Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

Ghosting vs Honesty (The Benefits of Being Kind)

November 07, 2023 Andy Wells
Ghosting vs Honesty (The Benefits of Being Kind)
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
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Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
Ghosting vs Honesty (The Benefits of Being Kind)
Nov 07, 2023
Andy Wells

Here's the text I send:
"Hey, I really enjoyed meeting you but I'm not super feeling the chemistry and don't want to continue. It was really nice meeting you - I hope you find what you're looking for."

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😊 Here's EVERYTHING I learned going from depressed & suicidal to living a life of abundance & joy. It's all yours for only $1: https://playtowinmindset.com

▬ COACHING ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🏆 OUR COACHING PROGRAM (book a FREE call with Andy to discuss if you're a good fit for the program) - https://kyil-extra.com/coaching

🤵 1-on-1 coaching call with Andy ($200 - limited to 1 per person): https://kyil-extra.com/calls

▬ YouTube ▬▬▬▬▬
▶️ My YouTube (with additional content not released on here): https://youtube.com/c/killyourinnerloser

Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Here's the text I send:
"Hey, I really enjoyed meeting you but I'm not super feeling the chemistry and don't want to continue. It was really nice meeting you - I hope you find what you're looking for."

▬ Start Here! ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
😊 Here's EVERYTHING I learned going from depressed & suicidal to living a life of abundance & joy. It's all yours for only $1: https://playtowinmindset.com

▬ COACHING ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🏆 OUR COACHING PROGRAM (book a FREE call with Andy to discuss if you're a good fit for the program) - https://kyil-extra.com/coaching

🤵 1-on-1 coaching call with Andy ($200 - limited to 1 per person): https://kyil-extra.com/calls

▬ YouTube ▬▬▬▬▬
▶️ My YouTube (with additional content not released on here): https://youtube.com/c/killyourinnerloser

Speaker 1:

Hello, you amazing human being. Let's talk about ghosting and honesty and the benefits of being kind. So one of my coaching clients was seeing a girl, or he saw her once and he didn't want to see her again, and he felt like after the first date or after the second date there was sort of this vibe from her and from him that like neither of them were super into each other. And so what he said was you know, I just I won't text her and you know, hopefully it'll just kind of fade out. Right, I wasn't that into her, maybe she wasn't into me. You know, we'll just let, we'll just see if things fade out. And what I said was, rather than letting it just sort of fade out or die out, I found in my own life that it's kind of to just let the other person know where things stand. It makes me feel better when I lay my head down on that pillow at night, and so I gave him a copy paste text that he could use. I said you can just copy paste this. And so the text is hey, I really enjoyed meeting you, but I'm not super feeling the chemistry and I don't want to continue. It was really nice meeting you. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Speaker 1:

And, as I said to him, this is such a simple text it takes like five seconds to copy paste that and it means that when I do that in my own life is in when I tell people in my own life, you know, hey, look, I don't want to go any further. It means that I get to have some closure, right, I'm not sitting there sort of hoping things that will, hoping that things will fade out. It means that I get to take ownership of things instead of having to just hope that the other person magically takes the hint, which in a lot of cases, how can they take the hint? They can't mind read, and so what usually happens is the other person hits us up and says, hey, you know, I'd love to see you again, or hey, do you want to have another day? And you go, oh, I'm busy, or maybe not. I find it's just kinder and quicker and easier and more efficient and it means that I can move on and the other person can move on If I just tell people exactly what's on my mind rather than hoping that they'll take the hint or mind read.

Speaker 1:

Think about times, you know, maybe in your own life where someone has not told you how they feel and you have to kind of just take the hint. But you're never 100% sure about the hint. You're like do they like me, Do they not? Well, if they liked me, surely they would text me. So I guess I just have to guess that they don't like me. It doesn't feel like it. It's much nicer to have the other person just say hey, I had fun, but I don't want to keep going. And you're like sweet, cool, great, now I know. Now I can go and spend my time on other people or on myself and I don't have to sit around wondering if you're going to text me.

Speaker 1:

I've also found, to zoom out a little bit, I found that the universe is a mirror, and what I mean when I say that is, if I go around ghosting people or hoping things will just sort of fade out, or hoping that other people will just, you know, take the hint, then I'm basically declaring to myself that that's an okay standard. And so then if other people do that to me, then I'll just let the same thing happen, because you know my thought process will be well, I guess I don't tell other people what's on my mind. So it's okay when they do it to me. But if I hold myself to that sort of higher standard and I try and be as honest as I can or as kind as I can and I just tell people exactly what I want or what's on my mind or what I don't want, then I will no longer accept other people, you know, not being honest with me or not being upfront with me. I'll screen those people out and nothing against those people. But I will screen out anyone who can't be honest and authentic and upfront with me and just tell me what's on their mind rather than hoping that I figure it out. And then all that's left are the people who are a little more honest, a little more upfront, a little more.

Speaker 1:

I guess you could say kind maybe kind isn't the right word, but honest and upfront and basically declaring to myself and to the universe in a weird way. I'm declaring I have higher standards. You know, I'm kind to other people. I let them know what's up, I let them know what I'm thinking. I let them know if I don't want to see them anymore so they can move on. I don't leave them guessing. I don't leave them trying to take hints or figure out what's going on, and so that's my standard. That's how I treat everyone else, and so I'll expect other people to do that for me, or a better way of phrasing, that is if someone can't be honest and upfront and communicate with me, hey, that's cool, I'll go find the people who can, because that's my baseline now. That's my new standard.

Speaker 1:

So being honest and upfront is this beautiful thing where it benefits the other person, obviously because you're being nice to them, but it benefits us in such tremendously amazing ways. It basically raises your Bear minimum, or what you're willing to accept. It raises your standards, it raises your self esteem because you're the person who's kind to other people, and so other people are going to be kind to you. You can zoom out and apply this to basically everything in life. You know, I found over the last About year and a half I have been giving a lot more money to homeless people, for instance, and if anyone ever needs money you know a friend or something I'll just say here you go his money.

Speaker 1:

And as I've done this, as I've loosened my grip on money and allowed it to flow to other people, I've noticed that makes it a million times easier for me to ask you guys or the audience for money. For money, I have no qualms about it. I used to feel very guilty about asking for what I thought was asking for help or asking for money or encouraging people to sign up for coaching. I used to feel tremendously guilty and weird about it because I knew that I wasn't being super generous with my money, I wasn't letting it flow to other people, I was sort of trying to hold onto it very tightly and defend it and then I would project that onto you guys and I feel guilty for asking you for money, for encouraging you to sign up for coaching, when I wasn't allowing money to flow away from me myself.

Speaker 1:

And I've noticed with honesty the more honest I've been over the last. You know this has been an ongoing project of building my honesty. It's something that you improve over time, as I've improved over the last five years. I've noticed that my standards increase and now every single human being who's in my life is deeply honest with me. And if somebody ever can't be honest which I found, 99% of humans, maybe like 98% of humans can be honest. It's just that most people Need a little bit of I don't know permission to be honest. You have to go first with your honesty and then other people almost always rise to the challenge or rise to the same level and they go wow, you've been deeply honest with me. I'm gonna be honest with you. But Everyone in my life is deeply honest because that's the standard that I have.

Speaker 1:

I would not allow any sort of. I can't even imagine having like lies or dishonesty in my life like I. It's been years since that. I can't even imagine what that would be like Like. Why would I Well, I I'd let someone lie to me, but why would I spend time with that person? I can't stop someone lying to me, obviously, but if somebody lied to me, why would I spend even one millisecond with that person? Or if somebody was trying to use me or get something from me or take from me, why would I spend any time with that person? Because the standards that I have for how I treat other people and what I like to do with other people, it's a, it's a it's, it's a mirror. That stuff comes back to me Because that's my new standard. So being kind to others, being honest and upfront. It has this beautiful benefit of you then spending all of your time with people who are honest.

Speaker 1:

You know there's a reason why you don't ever hear me talk about concepts and you'll never really hear me talk about them, other than to bring it up, like right now, in this moment, to make a point. You'll never really hear me talk about Concepts. Like you know, in dating there's a concept of like shit testing, where somebody's kind of like giving you shit. You'll never, ever hear me talk about that because that's just not in my world. And every now and then I might go on a podcast with some other you know guys in the dating world who give advice, and sometimes I'll get the question asked to me or put to me of you know, how do you deal with the shit test? And I get taken aback a little bit like not taken aback, like surprised, because I'm like oh god, I, I would walk away, like I, I can't even imagine what I would say to a shit. Why can't imagine I'd meet the person with love and you know someone was shit testing me. Obviously that comes from a place of insecurity, a place of fear, place of those lower sort of emotions. So I'd meet that with love, but I wouldn't spend my time with that person. I can't even imagine like and so it's a difficult question not a difficult question, but it's so. It's a very unusual, weird question to me, because it's just not in my will house.

Speaker 1:

The same as, like you know, I'm now at the point and I have been for about six months or maybe a year when every now and then I might get a question of like, how do you deal with trolls, how do you deal with the online haters? And I might. I don't have any trolls, I don't have any haters. Okay, just, that's just not in my world. It's, it's just not something that I deal with, because I have built a platform, I guess you could say, of trying to be kind to others and I wasn't always kind to others, not in the early days, but, you know, the last couple years being as kind as I can to all of you guys and girls, being as kind to the community as I can, you know, not forcing myself on anybody, not forcing my viewpoints on anybody, not forcing you to take my advice or to listen to me or to give me money or any of that.

Speaker 1:

And as I've embraced that sort of like, I guess you could call it like loving, but maybe gentle, or just Peaceful, I guess would say peaceful, as I've embraced that peaceful mindset in that peaceful way of building content. I don't really get any negative comments or any haters and anytime I do have like a, a negative comment or something, I meet that with love. 98% of the time the person replies in Is nice to me because I was nice to them. I didn't go to war with them just because they were feeling a little bit negative or because they said something negative. I didn't treat them like the enemy just because they said something that Wasn't super kind.

Speaker 1:

And so the more you can embrace or talk about me because I'm not here to tell you what to do the more I have embraced the honest and upfront side of myself, where I just tell us let's just talk about dating. Where I tell women Exactly what I fucking want and I see if they want it to and if they don't. That is fucking beautiful. And I tell them exactly what I'm feeling and I tell them exactly what's on my mind and I tell them I'm grateful for them if I'm feeling grateful. And I tell them if I don't want something and I tell them if something's a boundary for me and I tell them if I'm getting some sort of weird feelings or anything or thoughts in my head, like I just I'm so unbelievably deeply raw, honest and authentic. If it's in my head, I'm probably gonna say it in a gentle, like I'll make sure it's a kind way of saying it. But there isn't really anything that I hold back anymore and again, that's taken quite a few years to get to that point.

Speaker 1:

But because that's the way I go about my dating life, all of the women in my life give me that back as well, and it's this beautiful position to be in where two human beings are. I guess in my case it's more like three, because I date women with my girlfriend image in. You know, we date women together. Three people get to just come together and just be three souls, telling each other exactly what they want, exactly what they don't want, being very fucking honest and not having to play games, not having to hold back, not having to lie or deceive and hide things in. It's just peaceful, it's just fucking nice. Then you can get to the actual bits that you want. You know the wild, amazing sex, the deep, honest conversations, the intimacy and the affection Pushing each other with your goals, listening to each other talking about your week doing exciting things, going on adventures. You know the cool shit that I think most of us are actually here for.

Speaker 1:

You can kind of do away with the whole like games. You can do away with the concept of game and if you're not familiar, what game is? Game is sort of like a pickup artist term and it's not really something I ever really talk about because it's just done, it's not part of my universe. Why would I ever need to game someone? Which is game is another way of saying like techniques or I don't know. I guess I pick up lines and having the right thing to say and doing the right thing and all of that. Why would you ever need to do that? You don't need to do that. And if you want to do that and you find that fun, amazing, how about I go for it? But it just isn't something that's part of my universe. And the same thing with sales and marketing and stuff like that, and I really use much in the way of sales techniques or marketing techniques.

Speaker 1:

Right now, as I've said, you know, I'm in the beautiful position where I've had a big realization, thanks to A lot of my mentors and other people who've gone before me, where I realized you know what? I'm just gonna release all of my ebooks and all of my video courses for pay whatever you want, whatever you can afford, pay that. And so I don't need marketing. I don't need sales. Like what sales technique or marketing technique do I have to do to convince you to pay one dollar For a video course that I poured like it's essentially the last 15 years worth of everything I've learned, but I spent like three months making this video course. There's everything in it. It's like I've poured my heart and soul into that.

Speaker 1:

What marketing or sales do I need to do to convince you to pay one dollar for that? Nothing, I don't need to convince you. You'll either buy it or you won't like. But if it was, I don't know $5,000. Yeah, I'd have to use a lot of sales and marketing, wouldn't I? Even my coaching program, which, at the time of this recording, is $11,000. I don't need to use much in the way of sales and marketing because I've done 1500 pieces of free content at this point in time.

Speaker 1:

That's kind of the I guess you could say the sales or the marketing. So I don't need to convince anyone. I'm just a guy being honest and trying to help people and if somebody recognizes that and wants to sign up for coaching, amazing. If somebody doesn't want to sign up for coaching, amazing. But there's no like techniques or, you know, manipulations needed. I don't need to have a sales team. I don't need to get you on a call and then go really hard trying to convince you. No, I just show you what other people have had in terms of results and I say if you want to sign up for this, go for it.

Speaker 1:

If not, hey, that's beautiful and your dating life can be exactly like that. You know, that's what my dating life now is like and has been for a few years. It's just hey, here's my product. In other words, here's me. Here's what I look like, here's what I sound like, here's what I'm interested in, here's the value I think I can give you. You know any women. Here's the value I think I can bring to your life. You know great sex, great conversations. I'll listen to you. I'll pour a lot of love into you. You know all of that kind of stuff. If you want it, amazing. If you don't, hey, that's beautiful too. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Speaker 1:

There's no techniques needed. There's nothing more than honesty. You know, just a guy and a girl coming together or, in my case, a guy and two girls, a guy and a girl and another girl coming together and just saying, hey, do we want to all add a little bit of value to each other's lives? Do we want to make something beautiful together? Do we want to do something with each other, yes or no? So honesty has been such a beautiful thing for me.

Speaker 1:

It's meant that I can step into my own power. I don't have to use force. You know, power is not needing anything from the other person. Power is just saying, hey, here's who I am or here's what I'm offering. Would you like to be a part of that? And then, if someone says yes, that's great. If they say no, that's great. That's power. We don't need to use force, we don't need to use manipulation. There's no techniques, there's no convincing, there's no desperation. Nothing bad happens if the other person says no, and I'm super grateful to be in this position.

Speaker 1:

You know, I'm grateful for all of the people that taught me everything to get to this position. I'm grateful for all of the mentors that I've had. I'm grateful for all of the books that I've read. I'm grateful to you listening and grateful to all of my coaching clients for paying my bills and allowing me to do this stuff. I'm grateful to my beautiful girlfriend, imogen, for being here and being so loyal and sticking by my side and building the business with me. I'm grateful to Cam, you know, my assistant coach and essentially my business partner. I'm grateful to Ed and Taylor, who are the other two coaches in the program. I'm grateful to everyone. Really, I'm grateful to the universe for this beautiful playground that we get to fuck around in and have some fun with. So honesty, gratitude. All of these things have been so absolutely beautiful in my own life and that is my TED Talk. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Speaker 1:

That's why I like to be honest and upfront rather than ghosting or just and I guess this wasn't really ghosting with this coaching client. It's more like I don't know what you'd call it just letting it die off. But I've just personally found it so much kinder to just and kinder to myself as well to just send the text message saying, hey, I had fun, but I don't want to keep going. You know, I hope you have a beautiful life, I hope you find what you're looking for, and I love sending that text message because I think to this day I haven't really gotten any negative responses. Most of the responses that you get when you send a message like that, saying hey, I had so much fun, I'm so glad I met you, I don't want to keep going, I hope you find what you're looking for Most of the responses are really grateful.

Speaker 1:

People are like, oh my God, thank you for being so honest, like I had fun too. I hope you find what you're looking for. Thank you for being so nice. And you're like oh wow, this is so much nicer than just letting it die off. I think most people want to be honest and upfront about this shit.

Speaker 1:

I don't think most human beings want to ghost. I think the vast majority of human beings don't want to ghost. I think we just are scared that something bad will happen if we're honest, and so we think it's kinder to ghost. We're like, no, that's nicer or it's at least less awkward if I ghost. But if you dip your toe in the water and just take a little leap of faith and try being completely honest and saying, hey, I had fun, but I don't want to keep going, I don't want to continue any further, I think if you see some of the reactions that you get and how positive they are, you realize it's so much nicer on you and so much nicer on the other person to just be honest and upfront, even if you're worried that that might hurt the other person's feelings. It usually won't.

Speaker 1:

By the way, there's a really good book there's a couple of good books on this topic of like, if you're worried about hurting other people's feelings or you're worried about being honest, probably the first one that I would recommend is I Need your Love. Is that True? By Byron Katie. Another really great book is when I Say no, I Feel Guilty. I really love that book. And the third book is no More Mr Nice Guy, which, even if you're a woman listening that book applies to you too. It's sort of more about assertiveness and being okay with other people being disappointed in you sometimes and not being so much of a people pleaser. But yeah, those are the three books I recommend.

Speaker 1:

We've talked a little bit about coaching, so I will read out. What I've done is I've gone to all of my or a bunch of my old coaching clients and I've sent them a message and just said hey, you know how are you going. What have you been up to since you last? Well, in the coaching program, and they're all still in. We have like a members only accountability community, so they're all in there but like not in the actual coaching program. I guess that is the coaching program, but you guys and girls understand what I mean. Since you finished up your 12 weeks of coaching, what have you been up to? And I'll read out what one of the clients wrote and this was one of my earliest clients too. So I really like catching up with the people from like years later. I find that really cool and they're all like Really happy to talk to me, which I find still really beautiful and humbling, like even years later. Everybody so fucking nice to me when I'm a hey, what's what are you not to? What's going on everyone's I'm, I got andy like thank you. So, yeah, I read this out.

Speaker 1:

So this client said you know, I asked him what the changes were that is made since finishing his coaching a couple years ago and he said you know, now it feels weird to verbally abuse myself. Since I signed up for coaching with you, I made a habit to call out that sort of stuff in myself. Yeah, I can, I can vaguely remember that he was quite hard on himself and I've had a few coaching clients that sign up, that Use, I don't know, abusive. I don't know if abusive is the right word cuz it's coming from a good place, but A lot of people use like sort of abusive language or violent language on themselves. You know, like, come on, you fucking pussy. Like don't be such a little bitch. Like, come on, you gotta fucking go to the gym today.

Speaker 1:

And I like to use the rule of how would I talk to my best friend or how would I talk to another human being? And if, if I wouldn't talk to my best friend or another human being like that, then I'll try saying a little more kindly if I'm gonna talk to myself. You know what I mean. Like think how funny would be. Imagine your best friend is like man. You know I'm feeling a little bit low self esteem. Like you know, I kinda wanna lose weight. I really love a girlfriend like. And you like, come on, you little fucking bitch, go to the gym. You fucking pussy, little fucking loser. Like what the fuck is wrong with you. No one's ever gonna love you. Like what woman would be interested in you? It's like jesus christ, that's really evil. Like there are kind of ways to say it to your friend and that, and so if we wouldn't talk to a friend like that?

Speaker 1:

We talk to ourselves like that, we treat ourselves like the worst person in the world. It's a weird form of narcissism, isn't it? It's like reverse narcissism. We think that we're the only one on the planet that we can speak like that too, like you're kind to everybody else, but you're gonna be the biggest asshole to yourself. It's, it's a narcissism. So, yeah, I love to see that.

Speaker 1:

I love when a guy or a girl is able to sort of pull themselves away from that and go okay, look, I can still Push myself, I can still put that beautiful positive pressure on myself to take action. But I don't have to do it in a violent or abusive way. I don't have to use force. I can use love, right, can use motivation, I can use excitement, I can use energy, I can use, you know, motivation, whatever I want to use, but it doesn't have to be like abusive. So he goes on to say I also have implemented support systems in my life. I've been doing weekly accountability calls with a friend and then monthly ones with and I left out the name but another person in the group. It helps keep me on track. My relationships have gotten stronger because I tell people what I appreciate about them. This felt very strange at first, and still does to an extent, but it's done wonders. That's amazing. Yeah, a lot of people, especially a lot of guys that I work with At first, things like gratitude and telling people that you appreciate them comes very like.

Speaker 1:

It doesn't come naturally, I think, to a lot of people, especially a lot of guys. It feels weird at first to tell your friends that you're grateful for them, and I felt so strange the first few times I really did. I had all sorts of thoughts in my head of like is this gay? Is it gay if I tell my friend that I appreciate him? Bro, that's like gay, right, like. I've had all these sort of thoughts in my head.

Speaker 1:

But I started out by just I took like baby steps, and so what I would do is I started out by after I hung out with one of my friends. Afterwards, like the next day, I'd be like bro, that was a great chat yesterday, I'm so glad we hung out, and that was how I started, and then they would obviously always reply and be like me too, bro. That was amazing. Like we got to catch up again. I was like cool, I did it.

Speaker 1:

I told him that I had fun and I slowly just ramped it up from there and then I would get to a point where I would say thank you, or I'm grateful for, like, whatever had happened. Like if we went, if I hung out with my friend and I don't know, let's say he listened to me for a little bit, for like 20 minutes, talk about something that had been stressing me out. I would text him, you know, either later in the day or the next day, and I'd say bro, I really appreciate, I'm so grateful that you listen to me, man, that really fucking helped, thank you. And from now I was able to then ramp it up and eventually say just I'm grateful for you, man, or I really appreciate you, dude, or bro, I'm so glad that we're friends, like I would just start with little things like that. And then eventually, you know, I got to the point where I'm at now where I can literally just say to my friends you know, I say it to Cam quite a lot and he says it to me I'll just say like I'm grateful for you, and then he might just reply I'm grateful for you too, and so I can send that to all of my friends now and I have been doing that for a couple of years. And yeah, as this client says it, it really is a game changer.

Speaker 1:

It's really nice being able to just tell people what you actually think about them, without any of those fears or worries of like, but what if they think I'm gay? What if they think I'm weird? I think women are pretty good at this. For the most part, women are pretty good at telling their friends like I appreciate you, you know, I love you, like. Women are pretty good at that stuff. I think it's just guys that struggle because we think something bad will happen.

Speaker 1:

And my favorite technique that I used in the early days to push myself past that fear was I would think about, like, what masculinity meant to me. The concept of masculinity and a big part of masculinity for me and I think for a lot of guys, is doing things that scare you, like having courage, being brave. I think a lot of people associate masculinity with bravery and courage, and so I thought about it and I was like well, I'm really scared to tell my friends that I appreciate them. So wouldn't it be courageous as fuck if I did it anyway? Like, wouldn't that be brave as hell if I told my best mate like, bro, I appreciate you, I'm grateful for you, and I just did it with that in mind. I was like, okay, I'm just gonna be a ballsy motherfucker until my friend, I appreciate him or I'm grateful for him. And that was how I was able to start at the start.

Speaker 1:

The same thing with being honest and authentic with women. I was really scared. I was like, what if they think I'm a beta male? What if they think I'm a little pussy or something? What if they lose interest because I'm too honest? And I was like, all right, that's me being scared. And what are masculine, courageous men? Do they run towards their fears? So I'm gonna do that and I did it and it went amazing.

Speaker 1:

And, yeah, funnily enough, like lots of women have told me, imogen's even written a couple of articles from my website about this exact topic and one of the girls that we're still seeing to this day, who's seen her for about a year she wrote an article for my website about honesty and like what it's been like to date me and Imogen as well, but what it's been like to date me, andy and have me be so honest and vulnerable. And both of them have said and I've asked plenty of other women this and they've both said, like I respect you way more because you're honest and you're open and you tell me you're grateful and you tell me what you're struggling with sometimes and how you're gonna work through it and what you've overcome, and I have so much courage sorry so much respect for your courage because you've opened up your heart to me and I've seen how difficult that was in the early days or how nervous you were to do it and it's been amazing to see that. So, yeah, I really love this. I'm always so in admiration when any client is able to open up and start being a little bit more honest about to their friends or to relationships, that they appreciate people that they're grateful Cause. I know that stuff at the start can be a little bit scary, so I love that.

Speaker 1:

He goes on to say I gained the understanding that I needed to resist the temptation to accept the ugly idea that life sucked or I sucked or there was nothing that I could do about it. Yeah, he was a little bit. When he first signed up. I do remember him having a bit of a negative mindset, which is, I think, a lot of people have a negative mindset. I used to. I think it's just the default, right, like it's not the default, but for a lot of people it's the default. It was for me. So I love that. He says every time I hit a new milestone it's a reminder that the negative self-talk is just an excuse to not take action. That's a nice framing. I like that framing. Yeah, I could see that framing being very like. So every time you have a negative thought, every time he has a negative thought, he's thinking like, oh, this is just an excuse to not take action. Yeah, almost like your brain's trying to help you or trying to make you procrastinate, you know, trying to make you avoid doing the things that you wanna do, avoid putting in some effort. You can kinda go like, oh, there's that negative self-talk again. Nope, I'm not gonna accept that.

Speaker 1:

My one of my spiritual coaches, anytime there's a negative, anytime a negative thought pops up, he calls that an invitation back into limitation, like it's basically your brain or you know. The negative thought itself is like giving you a little invitation. It's saying hey, would you like to go back into limitation? Would you like to be the limited version of yourself? Would you like to be complacent and not achieve things? And then you can just see that invitation and you can go no, thank you, I don't wish to accept that invitation. And you're allowed to decline those invitations infinite times if you want to. And so, yeah, I really love that framing. You have that negative talk in your head or that negative thought or that voice or that hopelessness or whatever, and you go no, thank you, I don't wish to accept this invitation. But I appreciate the offer. But thank you so much. No, thank you. So, yeah, I love that. That's such a beautiful framing.

Speaker 1:

He goes on to say I'm close to the best shape of my life. That's amazing. That's amazing. If I remember correctly, I think he had a bit of weight to lose when he first signed up. So, holy shit, that's amazing. He says I've had great times with girls, my relationships are solid and my career is progressing. That makes me so happy. I love that.

Speaker 1:

I think I also asked a question, something like if somebody else wants to sign up for coaching, but they're hesitating or whatever, what would you say to them? I think that was how I phrased the question to him and he said signing up with coaching is an investment in yourself and he is gonna lead you into a good state of mind. He's gonna pressure you to nut up and approach if that's something you're into obviously. He's gonna answer all of your questions and help you sort out through your mess. Most importantly, he's gonna help you build structures in your life so you can sustain your progress when the coaching is done. If you value that, sign up. Yeah, that's the intuition of the coaching.

Speaker 1:

It's like you don't just need like basically the mission of the coaching. Amongst other things, one of the big missions is to get you to not feel like you need coaching anymore, but like coaching from me and I still obviously support people. We have, like I said, a members only Accountability group that people staying forever. I give people all the video courses and ebooks and stuff for free. I'm constantly adding more. We have like a little library in the coaching program which has like members only podcasts and videos, and I Do a bunch of guides and stuff that are literally only for the coaching clients and like they'll never be real. Well, I can't say never, but they're not released to the public. They're just for the coaching clients and I'm always adding new shit to the to there, so people get that forever, basically, but that's kind of the mission of the.

Speaker 1:

Coaching is like To teach you how to think rather than what to think, and to build Accountability support groups and to get your accountability partners and to teach you Philosophies for life. That's really the intention of my entire content in general is to teach you like Some things or some philosophies that have helped me so that you don't like need me. You know what I mean. Like when I think about all of my mentors, the one thing or one of the things they had in common was like they taught me how to think and they made me eventually I won't say like outgrow them, but like not need them anymore. I still go back and watch their content. Obviously, byron, katie, david Hawkins good-looking loser whenever he put stuff out, you know, mark Manson, caleb Jones I still watch their content from time to time, but they all helped me spread my wings and fly and that's definitely my intention with both my content and my coaching. So, anyway, super grateful to him for writing all of that, super grateful for all of my clients and, if you would like to sign up for coaching. You know you can join the coaching program, like this client did.

Speaker 1:

I am also Offering the $200 coaching calls, so that's like a one-on-one call with me. We sit down for an hour or so, we go over any things that you're struggling with, whatever you plan you might want to come up with, whatever goals you have, any questions you have, you and I can sit down, shoot the shit. Those are limited to one per person, so if you want to grab one of those, I will leave a link in the description below. They're a nice little segue to the coaching program too, like if you've been thinking of signing up for the coaching program but you're like Jesus Christ man, like that's a big investment. I don't know if I can, I don't know if I want to do that.

Speaker 1:

Just grab one of the $200 coaching calls. It's like the baby version of coaching. You know you get to sit down with me and get to see what it's like to be coached by me. I guess for a little bit, and I've had lots of people that take those $200 calls and then you know, at the end of it or halfway through it they're like fuck it, man, I'm signing up for the coaching program, like fuck this, dude, give me the program. So that's really cool. And even if you just take the call and all we do is sit there for a couple hours and you know I give you a bit of direction and stuff, I think they or at least most people have told me they're really really, really helpful.

Speaker 1:

I get some emails every now and then from people saying, like dude, that $200 call that we did like a year ago or six months ago, holy shit, man, like that changed the direction of my life. So that's always beautiful to hear. I really appreciate those emails and all of that. So, yep, if you would like coaching, links in the description below to both of those. I also have a link to my new video course that's down below. You can pay whatever you want to pay for that, even just one dollar, if that's all you want to pay. As as always, ladies and beautiful gentlemen, go out there, crush those goals. Have a bloody good time doing it.

Benefits of Honesty and Kindness in Relationships
Embracing Peaceful and Honest Relationships
The Power of Self-Talk and Gratitude
Overcoming Fear and Embracing Authenticity
$200 Coaching Calls and Video Course