Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

The Reason Women Aren't Opening Up to You (YOU Need to Go First)

September 14, 2023 Andy
The Reason Women Aren't Opening Up to You (YOU Need to Go First)
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
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Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
The Reason Women Aren't Opening Up to You (YOU Need to Go First)
Sep 14, 2023
Andy

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Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

▬ Start Here! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
😊 Here's EVERYTHING I learned going from depressed & suicidal to living a life of abundance & joy. It's all yours for only $1: https://playtowinmindset.com

▬ COACHING ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🏆 OUR COACHING PROGRAM (book a FREE call with Andy to discuss if you're a good fit for the program) - https://kyil-extra.com/coaching

🤵 1-on-1 coaching call with Andy ($200 - limited to 1 per person): https://kyil-extra.com/calls

▬ YouTube ▬▬▬▬▬
▶️ My YouTube (with additional content not released on here): https://youtube.com/c/killyourinnerloser

Speaker 1:

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and people that want other people or would like other people to open up to them. And here I went from depressed and suicidal to living a life of abundance and joy. If I can do it, you sure as hell can too. Let's talk a little bit about the reason why women aren't opening up to you, and if you're a woman listening, same basic thing applies. This can be the reason why men aren't opening up to you, or your friends aren't opening up to you. And it all comes down to a really nice philosophy that has helped me in life that I've heard many, many, many people say. Probably the most recent person I've said I've heard say it is Byron Katie.

Speaker 1:

And if you want something in life, like if you want other people to open up to you, or you want people to be more honest with you, or you want people to trust you more, or you just want to have deeper connections with people, or you want the sex to be kinkier, you want the sex to be more open minded and fun and wild and carefree, if you want something in life, you go first. What I mean by that, or what people who say this mean, is if you want other people to be honest with you. That might require you to be a little bit honest first. Trust is a big one as well. If you want people to trust you, you have to give them a little bit of trust first. A lot of people walk around withholding their trust, as in they don't trust people very easily and that's okay, you know, like that's fine. But they withhold that trust and they don't trust other people. But then they wonder why other people don't trust them. And it's a basic universal human condition that if somebody isn't trusting you, if somebody is withholding trust from you, if somebody is sort of assuming or treating you like you are maybe not worth trusting yet, why would you trust them? Trust sort of goes both ways, and the easiest way if you would like someone to trust you is to trust them, to offer a little bit of vulnerability, to offer or to assume that they are a good person and that they are probably not trying to screw you over, to literally see the good in other people. And if you can go first with opening up or honesty or sex or any of these things, what you'll find is most times people reciprocate. So the same thing with something like sex. This is why we talk a lot on this podcast and on my YouTube channel and on my blog and everywhere else.

Speaker 1:

We talk a lot about honesty, or you might phrase it as screening, which basically means you say what you want and you screen out the people that don't want that and you screen in the people that do want that. You filter out those who don't want it, you filter in the ones that do. This applies to everything. It applies to friendships, it applies to finding. You know, if you're a man this is something that's come up in my coaching group recently If you're a man, you might be looking for a male community of you know, like you want to build a little male tribe.

Speaker 1:

Part of that might mean that you need to go first. And so if you're sitting there saying how come I can't find a male tribe which one of the guys in our coaching group said that he said I'd really like to find a male tribe, and so we said, okay, well, you can find one, or what if you build one? What if you go first? The thing that you're looking for, which is a tribe of like-minded men to push each other with their goals, what if you start that? And so, especially with sex. You might be sitting there saying, man, how come I just you know if you're a man how come I can't get laid? Are you trying? Are you going first, like, are you walking up to women and essentially saying, and you can be this blunt if you want to, but you don't have to be but are you essentially saying, hi, do you want to hook up? And there's more maybe socially acceptable ways of saying that and so you can walk up and say hey, you're very hot, hey, you're sexy, hey, you're attractive, hey, you're cute. Whatever it is that you want to say, talk for a little bit, get her phone number. Yeah, I want to take you out, let's have some fun. You know, whatever it is that you want to say, say whatever you would like to say. I'm pretty honest and pretty upfront, especially on Tinder. I literally say I'm looking for BDSM, I'm looking for sex and threesomes with my girlfriend and I would you like to participate. But say whatever you would like. But if you go first and literally say I'm looking for something sexual, or put those vibes out into the universe that you are a sexual guy, then some of that will come back to you because you went first and again.

Speaker 1:

I see so many guys that want a sex life or want to have more sex, or want to explore with more people and have more fun, but they're not putting the vibes out into the world that they're a sexual person. They're not doing anything to make themselves a sexual person. They haven't worked on their appearance to make themselves sexier. They haven't worn you know some nice accessories like a necklace or a pendant, some rings, a watch, some nice threads, nice shirt, nice pants, nice shoes, getting a haircut, trimming their beard. They're not doing any of those things to increase their sex appeal, to basically put it out into the world. Hey, I'm a sexual person or I'm interested in being a sexual person, and so it applies to sex, it applies to dating, it applies to honesty, it applies to all of this stuff.

Speaker 1:

Vulnerability, people opening up to you that's another big one. People often get into a relationship or something and maybe you start out nice and casual but you're sort of feeling like man, like I don't really know this person. Well, what have you done to open up to them first? Have you volunteered? You know deep information? Have you said, hey, what are your biggest dreams and hopes? Like, what do you want from life? What do you think is the meaning of life? What is your biggest fear? What are you currently working on? What's something you've never told anybody else? Here's a couple of things that I've never told anyone else. Here's what I'm working on, here's what I'm scared of.

Speaker 1:

And if you go first and say those things, what you often find, like I said, is the other person will reciprocate. But if you sit there and say, how come this relationship just isn't that deep? Or you know how many women say I don't know much about this guy, maybe he's just a fuckboy and he doesn't open up to me, it's like have you opened up to him first? And if you have and he doesn't reciprocate, okay, good, perfect, you figured out that maybe that's not someone to go deep with. You can either keep hanging out with them and having sex or you can move on and find someone else beautiful. But how often do we sit there and say this person isn't opening up to me and yet you haven't opened up to them? You're almost expecting that they will be the first person to make the move. It's like, if you want something, why don't you go first? And so with some of these conversations, you can have them on the first date. You can have them, you know, in bed after sex, when you're basking, basking in the afterglow. It doesn't really matter. But whatever it is that you might want, if you just go first and volunteer that first, you'll find that people most of the time reciprocate.

Speaker 1:

I've had such deep, incredible, amazing Conversations with people on dates after sex just friends, random people that I meet, and and so often, you know, they'll say man, I've never talked to anyone about this stuff. I've certainly never talked about this stuff on a date. Yeah, just because I initiated that conversation, you know we sit down after 10 minutes I say fuck it, let's talk about the good stuff. Tell me, tell me your meaning of life, you know. And if they struggle with that question, which some people do, I say right, well, here's my meaning of life, here's what I think I'm currently working on, here's what's important to me. What about you? And I just kind of go from there. I'll say like yo, do you think there's a God? Do you think this is a simulation? Do you think Elon Musk rules the world? Do you think there's an Illuminati, like, do you think they were plugged into the matrix right now? Do you think that this is all like a fucking screensaver on somebody's computer. Everything that we've ever known, all of human history. It's just a random screensaver on some aliens computer. Like just having these silly fun but sort of deeper conversations Means that you can skip to the juicy stuff, the deep stuff, if that's what you care about.

Speaker 1:

There's a really really, really good app that I use for this. It's called big talk. Big talk and you can just find that on. Pretty sure it's on Apple phones, iphone, but it's also on Android and everywhere else. But big talk, and you go in there and it's got like these Questions, these like deep fucking questions that you can ask each other, and you can just pull this app out and I've done this so many times on dates. I just pull the app out and I'm like yo, we're gonna ask each other some deep questions and I'll just like ask these random questions that the app gives you and the questions that most people don't ask on a first day or even like a tenth day, the questions that some people don't really ever ask themselves or ask each other, and you get to skip to that juicy stuff again, if that's what you want. So I've got the app open here. I'll just flick through some random questions.

Speaker 1:

What values or words do you live by? What do you think you could let go of to be happier? What puts you in a flow state? When do you most feel like yourself? Who do you trust most? What is your favorite job or role that you've ever held, and why? If you could start a new planet, what would it be like? What encounters or conversations have massively impacted your life? What would you do if it was impossible for you to fail?

Speaker 1:

I fucking love that question, because half the time people don't work on a goal is because they're scared of rejection or failure, and so that's a big part of the reason why a lot of my content, I try and reframe failure for you. I try and eliminate the word rejection and replace it with learning experience, because if you didn't have that fear of failure, if you weren't so obsessed with oh my god, I don't want to lose, you know, I say all the time Don't focus on not losing. That's like a loser's mindset. You're focusing on losing. Focus on what you do want, which is winning. Don't even worry about rejection. If you got rejected, cool, but we're too busy trying to win. It doesn't matter if someone said no to us, it doesn't matter if we failed. We're too busy trying to figure out what to do to succeed. So I love that question.

Speaker 1:

What would you do if it was impossible for you to fail? What makes you smile, what makes you laugh and what makes you cry? What are you most passionate about? What's a hidden talent that you've never really told anyone else? What inspires you? What's your favorite childhood memory? What are your fears and how do you face them? What are you most proud of? What do you hope people say about you when you're not around? I fucking love that one.

Speaker 1:

I love that one because often there's a disconnect between what you hope people are gonna say and what they actually say, because often you're, you know, either not living in tune with your principles and things that you actually want to do, or you have a Dream or a hope of the person you want to be, but you're not quite there yet, and that's beautiful. You know, we're all working towards the idealized self, our bigger self, our true self, but it's really nice to cut to the heart of some of these things. What do you want to be remembered for? Describe a time that a stranger helped you. What are your favorite poems or teachings or sayings. What do you know known for? I Love this one. What is the most favorite compliment you have ever received? How have your experiences with love shaped who you are today? What have been the darkest times of your life and how did you get through them? I love that second part. What are the most beautiful sights that you have ever seen? The life lesson that you're still in the process of learning is what do you miss from childhood and how do you think you could bring that back into your life? I love that last bit. All right, what is the life story you sodom tell anyone. What life lessons have you learned recently?

Speaker 1:

So you can go through this app again. It's called Big Talk. There's a free version and there's also a paid version. I just have the paid version. It's really fucking cheap I think it's like $10 or something but amazing app. You can just pull that out on your phone. There's like hundreds of questions and there's different apps similar to that. I have a few different apps, but that's probably my favorite one, although actually, now that I say that there's another one called Party Cues Cues as in like the letter Q and then S like party questions, so it's called Party Cues and that one has a whole bunch of like categories, so it's easier. You can go into different sort of categories, but all of these apps all do essentially the same thing. They skip the small talk and jump me to the deep shit, and you don't have to ask these questions on dates. I just like doing it. It's kind of one of my cheat codes of like how I skip to the part where we can both or we can all, cause you know, I'm obviously there with my girlfriend Imogen we're dating these girls together how we can skip to the part where we're all a little more vulnerable and a little more honest. And there's other things you can do as well.

Speaker 1:

I obviously, or we obviously, talk about sex right from the beginning. Like, we have BDSM pictures on itiner profiles. We literally say we're in an open relationship and we're both good at BDSM and we enjoy teaching. And the first message we send is you know, do you have experience with three Sims or BDSM? Is that something you'd like to explore? And when we're on the date we talk about like what's on your bucket list? What sexual things do you want to try? What's your favorite sexual memory Like? What kink things have you ever tried? Have you ever tried handcuffs? Have you ever tried BDSM, like.

Speaker 1:

So we sort of jump straight to the questions that we actually want to ask and again, I have so many people, or I've had so many people, that say, like man, like, how do I get to the point where I can be comfortable with sex with someone, or how do I get to the point where we can have a deep relationship? It's like you just go first, just jump head first in there. Yeah, you might be nervous, you might be a little uncomfortable. The first like 30 dates I ever went on where I was starting to talk about sex, was so uncomfortable, like I was so awkward. I would sit there for like two hours in my head going, come on, talk about sex, talk about sex, andy. Like, come on. And I had to give myself the biggest pep talks. And then finally, I would just blur something out Like so, do you have any dildos? Do you have any vibrators? And they'd be like, yeah, I have some vibrators. And I'd be like, cool, are they fun, do they vibrate? And they'd be like, yeah, they do vibrate. That's why they vibrate is oh cool. Does it like feel good on? Like your body? Yeah, it feels really good. That's why I do it. Great, cool. I like vibrators too. Do you wanna come back to my place and I can show you my vibrators, okay? Or some of them have said no, thank you, maybe next time. And so it's okay if these conversations are awkward at the start. I promise they get a lot easier Eventually.

Speaker 1:

Get to a point and for some of you this is gonna sound wild, but I promise this is on the horizon for you. If you want to pursue this, you can get to a point where talking about sex is exactly like talking about the weather. I'm at that point, and not just with like, dates and sex. Like I can hang out with people I don't know and I might not bring this topic up, but if the topic comes up, I can just start saying like, yeah, yeah, yeah, imagine and I are in an open relationship. We date girls together and we have sex. We're into BDSM. Yeah, it's good fun. Like I can just talk about that as if we're talking about like, what hobbies do you have? And so it's not a big deal. Eventually it gets to be not a big deal and it literally is like talking about your job or the weather.

Speaker 1:

You can literally be that comfortable with sex that someone can be like. You know you can see how nervous and awkward they are when they're talking about it and they kind of sheepishly say so like, what BDSM stuff do you like? And I can just be like, oh good question. So we're like ropes. We're like this. We're like role play. We've got a whole bunch of cupboard. We've got a cupboard that's like got a whole bunch of toys in it. We like taking photos and videos and doing photo shoots if that's something you're into. We obviously like three sims. We like restraining. We like teaching someone. We enjoy teaching someone about their body and all of that. We enjoy edging and like keeping you on the edge of orgasm but not letting you come. Like that's really fun for us.

Speaker 1:

Like I can just talk about it as if we're talking about like, what sports are you into? Because it's not a big deal. Because through exposure therapy, which is just exposing yourself to the thing you're scared of, I've gotten to a point where I've talked about it hundreds or thousands of times. I don't care anymore. Like I still care. Like it's fun, it's exciting, but I don't have that anxiety and so whatever it is that you might want to jump to that point where you're a little bit more comfortable or you're more open with the person, whether that's sexually, whether that's even friends.

Speaker 1:

By the way, everything I've said here applies to like meeting new friends or your current friends. If you just want to have deeper connections with people, you can also just be completely honest and treat them like they're on the same team. You can say dude, or if you're a woman, do that. I've always wanted us to have kind of like a deeper friendship. I feel like we don't talk about the deep shit Like tell me about you or fuck it, I'll go first. You know and that's kind of the point of this podcast you go first. Sometimes you say to the other person tell me about you, and they're like I'm whoa, why the fuck are you making me do this? You do it first. So, hey, I want to tell you some shit that I haven't told you. And then you fucking open up and you see what happens.

Speaker 1:

Some people won't be willing to be open right off the bat, like that's okay, you can just sort of be patient. You can have these conversations multiple times, whether, like I said, that's friends, that's sex, that's dating, whatever it is, it doesn't matter your colleagues at work, and not just about sex, about anything, deeper conversations, their life story, whatever you want to talk about. Now, some people aren't willing or able or they don't want to be this open at all, and so me personally, I don't spend time with those people. Those people I don't spend time with people who aren't able to be as open as I would like and as I screened for Nothing against them. Wonderful people, love them to be, it's, but like, just not the people that I want in my life in any capacity. I don't want friends that can't open up or at least aren't willing to try and open up. And like again, I don't expect them to be open right from the bat, but they have to at least be trying to work towards that.

Speaker 1:

And I have dated image and I have dated and before her I dated people by myself with data, so many people that, yeah, we're not able to be honest right off the bat. They really struggled with it but slowly opened up and you could see them wanting to be open. They were just really scared and maybe they'd been hurt before, maybe they didn't know what was gonna happen. Image and was someone like that with me. She was relatively open from the start. She was pretty open, to be fair, but like there was some things that she hadn't fully opened up with anyone before and so you know, you can be patient with that and I'm always pretty patient with that. But If it's a person who doesn't seem to be making any progress in being more open, like they don't even seem to want to be open at all, I have no interest in dating them. And you can kind of figure that out. I'll figure that out on like the first date Before that, like think how honest sorry, think how open they have to be to meet.

Speaker 1:

Image and I, a couple who've been together for like five and a half years To meet us for sex and BDSM and threesomes you have to be pretty open minded for all that shit. You're dating a couple. Even if it's casual, you're still dating a couple. You're gonna sleep with a couple. You have to be pretty open minded to do that. You're gonna get into BDSM and kink. You have to be pretty open minded to do that. You're gonna be exploring your bisexuality and having a threesome. You have to be pretty open minded to do that. So it's like we're already kind of screening for that. But In terms of, like, dating and friends, yeah, I'm not gonna be friends with someone who isn't willing to be open and talk about the deep shit.

Speaker 1:

I am, I am too old or I've met too many people around just I know what I want too much. I have no interest in having shallow conversations and I never do. I just don't have conversations about like, what about the weather? I'm like I don't care about the weather. What the weather is, beautiful it's. The weather is doing what it always does. Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it rains, sometimes it's cold. The weather is tumultuous and it wants to do what it wants to do. Why are we talking about that? Like the weather is always the same, right, it's not like one day you wake up and it's raining, fucking meatballs or cats and dogs, or one day you wake up in the skies purple. Like the weather does the same, visit a set number of things that the weather can do, and it will do those things all the time. Like it would just fluctuate between those things.

Speaker 1:

Why are we talking about this? Tell me some real shit. And so if I meet someone and they can't talk about those deeper things or don't want to, that's okay. I'm literally just gonna walk away, though, and I'll be polite about it. I'll be polite about it and we just like turn and walk away although sometimes I do, but like I'm generally gonna be pretty nice about it, but I just don't have any interest in spending time with someone that isn't willing to be open, honest and talk about the deeper share at least work towards that. So, yeah, I hope this was helpful.

Speaker 1:

I was gonna do a separate podcast on this, but I think it's probably easier if I just read it out on this podcast. One of the guys in my coaching group just finished up, and most of the time I get people to come on the on my YouTube channel and like I'll interview them or talk about what we did catch up and those videos do really well. Those videos are like my most viewed content, apart from a couple of BDSM videos that I've done, but the interviews I do with people you guys and girls seem to really like them, I think, because it's like one thing to hear me Talking about like all of these concepts, but it's another thing to hear some guy who's like, oh my god, I was a virgin and like now I'm not and holy shit, it's possible to lose it. You don't have to just be sad all the time. Or you know some woman who's like I, was depressed and suicidal and now I'm not. Holy shit, there is light at the end of the tunnel, it again.

Speaker 1:

It's one thing to hear me and he say that I have all of my stories and my depression story and how it became that and all of that kind of shit my, my labor reports and all my sex and. But it's just nice to hear it from someone that's a little bit more relatable, because I think you know I'm the same, like this, this people that I look up to and that of my mentors and I can relate to them. But also like there is sort of not a gap, but there's like a time gap between where I am right now and where they are. Like one of my mentors in particular Made like three million dollars in one day and that's like a chasm between me and him and now we have so much overlap and that's how I'm able to learn from him and that's why you're listening to this podcast, because you know that at the end of the day, I'm a human, you're a human. There's a lot in common, but there can be a feeling of like well, this person's like a little bit further ahead than me and so you know it's nice to hear from someone that's a little bit closer to you. Got what I mean? This? Maybe in the position or they just they were recently in the position that you're in Is nice to hear from them.

Speaker 1:

So I was going to get this guy on my YouTube channel but he preferred to be anonymous. But he's completely okay with me reading this out. So this is sort of like a coaching interview, sort of like his story of what he achieved and you know message of hope and all of that sort of stuff, but me just reading it out. So he made a post. What we do is we get people to make a final post in the coaching program when they finish up, like at the end of their 12 weeks, what the moment some people are going to be on for 18 weeks because they just took my 18 week coaching deal and we get them to post, like what they've achieved and what they're happy with and what they're grateful for and all of that. So this is like his post that he made and this dude came a hell of a long way when he first signed up, like when I first sat on a call with him to see if he wanted to sign up, his cheeks were like notice, his face was like noticeably red.

Speaker 1:

And he that was something he wanted to work on his like dude, when I made a social situation let alone if I hit on a woman, I am so embarrassed that my cheeks go red and he was like really embarrassed to like talk to me about it to get a lot of like, I guess, shame, you would say, but embarrassment, embarrassment is pretty much shame. He had a lot of shame about it and he was like dude, I'm even like red in the face right now. It's really humiliating. And in that first call, even though it wasn't a coaching course just you know, do you want to sign up? But those often turn into coaching anyway I was like can you just be like?

Speaker 1:

So he told himself his entire life that he, the fact his face went red and the fact that he had this like embarrassment at being social, meant that he wasn't allowed to be social and he wasn't allowed to talk to girls. He basically said this means I can't do it. I have to fix my red face. That was kind of what he came to me for his like I need you to help me fix my embarrassment and my face going red. And I was like can't you just be a guy who has a red face but also talks to women? And that sounds like such a simple thing to say, right? But that was this huge epiphany for him and I could see the gears turning in his head and he's like, wait, but you mean, I don't have to fix my face going red. And I was like bro, why can't you just be a guy who has a red face and you can just tell checks? You know my face goes red when I'm nervous anyway. How are you? What are you up to today? You having a good day? Like I was like what is it matter? What the fuck? Just like tell her or don't tell her, it doesn't matter. Just like can't you just be a red faced guy who hits on women or makes friends and all of this? And that, before we even signed up for coaching, was like a huge epiphany for him, I think. And he was someone that absolutely like ran towards like his goals. He like achieve so fucking much. So I'll shut up now, I guess, and read why I want shut up, because I'll still keep talking, but I'll read out what he wrote. Yo guys, my 12 weeks in the coaching program is coming to an end.

Speaker 1:

When I first came into coaching, I had just finished a coding boot camp, my sole focus for the preceding three months. I was jobless, still new to London, and I barely knew anyone besides two friends from my old city and my flatmates. I'd been struggling with social anxiety for 10 years at this point. That's a long fucking time. I was blushing at the drop of a hat yep, his face would go red and I was beating myself up over. I was feeling anxious all the time. I was avoiding people. Turning down opportunities. It was something that I was trying to do. Turning down opportunities, it was something that I grappled with on a daily basis. 12 weeks later, I can genuinely say my social anxiety is at the lowest level it is ever been. Last week I went to a toast masters event for those with social anxiety and I gave an improvised speech to a room of 30 people. I then stayed afterwards to talk to people for 45 minutes and I had multiple people tell me they thought that I didn't have any social anxiety.

Speaker 1:

In the 12 weeks of coaching I've approached and made friends, with all sorts of strangers on the street or at events. I have pushed myself to show up to events sober I used to always drink beforehand as a crutch and I've had amazing, unexpected things happen as a result of these approaches. People have invited me to hang out, they've introduced me to their friends, they have referred me to a big tech company. They've asked me to model for their clothing and merchandise. I forgot about that, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Aside from continuing to approach more and more, I think my next step with social anxiety is to not even identify with it anymore and just accept that some situations make people nervous and that's normal. It's okay if I'm anxious sometimes or if my face goes red. I can still do the thing I want to do anyway. How fucking big isn't that? And how big an epiphany is that you guys, that's insane. Right, like the fact that he's like okay, like I don't have to call myself a socially anxious, socially anxious person. I don't have to be Mr Social Anxiety and I say this to people all the time If you're someone that you know you're short or you're a little older or you know you're not white, that's something that people seem to obsess about. This guy's not white, by the way, or you have Social Anxiety or you have ADHD, or you're on the spectrum. You know you're autistic or you have Asperger's. You don't have to, like, identify with it. It doesn't have to be your label, it doesn't have to be your identity, it can just be some little thing that's part of you.

Speaker 1:

You know, like I have said this so many times, I probably have ADHD. I've just never gone and gotten diagnosed. I spoke to my mother about it a couple of years ago and I said you know, I've sometimes wondered if maybe I have ADHD, and without even pausing for half a second, she said yeah, I always thought you had ADHD. And I was like, whoa, okay, like why didn't you tell me? And she's like, because I didn't think it mattered. Like you're just you, you're my Andrew, you're my little boy. Like why do I care? I don't care. Like you're going to do the best you can do. It doesn't matter if you have ADHD.

Speaker 1:

I probably I bet you 10 bucks and maybe one day I'll do this out of interest, out of curiosity. I could probably go and get a test and it would show up that I have a mild form of autism. I bet you, I would bet any amount of money. I have taken like online tests, and I know those don't count. But I have taken online tests and they say, yep, you are on the spectrum, young man, you have autism.

Speaker 1:

Cool, why the fuck do I give a shit? What the fuck does that say about me Doesn't mean anything. And so I say the same with social anxiety or any anxiety or fear or nervousness. It doesn't have to define you. It can if you want it to. You're allowed to define yourself by whatever the hell you want to, but if it isn't serving you, if it is just holding you back, can't you just be the person who has some social anxiety, but it takes action anyway? Can't you be the person who's a little autistic? But why the fuck should that stop you? And so I love that he's figured this out. I'll keep reading.

Speaker 1:

He goes on to say I also landed my first software engineering job. That was one of my big goals and I am proud of this win. I'm waiting to hear back from a second company tomorrow. If they give me an offer and I have two more roles that I'm in the pipeline for, I don't plan to take them. I just wanted to challenge myself to see how many offers I could get.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, abundance, mentality, motherfucker, mindset, wise it's been transformational. I feel way more in the driver's seat of my life than I ever did and I see the world with a lot more possibility, not just thanks to my own experiences, but those of everyone here in this coaching group. Thank you. One clear sign to me is that, even with the recent challenges going on in my life with my I won't say what the challenges are because they're sort of like a bit personal, but he was going through some challenges with some other people I feel happy and deeply grateful the support that I got from friends, family and this group of guys that have my back. It was hard to stay negative for long. He definitely went through some like challenging shit. I know I still have a lot of work to do, especially around dating.

Speaker 1:

I set big goals there but basically did not touch them throughout the program, which is ironic because I found Andy through the Tinder guide. I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I set social and career as my top priorities and I made insane, significant progress there, not to mention mindset. Yeah, he was one of the people that sometimes people come to the group and they're like, oh, I want to get laid. And we're like, great, let's do it. And they get a little bit in and they're like, fuck, I don't think I care about this, I think I care about socializing, or I think I care about this, and I think they're getting laid thing I'll focus on later. We've had the same with business.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes people come and they're like I want to start a business and they get a week or two into it and they're like, fuck, no, I will do that. Like, I know how to do that. I know it's not that difficult. Okay, I think I really want to use this coaching to work on my mindset, my self-love, and to just be okay. And so people often come with an idea of what they're going to work on and then that sort of changes when they see what the group is about, when they see what the group could help them with, or when they just get started and they go, okay, I'm going to do this thing, but I'm going to do it later, I'm actually going to work on this other thing. So I guess that's permission for some of you that, like you don't have to put insane pressure on yourself to know what you're going to work on.

Speaker 1:

Often people will ask me the question should I work on business, or should I work on getting laid, or should I work on a relationship, or should I work on my body or this? It's like kind of just pick one and if you really aren't happy with it you're allowed to change. Like nothing bad happens if you change. I would say try not to go back and forwards a million times if you can. Like try not to go to the gym for a week, then getting laid, then the gym, then getting laid, then business, then getting laid, like switching every couple of days or something Like try and stick out, stick it out for a little bit.

Speaker 1:

But even if you did jump back and forwards really quickly it's like you do that for a while You'd make very little progress, because it can be harder to make progress if you're jumping back and forwards constantly every day or every week. You'd make very little progress or not as much progress, and then you'd go okay, maybe I want to try just focusing on one thing. And then you'd focus on one thing Like you'll figure it out, no matter what, like there's no mistakes, you'll figure it out. And I've had enough coaching. Clients come to me and they do jump back and forwards and I gently say, hey, do you want to try focusing on something? And they'll go, no, it's a fine, and they'll keep like jumping back and forwards and then finally they'll have an epiphany where they go fuck you guys.

Speaker 1:

I think I would make more progress if I just focused on one or two things and we're like, yeah, and then they do that, so you'll figure it out eventually. Like I made 10 million. I won't say mistakes, because I don't think there are mistakes, I think there's just learning lessons. But I made 10,000 quote mistakes. But who gives a shit? I eventually figured it out. It's why I say just take baby steps, give yourself permission to suck, don't quit as long as you don't quit, and you're just doing a little bit every day and every week and every month, like You'll eventually figure all this shit out. So he goes on to say I've learned a fuck ton from watching everyone else take massive action towards their goals.

Speaker 1:

Yes, one of the benefits of the coaching program like you're surrounded by other people that are all working on their goals, especially when you account for our private, like discord group that we have for all of the coaching clients all the past ones is like 80 people and they're all working on their goals like every single day and doing crazy shit. It's very motivating. It's like a tribe or a community of people like you know that, saying you are the product of the five people you surround yourself by. So imagine if you had 80 people that you're surrounded by. They're all working on their goals. It's like Jesus Christ successes literally inevitable. So he goes on to say that's all part of my next step way more room to still improve on my social life, career, dating, physique, etc. And all areas of life. But for now I can zoom out and say that the me of one year ago or I guess like 12 weeks ago, the me of one year ago would be proud of where I am right now. Thank you, andy, and thank you for everyone in the group. I can't wait to see what's in store for everybody. As always, go out there and crush those goals. Yeah, I love that. He wrote that. Sometimes people write that in the group makes me happy, because that's obviously what I finished most of my podcast with. So, yeah, I love this.

Speaker 1:

I this guy was such a genuinely like, lovely human being. I really liked this guy and I was so happy when he started socializing and when he did his like, when he gave his speech to like 30 or 40 people. We were so inspired when he posted that in the group and he's like guys, like this was improv, like I didn't even mean to do this, I just I was like fuck it. And I was like what the fuck? Like you gave a speech like 30 or 40 people. What the shit? Like where's the man with social anxiety? Look at you, dude. And then, yeah, he made all these friends do this crazy shit. This guy like absolutely crushed it and I kind of wish you guys and girls could have seen where he started. Like you know, like I said, I was on the call with him, the first call that I did with him, to see if he wanted to sign up for coaching.

Speaker 1:

He was like red in the face on the call, like he could barely talk and he was like shaking and he apologized like multiple times. He's like I know I'm awkward, I'm so sorry and I was like bro, dude, it's fine, it's fine man, like you're good, but he's like it was just sort of like ashamed of who he was as a human being and that absolutely disappeared and went away. He very much like killed that. I mean I guess you could say he killed his inner loser, but he killed that old version of him that was ashamed and out of the ashes a beautiful phoenix was born and, yeah, man, this guy's absolutely crushed it. So Super happy for him if you would like to join him because you could talk to him as well.

Speaker 1:

He's in the discord. Like I said, all of the clients that I've ever worked with there in the discord. So if you want to talk to him, if you want to come and sign up and have myself and Cam and Taylor and Ed you know the four of us coaching you and all of the other guys and girls in the coaching program. We would love to have that. I'll leave a link in the description below to the coaching program. We got payment plans if you would need one. Whatever you need, we will make it happen, will help you, but we want you to have an amazing, awesome life, as always. Ladies and gentlemen, go out there and crush those goals.

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Comfort and Openness in Conversations
Social Anxiety
Overcoming Insecurities and Achieving Success