Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

Being Grateful for Right Now ("What if My Body was the Only Body on Earth?")

November 06, 2023 Andy Wells
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
Being Grateful for Right Now ("What if My Body was the Only Body on Earth?")
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Speaker 1:

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, here's a cute little story about gratitude. One of the guys in our coaching program has been every day saying one thing that he's grateful for, and he's been posting this in the group and sharing it with all of us, and it's inspired a lot of other people in the group to do the same thing. And a few of them are saying a couple of things that they're grateful for every day, and one day one of them said I'm really grateful for my car. I feel like I lose perspective on this sometimes when I see photos of new Audi's or fancy cars or whatever, but my car is a nice car and it works good. And Taylor, who's one of the coaches in our program, said yeah, I often think about cars too, and sometimes I think what if my car was the only car in the world? Well then, I would probably worship it. And it reminds me a lot of sort of a technique or a trick a technique, I guess, that I've given to a few coaching clients, and I got this from Byron Katie. And, for full context, byron Katie was doing some counseling or coaching or whatever you want to call it, doing the work with one particular woman who was very upset about her body and didn't like the way she looked and was beating herself up and wish she looked different and was trying to lose weight Something that a lot of us can relate to. And Byron Katie said right now you hate your body, you're at war with your body, which, by the way, is not super conducive to weight loss. A lot of the time we go to war with our bodies or our thoughts or our minds and we think the violence is the way that we're going to get to our goals. But there's another way excitement, joy, positivity, love and just taking action. Action is what gets you to your goals. You don't need to be forceful or hateful or violent as you do it Anyway. So Byron Katie said you know you're at war with your body, you hate your body. But what if your body was the only body in the world? Like, imagine if you had never seen any other human being ever since the day you had been born. You'd never seen another body. What would you think about your body then? And the woman kind of cried a little bit and said I think I would probably love my body. It would just be my body. I wouldn't have anything to compare it to, I wouldn't even know that it was fat or that I didn't like it or that there were better bodies. It would just be my body. And so Byron Katie sort of said you know, imagine if you could just embody that right now. Imagine if you could just see your body through fresh eyes, see it as a body. And so how this applies to the car, you know gratitude thing that the people in the coaching group were talking about yeah, if you can just see your car as your car or whatever else you might be comparing yourself to, you know, if you just see your body as your body, and then if you want to improve it, that's beautiful. But this comparison game where we compare to other people or we say that guy has a better car than me, or you know, my car isn't as good as that car over there, my body isn't as good as that body over there, I don't have as much money as this person, I don't have as many YouTube subscribers as that content creator when we play the comparison game, we always end up losing, because there's always going to be someone who has more money than you or is a little further ahead in their goals than you, or has had more sex than you, and so you're always going to be a loser. You're always going to call yourself a loser. And so if you could take this concept one step further and instead of just saying you know my car, imagine if I could think my car was the only car in the world, or my body was the only body in the world, I take it one step further and say, for all the intents and purposes, this car is the only car in the world as in it's the only car that I currently have. Or this body is, from my perspective, the only body in the world. It's the only body that I have any sort of control over and control is a strong word, but it's the only body that I have any agency over. It may as well be the only body in the world Like, this is the one that I've got. I can't swap bodies. In this moment right, this second. I can't swap cars, because if I could swap it, then I would just do that right, and you can build a better body. You can save up some money and go buy another car, but for this moment in time right, this second this is the only car that you have. This is the only body that you have. These are the only friends that you have. This is the only girlfriend you have. Whatever situation you're in right now, that's what you have right now, in this current moment, and you can be grateful for that. Or if you'd like to change something there, you can change something. That's always an option. But being okay with what we currently are or currently have, and then improving that is the pathway to peace, rather than this war that we often resort to, where we think, if I just yell at reality and yell at myself and hate my thoughts and hate my car, and hate my wallet and hate my bank account and hate my clothes and hate the people that I'm sleeping with or not sleeping with, and we go to war and we think that that's the pathway to happiness. Years ago, I spent a big chunk of my early relationship with my beautiful girlfriend Imogen, where I was kind of at war. I would be thinking about other women or I would be wishing that Imogen was different in some way and she did the exact same thing with me. She would wish that I would listen to her more. She wished that I was stronger. She wished that I had more muscle. She wished that I was more, I guess, patient with her. We would sort of compare each other to other human beings out there and wished that something was different, or wished that the other person would change, or wished that we could control them. And in that way we sort of spent the first couple of years looking over at the other car I guess you could say, you know, the fancy new Audi. As my client said, I would look at other women and go I wonder if that woman's more you know, I don't know happy. I wonder if that woman has more money. I wonder if that woman has better tits and Imogen would do the same thing with me. I wonder if that guy has more money. I wonder if that guy's more patient. I wonder if that guy listens more. I wonder if that guy has a better body. And we finally found some peace. You know, a couple of years ago now, when we first started asking wait, am I actually happy with my partner, though? Like, am I glad that he or she is here? Am I glad that they're here? Are they adding to my life? Is my life better for having them in it? And the answer to all of those questions when we started asking ourselves that was an emphatic yes, like are you fucking kidding me? Am I happy with her? Hell yes. Was she happy with me? Hell yes. And so we kind of, I guess, in a way, said to ourselves or to each other why are we both wishing that we had that shiny, fancy new car when we're sitting here so unbelievably happy with what we have right here in this moment? Cause you can play that game forever, that comparison game of there could be a better woman out there, there could be a better guy out there, there could be a better car out there, there could be more money, there could be this, blah, blah, blah. And obviously, if the answer to any of those questions is in the questions of am I happy with my partner, are they happy with me? If the answer to any of those questions is no, like no, I'm not happy, then of course you can change something. You know you could improve their relationship, you could improve yourself, you could learn to love yourself and give yourself those things that you're wanting, rather than trying to get them from a partner. You could move on from your partner, you could leave, you could go to couples therapy. There's a million different options, right? But the answer for us was an emphatic. Oh my God, yes, I am happy with you. So why am I looking over at the other side wondering if the grass is greener? And I think, like I said, we can play that game forever. There will always be someone better than the partner that you're with right now. Depending on how you wanna define the word better, there'll always be someone with more money or a better body or a bigger dick or a wetter pussy or whatever it might be that you might be interested in. You know what I mean. There will always be someone out there who can scratch that itch a little better than your partner can. But at the end of the day, are you happy with your partner? Are you happy with this moment in time that you are where you're in right now? And if the answer to that is yes, that's absolutely beautiful, because happiness is living in the current moment. Happiness is finding some semblance of peace with this current right now. Second, that's happening. It's not looking at the future and saying in the future I'll be happier. That's a game that human beings play, and when you play that game, when you say you know I'll be happy in the future and I'm not going to be happy right now, you're just going to keep moving the goalpost. That's, trust me, I'm speaking from experience. This is how it goes. This is what it was like for me for years. You tell yourself you'll be happy when you have more sex. Then you have sex with 50 women. You tell yourself you'll be happy when you have sex with 100, then you have sex with 100. You tell yourself you'll be happy when you make more money. Tell yourself you'll be happy when your body's better, and then, at some point, you go wait, am I actually happy? Now, though? Like, am I enjoying this process of self improvement? And the answer, for me personally, was like fuck, yeah, are you kidding me? Like, I love this. I love having sex, I love meeting new people, I love making money, I love going to the gym. I love working on all of this stuff. I love working on my self esteem, my happiness, my peace, my love, my enlightenment, if you want to use that word. I love working on this stuff. Okay, well, why am I thinking that I'll be happier in the future? Like, fuck the future. The future's either going to come or it's not going to come. But am I happy right now? Well, yes, I am very happy. Okay, cool, let's enjoy that. So happiness is right here, because this is technically all we have. I hope this kid little story was entertaining or interesting to you. If not, that's beautiful too. If you would like to join our coaching program and have some more conversations just like these ones, if you want to work on your piece, your love, your happiness, your money, your sex life, whatever the hell you want to work on, we would love to have you as part of the program. If you're not sure, if you want to make a big commitment financially and, I guess, taking your life that seriously, I also offer $200. Coaching calls one-on-one coaching calls with me. We can sit down for an hour or so, go over any questions you might have, anything you're struggling with, and I can help you and give you whatever it is that you might want from me. I will leave a link in the description below to those calls and to the coaching program. I have a couple of books and video courses and things down there as well that are all $1 each or you pay whatever you want, but you can pay as little as $1. That's all down below. As always, ladies, gentlemen, and people who have a fancy car and people who don't have a fancy car. Go out there, crush those goals and enjoy the process. You can be just as happy right now, before you've crushed those goals, as when you have crushed those goals.

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