Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

29yo Virgin Has Sex 2 Weeks Before Turning 30! [Client Interview]

October 05, 2023 Andy
29yo Virgin Has Sex 2 Weeks Before Turning 30! [Client Interview]
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
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Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
29yo Virgin Has Sex 2 Weeks Before Turning 30! [Client Interview]
Oct 05, 2023
Andy

A member of our coaching program's journey with losing his virginity, cold approaching more and showing himself that everything is ok, and everything will be ok.

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😊 Here's EVERYTHING I learned going from depressed & suicidal to living a life of abundance & joy. It's all yours for only $1: https://playtowinmindset.com

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🏆 OUR COACHING PROGRAM (book a FREE call with Andy to discuss if you're a good fit for the program) - https://kyil-extra.com/coaching

🤵 1-on-1 coaching call with Andy ($200 - limited to 1 per person): https://kyil-extra.com/calls

▬ YouTube ▬▬▬▬▬
▶️ My YouTube (with additional content not released on here): https://youtube.com/c/killyourinnerloser

Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

A member of our coaching program's journey with losing his virginity, cold approaching more and showing himself that everything is ok, and everything will be ok.

▬ Start Here! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
😊 Here's EVERYTHING I learned going from depressed & suicidal to living a life of abundance & joy. It's all yours for only $1: https://playtowinmindset.com

▬ COACHING ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🏆 OUR COACHING PROGRAM (book a FREE call with Andy to discuss if you're a good fit for the program) - https://kyil-extra.com/coaching

🤵 1-on-1 coaching call with Andy ($200 - limited to 1 per person): https://kyil-extra.com/calls

▬ YouTube ▬▬▬▬▬
▶️ My YouTube (with additional content not released on here): https://youtube.com/c/killyourinnerloser

Speaker 2:

So, all right, my man, hello, it's up. Let's talk about the big topic here. You set yourself a goal when you came into the coaching group that you wanted to lose your virginity. You want to have sex for the first time before your 30th birthday. 30th birthday was coming up. You had like two weeks. You were like I want to give myself a two week challenge you absolute, mad lad, insane, human being. The very next day you post in the group and you're like okay, guys, so I lost my virginity, I had sex. And when you posted that I thought you were trolling. I was like yeah, just like joke.

Speaker 2:

How the hell did you go from? I'm a virgin, my 30th birthday is coming up to like one day later. Hey, I did it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so it actually started with. It was on a call with Ed. Y'all know Ed and he's a poster child Love that dude, I mean, by the way. But I was on a call with him and you know we're just talking about stuff. I think we were talking about like approaching girls and stuff. Just from that conversation I kind of make challenges for myself to accomplish like my own goals, and I was like you know what? My birthday's coming up in two weeks. I'm just gonna go all in. And I feel like the conversation I was having with him was part of the reason why I was like all right, I'm gonna go all in.

Speaker 1:

I was like all right, I'm gonna do 20 approaches per day, I'm gonna do one photo shoot per day. I know it already sounds crazy, but One photo shoot per day, go for one style fit session per day, one boost per day and like 500 swipes per day and I had a lot of time back then as well. So I could actually like go out and put in the effort. Once I mentally commit to something, I'm ready to actually do it. You know, I started taking like cold showers and stuff and I've noticed like anytime I mentally commit to it, I'm able to do it. If I don't mentally commit to it, can't do the cold shower the entire way, you know.

Speaker 1:

But like once I had in my mind okay, you know, like I got this two week goal. I have to do this. You know that was basically the mentality and so I basically like cleared my schedule, scheduled time in to get this stuff done, and the first thing I did was and this was around like 2pm on Sunday the first thing I did was hop on Tinder and update my profile. I did a boost and I started swiping. Honestly, like 10 minutes later this is fucking hilarious. But I matched with a girl called Andy.

Speaker 2:

Andy with an I A-N-D-I.

Speaker 1:

No, it was A-N-D-Y.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you literally probably just matched because of the name, right? Is Andy the woman that you lost your virginity with?

Speaker 1:

I wish it was.

Speaker 2:

Okay, because. I was gonna say that's like some really interesting story, Like we could psychoanalyze the shit out of that hey.

Speaker 1:

That was fucking hilarious. I was hoping for it. I told Radical about it, cam he was like oh man, I really wish you lost your virginity to a girl named Andy.

Speaker 2:

That's hey, no joke. That's on my bucket list is to have sex with a woman named Andy, but it's just not a common name in Australia.

Speaker 1:

I know, yeah, it's not an American name Interesting. Yeah, nasa says it's a play. Yeah, but yeah, so that was the first match and I was like trying to move forward with her and anyways, I ended up getting her number and then I matched with another girl, got her number so I had both of these dates lined up. Yeah, andy, it turns out wasn't too comfortable with me yet like just meeting up. So then I was like I hopefully the other girl works out and yeah, it turns out she was free for a date that same night. I invited her back to my place and she was like, yeah, sure, yeah, so like an hour later, yeah, we're back at my place. And then I guess, yeah, before we get into the sexy stuff, you know I have brought girls back to the bedroom.

Speaker 1:

I guess my biggest problem was that I was never able to stay hard enough to like actually have sex with them. That's really what I was worried about. You know, I considered like having, like you know, sialis or Viagra or whatever by my side, but I didn't really want to rely on it. Also, you know, I kind of jerked off for like the majority of my twenties to porn and that really just messed with a lot of stuff. So, yeah, you know, I was kind of like optimistic, but at the same time I was like kind of realistic. So I was like, all right, might not be able to get it up, but I'm still going to try. I think there were a few things that the girl suggested that actually made my whole experience less nerve wracking. After we had both more or less taken off our outer clothes, she was like can we turn off the lights? That actually took like a lot of pressure off, because yeah, I guess for both people it's like if you're insecure about some stuff, I mean that actually made things a lot easier.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I tried fucking her like missionary, but I only stayed hard for like I don't know 10 seconds Like I couldn't put it inside because I wasn't hard enough. So then she tried giving me a blow job and yeah, I guess, due to the porn and the way I like get grip myself, I just didn't feel any sensation at all. So she was like sucking me off and I didn't feel anything like it didn't even feel like anything was there. It was like there was nothing touching me. It was crazy, but that didn't help at all.

Speaker 1:

And then the second thing I realized was like I started focusing on her pleasure. Like hearing her moan and enjoy herself made me hard and so that was like the second biggest click, like I really like it when the girl is enjoying herself. So I was just like, all right, I'm just gonna forget about myself. So eventually, yeah, maybe I can get hard again. And yeah, it worked. And I was like, all right, let's try a different position. So we tried doggy next, but I was still having the same issue. Anyways, I just went back to focusing on her pleasure. After that we tried the I actually don't know the name of this, but it's like the sideways fucking position.

Speaker 2:

Do you mean like spooning?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I guess it's spooning kind of. That's actually the position that I jerk off, the porn I don't know. I feel like it's start. It like actually influences me. I guess when I'm trying to have sex is like the position I jerk off to with porn. But yeah, it worked, I was hard. And then, yeah, next thing I knew I was like condom fucking her pussy and I was just like sick. I was just thinking to myself. I was like nice, finally did it.

Speaker 2:

Like you're treating yourself like a bro or something You're like nice bro, fucking sick.

Speaker 1:

I was like in my head. I just felt like being a virgin at 30 years old is no fun. Put a lot of pressure on yourself. Yeah, I guess you feel a lot of pressure from society. But yeah, in that moment, like it was just like all of that pressure just disappeared. It didn't feel pleasurable, probably because the porn kind of fucked me up, but it was mentally pleasurable.

Speaker 2:

And you probably had 10,000 nerves and things in your head and you might find the more you do it like, the more you have sex, the more you're able to relax and actually enjoy the thing. Cause sex is radically different from porn, especially for guys who are virgins, you know, in their 20s or 30s, like you're so used to porn being a very certain way and sex is like nothing like that, like not even close. Cause with porn, if something isn't satisfying you, you go right next tab. Let me go to a different website, let me go check out a different girl. You can even have constant novelty.

Speaker 2:

So sex is just so different and, like porn doesn't require anything of you. Porn isn't like hey, can you please make me feel good too? Can you please lick my pussy? Can we talk a little bit? Can we slow down? Can you give me a cuddle? Cause I'm feeling a bit insecure about my body. Porn doesn't ask anything of you, and so sex is like radically different. But, as you found out, sex can do one thing in particular that porn never can where your partner's like really turned on and something about that is hot in person, even though it's exactly the same as like porn. In porn they get turned on, they moan and all of that. It's not the same as like your actual sexual partner in real life being turned on. There's something in your animal brain that goes, oh shit, like this is for real. And you realize like, oh, everything I did in porn it was fun, but it wasn't like it wasn't real. It somehow doesn't feel as real as real sex.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Hopefully it gives you permission to like to suck a little bit with sex, and that sounds like what you did. You know, when you're having all that pressure on yourself of like shit, my dick isn't hard, what do I do? What do I do? Yeah, the easiest and quickest fix is to say, okay, don't worry about my dick. What if I just focus on her pleasure a little bit? What if I make her feel good? What if I focus on the intimacy and the connection between us? Like, my dick doesn't have to be hard, my dick's gonna do whatever the fuck my dick wants to do. It's almost like not my business what my dick does and I'm just gonna focus on having a good time and having fun.

Speaker 2:

Seeing as you had sex so unbelievably quickly, from the moment you decided that you were going to, what do you feel was the difference between like the 20, not that you were trying to get laid for 29 years, but like the point before that. What was different? Was it literally just like you said, deciding that you were going to have sex? Like, essentially, why didn't you have sex in the past?

Speaker 1:

Well, I also think it was a little bit of luck. It was like a lot of like figuring stuff out, like I very well could not have had sex that day, if you know, like maybe the lights were still on and like I still had this extra pressure, or that I didn't figure out that spooning sex was the one where I could actually stay hard, or by focusing on her pleasure, like I feel like those were the three key things that were like oh okay, you know what, I can actually stay hard on my own. I guess the previous times I also gave up, like when a girl was in my bedroom and I couldn't get hard, and I guess this was before I started, like listening to your content and stuff, I felt like, all right, I failed. You know, like I'll just like let her go to sleep and then you know we'll wake up and we'll go our separate ways, because or I'll try again and then if I can't, then I guess we're done. But I felt like if I couldn't have sex with her because I wasn't hard, then somehow I'd failed. And you know there's no point in like trying again or whatever or trying other stuff.

Speaker 1:

You know there were points in my 20s where I was just like so Fed up with myself and not being able to stay hard that I actually hired some escorts and the the first one I hired I of course you know it was still a lot of pressure because I had never done it before and I was, yeah, putting a lot of pressure on myself and I couldn't stay hard. So then I did it a second time. I was like alright, maybe it was just like the nervousness. So I did a second time, like maybe like a year or two later I still wasn't able to do it. And then the third time I was like alright, I'm gonna try to see Alice or sir Deneff feel like I believe I remember this experience because I think I was like 26 years old and I remember this experience because this was technically, technically the first time that I had penis in vagina, but it wasn't really sex.

Speaker 1:

It's kind of kind of interesting. So I was not able to get hard on my own and you know, I was just. I was just like alright, I just want to fuck her. And I was like alright, I popped in, a student of Phil, waited like 30 minutes and then I only got hard enough to put it Inside her like once, but then I got soft after that.

Speaker 2:

So like when you know, then slipped out. So did you count that, or did you not? I?

Speaker 1:

was like did I really have sex? No, I didn't. So then I was like I guess I'm still a virgin. I put the label on myself.

Speaker 2:

You feel like the labels sort of held you back a little bit. Do you feel like the label was pressure calling yourself?

Speaker 1:

Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah. It definitely tanked my own self-worth, made me feel like I wasn't a man, made me feel like I Don't know, I couldn't really like Date girls and I just felt like I didn't deserve it. So I'm still trying to figure stuff out and I finally like figured out a few months ago With the, the extra like lessons I had learned with the girl I lost my virginity to, which was yeah, there's those three about the lights and the focusing on her pleasure and Spooning.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's almost like you're showing yourself that, especially if anyone listening who has like performance anxiety, plus erectile dysfunction, plus your insure about being a virgin, you know, all of that kind of stuff put together it can be a lot of pressure. It's almost like you're trying to show yourself, or, I guess, show your penis, show your body, that okay, there can be some times when I feel okay, like if we turn the lights off and we do it in this certain position and if I focus on your pleasure, I am able to stay at least a little bit hard. Okay, so I can be okay under those circumstances. And then you from there slowly sort of just branch out and say, okay, well, what if we turn the lights off and I try a slightly different position, but the lights are still off and I focus on her, could I be hard then? And you sort of just explore that and try that a few times and see if you can be hard then. And then from then on you try something else and you're like slowly, almost like expanding out to see all of these different circumstances or Techniques.

Speaker 2:

I guess of like can I be hard under these circumstances? Can it still work under some things you might try and you go no, this position never works, like it's just too much pressure for me. You might try turning the lights on next and you go no fucking way, like the lights just kill the mood for me, like I can't do that. And you're like slowly, sort of with exposure therapy, like expanding your bubble of Circumstances when you can be hard circumstances, when you can have fun. And I went through this shit too because I used to be very I had a lot of Ed from porn. I had a lot of like insecurities. I had a lot of shame from sex because I had cheated on my first two relationships and Sex was this weird thing that I both loved but also hated and I was like slowly expanding my own bubbling and I slowly Found ways to make casual sex be okay, or see if casual sex could be okay for me, and then slowly expanded that like bubble of comfort.

Speaker 1:

So I really like what you said about Find circumstances and show yourself what circumstances you can get hard Versus the ones that you you can't. Then, yeah, you can slowly start expanding and and trying out, like from you know where you're hard and you know, just just keep experimenting other. That was cool. I'll have to try that for myself as well, like I always felt like I mean, this is Kind of been a constant thought of mine that I'll never really be able to kick the porn habit until I have a girl in my life, because I Eventually want to be able to replace porn with Just sexual experiences with women.

Speaker 1:

And right now, while I don't have anything going on, I don't know, I guess my instinct is just to turn to to porn. And that's kind of been the biggest struggle for me. It's like, you know, how can I kick the habit if I have no other way to satisfy my sexual urge? And I, you know, I mean in the back of my mind, I'm like all right, you know I can go go out an approach or I can, you know, swipe on Tinder, but I, yeah, yeah, it's something I haven't really trained myself to do Just yet.

Speaker 2:

So it definitely makes it easier having a girlfriend or having sexual partners, for sure, like it absolutely does help because you're over placing it with something like a mission, you know, like self-improvement or something like that. That absolutely makes it easier. But again, the thing that's helped me the most is just being kind to myself, not looking at it like a failure or a win. Like I, either I either didn't look at porn and that means I'm a good person, or I did look at porn and I'm a bad person and I failed and I'm never gonna get this and what's wrong with me? Like, if I can sort of remove a lot of that guilt and that like frustration and just, yeah, I looked at porn.

Speaker 2:

Okay, how do I try and look at less porn? Or how do I go tomorrow without looking at porn? That just makes this thing a lot easier. Extend like a little warm hug to you and myself, I guess, and everybody else. Most of us are. A lot of us have been brought up with pornography since we were like I don't know about you, but for me it was like when I was 12 years old and like, yeah, it's helped me a lot to be kind to myself and say I was a fucking child and I was essentially given heroin and nobody Did that.

Speaker 2:

It's not like someone was trying to fuck me, but like I was a child and so like I've been an addict since I was a child, and so my mission is to just look at it a little bit less and slowly move away from it and all of that kind of stuff, rather than saying what's wrong with me. Why am I looking at this? It's like because you're a child when you were first introduced to this shit, right. So something you said before with the sex and Trying to lose your virginity in the past. Do you think that that was a big Switch in your mind that you know we're setting this deadline of I'm gonna do it before my 30th birthday, and whether or not you did, I Honestly suspect that even if you didn't lose your virginity before your 30th birthday, you probably would have just done it a month later, two months later, three months later, at some point.

Speaker 2:

Yeah do you feel like there was more of a sense of I will figure this out, whereas maybe in the past there was sort of a hopelessness of like fuck, I don't know if I can even do this, and I've had clients that go through this and I've gone through this myself. For me, good example is money. For a long time With money, I believed it was hopeless and that I was never gonna have money. And even if I got money because obviously you know my Coaching clients, you and everybody else pays me money but yeah, the longest time, up until maybe a year ago, I believed that you know, even though I'm earning this money, I'm still building up a debt and you know, I have all these bank loans and credit card debts and tax debt and all of this.

Speaker 2:

And I had a complete hopelessness when it came to money. Like I was convinced that, yeah, I'll earn money but then I'll just lose it just as quick, and so it never really felt like it was going to. I was gonna be Successful if you get that. And then at some point, something switched in my mind when I was like, no, I think I can make money. Like I think I can pay off my debts, I think that people want coaching. I think that like something just sort of switched and I went from this feeling of I'm never gonna make it it's hopeless to maybe I'm allowed to earn money, like maybe I can do this, whereas in the past it was like a hundred percent convinced that I was never gonna do it.

Speaker 1:

I guess during that that day where the motivation was high, yeah, I was pretty convinced that I could do it because, you know, in my mind I was going all in like failure. It wasn't even a consideration In my mind at that point. It was like, all right, I'm gonna put in the work one way or another, this is going to happen. So I mean this has happened like yeah, yeah with other things in my past where, yeah, like I said, if I like mentally commit to something, that's really when the switches flip. I think part of it was also like the encouragement from and just like seeing other guys and in the Discord in the Facebook group just like Kill it, and motivation from them as well.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, just surrounding yourself by other people that have done the thing that you're doing, or even just watching YouTube videos like this one, where listening to someone else who's done it it can help you believe, like shit, maybe I can do this too. But you're almost trying to like brainwash yourself into believing that you can do it, because that hopelessness creeps in so Much and you're trying to shove yourself over that point so you can take some actual action and maybe achieve the thing. And then you start To believe, holy shit, I can do this. After you. Usually, after you've done it, you start believing you can do it. But, yeah, like the power of having other people, man.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's. I gotta say from my own experience it is unbelievably powerful. Yeah, there's a lot of guys in the group and and you know I, you know, I know you you had the threesome guide and I was like, alright, you know Andy can have threesome and but you know he's like also like seems like a pretty advanced guy and but I kept seeing like guys in the Discord Be like oh yeah, I just had my first threesome and you know, now I'm seeing like all these girls and you know I'm having threesome's pretty regularly and that's like holy shit. Like you know, I was actually reading something on Reddit like recently. It's like guys with their SOs have you ever had any threesome's? And all the comments were just like oh yeah, I got a little lucky, didn't turn out so well.

Speaker 1:

And I'm here in the back of my mind, I'm thinking like I know like so many people who are doing this regularly in honest and and non manipulative ways and it's just like. It's like I can't believe. This is like my reality. I'm so grateful to to be part of this community and it's like I feel like. It's like it's like kind of taking the red pill and like the matrix. You know, it's like now that I know that this is possible by by seeing other people do it, it's like I know I can do it. I'm not even. I have literally no doubt in my mind that I can have threesomes regularly, because I've seen like all you guys Just do it and it's just like it's not, as you know, I guess, difficult as and like a holy grail, as I guess one makes it out out to be, once you see, like Everybody else do it.

Speaker 2:

So it really does help surrounding yourself by other people. I mean, that's kind of what this community is. But, like, if you're wanting to lose weight, go join a bunch of people that are also losing weight or have lost weight. If you want to have sex obviously you know our community does that. You want to make a lot of money? Go find people that make a lot of money. You just surround yourself by other people who've been the trailblazers and then you start to believe, holy shit, maybe I can do this stuff too.

Speaker 2:

What really helps, like you know, coaching group or just in our community Is, you see, the other people who've done the crazy stuff. That's maybe not that crazy once you've done it, but it seems crazy like threesomes. And you look at those people and you go, they are not special. They're cool, interesting guys, they're wonderful people, they're, they're, they're amazing, but like they didn't, they're not special, like really they're not. And I can say that they're more advanced in all of that, but like they won't advanced when they started this and I'm just starting this, like maybe I can do what they've done too, the same as, like, people might be listening to this podcast and be inspired by you. Yeah, your holy crap.

Speaker 2:

This guy was a virgin, 29, almost 30, and he lost it. Maybe I can make a commitment and go on Tinder and go crazy and do, like you know photo shoots every day, swipe on 300 girls every day, use a boost every day, do of all this crap that he did. Maybe I can. Yeah, let's segue to some of the other stuff that you did in your time in the coaching. One thing you said was I went on a lot of interesting dates to find interesting. Do you have a memorable one?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean, looking back on it, there was this one girl where To to remind you, andy, I guess it was the girl where I was like, oh, I broke her heart, and you know, you're like, oh, you didn't break your heart, you know, just a bad day, and I mean yeah, let's give a tiny little bit of context for that.

Speaker 2:

So, yeah, you posted in the Facebook group and you were like oh my god, you guys, I feel so guilty, I broke this girl's heart. And we were all like, well, that's okay, like you know, just tell us what you did, what happened. But the first thing I said was I really don't think you broke some girls heart Like unless you told her like go fuck yourself, you ugly bitch, like no one will ever love you. Unless you said something like that, you probably didn't break a girl's heart if you only went on one or two dates with her. So what happened? And you told us and we were like dude, you're okay. No, you were just doing your best, like yeah.

Speaker 2:

You didn't even do anything really. The date just was a little bit awkward and not amazing and you were like, oh my god, like I'm so bad at dates, you're putting all the pressure on yourself and all of that. Like I have to be smooth, otherwise I'm gonna break her heart.

Speaker 1:

But so this date, this girl, Well, actually I actually gave her one of your books that you recommended. I always keep like I have my own copy of letting go, but I always keep a second copy for somebody who I think would really benefit from it.

Speaker 2:

I love.

Speaker 1:

Anyways, so for that date, I guess she starts out in her tender profile by saying like I'm autistic. Not a lot of guys understand like girls can be autistic, but you know, I just want to put it out there. Like I'm pretty blind, I ask a lot of questions and In the back of my mind, like after the date, I felt like I out autistic, autistic her because of how like awkward I was and and sorry that that's not anything against actual autistic people I just I felt really just awkward after the date and I invited her back to my place and then we start making out and she's like where do you think this is going? Well? I was like well, you know, you know, we just fool around. And she was like I don't like having sex on the first date. And then she was like oh Well, what's the point of fooling around if we're not gonna have sex? And I was like, well, you know, just for fun. But yeah, I mean we don't have to if you're not comfortable. She was like no, no, it's okay, we can keep making out.

Speaker 1:

And then I feel like I felt bad or something and she started asking me questions about my life and at some point I just remember, like bursting out into tears because, like I felt ashamed. She was like asking me like how many girls have you been with and why didn't you date a lot in high school and In college? And you know, I started telling her like, yeah, I guess my dating history and whatever she was like asking all these questions and then, yeah, I guess I just started crying somewhere because it probably triggered some pain points. And then she started comforting me and then she saw this BDSM kit that I had in my room. I mean that that's a transition right there. She saw this BDSM kid in my room and she was like, oh, you're into BDSM. I was like, yeah, you know, I, I want to try it out sometimes.

Speaker 1:

She put the collar on herself and gave me the leash and she was on her knees and started walking around. I was like had her like a inch away from my face and I was like I thought you didn't want to do anything. And she was like, oh well, you know I might be down. And then I Was just so confused that I was just like, actually, you know, I I gotta get going, basically. And then I think somewhere in there I was we're talking about books and you know, I was like I think you'd like this letting go book. Think it would really help with some of the emotions that you're facing. But yeah, while I was dropping her back, she was like really quiet and I was like is everything okay and I don't know? During the car ride I just felt like, yeah, I don't know, something didn't quite vibrate. Oh, oh, we had a conversation about casual sex.

Speaker 1:

I was still struggling to understand why I wanted casual sex and like I didn't even know how to explain that to other girls, and so that that was a whole like learning experience for me as well. I remember making another post about that, but I think she was uncomfortable about that, and whenever I dropped her off, she was just like quiet. So my, my guess is okay, you know, she had this like weird experience with me, probably threw the book away, but whatever, I don't actually know what happened a few days later. I was like I felt like I was a dick to her. So I was like, hey, I just wanted to.

Speaker 1:

I text her like hey, I just wanted to Explain you know what was going on during the date, and she was like all right, you can explain and that's it. I don't know I this also felt kind of weird, but I said her like a text of like why casual sex was okay and she's never replied to that, I don't know it was. It was like more cathartic for me because like I didn't want to leave on such a note, it felt like unfinished and and just sending. Being able to send those texts Kind of like closed the chapter, the book for me and so that was, that was nice.

Speaker 2:

You tell a story of, like a bad date and I was a dick and all of that. That really isn't my view of it. I just see a guy trying to do his best and a girl trying to do her best yeah, that opened up and was vulnerable and Was able to share some of the stuff that he went through when he was younger, and then he tried to do his best. And then a girl that, awkwardly, wanted to have sex and Neither of them really knew how to communicate because we're all kind of learning to communicate a little bit better. Yeah, certainly one a dick. In fact, I think you were kind of the opposite. I think you were really doing nice, and I've had this conversation with so many people in my audience.

Speaker 2:

Generally speaking, if you're sitting there saying I feel like a dick and I feel bad and I think I was a dick, you're probably not a dick. Yeah, I think that anyone really is a dick, but, like you're the least likely person to be a dick. If you're literally sitting there saying I just want to make sure she has fun, I want to make sure she feels good, I don't want her to feel sad. I want her to feel good. I don't want it to be awkward. It's like you're probably not the person that's capable of hurting someone. You think you did and you're probably gonna over analyze and.

Speaker 2:

But dating can be messy sometimes there's there's two people with feelings and thoughts and we aren't necessarily taught how to communicate. We certainly aren't taught concepts like we're both on the same team. We can be honest and authentic, those that we're kind of taught the opposite of those things, and so I think you were doing your best and she was doing her best. I think, like you said, it was a Learning experience and if it still feels good for him to you, you're like I have no idea what that was or what went on or any of that you can always text her and she probably I say probably she might not respond this late, but you could try, but in the future, whenever you're not sure about something and you're like what is this person thinking? Is this awkward? You can just literally blur that out like this feels awkward, like what are you thinking right now? I Can't guarantee that everyone will always give you the honest answer, but most people are pretty honest in my experience.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah but this is kind of I wouldn't expect anymore of yourself, Okay. I'll be putting pressure on yourself, as the person who doesn't have a lot of dating experience, to be smooth and confident and Know what's going on and be captain BDSM and never crying for someone, and it's like that's Something you earn, that confidence is something you earn and that doesn't mean you don't deserve it right now. That's not what I mean, but, like, confidence just comes with practice, sir, I yeah, I just wanted to share another interesting story, if that's cool.

Speaker 1:

This is probably the longest time it took me to ask out this girl and she was like the gym receptionist. I felt like so much, I guess, social repercussions If I'm going back to that same place then I'm gonna have to see this girl again. That kind of psyched me out. So I always had like a pretty good crush on her. Like in January or something, I finally got the balls to talk to her because I'd been psyching myself out and I remember that was like a pretty big win because I was like, in terms of like me psyching myself out, it was pretty bad. It was like I was having so much anxiety just to even talk to her. Yeah, I guess during your coaching I remember like it being a goal for me to ask her out. I told everybody I was gonna do it. I committed to myself that I'm gonna do it. I know I'm scared, but I gotta do it. And it was like I think I say it like at the gym like an hour longer, just because I was so nervous. You know, because, like I was like what should I approach her? You know, should I approach her near the weights and I was like no, there's too many people around. So I didn't approach her at the weights. I was like, all right, I'm tired of you know weighing around. I gotta do this approach now.

Speaker 1:

I just remember like going up there and I remembered her friend and the smoothie employee were within ear shot. Just remember, like tapping on the shoulder. I was like, hey, can I talk to you for a second? I was shaking all over. I could hear the nervousness in my voice and I was like hey, yeah, I just wanted to come over here and tell you that. You know, I just thought you're really attractive and was wondering if you want to go out for drinks sometime. I definitely overthought this like response a lot. Afterwards she replied with something like, oh, I don't do one night stands. And in my mind I was thinking like, oh, I wasn't asking you for one night stands, I want to keep seeing you. But then I was so nervous that I didn't like actually say that out loud. After that I was like, can't get, now, she thinks I only want a one night stand. And I was like, oh man, you know I'm never going to like forgive myself for that one. Yeah, I'm just so glad I asked her out.

Speaker 2:

And I think you can tell yourself a nice story, a nicer story than that?

Speaker 2:

You tell yourself the story of like she literally assumed that I have a whole bunch of one night stands, which means she assumes that I have a lot of sex. That's a nice assumption. Thank you for assuming that, cool. I would have taken that as a compliment and said, holy fuck. Like for the record, by the way, I don't have a lot of sex. But like, thank you, like, thank you. That's nice. I appreciate that, cool. I would keep that forever and you can kind of file that away in your little filing cabinet in your head and go nice.

Speaker 1:

Someone thinks that I have a lot of sex.

Speaker 2:

That's cool.

Speaker 1:

To add on a little bit more detail for, I guess, these two girls. The gym receptionist I noticed her checking me out like a lot and yeah, she was. She was very attractive. So that was kind of like half the reason where I was like all right, I think this has a good chance of working out when you go ask her out with the previous girl. She told me she was like you're very attractive, you're like one of the most attractive guys I've seen. Maybe not like most attractive, but she definitely said like you're a very attractive guy. So that was. That was cool to hear.

Speaker 2:

You are. But I can see how you wouldn't believe that, because I didn't believe it before I'd had a lot of sex. Because we looked at that as the evidence. We're like, well, I haven't had a lot of sex, especially as guys. We don't tend to get told, or we don't tend to believe it. When we do get told, we don't tend to get told that much that we're attractive and so we just go around thinking I must be ugly as fuck. How do I know that? Well, because I haven't had a whole lot of sex. That's my proof. And it's like yeah, but you haven't had a whole lot of sex because of erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, porn, nervousness, fear, like all of that kind of stuff. It's not because you're unattractive. So, yeah, it's a nice realization to have.

Speaker 2:

And on the note of talking to approaching attractive women, that was something that you put in your final post. You know you said I did a shit ton of direct approaches and it was with more attractive, like very attractive women that I was afraid to approach. You definitely embraced that like not confident, like courageous side of yourself. In the time in your coaching, in your time in the coaching program, you did a whole lot more approaches and sort of threw yourself in there. I think I can summarize your entire time in the coaching program.

Speaker 2:

We can sum it up with one word, and that word would be bravery. You were so fucking brave man, and I think most people who come to the program are brave, but it wasn't all entirely smooth sailing for you. As you know, there were so many moments, brother, where you were like feeling overwhelmed. You were like procrastinating. You had days where you're like motherfucker, I can't get out of bed, I can't get out of the shower, like I'm feeling stressed, I'm going through this anxiety, like I just want to fucking quit, and you were so unbelievably like vulnerable.

Speaker 2:

I can't believe how fucking real and honest you were with the coaching program and that's not really with us in the program and that's not really going to show up in this video. But, jesus Christ man, there were so many moments where you were feeling, like I said, completely overwhelmed, where you were like I don't know if I can do this, like I want to fucking quit, like why am I even here? And you showed such bravery and courage by posting about it, by taking little baby steps and going, okay, how do I solve this problem? You had that sort of stuff at work as well, with your boss and colleagues and stuff like that, where you're like fuck, like I don't know if I can do this particular task or I don't know if I'm going to work on time and all of that.

Speaker 2:

Then you showed like so much courage. Like what would you say to someone maybe who's going through the same sort of like, who's feeling anxiety or procrastinating or doesn't think that they can make it Like because you learned or tried a lot of different techniques in the program and like we gave you a few ways to deal with overwhelm and anxiety and all of that, yeah. Or would you say to someone else who's feeling that and wants a little boost, a little bit of help?

Speaker 1:

I mean that you told me that I still carry you with me to this day, no matter what happens, it's going to be okay.

Speaker 1:

And that like really made like the world of difference, because it's just like you know I can choose to stress over this event or you know I can accept that it's happening and then, just you know, take all that pressure off myself, it's going to be okay.

Speaker 1:

And like even the job that I had during the coaching, I was putting so much pressure on myself to like meet certain metrics and like really just perform and make my customers happy and all this other stuff.

Speaker 1:

And it's like I'm putting all that pressure on myself and sometimes, even whenever I left work for the day, I would just sit in my car and cry because, you know I was like all these expectations I was putting on myself, I wasn't able to meet them. And then once you were like, oh, dude, you don't have to like, you don't have to put all these expectations on yourself, you don't have to be perfect. You know you can just show up and do your best. And I was like, wow, I guess I can. And just like having that realization is like yeah, sure, you know there's going to be days where I do want to try harder to like see if I can improve my metrics or just go above and beyond for a customer. But you know I don't have to like start off every day with like all right, I have to be perfect, you know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm trying to put into everybody's head that everything is okay and everything will be okay, and you don't have to always believe that. You know I don't always believe that in my own life, but it is true If I take away all the stress and the thoughts and the pressure and the expectations, like, I'm okay, everything's okay, and so, yeah, you, I was glad that you were able to have that realization because you were someone that put a lot of pressure on yourself. I think you still do and, hey, that's okay, I do too. There is literally a video in the coaching program called I put pressure on myself all the time. So it's okay if you do too Like, but we're trying to do our best.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we come up with these like unwritten rules that we literally just made up, where we're like I have to be amazing for my customers. I have to be smooth on a date. I can never be awkward. I can never make a girl feel bad. I have to make lots of money. I have to be super attractive. My dick has to always work. You know, if you're a woman, maybe it's like. I have to look pretty all the time. I have to be a good girl. I have to never bother anybody. I have to always be agreeable.

Speaker 2:

We make these rules up and then we beat ourselves up when we don't meet those insanely high expectations. And it's great having like standards for yourself, but I think it's worth throwing in a little bit of like. If I ever don't meet those standards, that's okay. Like I'm still trying to meet those standards, yeah. Yeah, allowing a little bit of room for being human, because we are, we have emotions, we have a lot going on, we have a lot that we're dealing with, a lot we're trying to improve a lot, we're trying to be for other people and for ourselves and all of that. So I was glad you were able to embrace that, because you are such a fucking lovable, wonderful guy and you're probably your biggest critic, and that's okay, because, guess what, I fucking am my own biggest critic too. But yeah, it was nice seeing you go through that sort of journey to get to that point of like. Maybe I don't have to be perfect all the time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that it helps to have like supportive environments. Like in the jobs that I've had, everybody just is so invested in like my growth, and also they're just nice people to be around. Just like in all areas of your life, just having supportive people is number one for sure.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and you can kind of say the flip side of that as well, like building a support network or a group of people around you that are just nice, whether that's at work, friends, coaching, sex, whatever it might be. But you can also kind of do the opposite and maybe if there's someone and I'm sure a lot of people listening can relate to this maybe you have someone in your life that's a little bit of a downer or they're just a little bit negative or they're just maybe not helping you in your growth and your goals and stuff like that. You don't have to completely cut them out, though Some people listening might do that and go fuck man, maybe I am going to cut that person out, maybe I'm going to quit my job and go somewhere else. But you can just spend a little bit less time with that person or maybe open up to them a little bit less and kind of distance yourself a little bit. One of the most positive things I ever did in my life was cut out all negative influences. Stop watching any negative YouTube videos. Turn the TV off. Never watch TV. Don't watch any YouTube videos that I think are going to be negative. Cut out any negative people in my life If I'm. I've even taken it to the point where, you know, if I'm in a conversation with someone and they're just like complaining which happens like random people on the street will complain when you talk to them I will just like cut the conversation off, and not in a rude way, but I'll just be like hey, that's amazing. I'm going to like I'm going to head off now or I'll change the subject or I just I don't sit there and listen to that. And that's been such an incredible like boon to my life.

Speaker 2:

I don't have those negative voices coming in because I feel like we have enough negativity coming in our own heads sometimes Like, yeah, if I want negativity, I'll just listen to the voice inside my head, because that's almost always going to be negative or judgmental. It's kind of the thoughts just kind of come out of nowhere, don't they Like I'm not going to have to do more. I should help more people. I need to earn more money, I'm a loser, I'm not interesting, I'm not funny, I don't have that person's better than me. That person is a piece of shit. That person's fat, they're not good, like. Those thoughts are always kind of there, so I don't really need more added from other people. Yeah, I think a really good example of negative voices that you had in your head was around casual sex. Remember how you had that sort of like. Would you call it guilt or feeling of like you were bad for wanting casual sex?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, shame, guilt kind of like. I'm not allowed to have casual sex because it's shallow.

Speaker 2:

You had guilt and shame around casual sex, like you were worried that it was shallow. And one of the things that I do a lot in the coaching program is I'm not and I try and do it in my content too I'm not really there to convince anyone of anything Like that's. I don't see that as my job. Like I'm not the expert, I'm not the person that knows you are. Like it doesn't matter what Andy's opinion is, because you're not Andy. It matters what your opinion is because you're you. Like you're the one that has to deal with the consequences.

Speaker 2:

So I said all right, what if you were to write out a list of reasons like why you want casual sex? And then you're basically checking with yourself if you think casual sex is shallow or not. And it doesn't matter what our opinion is. It doesn't matter if I think it's shallow or I think it's beautiful. Who cares? Like it's your fucking opinion. So I will read out this post. It's quite a long post, so I'll read the whole thing out and then we can talk about it. But man, this was like a really good post that you made and again, like the point of the post was not us to convince, not for us to convince you it was for you to actually check what you actually thought, cause a lot of the time we have like guilt or shame around something but it's not really what we think. It's like other people have told us that it's bad or shallow and we've kind of taken that on, but we've never said like wait, what do I actually think?

Speaker 1:

I feel like maybe talking about casual sex. Maybe I even filtered myself because I didn't want other people to judge me, and so I wasn't. I might not have just been able to be as open. I'm curious to hear what it sounds like too.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, cause you probably haven't read this. This was quite a few months ago. Yeah, I want casual sex for multiple reasons Not to have an extra notch under my belt, but I see it as a giant self-improvement journey where I get to figure out the kind of man I want to be and learn how to communicate better with each woman and be more honest and be a great lover by getting good at sex and become a great partner by practicing those values like honesty and communication with a girl that I want to build something with. I want to explore my kings and help a girl explore her kings. I want to leave girls better off than I found them and I want to be unapologetically me, without shame, guilt, self-judgment and all of that. It's going to take time, but I think that each woman will help me get better at it. I want to have fun with women and I want them to be able to drop their guard around me, be free from judgment and just enjoy their time with me.

Speaker 2:

So this is more than just me wanting pussy. Yes, I want that, but I also want the growth that comes with it. I also want to learn exactly what I want in a woman, because I eventually want to settle down and have kids. I also want complete dating and sexual freedom and that's not going to happen in an exclusive relationship and it's also going to take time to get. I want to meet and attract the hottest of women and a variety of women, so I will have experienced women to the fullest by the time I'm ready to settle down. Casual sex to me isn't shallow. I know what I want and I'm going to go after that. That's why I want casual sex right now. Those are some pretty beautiful reasons, my man.

Speaker 1:

I agree with that.

Speaker 2:

Well, yeah, you wrote it.

Speaker 1:

No, I didn't. After hearing it again, I think I still agree with it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and if it's your reasons which was why I got you to do this and anybody else listening if you have any doubt or guilt around any of your goals, like it doesn't matter what the goal is do something like this. Like ask yourself wait, why do I actually want this thing? Or why do I think it's shallow, like a better question is why do I want this thing? And we say all the time if something is important to you, like if it's actually important to you, not just that you think you should do it, that doesn't count. But if it's actually something you really want and it's important to you, why would that be shallow? Like one of our old clients, ravi, who you know he has this really great saying where he says your desires are sacred. So, in other words, if something is a desire of yours, if something is important to you, as long as it's not hurting anybody else, then hey, fucking go for it. Like don't let anybody talk yourself out of it, especially not yourself.

Speaker 2:

And I think a lot of the time we talk ourselves out of goals because we're like other people are gonna judge me on this, other people are gonna say it's stupid or shallow or wrong or dumb, and I've had those same like doubts and insecurities as well. But I've just found so much happiness from asking myself what do I want and then trying my best not to worry about what someone else might say. And yeah, sometimes you do still worry about what other people will say. That can be part of being human. But if I can just go for what I want, my life is a lot more. I don't know. Honest, it's like I'm acting with integrity.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Do you feel more happy about casual sex now?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, I don't think it's gonna be something I'm gonna focus on for the next few weeks, just because, like I felt the most confident that I've ever felt in my entire life in the job front and like just ever, like it started in August and it's continuing and I wanna ride that and just move myself to a better like financial position. So, oh, yeah, to be honest, I wish I'd probably hold off on any sort of sex life forward growth soon, but I do know, whatever I get there, I'm gonna go full steam ahead, excited for that part, cause I had there's another guy in the coaching group. Well, he's one of my accountability partners and I won't say his name, but I described him as a fuck boy and he loved that comment and-.

Speaker 2:

Does his name start with A? Yes, he's like the sweetest guy, he's like the nicest guy, yeah, and like we call him a fuck boy jokingly and he's like, yeah, you're right, he takes it every time as a compliment.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but it was very interesting. Like I've been talking for accountability and, yeah, he's a little bit farther along than me, but we have a very similar personality and he's always telling me like dude, once you start focusing on your sex life, I know you're gonna like just crush it, just because you know we're so similar and you know he's crushing it. And so I'm honestly just really excited to go into that part, see where I can take it.

Speaker 2:

I'll read out something that you wrote, because it's related. So you wrote this in your final post, talking about accountability partners, you said you guys have been there on my good days, when all I wanted to do was share my progress, but you've also been there on my bad days, when I just wanted to shut myself in my room and keep to myself. It's a fantastic feeling knowing I have a group of guys to back me up any day, no matter how bad my day gets. Thank you all for helping me on this self-improvement journey. I'm happy with all the friendships I've made here and I look forward to the memories we will share in the future. And, of course, I'll be staying active in the community, in the Discord. How much did it help having other people like a support network, I guess, like outside of me? Yeah, obviously you're in a coaching program with me, but how much did it help just having other brothers and sisters there that are working on the same shit as you?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, I mean, it's like it's everything you know. I would say it's like 10 times more valuable than just one-on-one coaching, just because, like we said throughout this talk, just watching other people crush it makes you, of course, want to crush your own goals, and then also it proves to you that the more you see it, it proves to you that it's more and more possible. I've seen yeah, just from the discord, I've seen multiple people. They start their business now some of them are making like one K a month. There's another guy, he's a photographer. He just made 10 K this past month and that's just like it blew my mind. It's like I couldn't even imagine myself like making 10 K in a month and I know you made like 50 K in a month, andy, but yeah, just seeing him do 10 K in a month is like wow, if he can do it. You know, so can I.

Speaker 2:

Everything I've ever done like me, andy has been with other people around me.

Speaker 2:

You know people supporting me that sometimes friends, sometimes coaches, sometimes just forums and communities. I see a lot of people that try and do their self improvement completely alone and I really think it is just playing on nightmare mode, especially for the times when this shit is rough. Because, let's be honest, like self improvement, there are some moments where you feel like it's a little bit rough, you feel a little bit lonely. So, whether someone joins my coaching program or they just go and get some friends together to start working on some shit, or they join some sort of community like I really would encourage everybody to have somebody else or multiple other people in your corner. Don't fucking do this shit alone. It's like literally 100 times harder and you make 100 times less progress and you feel 100 times more lonely and you are 100 times more likely to quit because you're like maybe I suck at this, maybe this isn't for me. You kind of need someone there to reassure you, to say like, no, keep going, like you do want a good job.

Speaker 1:

And also well, I'm curious to see what you think about this. A lot of people feel tougher or better whenever they're like, oh yeah, this is harder and so the progress is going to be more worth it.

Speaker 2:

I call that lone wolf syndrome. You're trying to be the lone wolf who's like I'm top dog, I'm a fucking alpha male. It's usually men who do this. I haven't really found any women who like don't have any support network, but there are so many guys that are like I guess I just have to do it all by myself or maybe they're just used to doing it by themselves. And there's a couple of guys in the coaching program right now. You might not know who I'm referring to, but there's a couple of guys in there right now who literally came to build a support network. I have two guys in there that were like I am literally just here for the coaching so that I can have some fucking friends that will push me with self improvement, because I've always done it alone and I realized that I'll get 10 times more done if I have other people. So yeah, it is a.

Speaker 2:

I used to have the same shit too. It's like a very ego thing where we're like I want all the credit and I get more credit if I do it on hard mode, and it's like sure you get more credit, but there's less to get credit for, like you're going to achieve 10 times less, so, like, sure, you get 100% of the credit, but I think you know, at some point something switched in my own brain. I was like I would rather achieve 100 or 1000 times more and I don't get all the credit, versus I achieve 1% of that, but I get all the credit. And the further you go with this stuff anyway, you start introducing gratitude into it, you start being thankful for the other people that have helped you and at some point you realize, fuck, I don't need the credit, I don't even want the credit. Like, I actually feel good when I give gratitude to other people. I'm actually really thankful when someone pushed me.

Speaker 2:

I want that more. It becomes almost addictive. You become addicted to other people like supporting you and pushing you and you doing the same with them. And then you go fuck, why the hell did I ever want to do this by myself? That was lonely, so what? So here's the other thing to think. If you're sort of sitting there going, I want all the credit because I want to do this shit on my own, great. But like, who realizes that you get all the credit? Only you, like, nobody else sees it, and not that we're just doing everything for validation of other people. But it is kind of nice having other people go good job, You're doing a great job, like great job, succeeding Great job, like achieving this big thing, that feels nice. But if you're off by yourself, getting 100% of the credit by yourself, nobody else fucking sees that you don't get to celebrate and share in that and have that gratitude.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Let's start wrapping up. What would you say to someone who's sort of on the fence about coaching?

Speaker 1:

The money can be made back, but the time, you know, the time's going to disappear. This self-improvement journey you might think, oh, you know, I'm just going to spend six months and I'll hit my goal. It's going to take a hell of a lot of time, a lot of time to get where you want to be. You know this whole like lone wolf thing. It might feel nice to accomplish that, but I have a friend.

Speaker 1:

He got into like wanting to get better with women when he was 16 and he's 30 now and he had just so much like, I guess, bitterness and trauma towards like spending that much time on it. And it's like, at the end of the day, do you want all of the pain attached to like doing it yourself or would you rather just speed it up and, you know, get the growth? A group of people who, of course, want to see you succeed will help you succeed. But yeah, I mean, just joining will shave. It'll shave a lot of time off.

Speaker 1:

I don't think I would be nearly as far as I am, and it's not even just about the results, it's also about the mentality. I feel like this community specifically has a very just like authentic and loving way we go about self improvement and, like even other communities I've seen, is they only focus on getting good with women, but they don't focus on, like I guess, the mental aspect of it. It's kind of like, yeah, results at the cost of everything else. They don't focus on getting your health in order, having people support you, which I think is very important and, yeah, definitely helps to have people looking out for you on your bad days.

Speaker 2:

I love that my man Any final shout outs.

Speaker 1:

The Discord community. Love those guys to death. All my accountability partners yeah, you and Cam have helped a ton. Look, I feel like I've said this a thousand times, but I feel like there were like a few inflection points in my life. One of the inflection points I had was joining your coaching. I feel like from then on, everything just like changed fundamentally. It's literally like, like I said, it was like taking the red pill in the matrix. I can't believe the things I know and I'm very grateful, I guess, looking back on I guess, having the life experience that made me want to find that kind of content in the first place. And yeah, sure, I'm going to lose 10K, but I can make that 10K back. As I just said, the photographer has made that all back in a month and the money will come back, but time and knowledge I've gained is just incredible.

Speaker 2:

I'm super grateful for you, my man. Thank you for coming on, thank you for being brave, thank you for being part of this community.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, thank you.

Losing Virginity and Learning From Experience
Overcoming Performance Anxiety and Porn Addiction
Believing in Success Through Example
Navigating Awkward Dates and Miscommunication
Asking Out the Gym Receptionist
Overcoming Pressure and Embracing Imperfection
The Importance of Support in Self-Improvement
Self-Improvement and Community Support Impact