Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

Are You Confusing SUFFERING with PROGRESS?

October 26, 2023 Andy
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
Are You Confusing SUFFERING with PROGRESS?
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Do you find yourself caught in the belief that suffering is the only path to success? 

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Speaker 1:

Ladies and people who are working on goals which is probably all of you, I would assume let's have a little chat about suffering and progress. A lot of the time, I see people getting this confused, where they think if they're suffering, like if they're putting in a lot of hard work and blood, sweat and tears with something, then that must mean that they're making progress or they're doing a good job. I think there's a bit of a myth out there that big goals require sacrifice or nothing in life comes without hard work and sacrifice. People say this with relationships, don't they? Relationships require sacrifice. Raising kids require sacrifice. Getting a lot of money requires sacrifice. Meeting women and having an amazing sex life requires sacrifice. But in my experience, phrases like this are usually just used as an excuse to beat yourself up and continue suffering. It isn't my experience that you have to suffer to reach your goals. Now, a lot of people do suffer in order to reach their goals and there might be challenges that come up. You might have certain emotions, you might get frustrated, you might get sad, you might get down, you might get into a rut. All of that stuff might happen, but it's not guaranteed and it's not inevitable and you can make massive achievement or make massive progress on your goals without suffering at all. Really, in fact, the more that you're able to make something fun like, the more that you're able to actually enjoy the process of working on your goals, enjoy self-improvement, the more you want to keep doing the damn thing. You know what I mean. Like if you're going out there let's pick the example of you going out to talk to women on the street You're approaching women and saying, hi, if you can make that fun, you are far more likely to go out and keep doing it and stick out it for the weeks or the months or the years that it might take to see those massive results, depending on what your goals are. But if you suffer every single day of that, if you really don't enjoy yourself, you don't really want to go outside and keep doing it. You have to start using motivation, you have to almost force yourself, you have to use willpower, and that stuff isn't always available to you. But if you can make something fun, well, you wake up every day with a smile on your face and you want to do it. I couldn't stop you from doing something that you find really fun, and so, with my own goals. Over the last I don't know two years or so, I've been making sure that every goal I work on I really want to actually do it. Then part of that is thinking of the big reasons why you want to do it. You know what it's all leading to your purpose or your meaning of life or whatever you want to phrase it as the big goals that you have. And then the second thing that I do to make sure I have fun is I brainstorm or I ask other people. I find ways to make the damn thing enjoyable. You know, for something like approaching women, you could go out with a friend that makes it really fun. You could listen to some music while you're out there. You could say funny jokes and things to women so that you have fun with it. You could make sure that you have a big smile on your face with every single woman that you approach so that you enjoy the damn thing. So you find these ways to make it fun and then you actually want to stick at it for long enough, because there can almost be this like weird complacency with suffering, like what I mean by that is, if you're working on a goal and you tell yourself that it has to be like blood, sweat and tears, like I have to make sacrifices. I have to, you know, put it, I have to push myself until I almost pass out and then I have to go to bed and then wake up the next day and do it all over again and, yes, there might be short periods where you do that, but even then you find ways to enjoy that process. Don't suffer during that process. You know, if you push yourself to the point of suffering, you can get quite used to that, and I see that with a lot of entrepreneurs. I see that definitely with guys who are going out there to try and build an amazing sex life, where you get really used to blood, sweat and tears. You get really used to, especially with entrepreneurs working for like 16, 17, 18 hours a day. And it can almost become like this weird complacency where you're so used to the suffering, you're so used to working 16, 17, 18 hours a day that you kind of like at least know what to expect with that. You're like I know what it feels like to work 16 hours or 18 hours in a day. You kind of get used to it and then there's almost a resistance to having fun, and I see this a lot with my coaching clients in particular, because the people that come into my coaching program are usually pretty serious about their life, right, like they're paying, at the time of this recording $11,000 to be, although some of them take a payment plan, so they're not playing that up front, but the point is that they're putting some serious cash down to be there, and so they usually tend to be very serious men and women, and often I will say to them, often, maybe they've got themselves caught up in this complacency of suffering, this habit of suffering we can just call it that this habit of like grinding themselves down to the bone constantly for months or years at a time. And when I suggest, hey, you're allowed to have fun with this, hey, like, aren't you doing this to be happy? Don't you want to have fun along the way, rather than saying I'll be happy once I reach my goal, and like, procrastinating your happiness, don't you want to just be happy along the way? And, as weird as it might sound, some of them actually find it hard to stop suffering, like it is easier for them to suffer, it is easier for them to not sleep very well or to be miserable or to just, you know, have zero energy because they're working like 16, 17, 18 hours a day. Or with guys you know, they're so caught up in going out and approaching like a hundred women every single week and just going crazy with it and they don't see any part of it as fun. They're just almost myopically focused on I have to get later. I have to get later. I have to stick my penis in a vagina that they're not even enjoying the process of sticking their penis in a vagina, as weird as that might say, it's almost like it's just a means to an end for them. I think it's definitely very appropriate. I'm sure a lot of you will understand what I mean. Where I say it's very appropriate to the entrepreneur world, this happens a lot, where people are like I'll be happy in like three years when I'm a millionaire, but for the next three years I'm just gonna be goddamn miserable. And when I come along and say what if you just make a million dollars in three years anyway? But you enjoy the process along the way, you get there in just the same amount of time. In fact, you usually will get there significantly faster because you wake up with more energy, a smile on your face. You enjoy the damn process and you want to do it. It doesn't feel like a chore, it's something that you get to do rather than something that you feel like you have to do. But there's a lot of I wouldn't say resistance, but a lot of like fear, almost. When I suggest this to some of my clients where they're like holy shit, I literally I'm scared. When you tell me that I'm allowed to enjoy this process of dating or getting late or making money or whatever it might be losing weight, man, all this fear comes up. I literally don't know how to enjoy this process and I'm worried that if I try and enjoy it, then I'll get complacent or something and I'll get lazy. And what I gently suggest to them at that point is you're already kind of complacent, you're already lazy, you're being complacent with your suffering, like you've stopped trying to be happy. You've gotten complacent with your happiness. You've gotten lazy with your happiness, and maybe not lazy Lazy is a very harsh word but you've definitely got complacent with your happiness. So what if we prioritize that a little bit, make that the focus and enjoy this damn process At the end of the day? Ladies and gentlemen, it might sound like a radical notion, but you are allowed to be happy while you work on your goals. Nobody said you had to suffer. If you want to suffer, you're allowed to. I can't stop you. Do whatever you want at the end of the day. But I'm here to tell you that there's a different paradigm, a different way. You're allowed to achieve these big, massive, huge goals. You're allowed to have an elite life, whatever that might mean for you. You're allowed to be happier and healthier and richer and more sexually abundant and all of that stuff, and you're allowed to enjoy the damn process of getting there. In fact, I insist I'll finish up by reading out a little update from one of my old coaching clients. So what I've done is and I'm still in the process of doing this I'm going through and reaching out to all of my old coaching clients and just asking them like what they've been up to, you know, reflect back on their time in the coaching program in the months or the years since they finished up, because all of these coaching clients are still in our members only. We have like a members only accountable accountability group, along with a lot of members only Videos and podcasts and all that kind of stuff. So you know I'm in touch with these, with my old clients, so that'll be a fun thing to see what people have been up to. So this one comes from Corky, who you can go and watch the interview I did with him on my YouTube channel. He had a whole bunch of sex, but more than anything, in his time in the coaching, he made massive leaps with his like mindset and, funnily enough, very relevant to today's podcast, which is why I'm reading this out. A big thing that I worked on him with was not suffering and not being so miserable and unhappy while working on his goals. In other words, like enjoying this process and realizing that the goals will come through action. The goals don't have to come like the achievements will come through action. The achievements don't have to come through suffering. So you know I reached out to him and he said you know. So one of the questions I said was when did you first sign up for coaching? You know summer 2022, so at the time of recording, about a year and a half ago, I said what were your three biggest achievements or what did you learn since you first signed up for coaching? He says I learned to process negative thoughts and that's probably the biggest and most significant achievement during the coaching I managed to stop a 20 year feeling of loneliness. Yeah, he was very lonely when he first came and I realized that I am attractive instead of an ugly blob of fat, yeah, so I love that phrasing. He had lost a ton of weight already when he came to the coaching program, but he had that kind of what I call like ugly duckling syndrome, where you know, maybe you were an ugly duckling and I don't think anyone's ugly but, like you know, you think of yourself as an ugly duckling. In his case he was very, very obese. So you think you're an ugly duckling and then you lose the weight or you work on your appearance or whatever, and you turn into a beautiful swan, but you don't realize that, like, you still see yourself as the ugly duckling, so to speak, and so I call that ugly duckling syndrome. You get that with women. You'll get that with guys, where you know you've been a certain way for a while. Your self-esteem, like that's where your level is at, but then you improve yourself and it takes a little while for your self-esteem to catch up. I definitely had this. I have this with almost every goal that I work on Usually takes me like, I don't know, a year after I achieve something, maybe six months after I started really achieving something, before I believe, oh wait, like this is my new self-esteem, now this is where I'm at. So yeah, that's pretty common. He goes on to say after the coaching I've continued to process my negative thoughts and I half accidentally managed to surface and work through some of my trauma that I didn't even realize I had as well. Yeah, that comes up a lot in the coaching group. Actually, by the way, like, especially when we're dealing with stuff around sex and around just self-esteem in general. A lot of what we do in the coaching program is getting guys and girls to love themselves, I guess, but to sort of process some trauma or process some stuff that was there in the past, because we all kind of go through our lives most of us, anyway building up a little bit of trauma, suppressing things, not really dealing with anything, and it often comes out during the coaching program. It doesn't have to, like we ever said, don't make someone deal with their trauma, but it does come up quite a lot and it's nice that the coaching group is quite a very like, welcoming, loving bunch of men and women, it's probably the safest space to have like trauma come up. So, yeah, I'm always happy when that kind of stuff comes up and we're able to process it and work through it and heal it, because I think most people go through their entire life never really healing or addressing or even acknowledging their trauma. He goes on to say I turbo boosted my dating progress from just a random date here and there to I'm confident that I can get tons of dates to attend it if I so choose. Amazing, and it also got me thinking of alternatives, of what to do for money. Yeah, that's something we do a lot more now. At the start no-transcript, or is years ago I always dreamed of like helping people make money, you know, doing something other than just Sex and dating, because that's what I obviously started coaching people on. But over the last like two years, yeah, we've worked with a ton of people on money. One guy in particular we took lads was his name. We took him from twenty thousand a month to forty four thousand or forty five thousand a month. Like we've talked a lot of people with business and I really like working on that stuff. I like working on everything, to be honest. He goes on to say or ask the question of how did the decision to sign up for coaching change your life? He says girls and getting laid has now been removed as a distraction so I can focus on business. Now I can really focus on making money and fun. Sex just kind of happens by half accident. I think for a lot of us that's what we kind of want, right, like At least most men you know. A lot of us go our entire life thinking like I'm never going to be able to get laid, I'm never going to be able to have sex is just complete random luck, and I don't even know when I do get laid, I don't even know how I did. It just feels like a fluke. And so to be at a place or in a position where you can kind of just put the sex aside and just focus on money and you know that at any point in time, if you want to have sex, that's there for you. Man, what a beautiful position to be in. I asked him what do you think you'd be if you hadn't signed up for coaching? He says I would most likely be still trying to make dating work, which would mean I'd be distracted from doing my more interesting goals that I really care about now, also most likely still having problems with my negative thoughts, which would prevent me from making even more progress. So nowhere near where I am right now. Final question I asked is what would you say to someone who's on the fence about signing up for coaching? He says depends on what you want. Really, if you want to save time and turbo boost an area of your life, definitely take it and give 100% of your attention for it. It'll be an intense time period and you might need to relax afterwards. Yep, that's true, but the amount of progress you will make in skills you care about will carry over forever afterwards. It will be the platform on which you build your empire. I really love that. So if coaching is something that you yourself are interested in, I'll leave a link in the description or in the show notes to that. As always, ladies and fabulous gentlemen, go out there, crush those goals and enjoy the process. You don't have to suffer while you work on and achieve those big goals.

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