Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

Nobody Can Disappoint You (You Disappoint YOURSELF)

September 21, 2023 Andy
Nobody Can Disappoint You (You Disappoint YOURSELF)
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
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Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
Nobody Can Disappoint You (You Disappoint YOURSELF)
Sep 21, 2023
Andy

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Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

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😊 Here's EVERYTHING I learned going from depressed & suicidal to living a life of abundance & joy. It's all yours for only $1: https://playtowinmindset.com

▬ COACHING ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🏆 OUR COACHING PROGRAM (Payment plans are available! Book a FREE call with Andy to discuss if you're a good fit for the program) - https://kyil-extra.com/coaching

🤵 1-on-1 coaching call with Andy ($200 - limited to 1 per person): https://kyil-extra.com/calls

▬ YouTube ▬▬▬▬▬
▶️ My YouTube (with additional content not released on here): https://youtube.com/c/killyourinnerloser

Speaker 1:

Hello, wonderful people. Andy, here I went from depressed and suicidal to living a life of abundance and joy. If I can do it, you sure as hell can too. So I want you to sort of listen to this podcast. I mean, hell, you can do whatever you want to do. But it would be amazing if you listen to this podcast and think about how maybe this concept might apply to you.

Speaker 1:

Think about the times where you felt let down by other people or disappointed or frustrated by what they do, and you've been tempted to, or you have blamed other people for your unhappiness. I want to read out a quote from one of my favorite authors, byron Katie. You can't disappoint another human being and another human being can't disappoint you. You believe the story of how they aren't giving you what you want and you disappoint yourself If you want something from someone and they say no. That's reality. That leaves you as the provider. This is good news because it allows you to get what you want. If you don't have the other person to help you, you have yourself. Obviously, if they say no, you're the one that is supposed to help yourself.

Speaker 1:

So this comes from a book called A Mind at Home with Itself by Byron Katie. It's one of her more advanced books, one of her last books that she published. She might go on to write more books, I don't know, but I really really recommend this book. It's very similar to a Buddhist philosophy that I heard many, many, many years ago. I read it in a book I can't remember which book, but the quote is eventually everybody lets you down and that might, on the surface level, sound really nihilistic and sad and depressing. Like fuck what, everyone's gonna let me down, no, no, no. Stop and think about that. There's freedom in that. If eventually, everybody is gonna let you down and that's one way of phrasing it I wouldn't phrase it as they let you down it's more like eventually everybody is gonna say no to you. Eventually, if they're gonna say no to me, it's natural for me to forgive them. It's natural for me to be okay with that. Like if everybody is at some point gonna say no to something I ask, like it's very unlikely that you meet someone and for the rest of your life they say yes to you always. Like I don't think there's a human being on the planet that would say yes to literally everything you say.

Speaker 1:

So at some point they're gonna say no to something that I want, or they're gonna do something that I didn't expect them to do or didn't want them to do. You know, they're human, just like me. They have their own preferences, their own likes, dislikes. They're their own person. They're gonna do their own thing, and so if everybody in the world is eventually gonna say no to me or eventually I'm gonna feel disappointment with something that they did or some expectation I had of them, then I don't have to have this pressure that everybody has to do what I want. I can kind of just lean into it and accept the fact that I might feel disappointment with everybody and again, to bring it back to that Byron Katie quote that I read out before, they're not even disappointing me, they just didn't do what I wanted.

Speaker 1:

I then get disappointed. I'm the one who disappoints myself. I tell a story of how they should have done what I wanted. Or they should be more respectful of me, or they shouldn't say no, or they should understand how much this means to me and they should say yes, or they should be less selfish and think more about me and do what I want. I tell that story and I don't mean to tell that story A lot of the time it's an automatic story. But that story and the expectation that I had of the other person and that expectation they're not being met that is what disappoints me. The other person just did what they wanted. How is that disappointing? The story and the lack of them doing what I magically wanted them to do, that's the bit that's disappointing.

Speaker 1:

And so the kind of beauty of life is the fact that, yeah, eventually everybody is going to do something that you maybe didn't want them to do. Like, if you spend enough time with someone, no matter how agreeable they are or how much you get on or how much you love each other, they are going to do something that you either didn't expect them to do or you didn't want them to do, or even sometimes you asked them not to do, or maybe you asked them to do something and they didn't do it. Like that is just inevitable. And so, again, leaning into that and being okay with that and, in fact, welcoming that and embracing that and saying, hey, that's the beauty of life, because if that wasn't the case, that would mean that everybody does what I want all the time.

Speaker 1:

That sounds boring. That sounds like they're not their own people, they're just magic little puppets that do whatever the fuck I want. That sounds incredibly disappointing and very lonely. It sounds like there's a whole bunch of people out there that don't really have free will. They're just going to do whatever I want them to do at every moment in time, like they're my little yes men, or they're my little puppets who just dance to my whim. That sounds terrifying. That sounds like I'm the only person in the entire world with the ability to say no and to have my own preferences. Holy shit, that sounds scary.

Speaker 1:

And so let's talk about another very similar concept here of like stoic philosophy. Stoic philosophy, if you're not familiar, it's a lot of things, but one part of it that I really like is that it teaches us, or encourages us, to take control of our own life and have more agency, in other words, to take some sort of maybe controls not the right word but to take some action in our life. And instead of saying like this person disappointed me, you know, this person didn't do what I want you let me down, my boss disappointed me. This person who cut me off in traffic made me angry, instead of blaming the other person for your feelings or for your thoughts or the stories, you take ownership and you say, oh fuck, no, I chose to be disappointed. Or I had a story in my head that was disappointing, or I just had an expectation, and when that didn't get met, oh man, I felt disappointed, you know. Or even I disappointed myself.

Speaker 1:

If you want to take extreme ownership for it and now that isn't with blame Don't blame yourself. Don't say, oh, I disappointed myself, what's wrong with me? I'm so stupid for doing that. No, no, no, no, no. You didn't choose to disappoint yourself. There was just a story in your head or a thought in your head. You didn't choose to have that thought or that story, it was just kind of there. Most of our thoughts, we don't choose to have them. We choose what we do with them. We choose which thoughts we focus on. But you didn't choose to have the thought of, like, I want to be disappointed right now because my boss let me down. No, you probably don't want to feel disappointed. That's why you're blaming your boss or your partner or that girl who said no to you. You're blaming them because you don't want to feel disappointed. So you don't want to feel disappointed. But you just had some thoughts in your head and you didn't check them. And now you have a beautiful opportunity to check them and say, is it even true that this person disappointed me? Like, did they or was I just more disappointed that they didn't do what I want?

Speaker 1:

And I have plenty of podcasts about the concept and plenty of YouTube videos about the concept of you know, wanting everybody to do what you want all the time, and how that would be very unhappy and very miserable, and how we actually love it when people say no to us, because a no to us is a yes to themselves. You know, if you're a guy and you walk up to a woman and you say, hey, you know, I think you're attractive, can I get your phone number? If she says no, she's not so much saying no to you, she's saying yes to herself and what she wants. She wants to go and date someone else, or she wants to be with her boyfriend, or she wants to be single right now, or she wants to get to work, or she wants to just have a nice chill day without having this conversation. Whatever it is that she might want, she's saying yes to that thing that she wants, and isn't that a beautiful thing, don't?

Speaker 1:

We want everybody to say yes to the things that they want, because then that allows us the freedom and the space to say yes to ourselves. If everybody has to do what we want, that means we're like the center of the universe, or something. Are we really that megalomaniac, megalomaniac, megalomaniacal that's the word I'm trying to say. Are we that freaking arrogant and egotistical that we think the whole world should just do what we want? No, most of you are not. But we often get caught up in emotions and stories and thoughts and, god damn it, I wish they would just give me what I want. No, you really don't. Just wish they would give you what they want, what you want, you really don't. You think you do. But again, if you could be the puppet master and just have everybody say yes to you all the time, I wish people wouldn't reject me. Okay, if nobody ever rejected you, that would mean that they're all just saying yes to whatever the fuck you want, and that sounds unfun. That sounds like you've taken all the challenge out of life. You've taken the hurdles out, you've taken away the payoff. What good is it somebody saying yes to you? Sure, I'll sleep with you.

Speaker 1:

I'm telling you as someone that has had a lot of sex and for a long time that it was really easy. You know, when I had the btsm pictures I still do all that stuff like when I was at the peak of my getting laid phase I was having sex with like two women, three women, a week, without even trying. There were days I had sex with like four women in a day, like I was having four sims. It got to a point was just so unbelievably, stupidly easy that it wasn't fun anymore. Like it literally wasn't fun. It's like if all these women if I'm having too many women say yes to me, like more women than I can possibly sleep with in a week, runa day. That's not fun.

Speaker 1:

And so what I did is I, as we often do. I said, okay, let me invent some challenges, let me come up with some ways that this can be more fulfilling, let me come up with ways when not everybody says yes to me. And so I started screening harder, which is what most people do. I increased my what would you call it? My requirements increase what I was looking for. I did the same with my coaching program in the early days. I was only charging, you know, twenty dollars an hour, and I got to a point where there was just too many people wanting coaching. So what did I do? I kept raising my prices so that there was more of a challenge there, and so If everybody said yes to you, you would actually not be happy with that. And there's a million other reasons why you wouldn't be happy. I've done podcasts on this before. There's one called something like if everybody did what you wanted, or something like that.

Speaker 1:

But the point is we kind of like it when people say no to us. It doesn't have to be disappointing. It's about the story that we tell ourselves, and it's okay. If your first initial thought is like god, I'm so disappointed, that's fine. Hey, congratulations, you're human, is not bad to think that. It's just that that is the first draft, that's the first version of the story. Then we can ask ourselves do I want to rewrite that draft? Do I want to tell a different story? Do I want to tell a story that serves me a little bit better? And if you're happy with the story of this person disappointed me, my boss piss me off. This woman made me angry by saying no to me. If you're happy with that story and that's a peaceful story that serves you and gets you closer to your goals, then fine, keep that story. But if you would like to try a different story, then try a different story. And the story that might help you is saying something like hey, she's not saying no to me, she's saying yes to her, to herself. Or if your boss is angry, maybe my boss isn't being addicted to me, maybe my boss is just going through some shit right now. It must be hard. Being a boss is probably a lot of pressure. My boss probably feels a lot of pressure and you know what? I was actually late on that. You know job assignment thing. I did actually fuck that up. So yeah, I can't get. One of us is mad, like if that story serves you a little bit better than use that story.

Speaker 1:

A really good book on this concept. There's a lot of good books on this concept. You know loving what is by Byron Katie. Basically any of Byron Katie's books are really good about this shit like reframing things. There's another book called you can't afford the luxury of a negative thought, which is a really good book on reframing things in a more positive way, which is basically what stoicism is right it's. I have this story or this thought or this way of viewing the world that right now is kind of just bring me pain and frustration and disappointment. What if I tell a different story or a reframe things, or I look at the world in a slightly different context or I start looking for the silver lining? Like you know, there is a silver lining and everything.

Speaker 1:

What if I and this is a technique that I get a lot of my coaching clients and a lot of you to do what if I write down five reasons? This is a good thing. What if I hunt for five reasons? I'm glad this happened. You know like some woman says no to you. What five reasons? You're glad that she just said no to you. Right down five reasons. Hey, she's saying yes to herself. That's beautiful. Hey, she's enforcing her own boundaries. She's actually teaching me a little bit about boundaries. Hey, she doesn't want to be with me. Why the fuck would I want someone to be with me if they don't want to be with me? That wouldn't be great. So I'm glad she said no. Hey, this is freeing me up to now. Go and find someone who's a better match for me. That's a fourth reason.

Speaker 1:

A fifth reason, if somebody says no to me but then I convinced them, you know, with Techniques and all of this kind of stuff, would I really be happy with them anyway? Like, wouldn't they just be kind of a pain in the butt to have sex with? Like? Because if I have to convince them to even go on a date with me, if I have to put in this much effort and jump through these hotels, that probably doesn't stop. When we're on a date I probably have to jump through a bunch of hurdles to get her back to my apartment and then when we're back at my apartment, I probably have to jump through a whole bunch more hurdles and then even once we start having sex, there's probably a bunch more hurdles I have to jump through to even start having kinky sex or the sex I want to have on more passionate sex, on my frequent sex. So you know there's five reasons right there.

Speaker 1:

Another really good book on reframing is extreme ownership by jocko willing, and in this book he talks about everything is your responsibility. That doesn't mean it's your fault, like you don't have to blame yourself, don't feel guilty or ashamed or any of that, but like everything is your responsibility. In other words, you have the power to change things. Caleb Jones, who is one of my mentors Talks about this concept a lot.

Speaker 1:

He's a very big advocate of everything is your responsibility, take ownership of everything. In other words, one of the philosophies that I say I'll do, one of the philosophies that I say all the time every problem has a solution. Or focus on solutions. Don't focus on problems like yes, acknowledge the problem is there. You don't even have to see it as a problem. Acknowledge that the challenge is there. All the thing you're about to do might require certain steps for you to get through, whatever you want to, whatever phrasing you want to use, but focus on the solutions. Focus on what am I going to do next? Focus on actions, focus on baby steps and just doing a little bit to push yourself out of your comfort zone one tiny, tiny, baby step at a time and move towards those goals. So saying everything is my responsibility, rather than that person disappointed me, that person pissed me off, that person made me upset, this woman rejected me. No, if I say everything is my responsibility, that allows me to focus on what I can do to change things, rather than saying this is all their fault. If I say this is my responsibility, or you can say this is my opportunity.

Speaker 1:

Opportunity is a word I really like to use. There's a great quote by grant card on that goes every problem is an opportunity in disguise. So I really like the opportunity, or challenge, or like this is going to be fun. I like to talk. You know, I love that the universe is giving me this little hurdle. Thank you, universe. This is beautiful, something that I say a lot in the coaching program that any of my coaching guys who are listening to this will probably giggle. Anytime I'm going through like a really big challenge, like life is just giving me up a big plate of like shit and going, hey, you gotta eat this shit, good luck, I go. Hey, you know what? This is a beautiful test of my stoicism. Thank you for testing my stoicism. Let's practice that stoic philosophy.

Speaker 1:

And so if you see things as like your responsibility or your opportunity to grow, that's empowering, instead of saying you know, the other person disappointed me or that woman rejected me, or this guy is like fucking me around and it's not fair in. This guy is like wasting my time instead of blaming other people. If you blame other people, it's disempowering. It makes you a helpless victim. It's like other people have control over your life and you don't. That doesn't feel very good, at least not for me, and I'm here to live an empowered life. I assume most of you are, if you're listening and if you're not, that's okay. Live whatever type of life you would like, but I like the idea of an empowered life, or what is called a growth mindset. A lot of people that this, this other two categories you can obviously Divo. What am I trying to say? Divide people into lots of different categories, but to categorization is that really work? For me are fixed mindset versus growth mindset.

Speaker 1:

And if you're someone that has a fixed mindset, you believe that Other people to blame for your problems. You believe that there's nothing that can be done. You believe it's all sort of helpless. You believe that people are born, you know a certain way and that that can't be changed, and so sometimes you will see that come out as people will say like I will, I'm Short, so I'm not going to be able to meet women, I'm bald, so no woman would ever give me the time of day. My family were poor and they abused me and so therefore I can't start a business. I'll never make money. I'm just destined to be poor. So, fixed mindset, you think that things are fixed and static and you can't change them. Versus.

Speaker 1:

And I was born with a fixed mindset. By the way, for my entire, up until like Got I don't know, like 24, when I first got arrested, when I went to prison, when I went through my whole enlightenment phase, when I went through counseling and coaching and depression and all of that kind of stuff and fixed all of that. That was me. Before that I was in a fixed mindset. I literally believe like it's hopeless, I'm doomed, I'm gonna kill myself. By the time I was 30. You know or I didn't think I was gonna make it to 30 is how I will phrase that I made a promise to myself that I would. If I got to 30 years old, I was gonna kill myself, like I was so certain that I wasn't meant to be here. My mindset was very fixed.

Speaker 1:

And then, through the counseling and they taught me CBT, which is basically stoicism, it's basically a way of reframing things and my mindset switched to a growth mindset where I was like oh shit, I have the power to change. Like it might not be easy, it doesn't have to be hard, but like it might not necessarily be super easy, but like a lot of the time. It is actually pretty fucking easy. But I'm allowed to change. So I switched to a growth mindset and so if you say everything is everyone else's fault, it's not fair. That person cut me off in traffic, traffic, the government takes all of my tax, my boss is a dick to me. You know, we live in a shitty economy. This isn't fair. I live in a poor country, like. If you blame external things, that's disempowering and that's a fixed mindset. You're basically saying there's nothing that can be done. But if you say it's all my responsibility and I'm gonna start looking for one tiny little baby step that I can take right now, it can be a pathetically small, tiny little baby step, but at least I did something. That's taking responsibility, that's empowering, that's a growth mindset. So let's focus on growth mindsets. Do whatever the fuck you want at the end of the day, but I like to focus on growth mindsets again.

Speaker 1:

That book that I read the initial quote out from is a mind at home with itself. But all of by when Katie's books are really good. Other books that I mentioned extreme ownership by jocco willing. You can't afford the luxury of a negative thought by Peter mcwilliams. What are the books that I talk about. Those, those books will get you started. So start with those books if you like to. If you want any more help with this stuff, I offer coaching. There is a link in the description below. This is all stuff that I've helped and continue to help A ton of my coaching clients with.

Speaker 1:

And let's do a little read out from one of the guys who just finished up in his with his time in the coaching program. I was going to get this guy on my YouTube channel so if you're not familiar with my YouTube channel, go check it out. I have coaching interviews with all of the people not all of the people A portion of the people that I've worked with, the people that are happy to come on the podcast and, you know, show their face and put their name out there. We talk about what they achieved, some stumbles, that they went through, hurdles, all that kind of stuff. It's really good. Content is actually like those videos tend to get the most Views out of most of my content. Just good, I think people like hearing from other people and seeing what they've gone through and what they've struggled with and being able to relate to them.

Speaker 1:

So this is a guy who didn't want to come on the podcast because he wanted to stay anonymous, but he's quite happy for me to read all of this out. He made a little post in the coaching group on the last day of his coaching and this is what he said hey, all I super enjoyed my time in the group and I feel like I learned a lot. I joined because I wanted to work on making money, but I feel like I learned a lot more about the process of achieving goals and mine and that happens a hell of a lot in coaching and, I think, in self improvement in general like someone will come to the coaching group or the come to our community and I'll start working on a goal, only to then switch to a different goal when they will not even switch. It's like start putting more focus on a different goal or a different thing that they needed to achieve in order to get that goal, and often that is something like mine set. There was a really good article by good looking loser, who's one of the mentors that I had, and the article was called this process will strip you down and force you to confront your real issues, and the point of the article was often you will start working on a goal let's say it's going outside and talking to women, but any goal really but let's say it's that girl and through the process of starting on that goal and working towards you know, getting to a point where you're good at it, lots of shit will come up. Lots of stuff in your head like limiting beliefs, lots of like, maybe some trauma from your childhood like Thoughts of I'm not good enough, I can't do this. You know, all of that sort of stuff often comes up and then you process and it's a beautiful experiences, basically like self therapy, and you can't really predict what stuff is going to come up.

Speaker 1:

So the number of times I've seen someone in our community or in some other self help community where they get started my girlfriend is a really good example. She With her eating, so she used to be bulimic and binge eat as well. With that and through working on that stuff, at first she was just like I just need to like lose weight and stop eating so much. When she actually joined a few coaching programs and started working on stuff, it's like no, there's like a lot of shit that I have suppressed and buried and that is the reason why I binge eat. So let's work on that stuff. And that just happens like so much.

Speaker 1:

Someone will start a goal and then all the stuff will come up and then they'll go oh crap, okay, like let me focus on improving this stuff, and like that's where the real magic happens. That's the real magic of coaching and this community in general, self help in general. It's starting on one thing and then all of this like mental, all of these mental challenges and all of this stuff comes up. So If you're going through self improvement right now and maybe you're making money or working on making money, maybe you're working on losing weight, whatever it might be, just know that if a whole bunch of stuff comes up like feelings of not being good enough or not deserving, or I'm a piece of shit or I shouldn't be doing this or I'm not gonna make it, I'm gonna fail. Like if that stuff comes up, that is completely normal and all I would say is just keep going, embrace those insecurities, embrace those doubts, embrace those fears. That is completely normal.

Speaker 1:

There is nothing wrong with you Bit through the process of self improvement and just showing up every single day and taking baby steps. I promise that you will process all of that stuff. You will heal all of that stuff and ultimately it will be the most beautiful thing that you go through, even if temporarily it feels like holy shit, I'm supposed to be working on this goal of, like, losing weight or whatever else, but I'm not making much progress because, because you know all of these doubts are coming up and I have to deal with them, know you don't have to deal with them, you get to deal with them. That's part of the process. It's a beautiful experience of self therapy. So Nothing is wrong if a whole bunch of shit comes up and you don't make as much progress on your goals as you think or you don't make the progress that you would like to make as quickly as you would like to make it. That is so unbelievably normal and that's a pretty good way of summing up this.

Speaker 1:

Particular guys journey through the coaching program and there's another two guys in the coaching program right now who going through the same sort of thing. It's like they came going I just want to make money, I just want to get laid, and then, when they actually, when we actually start getting in there, it's like all fuck, no, like yes, I do want those things, but no, what I really want to focus on is like the fact that I've never fucking like myself, or the fact that I feel like I just don't deserve to even talk to women. We've got a guy in the coaching program right now who's going through that, who's like literally like I don't even think I deserve to say hello to women and it's like alright, brother, dude, this is some shit you've been carrying around with you for like 20 years or so. Let's deal with this, let's heal this. This is a beautiful opportunity. So If you go through this right now, you go through the weeds or the the mud it feels like, and you're not making as much progress as you want. I promise you that you are making progress. Even if it's not visible externally, like even if it feels like I don't really have much to show for all of my efforts, you're laying the groundwork, you're laying the foundation, and that self therapy or working through your insecurities, your doubts, your fears like that's a mandatory step.

Speaker 1:

I had to go through this so much with all of my goals I always have. There's a reason some of my goals have taken a really long time, like a lot longer than other people, money being the biggest one money right now, like I could have made Ten times the money that I've made so far in like ten times last time. But so many doubts and insecurities have come up and still there. I'm still processing them and working through them and that's a beautiful process. But just don't be disheartened if your goals take a lot longer than you think or, I will say, if the journey to get towards them Is a little bit off track compared to where you thought it would be. So I'll keep reading what he says. What this guy says.

Speaker 1:

One giant takeaway was a super simple one posting every day. So posting in the facebook group, but you can post anywhere, like gather a group of friends, a group of accountability partners. You join my coaching program, obviously, wherever you post, post every day. He goes on to say and having an accountability partner, they're surprisingly effective tools for one, it makes you realize if you're being inconsistent with your goals. Yeah, that's probably the biggest thing. One of the big things that my coaching program offers is like accountability. So it's like you're not really gonna go off track or be inconsistent because everybody's gonna keep you accountable. And then, after the coaching is finished, we have a private group of all the coaching clients that I've worked with in the past and they'll keep each other like we all keep each other accountable. So it's like you now have a counter. You basically buying accountability for the rest of your life. You basically outsourcing your motivation for the rest of your life and setting yourself up for success for the rest of your life. It's like, holy shit, I don't need to keep myself accountable, I don't need to be consistent, because these people will make me consistent for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1:

He goes on to say, on the flip side, if you thought you're weak didn't go that well, you can look back at what you accomplished and realize you did more than you thought you did. Yeah, I think that's one thing everyone in the coaching group is really good at and I push it a lot. I push it a lot in this community to. I push it with all of you Is if you're having a week or a day where you feel like man, I didn't do enough, like I was lazy, what a crappy day was a waste of a day. If you actually list out the things you did do and the things you're grateful for and the successes you did have. Often you like no-transcript, lay them all out. You write them all out, especially if you write them to other people, which is what we do in the coaching program and what I recommend you do as well. If you say them to other people, often you're like holy shit, I actually did a lot. What the hell I was sitting here telling myself a story that I was lazy today, that I did nothing, that I Didn't make any progress and like, wait, when I actually am realistic or honest about it or objective about it. I actually did like 10 or 15 things today, holy shit. So I'll continue reading.

Speaker 1:

He says some of what I accomplished in my time in the coaching is physical and mental health. I cut drinking alcohol back Significantly, which is a huge one. I stopped watching porn for longer than I've ever been able to. Yeah, this guy did no fat and, I guess, no porn and went, I think, like 45 days and I believe he's still going. Like. It was 45 days when he finished the coaching program and that was ballsy. He'd never gone more than 14 days without porn and so that was huge for him if he took nothing away from the coaching and he did other stuff. But if he did nothing but that, that would be a massive win because he basically taught himself, first of all, I'm in control, I'm in the driver's seat. Second of all, I'm not a victim to my addictions. And, third of all, like I have more control over my life than I ever thought and I don't have to just go wherever my instincts or my impulses take me. I'm allowed to pause, I'm allowed to think, I'm allowed to breathe. I can do what I want. So that was a big one for him. He got a lot of great sexual advice, even though that wasn't my goal, but it benefited my relationship.

Speaker 1:

I started taking gratitude more seriously. Yeah, he threw himself into doing a list of things he was grateful for every single day, because at the start he went through this period where he's like what is even the point of gratitude? Can you guys explain to me how gratitude helps? And we I recorded like a couple of in the coaching program. I record basically the equivalent of a podcast for people, like anytime someone asked a question, I'll just record like a fucking 30 minute, one hour like message, just answering their question, basically like For them. And I did a couple of podcasts for him or voice messages for him on gratitude and that was just a game changer for him. He was like holy shit, you guys are right. Like when I just start expressing gratitude to other people, like the entire world changes. The way people treat me is just radically different. The way I feel about myself is radically different. So that was a big one. He's kind of understating here how much gratitude or how much he embraced gratitude and how life-changing that was for him.

Speaker 1:

This guy like really embraced gratitude. He says I started taking my physical therapy more seriously. I got into a routine of exercising and dieting appropriately. Yeah, there's quite a few guys in the coaching program that are like they have elite bodies and everybody in the program is very, very good at like Helping each other, motivating each other, giving advice where it's like where they are an expert at something. There are a lot of people in the coaching program it's like elite bodies. So you know there's a lot there. A lot of people were able to give him there found out the cause of my anger Almost positive that the anger comes from. Whenever I argue against reality or argue against what is, as every single time, I've gotten very angry. That is the root of my thoughts. I'm mad at the universe for the way it is. Yeah. So this was a big one.

Speaker 1:

We basically taught him kind of the stuff that I'm talking about in this podcast, or I talked earlier in this podcast about so Some money goals that he worked on. I consistently posted and took little bits of action every day towards my goals with money, I made $50 in my first or in one weekend Sorry from writing, yeah. So he was someone that came to us With a few different goals. His main goals were like I just want to. I have no idea how I can make any money. I don't even know what business I could start. Like I'm literally just so fucking lost and I want to work on my mental health and happiness and stuff as well.

Speaker 1:

And so I went through the process that I go through with people when they come to me, because it's quite common, someone will come to me and say I want to start a business but I literally don't even know what I could do. Like how do I don't know, I don't even know what business it could be. So I go through a process where I basically get them to brainstorm everything that they could be good at, everything that they like, everything they enjoy. I get them to start like 50 things and we brainstorm and sometimes people struggle to even come up with anything. That's okay, I help with that and we go through and I basically pick out the things that I think will be the things that the person is the most passionate about. Those are the things that I usually pick. But I also point out, like with each one of those things, I'm like okay, here's his five ways you could make money from this thing, here's five ways you can make money from this next thing, and I'll list them all out.

Speaker 1:

And this guy decided that he really wanted to start writing. Like writing was the thing he was most passionate about. And a lot of the time when people go okay, I have this passion, a lot of you out there right now have a passion, but you think there's no way that I could make money from that passion, like it's not possible. And it's like well, first of all, how the fuck do you know what is possible If you've made no money? You literally are a newbie. Stop saying you know what's possible and what's not possible. You don't know jack shit. So first admit that. Start with humility. I am humble. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I don't know how to make money from this thing. That's the God's honest truth and then start brainstorming and I can obviously help with that if you join the coaching, I can help with that. But I basically gave him like 20 different ways that he could make money from writing. And other people in the group gave him a few other Suggestions as well.

Speaker 1:

And I said to him and this is what I say to everyone in the group who comes to make money I say, like you can make like five hundred dollars right now if you wanted to, from this thing. No matter what it is Any of you listening right now Whatever it is you're passionate about, it is possible to make five hundred dollars from that in the next. It depends on what it is you're doing. Some things. You could make five hundred dollars in a day right now if you really wanted to. If I put a gun to your head and said I will kill you unless you make five hundred dollars in the next day, you could. Other things might take you a month to earn five hundred dollars. Other things might take you two months, but like pretty much everything, you can earn five hundred dollars really, really quickly. And my cheat code and again this is something that I give to everyone in the coaching program, but you guys and girls, I love you so much you can have it for free.

Speaker 1:

What you do, what you start with, is you go to your family and friends and you say, hey, will you give me five dollars or one dollar or some amount of money if I do something for you that's related to my hobby? So this guy really liked writing. So what I said is go to your friends, go to your family hell, even go to some of the women that you're dating. You can even ask all of the people here in the coaching program Please don't spam them, but you can just make a post and say would anybody like to give me five dollars in exchange for me doing Something to do with writing for you? Writing is obviously the thing he wants to do to make money. And he asked all of his friends and family, and his mother, I believe, said something like can you please make me a card that I can like a Christmas card or something that I can give to someone else? I think one of his friends said bro, write me a poem. A girl that he was sleeping with or dating Said can you please write me a short story that's like an erotic story, write me like a sex story. And he ended up making $50 in like one weekend from just asking a couple of fucking random people and doing a little bit of writing and then boom, congratulations. Now you have a fucking business.

Speaker 1:

I've had so many photographers. I I guess people just like photography because they've started taking photos for dating profile pictures and then they realize they love Photography or maybe it's because I'm a photographer and they love you know, they see that I love photography. But I've had so many people that come to me and say, fuck man, I think I want to make money from photography. How would I even do that? And I'm like go ask all of your friends and family if I take a photo for you, will you give me five dollars? Then go up to random strangers on the street and say if I take a nice photo for you right now, will you give me five dollars? Will you Venmo me or hand me five dollars in cash? Will you give me five dollars? And some people will say no, some people will say yes. One guy that I'm gonna sit down and do an interview with in the next couple of weeks and that will be on my YouTube channel again. I put all the interviews with coaching clients on my YouTube channel. He earned five hundred dollars in like 30 days from photography and I was like damn dude. Yes, this is what I'm fucking talking about.

Speaker 1:

If you just go and ask random people on the street, they will give you money. People want to give money. People give money to homeless people. Homeless people aren't even offering them anything and people still want to give money. Because you asked and there are a lot of people that want to give money to you, especially if they see that you're passionate. There's a YouTube channel that's really good with this kind of stuff called yes theory, and you can search for one video in particular. It's called yes theory. Just search for yes theory airport. And what they did is they went up to strangers in an airport and they said yo, I have no money. We're doing kind of a challenge Would you buy my airport, my plane ticket? And a bunch two of them got someone to buy them a plane ticket and then the other guy couldn't get in one to buy in one. So what he did is he walked up to people and said would you give me money Towards a plane ticket? And people gave him money. One guy even wanted to give him like a hundred dollars. People were just going like, fuck it, yeah, I'll give you money. This is a cool story, why not? And so people want to give out money. They do.

Speaker 1:

Imaginers said twice in her life she forgot her phone and so she didn't have any money on her. And when she realized she would then turn to a couple of people. I'm like I'm so sorry to ask this, but I really need like a train ticket. Is there any way like you could give me a train ticket and I can give you my email address and you can email me and then I'll pay you the money back? And people are like it's fine, you don't have to pay me back. I've done the same shit. I've been like behind people in line. It's happened like twice in my life I've been behind someone in line and they're like their credit card declines and they try it a couple times. There was this cute Okay, the cutest example of this was this little Japanese couple that I don't think spoke very good English, because they were really Understanding and they scan their credit card like five or six times on the machine and it just didn't work and they just looked so confused and like lost and a little bit scared and they clearly didn't speak very much English like at all because they couldn't communicate with the cashier, the person, and they were just like Struggling, you know, I could see the fucking struggle.

Speaker 1:

And after they tried five times, I just like very gently, like kind of move them aside and the Japanese, so they kind of just like politely move to the side and I just scan my fucking card and I give them a thumbs up. I'm like so good, there you go, like there's your shit, it's fine, you take it. And they were like I got alligato, thank you, thank you, I got no. And they were like so fucking over the top happy, like that's the point. Like people want to fucking give money, especially if you say I've started this business, I've started this passion, I've started this hustle, I'm starting writing, I'm starting photography, I'm starting YouTube videos. I get a lot of people that come to me and go I think I want to start a YouTube channel. I'm like fuck you, let's do it. People want to be part of that story and help you. So anyway, this guy made $50 in one single weekend From just writing a sex story, a poem, a card. I think he did one other thing too. Boom, he made some fucking money.

Speaker 1:

So he goes on to say I learned a lot about the mindset of making money, the value of giving out content for free and things along these Lines. Yeah, I taught him a hell of war. I talked a hell of a lot about like my own mindset with money and I didn't come up with. The other people gave it to me and I'm very grateful for that. Good-looking loser for one gave me that mindset.

Speaker 1:

So did Dan Henry, alex Hamazi, like a thousand other content creators Pat Flynn, caleb Jones, so many people, mark manson give out content for free and like that helps people, and then some of you it's basically what I'm doing where. It is what I'm doing, right, some of you Go fuck it, man, you have changed my life for free. God damn dude, what would you be able to do for me if I gave you like $10,000? Like you would probably just Holy shit. I can't even imagine what my life would be in a set.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so this guy learned that as well, or fully embraced that, he goes on to say I created a plan to make money moving forward and In future I want to continue to heal all my old injuries from martial arts and then get really strong in the gym. Yeah, he did a lot of like restorative exercises and shit while he was in the coaching program. I Want to make enough money on my own so I don't have to work a corporate job anymore. I want to make it at least enough to pay the bills, and he will like this guy's a good writer, he absolutely fucking will like, as I said, bro, just write like an e-book or a couple of e-books. Write some free content. That really helps people. Set up an email list or something. Write a blog like there's a million different ways that you can use your skills of writing. It's what I did. Right, like I've written like 500 articles. I wrote the massive tinder guide, which, if you haven't read it, it's 130,000 words, which is the length of like four books on self-improvement, tinder, improving your tinder profile pictures and messages and what to do on a date and how to have sex and even even how to build a relationship Afterwards like it's just the definitive guide, completely for free. On my website you can go find that. And so you put out free content. And then, yeah, people go like hey, this free content helped me. Thank you, I'll give you some money. That's basically how you make money.

Speaker 1:

Money is just value. Guys, if you're ever thinking like, what is money? Money is literally value. Money is gratitude. Money is like an admission or a Declarence declaring that, hey, you helped me, or I think this thing You're gonna give me will help me or improve my life in some way, even if it's just entertainment like entertainment still has incredible value, obviously. But I believe this is gonna make my life just a little bit better, a little bit more cooler, a little bit more fun, and so I'm gonna give you money to admit that fact or to declare that fact, or to Add some value to that fact.

Speaker 1:

It's an exchange. It's a beautiful exchange of two people giving each other something. That's what money is. And so, if you want money, just give something. Literally, just give anything, even a smile. Walk up to strangers and say, hey, you're having a really nice day. Oh, sorry, hey, I want to make sure you're having a really nice day. If I put a smile on your face, would you give me $5? Like they go boom. Now you're offering something of value so you can make money. It's like children who start like a lemonade stand and they're like 60 cents for lemonade. It's like they're just offering something of value and that thing is like complete shit. Well, it might not be sometimes kids make good lemonade but like they're just offering something and what they're actually offering is like a parent going or a person going oh that's so cute. Okay, I'm gonna give you some money so you can buy your toys. Like that's really cute. I want to be part of that story. That's what you're offering. You're offering that person to feel like they did a good thing. So Offer something of value. People will give you money.

Speaker 1:

He goes on to say I also want to become Conversationally fluent in Spanish. We actually have a couple of guys in the coaching program who are learning Spanish and a woman in the coaching program who's learning Portuguese. I think I think it's Portuguese, pretty sure it's Portuguese. I want to see. I also want to see how long I can go without porn. I'm aiming for 60 days next year.

Speaker 1:

I'm pretty sure by now he would have already done this. He finished up in the coaching like a couple weeks ago, so this guy absolutely freaking killed it, and this was one of the people who, like you know, join the coaching program Literally just to work on, like happiness and money and stuff. So we get people joining for all sorts of different reasons, whether it's sex, dating relationships, money, mental health, peace, happiness, spirituality, starting a business. God like lots of people joining for that. Now, whatever it might be man, woman, whoever you might be we would love to have you. I will leave a link in the description below to the coaching program. As always, ladies and gentlemen, go out there and crush those goals.

Overcoming Disappointment and Taking Ownership
Reframing Challenges and Taking Responsibility
The Journey of Self-Improvement and Healing
Achieving Goals With Accountability and Gratitude
Generating Income From Passion
Learning Spanish, Portuguese, and Personal Development