing. And so you're not even playing the same game as movies or TV or video games or anything else. It's not the same game, and so part of this is like, okay, I'm doing it live. And if you watch anyone who does live things, like people who do live streaming or Twitch streamers I watch a lot of Twitch streamers or YouTube streamers, people who do something live and they don't get a chance to redo it. If they fuck it up, they roll with the punches. They're okay with awkward moments. They have plenty of moments where something goes wrong. There's technical difficulties or the microphone stops working or you know they say something silly and then they correct themselves. Like if you watch anyone who's live, the energy is completely different and most of my content is done essentially live, like I'm not sitting here and rerecording anything that I'm doing. This isn't scripted. I don't really know what I'm going to talk about. I have a couple of dot points that I want to cover right now, but for the most part 90, I don't know 95% of my content is unscripted and not rehearsed and I don't edit it. If I do edit, it's really minus shit, like I might edit out the start, where maybe I don't really edit much at all. Some videos of mine are edited, but the vast majority of them are not. Some of my podcasts actually on this Spotify, on this podcast. Basically nothing's edited. On my YouTube channel I edit, like I said, one in maybe 20 videos and so for the most part, this is live and you can see this has a different feel to. I don't know some other youtuber that you might watch or some podcaster that you might listen to, and there's nothing wrong with editing versus not editing, but the vibe is different. You can see that I make mistakes, I correct myself, I stumble on my sentences from time to time and I just roll with the punches. I fully embrace the idea and, given myself permission to suck, I've embraced the fact that I will suck at some of these. Some of the sentences won't be perfectly eloquent, and I'm okay with that. Then I embrace that and you are all okay with that. Otherwise you probably wouldn't be listening, and so you can kind of approach dates the same. You can go okay, there's this perfectly scripted, amazingly choreographed and filmed version, which is what I see on TV and movies and that's beautiful, that's wonderful. I love watching that and I do too, me, and I love that shit. But what I'm doing is a live version and that isn't perfectly choreographed and scripted, and so then it's okay if there are stumbles or awkward silences or moments where I say something silly and she giggles and you know all of that's okay, because I'm doing a different version. I'm not doing that carefully Choreographed and filmed and scripted version. I'm doing the live version. And that is a big Part of the reason why I say you don't need to be in like an alpha male or, if you're a woman listening, you don't need to be like fucking perfect, didn't have to be. This perfect little princess always says the right thing and guys, you don't have to be this perfect, fucking charming James Bond who always knows the right thing to say. If you want to do that stuff, go for it. But I think most of you are here because you don't really like doing that. You tried it for a while and you just felt like it was inauthentic and it wasn't you. And again, if you want to do that stuff, go for it, go for it. It's not right or wrong. I just that isn't my brand, that isn't my philosophy, that isn't what works for me and my coaching clients and my friends and you know I assume most of you and so we're very big here on just doing it live. I guess you would say giving yourself permission to suck and being okay with some moments not being smooth, and there is strength in embracing that, there is strength in admitting that Insane to the other person. Look, I'm a human being. Yeah, sometimes I say something silly, like, whatever it is, what it is, I'm just a human like you. Like, there's strength in that, there's coolness in that. Ironically, there's smoothness in not being smooth and embracing it. The thing that is not smooth, you know, when guys and girls freak out, say I have to be smooth, oh my god, I'm so awkward. No, what's awkward? Is you feeling awkward? What's awkward is you admitting or saying, oh my god, I'm not awkward, but I should be. What's unsmooth is you saying, fuck, I'm not smooth, but I really should be. Fuck, oh my god, why am I not smooth? That's not smooth. What is smooth is saying, yeah, I'm not smooth, but whatever, like I'm a human. That's pretty fucking smooth. What is confident is saying, yeah, I'm not always confident, but whatever, like, I'm doing my best, I'm just a human being. That, ironically, is really fucking confident. And so you can kind of just fully embrace, like, look, I'm not James Bond. I never said that I was. I'm not perfect, I never said I was. But hey, I'm just here to have a good time. Do you want to have a good time with me? And people resonate with that because it's authentic. And again, there's nothing wrong with movies or trying to say the perfect line or any of that is nothing wrong with that stuff. But we here are just more. We've gone down the route of embracing the philosophy of just fucking do it live and if it's not great, it's not great. Who gives a shit? Because at the end of the day, if somebody doesn't like the way you are on a date, what doesn't like the way you are in bed or any of that, hey, that's okay. Like, if they really don't want to be with you, if they really think, like I was actually looking for someone really smooth and you're not that person Beautiful, I hope you go and find that person and I'm gonna go and find the person that doesn't need me to be smooth, and then we both get what we want. That's, that's great. But I just see so many people, I've seen so many people in my life that put all this pressure on themselves from movies and TV shows, like I said, to be as smooth as the characters are in the TV, in the movies, and it's like no, that's a different game they're playing. They are playing the carefully carefully choreographed in, scripted and rehearsed like Fully edited, very heavily edited final product. You are playing the game, because this is what real life is. You're playing the game of doing it live, which means you don't get to rehearse, you don't get to say to the person you're with hey wait, can you pretend I didn't just say that sentence? Let's go back a couple of seconds. Let me say this sentence instead. You can try doing that, but people are gonna be like what are you doing? Like it's really hard to follow this conversation if you're gonna keep Erasing the thing you just said and telling me to forget it and then trying to say it again. Like you're gonna say the same line ten times. Like that's weird. Imagine if I did that right now. You know, I can try and show you right now no, start again. I can try and show you right now no, start again, that wasn't good. I can try and show you right now no, that wasn't good. I can try and show you like right now, no, that wasn't good either. See how fucking annoying that is. That's really annoying, and so no human on the planet is ever gonna do that when they're live with someone. But you can do that when you're making a movie review, a youtuber or a content creator or whatever, or you're writing a book or something like what you're doing a presentation at work. Yeah, you can refilm it ten times and edit it, because the final product won't have all of those different rehearsals in it. Would just be the final, perfect, amazing, good product and that's beautiful. And again, I have nothing but love for TV and movies and all of that where they do heavily edit shit. I consume so much of that content. I love it. I love a beautifully crafted, well put together in a piece of art or a movie or book or I love that shit. It's beautiful, but it just isn't the reality for most of us. When we're doing it live, like you probably, like I said, not gonna say to the person that you're on a date with hey, can we please like, can I have unlimited retries? Can we shoot this multiple times as we're talking? Because they're probably gonna be like what the fuck? Like I'm not here to make a movie with you, I'm here to see what you're like live and to see what I'm like live real, basically streaming live in like world, twitch streamers in real life, and we're all just kind of doing the best that we fucking can. So your only mission, if you choose to accept it, your only mission is to just do the best live performance that you can, and if it's not great, that's fucking fantastic. If it's great, that's fucking fantastic to it is what it is. I say this all the time. You have unlimited retries, just not in the moment. You have unlimited retries across your life. So, in other words, if you go on a date and it's not fantastic and you don't do a good job, great, hey, you can try again. You can try again with that person later on on a second date. If they don't want to second date with you, that's okay. You can try with someone else. You get unlimited retries, you don't. You just don't get unlimited retries in the moment. And so, again, all of this applies to dating, this applies to business, this applies to whatever it is that you're putting pressure on yourself, and you know, I think it apply. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. See how, even as I do this live, I'm kind of figuring out what I want to do, and that's kind of beautiful. That's. That's part of what you guys are here for. Part of what you guys and girls are here for is like, hey, let's see what this guy comes up with live. And so let's, let's do this in this podcast. Let's kind of go through some. Maybe I'll think of some things that are that show up on screen. Let's do sex. Let's do sex and dating in movies, because I think it's nowhere more apparent than sex and dating. Right, because I think that's the place that people put the most pressure on themselves to be smooth and to always know what to say and to be a perfect performer in bed. You know, women gotta like Be really sexy in bed and you gotta moan the exact amount of times that are correct, but don't mind too much, or that might be a little bit too over the top, but don't mind too little, or it's not good enough. And you better look pretty in your fucking pussy, better be nicely, perfectly trimmed or shaved. And there's a lot of pressure that women put on themselves and I think a lot of it does come from movie and TV, and all my god to guys put pressure on themselves during sex to perform. You know, we gotta be the performer, we gotta be the one that makes her feel good, we gotta fucking know what we're doing. We gotta give her an orgasm. Like Both genders put so much sex on, so much pressure on themselves during sex. And again, a lot of it comes from movies. So let's kind of talk about some of the things that show up in movies that we then put pressure on ourselves in the bedroom like in real life. I think probably the biggest thing in movies Okay, okay, okay, the initiation in movies is always so smooth and perfect, right. So like, let's say, two people, even just the initiation of like you know guy, likes you know boy, likes girl in movie. And that's always movies like hey, what are you up to? And she's like not much and he's like damn, that's like it's always so fucking smooth and it really doesn't have to be in real life. Do you know how many conversations I have started with someone For friends or like women I meet sex, like everything. Just when I started a conversation with another human being and I talked to a lot of people by the way, this is I did a YouTube video about this right said talk to everybody, the world is your friend, and it's a philosophy that's really helped me in life. I just talked to everybody like if I'm just in an elevator, I'm gonna talk to whoever's in there with me. You know some guys walking his dog. I'm gonna be like yo bro, can I pet your dog? Your dog, so cute, like I, just I fucking I like people and I like to talk to everybody and it really does feel like when you do that, when you talk to everybody, it feels like the whole world is your friend. Like you walk outside and it's a playground and everybody loves you and you love everybody, makes you feel very connected. So that's why I do that. It's a big reason why I do that. But most of those conversations that I start and definitely if I'm hitting on someone to you know, with the idea of dating or sleeping with them, it's not smooth. Like I've done it enough times that I'm decent at it, so you will become more smooth, for sure, but it's nowhere near as smooth as in the movies, because being smooth requires two people to be smooth. So like, even if I'm smooth and that's kind of the thing here this is what sort of like pickup artists do, and I have nothing but love for pickup artists. They're men and I guess in some cases women as well, but mostly men who are out there trying to make their life better. I fucking love that. But a lot of pickup artists focus on, like I have to say the right line, I have to be smooth, I have to be confident, I have to do all this stuff and it's like, yeah, like that's great. Definitely improve those things, that's beautiful, but don't put all the pressure on yourself that you have to be good at those things or here's how you go. Don't put the pressure on yourself that the conversation or the interaction, the approach has to be smooth, because what do you do if you're like the most smooth motherfucker in the entire world? Let's say you're literally James Bond, like you're literally a god at talking to people and you walk up to a woman and she's nervous and she's shy which, by the way, the vast majority of women that I have ever hit on in my entire life are slightly nervous and slightly awkward, because guess what? They were walking around going about their day. Probably in their head they're thinking about what to have for dinner, or what should I do when I'm at work, or you know, I got to remember to feed my cat when I get home, and then a random stranger that they don't know, that they were not expecting to talk to, walks up to them and tells them that they're pretty or hot or sexy or cute or adorable or interesting or attractive, or you know, cool. They're not ready for that conversation. Why the fuck would they be? What the fuck? And so some women are able to just like roll with it and go like hell, yeah, you're cute too, thanks for hitting on me, like that happens sometimes, but that's like one in 20 times, like 19 out of 20 times. The other person is like on the back foot and they're like wait, what the fuck is happening right now? You told me I'm cute. Wait, wait, are you hitting on me? Fuck? You just asked me what my name is. Oh shit, my name's Sarah. What's your name? Fuck? Wait, is this really happening right now? Do I know this guy? No, I don't. He says he doesn't know me, like they're trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, and so, no matter how smooth you are, sometimes I will say maybe half the time the conversation isn't smooth, like it just isn't. She isn't able to catch up quickly enough, or she's awkward, or she's nervous, or she's shy, or she has a boyfriend or you know one of a billion other things, or she's having a grumpy day, or she's tired. She just woke up and she's not ready for this conversational. She was listening to music and she was in her own world. And now you're essentially asking her to have a conversation with you and she's happy to talk to you. She just she wasn't ready for it and so why would it ever be smooth under those conditions? And if it is smooth, that's beautiful and, yeah, you can try and be smoother over time. Like I said, that's a beautiful project to work on. If that's something you want to get good at, like getting good at being smooth, fucking go for it Beautiful. Just don't put pressure on yourself and don't have expectations of yourself or the people that you talk to that it's going to be smooth, because it just it just isn't and smoothness really doesn't matter. Like most of the people that I've slept with, it was not smooth, it was so awkward, but it doesn't matter because that's reality. Most conversations with a stranger, you don't know, they start off a bit awkward and then you become smoother and, yes, every now and then you have a magical conversation where it is smooth and you're both vibing and it's amazing and those are beautiful. Hang on to those. Those are beautiful memories. Just don't expect that that's going to be the case all the time, because it just isn't the majority of the time. Even if you're a god at talking to women, even if you have, you know, sick game, as the kids say, if your game is on point and if you don't know what game is, it just basically means like how well you're able to talk to the opposite sex. But even if you got as the kids say and I'm going to age myself here six months from now, if anyone listens to this in six months, riz, if you have fucking Riz I think that's what the fucking kids are saying these days Riz, I got fucking Riz. If you got drip I know drip is an old fucking reference Even if you have Riz, you got that drip. You got that fucking smooth James Bond character, you got game. It doesn't fucking matter half the time because the other person isn't smooth. And so in movies and TV shows, man, they're always fucking smooth. Hey, it just always goes well and she knows what to say and he knows what to say and they're able to talk as if they've known each other their entire lives and it's like, yeah, they're able to do that because they rehearsed at hundreds of times and those two actors are not meeting for the first time. I know the characters in the TV show or the movie or the game or whatever. It appears like they're meeting for the first time, that actor and that actress. They know each other. They have been working on this film for a long fucking time, probably months by the time they filled that film, that scene. They know each other and they've been acting for probably years and so all of that context goes into this one scene where they're pretending that they've just met. But you can't fully fake that. I mean, maybe some amazing actors can, but even then the script doesn't want you to fake that. The script wants it to be relatively smooth because that's good to watch, it's interesting and entertaining, and movies and TV shows are entertainment. They're not education. They're not aiming for realistic. If they were aiming for realistic, the characters would need to go and take a shit or a piss half the time. The characters would be like I'm hungry, can we stop for food? Like they would. You know the shit we do in real life. They'd be like man, I'm really tired right now. You know they'd be complaining about shit. They'd do the stuff that real humans do. But that isn't what movies and TV are for. They're entertainment, they're us stepping out of reality and stepping into fantasy. That's the point. You're supposed to suspend your disbelief, and it's useful to realize that that process is going on and you are participating in that, that suspension of disbelief and that fantasy, almost like I guess you'd just call it fantasizing, wouldn't you? Fantasy fantasizing? And so the interaction at the start is not supposed to be smooth in real life. It can be if you want it to be, if you magically make it like, if it randomly happens, but that's rare, and so the initial interaction in movies and TV shows looks smooth, but it often isn't in real life. Another thing that smooth is the actual like moment where they start having sex. You know how many scenes have you watched where you know they get into the apartment or whatever and they just grab each other and they're just all over each other making out and it's so fucking passionate. And yes, that happens, but you almost always need to be the one to do that, and so I have had plenty of those moments, but I have never had the other person just grab me and kiss me as soon as we walk into the apartment. I think the number of times that's happened is being like five. Listen, they'd be like two times ever in my life. And yes, I'm the man, so you would be expecting it not to happen very often. Generally speaking, women don't initiate on men, generally speaking, particularly not the type of women that I tend to date, which are a little bit more submissive, a little bit more feminine, a little bit younger, and so that's another thing that movies and TVs do for some reason, and I guess just because it's sexy In movies and TV shows, particularly of the modern era, because this didn't happen as much back in the old movies I'm someone that's watched a lot of old like black and white films, like I love that period, and back in the day in old movies the men, generally speaking, would initiate a kiss, but for some reason over the last, like I don't know, like 20 years or so, most of Hollywood, like the woman initiates the kiss, which is so just not reality, it's just not. But for some reason, I guess because it's sexy. Like it. It is sexy and again, I've had a couple of women initiate with me very rarely, but it's very fucking hot when it happens, and I've trained a few women to, or encourage them to, be more dominant or to take the lead. I've trained Imogen. I have a video on my YouTube channel on how to train a woman to be like a femdom. Like which is female domination? Like she takes the lead. How to train a woman to be like a mistress and it's very sexy. That's why I train lots of girls to do it and I encourage them and teach them and show them and you know it takes a bit of a process, but that happens in movies, just by default. Even the most feminine, sweet women will, just when it comes time for us to kiss, the woman, initiates. That really isn't real life. But I think you can get this false expectation. I've just seen enough guys that go like I waited for the woman to make a move and it never happens. Like why didn't she? How come I didn't have sex? And I went on all these dates and we just didn't have sex and it's like bro, she's thinking the same thing. She's like we went on all these dates and maybe he doesn't like me. He never made a move on me, and so you know, if you're a man listening to this, I would just say your actionable advice is, rather than sitting there and like hoping that you guys will start kissing on a date or that you guys will start having sex, like yeah, that might happen, she might initiate, but we're not here to sort of like hope that things happen. Generally speaking, my content and this community, we like to take action, we like to make things happen. So you know, if you want something, make it happen. Like, don't sit there hoping the other person will give it to you and any women listening, by the way, if you want something to happen, you can make it happen. You don't have to kiss the, grab the guy and make out with him. But you know, you can literally say like, do you want to kiss me? Well, hey, I really like you. I would kind of like it if we kissed. Well, can you please kiss me? You can do something to initiate. You know what I mean. But the point is, if you're a man listening, initiate, and that's something that you just don't really see in movies. And I think another thing that happens in movies is when they actually get into the bedroom and they have sex. Oh my God, it feels like they have sex for like 10 seconds and then the actor and the actress and it's usually just the actress, because I guess women look sexier, you know, than men do, generally speaking, at least in the bedroom. Or women look more erotic. Maybe that's a better way. Men and women like looking at women in the throes of pleasure. I think women just have a more I don't know erotic look to them. Guys can be erotic too, but it's almost like we're a little bit more clumsy by default, so we have to learn how to do it. But women just most of them seem to be pretty good at looking erotic. Anyway, in movies, I swear to God, they fuck for like 10 seconds and then she has a huge, massive body shaking, you know, her back is arching orgasm, and it's like he just brought her to orgasm by, like what, sticking his dick in her for 10 seconds. And so, oh, and here's the other thing like how many times in movies did the couple like have like simultaneous orgasm, right, like they'll fuck for like one or two minutes or usually like 20 seconds, and then like they both come at the same time. That shit's really hard to pull off. It's not impossible to pull off, but you have to put some effort into it. You know the number of sexual partners that I've had, which at this point I've lost count, it's a lot, it's a lot, and the number of times I've had a simultaneous orgasm with someone, it's really not that many, and it usually depends on the partner. There are certain partners, certain women that I've been with that are just very sensitive, and so it's very easy for them to orgasm, and they can come from penetration, or from me rubbing them a little bit during penetration, or maybe using a vibrator during penetration, and so for them, yeah, it's easy to have a simultaneous orgasm. But no, the majority of women don't come super easily Like, and certainly not from penetration only, and so I think there's that's something else that movies and TV shows get across is like you just have to stick your penis in a woman for one minute and she'll orgasm. And I think that puts pressure on not only guys, because we're like fuck, am I doing something wrong? She didn't have an orgasm? And it's like bro, her orgasm has way more to do with herself than you Like. For women especially and I've done content on this their orgasm very much requires them to let go and not be too in their own head, and every woman will tell you this is like, yeah, there's like a process for me having an orgasm I won't say every woman, because, like I said, some women can just orgasm and every other woman listening is jealous of those women and it's like what the hell? You can just orgasm within one minute. What the fuck? Like how? I don't know, I just orgasm really easily. It's like what, how, how? I want to do that. But most women or at least a big percentage of women if they take, if you take a little bit of time to orgasm, understand that that is completely normal. There's nothing wrong with your body. And same thing to the man. If you have performance anxiety or I've had plenty of clients that struggle to orgasm, you struggle to come, like men. You struggle to come because you're too in your own head. You know that's a really common thing for lots of people in the real world, but in movies they're not going to show you that because that's not sexy. Well, a guy has performance anxiety and he's like hey, you know, sometimes this happens. You know, I'm really attracted to you, I'm just a bit nervous. And she's like that's okay, like do you want to do other things? That's not going to happen in a fucking movie. It's not. It's going to be like perfect initiation, wild sex, music playing, candles lit in the apartment. We go into the bedroom, we're making out like crazy and we both orgasm 20 seconds later. Wow, that was so sexy, but that's just like. Not often real life. It can be sometimes, but it's often not. It's just really not. And so if you do take a little bit more time to orgasm, or if you both don't orgasm together, or if you require a vibrator to orgasm, or, you know, if you're a guy and you struggle to get it up at the start, maybe it takes you 20 minutes to get it up, or you can't get it up at all, like the first couple of times you're with someone, that's okay, like that's normal shit. That happens. That isn't going to get shown in a movie, because, again, a movie is to put you in a fantasy place for entertainment. But that isn't necessarily real life. I think maybe something else that happens is you know, there's a complete lack of like in movies. I don't know how you phrase this like. I don't want to say like, like. I guess you'd say like talking about what's happening. Okay, there you go. So in movies, and especially porn as well and all of this applies to porn as well. But in movies, tv shows and porn they never talk Like they're not just in the middle of sex and going like how does that feel? Yeah, that feels really good. Do you want it harder? Yes, please Like oh, do you like it when I do that? Like there's none of that shit in movies. I know porn has a little bit of dirty talk, but they don't talk like normal, like you do in during sex. It's not like you know. Oh, that hurts a little bit. Can we try this? Yeah, how's that feel? Like there's none of that like feedback or communication or making sure you're both having fun in a movie and a TV show and definitely in porn. It's just assumed that everything each other does is always fun and perfect and both of them are having fun like the entire time. But that again, just isn't sex and it's not that you don't have fun in sex, but like part of it might require. Hey, would you like to try this? Actually, is it okay if we don't try that? I don't really like that. Yeah, cool, sure, let's try this instead. Okay, yeah, that sounds fun, like you can't just mind read the other person. But movies and TV shows and definitely porn have this weird idea that you can just mind read the other person and that you'll both be on the same wavelength and it's like no, you don't know what the other person's fantasies are. And there's that as well in movies and TV shows and porn. It's like they could just mind read and they know the other person's fantasies and it's like bro, how the fuck could you know her fantasies or any women listening? How could you know that your man's fantasies and know what would please him and know how to be, you know, a good girl for him or any other things that you might want? How could you know those things without asking him Like, yo, what are you into? You have to have that conversation. You can guess, but then half the time you'll try something and the other person will go yeah, that's okay, but like it's not blowing my mind, it's kind of fun, but it doesn't make me crazy. It doesn't drive me crazy. But in movies and porn, everything each character does drives the other one completely fucking crazy. It's like they're just on the same wavelength and again, sometimes that will happen. I've had partners like that. Imogen is one of those partners and was from the very start, but the majority of people that I've been with. No, they're not like that. The majority of people that Imogen and I sleep with and date together, the majority of girls like they have to tell us what they're into and one of the first questions I ask is like what's on your bucket list? We usually ask that question on the first date, before we've even had sex or made out or anything. We'll say, like what are some things that you're excited to try, what are some bids, sam, or some King, or just some fun sex things that you've always wanted to try? Like what's on your list? And then they'll say to us here's what I'm into, what are you into? And we'll just have a little conversation and see what we like. We can't fucking mind read, but yet in movies they just magically can. Similar to that. Like I guess in the same thread, in movies there's never going to be any awkwardness or any. You know moments of like is it okay if we don't try that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. Like there's never any hesitation, there's never any boundaries. I guess you could say there's never any consent and not that I think you need to sit there and just like constantly be talking about consent. But but like do you get what I mean? There's never any moments where someone's like well, actually, is it okay if we don't try that? Or hey, listen when we try doggy style, like it kind of hurts my knees. Do you think we could try this position instead? Yeah, easy, easy, easy. Like there's never any of that fucking discussion, because it doesn't need to be in a movie, because it would be weird, it would like pull you out of the fantasy. You wouldn't be able to suspend your disbelief. You'd be like God damn it. I came here for a smooth movie that's easy to watch and easy to digest. Why are you guys stopping for like 10 minutes to talk about what's on your bucket list and shit, like, just, can you just get to the sex please? And so there isn't any discussion on compatibility or bucket list. There's no awkwardness, there's no moments of like hey, can we try this instead? Or there's no moments of like what are you into? Because it doesn't need to be and there's often, like I said, so much romanticism and you could almost say like dramatization. It's very like dramatic and passionate and romantic. The sex in movies, cause there's like a soundtrack. You know what I mean. There's another thing you don't have a soundtrack in real life. You can't montage in real life, you know, in a movie. It's like they're on a date and they're having a great date and there's music playing, and then they get to be like do you want to come back to mine? I'd love that. And then they get to just like cut to the moment where they're like in the apartment making out, and so it looks really romantic. It looks like it just flows from one scene to another. But in real life what would happen? You'd be like do you want to come back to my place? I'd love that. And then you're like okay, let me just go pay the bill. You walk up at the bar. At the bar, you're like waiting there for like a minute to be served. You're like, you're kind of fucking around on your phone. She's there sitting at the table. You look over her a couple of times. She's like on her phone like killing time. You finally pay the bartender. How was your drink? Yeah, it was good. Thanks, man, I appreciate that. Anyway, here's your payment. Here's your bill. Okay, you pay that. Thank you so much. Do you want a receipt? No, it's okay, thank you. You walk over to your table. She's kind of like not looking up at you for a second or so while she's on her phone. And you're like, hey, you ready to go? And she looks up at you and notices you and goes, oh, hey, okay, yeah, yeah, I'm ready. I'm sorry, I was just messaging my friend telling her that I'm going to be at your place. Yeah, no, that's fine, take your time. You know she messages a friend for a cup for a minute. You're standing there just waiting, twiddling your thumbs. Maybe you look at your phone a bit awkwardly. You know you go back to your car. Fuck, where's my car? Where did I park? Again, I don't know. Like, what kind of car is it? Do you get what? I mean? It's like there might be like 20 fucking minutes of that shit, of like the small minutia that you have to do in order to get back to your apartment. And then finally you're like hey, which one's your apartment? Oh, it's on the third floor. Okay, cool, like yeah, and you're just waiting in the elevator. Somebody else is in the elevator with you and they're like hey, how's your night going, guys? You're like, yeah, pretty good, thank you. You're like you're just like slowly taking the elevator. There's no music, there's no beautiful romantic transition. So there's like a hundred, I wouldn't say like awkward moments, but there's a hundred like little moments between you saying do you want to come back to my apartment? And then the moment where you're actually in your apartment making out and having sex, there's so much like filler, like shit in between. That's not sexy. That's why we cut it out of a movie and yet we go. How come this sex didn't feel, you know, sexy, it didn't feel like it just flowed. Why was it not smooth, like in the movies? Because they got to cut out the fucking boring bits. And those moments aren't boring. I love those little moments and you can all fall in love with those little moments too, but they're certainly not dramatic, they're certainly not glamorous. And so they just cut them out in a movie because you wouldn't want to watch that. You'd be like what the fuck is this? Why am I watching this shit? This feels like real life. I came here to not watch real life. I came here to escape real life. Why are you showing me real life? Just show me the sex, show me the highlight reel, show me the good stuff. And so that isn't real life. And so, again, if we really focus on all of these things we see in movies and porn and TV and all of that. It can give you these misconceptions and unrealistic expectations of what real life sex or dating or anything really. It's not just sex and dating, but it gives you an unrealistic expectation of these things that happen in real life. Right, you're like my conversations have to be smooth and if they're not, I'm bad. The sex has to be flowing and it has to go from me approaching her to just in my bed and it's like a whirlwind of romance and sex and lust and passion. And it's like it might not be like that and you can often feel like inadequate, you can feel insecure, you can be like I'm not confident enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not smooth enough, my dick isn't hard enough, or you're free or woman, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not smooth enough, I'm not feminine enough, I'm not good enough. And it can bleed over into relationships too. People do the same thing with relationships, not just sex. You know they're like I have to be super smooth all the time and greater conversation and I can never have an argument with my partner and we can never just have a disagreement and we have to always be super happy and super loving. And if anything ever feels like it's not that, then there's something wrong and we're losers and we should probably break up. And so people put all this fucking pressure on themselves to be this like smooth, perfect, amazing, fucking confident. You know James Bond or the women in James Bond movies, because in James Bond movies the women are perfect too, like both genders cop this sort of stuff, you know what I mean Like where we both have to be absolutely fucking perfect. And again, that's beautiful, that's in a movie. That's you suspending your disbelief and saying, hey, like let's watch this perfect scene play out. And that's why we watch it, because it's perfect and it's fun and it's interesting, it's entertaining. But there isn't perfect in real life. We're all doing it live. We're just trying to do the best that we fucking possibly can live. And so if it's not smooth or if there are awkward moments or if you can't read the other person's mind and you have to ask them hey, what are you thinking right now? And that's kind of an awkward conversation. It's like welcome to real life, motherfucker. That's why I say give yourself permission to suck, don't be smooth, just be honest. And if you can't be fully honest, that's okay. You don't even have to be perfectly honest. Just slowly increase your honesty and your vulnerability and your authenticity over time. You know we're doing it live and all we're ever doing is doing the best that we can in that moment. We don't get infinite retries, we don't get to start over, we don't get to fucking say that wasn't perfect, let me try again. It's like no, we only have one take and that was it. So go out there, be a little bit less smooth, embrace the fact that you might suck and realize that you're playing a different game to movies and TV and porn. You know they're coming up with a highly edited, perfectly choreographed, scripted, well acted piece of art, essentially, or piece of entertainment, and you're just doing it live and yours is always going to be a little bit more messy and that's what makes it real. You know there's beauty in it being messy. If we can just stop saying it has to be perfect, it really doesn't All right. Like I said, there's two days left on my coaching deal. If you would like to sign up and pay in full, you'll get 18 weeks instead of the usual 12. You can still sign up and take a payment plan. You'll just get the usual 12 weeks instead of 18. And let me read out something from one of my clients, my old clients. What I've been doing is so part of the coaching is you get access to like we have a discord group, like a private discord group, so everybody who's in the coaching program gets to stay in there and network with each other and they have like accountability logs. It's basically like a coaching program forever, like for the rest of your life. After the coaching with me is over and I went in there and I messaged you know a few people. I'm going to go through and message everyone. So if you're one of my old clients and I haven't messaged you yet, I will be messaging you at some point. And I basically asked everybody like a question. I was like you know how long ago, like when did you finish up your coaching? What have you been up to in the years since then? Like how did the coaching help you or change your life? What have been your big achievements since ending the coaching? Because I thought that last question would be really cool. It's basically like a catch up with my old clients to see that what they've been up to a year or two later after I finished working with them Because I'm fascinated. I'm sure a lot of you are fascinated, because obviously on my YouTube I have the big glass and amorous like interviews with people where it's like this guy had sex with like 10 women and had a threesome during his coaching and it's like, yeah, but what happens afterwards? Like does he do something interesting? Does he fall off a cliff and just like stop improving, was it? Like you know, he made tons of progress during the coaching, but like that was it. Does he go on to do even more cool shit afterwards? And I'm very happy to say and I expected this but I'm very happy to say the vast majority of people that I've messaged basically everyone I've messaged so far and I haven't done everyone yet I've messaged has just done like more shit in the time since they're coaching than during the coaching, obviously because they've had more time. But yeah, it's been really fucking nice to see. It's what I wanted. I've said this a million times. A big mission of my coaching and really my content too so even this podcast you're listening to a big mission of mine is to make it so that you don't need me and like you never really needed me in the first place. But I want to make sure that you really feel like I don't need Andy, like he's given me some of the tools or the mindsets or the philosophies to navigate the world and giving myself permission to suck and everything's okay and everything's going to be okay and take action and every problem has a solution and just take baby steps every day. Progress, not perfection. All of the mindsets and the philosophies that I talk about are basically me giving you a tool that you can then navigate the world with and chase your own goals, chase your own dreams, like you don't really need me. I'm basically here to teach you how to fly, so then you can leave the nest and go off and have the world's most amazing life. My mission is to make it so that nobody needs me. My mission with my coaching is to make it so you don't need me. So it's been really nice to see that with the coaching, the guys that go through coaching at the end of it they're like my life is fucking amazing in the year or two since I last talked to you, like I've done all this shit. It's nice that shit goes, it's it's what I wanted. Anyway, one of the guys that I reached out to. He wrote some really cool shit. I thought I just read it out. Read it out pretty much verbatim. So he says hey, andy, during my time coaching with you, I was able to land four days with girls that I'd never met or talk to Through cold approach and just playing the numbers game. Since I finished the coaching program, I graduated from my college and I'm currently looking for my own job away from my parents. But the accomplishment that I'm the proudest of since I finished the coaching program is restarting my YouTube channel and having one of my videos gain over 40,000 views and me having now almost 500 subscribers. How fucking amazing is that? By the way, that's insane. 40,000 views good fucking job. My best video on my channel has like 200 and something thousand views. That's like insane. That's amazing. He says I don't message in the discord server as much as I want to, mainly because I'm busy. Yeah, great, I'd. I'd rather people like not watch my content or not use my coaching or whatever, because they're busy taking action. It's like good, great, congratulations, amazing. So I don't message in there as much as I want to, mainly because I'm busy and just forget it to a lot of the time. But I do check up on it every single, every other week. Seeing everyone's progress and updates is really inspiring and it helps me Keep refreshed and motivated for my own goals. It's also just really nice to have a place just dedicated to self improvement and know that these guys take it as seriously as much as you do. Yeah, it's like a big part of the benefit of like the coaching program, where this big discussion today in the coaching program when people were like you know, the biggest benefit that I've got from coaching is not like anything you coached me on, andy, obviously like that's all great too, but it's like that I have access to all these other people like a community, a tribe, and yeah, I myself like me, andy, in my own life I have several coaching programs that I'm in and like telegram groups that I'm in of other people that are working on the same goals as me. Like just being surrounded by people that are doing the same shit as you or similar goals to you like really, really, really helps. So this guy goes on to say Richard Wiseman, who's a professor at the University of Hertford Shire Think that's in the UK once did a study about lucky and unlucky people and found that people who are lucky are those who maximize opportunities given to them. They're more open to new experiences, more extroverted, less neurotic. Yeah, it's kind of like that thing like luck is. You know, take the luck and then run with it, like people who are lucky usually just took advantage of more opportunities. So he goes on to say, just letting you know that the secret to good luck is simply trying out new shit and seeing if you like it. If you have the money and a willing to have an open mind, than Andy's coaching program will literally make you into a more fortunate and lucky person. In other words, just fucking do it. I hope this helps. Andy, I still keep up with your content and channel is still one of my favorites on YouTube. I love that. Like I said, I really like seeing what people are up to. It warms the cockles of my heart to see that these guys and girls are still out there like crushing it and working on things and forging their own past. I really fucking love that. So If you would like to be a part of this, you want to be part of the community, want me to push you. You want maybe me to A year or two after you leave the coaching program. You know, imagine if it was me reading out your you know answers to these questions a year or two later and you're like hey, andy, it's been a year or two since I did coaching and I've changed all of this and this and this. We would love to have you in the coaching program. Like I said, there's two days left on that coaching deal, so you got 18 weeks if you pay in full in some way. So you got 18 weeks if you pay in full instead of 12. I'll leave a link in the description below to that, to fucking days left. We would love to have you in there. As always, ladies and gentlemen, go out there and crush those goals and remember that you're doing it live. You don't have to be perfect. You're doing it live. Just do the best you can and if the best isn't great, that's okay. You can just try again with the next person.

Navigating Social Expectations in Dating
Real Life Relationships
Smooth Conversations and Expectations
Navigating Expectations in Sex and Relationships
Realistic Expectations of Sex in Media
Unrealistic Expectations of Sex and Relationships
Invitation to Join Coaching Program