Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

Storytime: How I Went Out to Bars/Clubs ALONE at Night

November 17, 2023 Andy Wells
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
Storytime: How I Went Out to Bars/Clubs ALONE at Night
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

A really fun, adventurous period of my life.

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Speaker 1:

Ladies, gentlemen honestly, this one's probably more for the gentlemen. Let's talk a little bit about the years or the months, the period of my life where I went out to bars alone at night. And this was a discussion that came up in my coaching group a little while ago, where one of the guys was wanting to go out to bars alone at night. And that's a pretty common thing that comes up quite a lot for a lot of you guys. You want to go out, meet some women. Maybe you missed out on going to bars and clubs and stuff like that and exploring the nightlife when you were younger, and now you want to sort of learn how to do it. And so I told this guy about my own experience with going out to bars. You know a bit of a fun adventure, a saga that I went on when I was in my mid-twenties and it was just after I had, you know, gone through my depression and gotten my life together. And you know, I'd gotten over my depression, I'd gotten over my agoraphobia and I decided to really sort of, I guess, challenge myself but like push myself and learn how to put myself in situations that really terrified me. And so before that I had this really strong agoraphobia which is like basically a fear of going outside, a fear of being outside, strong social anxiety and all of that kind of stuff. And I was working through most of that and I just I had this weird epiphany where I was like, if I'm so scared of being out alone in public, maybe I want to put myself in the most public, most terrifying place ever, which to me seemed like bars and clubs, especially going completely alone at night by myself, with no friends, just me. And so I went on this sort of expedition or this adventure for about six months where I would go out every single night and okay, not every night, but like six nights a week alone to bars and clubs. And, like I said, I did that for six months and the first few nights were completely terrifying and I would sit there with a drink and I would just watch people for a little bit. And then I kind of left. You know, I could only handle being there for a little bit because I had all of the fears in my head of like, what if people think I'm weird for coming here alone? What if people think I have no friends? I don't know who to talk to? This is so weird, you know, like all of that panic, the kind of stories that we have in our head, but I sat there for as long as I could and then I left, and then I would try again the next night and I just kept trying to last as long as I possibly could each night and extending that time longer and longer and longer, and I would give myself these fun little challenges, like I'd say, ok, I have to just sit here and I'm not allowed to look at my phone at all, and I have to just sit here for the next five minutes without being on my phone. And I would sit there in silence and learn to just basically be OK being in that environment. And I was obviously scared and terrified at the start, which you know this coaching client that I told all of this to, he ended up going out alone to bars as well, and he was just as terrified the first few times. And any of you that want to do the same thing, you know you want to go out to some bars or some clubs by yourself. It might be a little bit scary At the start, you know, and so I would just sit there and I would just sort of keep repeating to myself it's OK, everything's OK, just get through this, just stay here, don't leave, don't look at your phone. And I would try and not look at my phone for five minutes and I could do that, and then eventually I would be able to not look at it for 10 minutes and then 15 minutes, and eventually I got to this point where I I just became so comfortable by just putting myself in that environment of being in this you know loud, noisy, you know crazy environment that clubs can sometimes be I would just sit there, for you know, enough times, enough days, enough weeks in a row where it became almost like my second home. And that's all that this stuff really is If you want to get good at anything in life, but especially putting yourself out there in an environment like this, you know, in the night scene, it really is just exposure therapy, exposing yourself to this place enough times that it becomes like a second home. And then you're not sitting there panicking, you're not sitting there anxious, you're not sitting there nervous, you don't care if anybody thinks you're weird, you don't care if you talk to somebody or not. And so, through going through that process, I was able to get so unbelievably comfortable that I just started talking to people. You know, because I'm in my home now why wouldn't I talk to people? They're in my home with me, so I'll talk to them. So I started making friends with the staff. You know I would talk to the bouncers and the security who, by the way, generally speaking, love talking to you, especially if you're sober and you're polite and you actually seem to give a shit about them and you don't have to be completely sober, but like if you're not completely drunk you know what I mean If you're just like a reasonable, decent human being and you talk to the security and say, hey, how's your night gone, man? Like, what are you up to? Like, do you like working here? What's everybody like? Do you like the staff? Is this the first gig you've worked? Do you work elsewhere? You know what's it like being a security guard. What's the wildest story that you've ever had? What's your favorite night? What's your least favorite night? You know asking these kind of questions and then sharing yourself as well and telling them. You know I used to be like so socially awkward and really nervous in social environments, and so I've started coming to this club and some other clubs and I'm just trying to put myself out there. You know, I'm just coming here alone to learn to be comfortable here. People respect the shit out of that, and so you can make friends with the staff. You can have that exact same conversation with the bartender, though, generally speaking, I would only really or I only really ever had those deep conversations with bartenders when they weren't super busy, and so I started actually going to clubs like really early. Like some of these clubs would open at like 8 pm and basically nobody would be there, like nobody really goes clubbing until like ah, fuck, I don't know Like 11 pm, maybe midnight, depends on the club. Some clubs are a little earlier than that, but the ones that I would go to didn't really start to pick up until, like you know, 10 pm, 11 pm, midnight maybe, and so I would go there early and just start talking to the bartenders. I would talk to other people who were there, I made some friends and it just became this really like beautiful experience of me just going to bars and going to clubs, and I wasn't even necessarily there to hook up with women, though I did do the classic. So this is when I was younger and I did do the classic male thing of if I just hope that a woman will, I don't know, magically fall onto my lap, then maybe it will happen. And there are a few women that showed interest in me, but I didn't really know how to pull the trigger. There are a few women that would dance with me and even touch me a little bit, but I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I didn't know how to fucking like get involved in that. And so, you know, I just kept putting myself out there and making friends and being social and becoming really comfortable here. And I ended up having one particular night where I was there with some friends and there was this girl that I was just so unbelievably attracted to. She just had my like perfect body type. She was like super skinny, super thin. You know there's often the debate with guys of like are you an ass man or are you a tits man? And then me, andy, I'm like neither. I like him like thin, I like him petite Little bit of muscle, like they go to the gym. Oh my God, I'm in heaven. Small boobs are you serious? Oh my God, I'm in heaven If she's got small, perky boobs and a cute little butt, you know, barely any fat on her tiny, tiny, tiny little bit of muscle. Oh my God, I'm in heaven, anyway. So this girl was there I think she was like 19, 20 at the time and she was dancing and she was wearing this sexy dress and, you know, lots of guys seemed interested in her and I was just, for some reason, I was like fuck it Two nights to the night. I don't know how, but I don't know why, but I just I need to fucking dance with her. And so I started dancing with her and she was dancing with me and her friend was there as well, and she had the classic stereotype, you know, she had a friend who was like a little bit heavier, a little bit less attractive, and the friend was doing that classic thing of like, you know, like the protecting of her friend. So her friend was trying to like I don't want to use the word cock-bock, but her friend was trying to protect her. And so I just made friends with the friend. You know what I mean? I was like I didn't have any hate towards her, I didn't have any like, oh God, this friend's trying to cock-bock me. I was just like all right, well, I don't mind if I don't get laid, or you know, that wasn't even really my goal, I just knew that this girl was really attractive and I wanted to dance with her. So I kind of made friends with the friend and then after a little while the friend kind of liked me and I just hung out with both of them for a while and we danced. And then they went to a different club and I was so fucking terrified and nervous but I managed to work out the courage to just awkwardly blood out. Can I come with you? And I remember being so clumsy about it and so scared and they were like, yeah, you can come with us, I guess. And I was like, oh my god, oh my god, what do I fucking do next? And then we went to another club and then, you know, they were like hey, we're going to hang out at some party or some shit. And again I was just like, alright, I guess the night is over. And so I kind of followed them to, you know, outside the venue and they were kind of just waiting for a taxi or whatever. There was an Uber back then and I just kind of waited with them and I was like, fuck, like I really like this girl. Do I ask for her number? What do I do? I don't know how to do this. And I was scared and I didn't know what to say and they weren't saying like hey, you should come with us. And I just took a chance and I was like, fuck it, do you guys think that I could, like, come to the party with you? And they were like, yeah, I guess you can come. And I was like, oh my god, like what the fuck do I do? And we go to this party. I don't know anyone there. I'm so awkward, I'm so nervous, but you know, for some reason, like it just goes okay. And then we leave the party and by this point it's like 5am in the morning and we just walk around together. You know me and this girl that I'm super attracted to, and then her friend. We're kind of just all hanging out and by this point the friend like is you know, the friend that I'm not into is like so crazy over the top into me, because I've been super nice to her the entire night and I think she was maybe used to people not being that nice to her because she wasn't conventionally attractive. She did have a lot of weight. She kind of came off as like the cock block friend kind of thing and I don't think that those three things put together make you like she phrase this in a nice way. She definitely didn't make it super easy to like her at first because she came across as very combative, because she was being, come, you know, sort of concerned for her friend. She's like cock blocking for her friend, but it comes across as unlikable or it makes, makes it harder for people to like you. But I seem to like her pretty well. I got on with her pretty decently, but clearly me being nice to her made her like really fucking like me, more so than the girl that I was actually attracted to, and so I was like, am I just gonna end up with like the friend that I'm not attracted to? And there was no way in hell that I was gonna sleep with this other girl. I just there was zero attraction there, but she was nice enough and I was happy to be friends with both of these chicks, so we hang out for a while. You know I end up getting both of their numbers and they both text me. You know the next day text them or whatever. I can't remember, but basically real texting each other and my man. That was really fun. I had a wild fucking ride and this bits and pieces I'm missing out there, you know. We ended up hanging out for like eight hours straight or something, over that course of the entire night. I don't think we went home to like 8am in the morning, but man, it was so much fucking fun and anyway I end up texting the girl that I was attracted to. They were both texting me, but I texted the girl that I was really attracted to and I was like, basically clumsily, do you wanna hang out again? And she was like, what would we do? And I was like, fuck, like what am I supposed to do? So I can't even remember what I did. I think we went to the movies together or something like you know, just the stuff that a normal average guy does, and we hung out for a little bit. And then, I think the third or the fourth time we hung out, we made out a little bit and then we had sex at some point. We had sex a bunch of times in Call me a romantic, but I remember the first time we had sex was like in my bedroom and the moon was like behind her and she was writing me and she was kinda on top and just her body was like perfect to me and it was so hot and we ended up having sex at my parents house and so we had to be super quiet, snuck her in we have to be super quiet and the moon was kind of behind her and it was like casting this glow onto her skin and man, it was like really romantic and really hot as well. I was super into her and we ended up seeing each other for a while until eventually I left that town, you know, moved back to a city to be by myself, but man, like it was such a great experience and so that was technically the only time I've ever hooked up with someone from, you know, night time, because it's not really something that I'm into. I really like clubbing and all of that kind of stuff I wrote I really enjoyed that period of my time. Again, it was like a, that period of my life. Sorry, again it was like a six month period, but Clubs just aren't super. What I mean to? I like to go to bed nice and early, like 8pm, 9pm. I like to wake up at like 4am and 5am and get my life started early in the morning. But I would. I'm really. I have a lot of love for that period in my life. You know, it sort of taught me to be, or showed me that I could be, more social, that I was allowed to go to bars and clubs, even though that had never felt like my scene. I was allowed to go to parties even though I had never gone to parties ever, like all through high school, all through university, and I just I didn't go to parties ever, and so it was great to be able to go out there completely alone. You know, socialize for those six months hook up with this girl that I ended up meeting, completely Having no idea what the hell I was doing with her. But you know, as in on that first night I really didn't know what I was doing but I just clumsily kept trying and yeah, it goes to show you that you don't have to be this smooth James Bond, you know, who knows what to say. All the time I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I didn't know any other concepts that I know now. I didn't know any techniques not that you need techniques, but like I really didn't know what the hell I was doing and it still worked out because I tried. That's really the only thing that matters is just try. So if any of this is something that any of you are interested in, like you want to start going out To bars or to clubs and it's not for everybody but if this is something you're passionate about, maybe this story helps you. But the only advice I'd give is just try. Like it's okay. If you can only go out the first couple of times and you can only sit there for like 10 minutes before you feel so uncomfortable that you gotta leave, that's okay. That's all I could really manage. The first couple of times I felt so uncomfortable there. You know, for that first couple of weeks I just again, I was never really the cool kid. I was never the guy that went to parties. I didn't get invited to parties Actually, that's not true. I got invited to parties in high school but I was too nervous to say yes, so I'd always say no. And then eventually people stopped inviting me to parties and I didn't get invited ever again, cause why would you invite the guy that says no all the time? And so I really didn't ever feel like I was that cool guy and if I can go to clubs completely alone and accidentally end up hooking up with a girl you know what I mean Like the rest of you could definitely do that if that is something that you're passionate about, so give yourself permission to suck. If this is something that you want to do, put yourself out there and take action. You know it really helped me to go out multiple times a week for, like I said, about a six month period, and I've had other clients who've done the same thing. There's a few testimonies and stories and interviews on my YouTube channel. Probably the most interesting one is and I have a whole playlist of all of the client interviews, by the way but one of the most interesting ones was a guy that got laid within 10 minutes of meeting a woman at a bar or I think it was at a club, I can't remember and he was so unbelievably not confident, like he really wasn't, but he just, I don't know, through divine inspiration or some shit, like he met some woman and he was just like, do you want to get out of here? And he didn't expect that to work. And she was like sure, and then he was kind of just like wait, what the fuck Like? Why does she say yes? And then he was like, do you want to come back to my place and have another drink? And she was like, sure, I'd like that. And he was like, wait, what the fuck? I just met this woman. Why is she saying yes? And they ended up going home and hooking up and he was like, what the fuck Like? What is this weird thing that just happened? And again, this was not a super confident guy, this is just like a normal average guy. And he looked. I mean, he was attractive enough, but he just looked slightly above average. It's not like he was a god or anything and he just tried. So that's all any of our goals really are. It's just make an attempt, try and then just keep trying, and it's okay if you're not perfect. You will eventually get there if you just try enough. So I hope this podcast, I hope this story, was, at the very least, interesting, and if not, that's okay too. But if any of you do want to put yourselves out there, I say, go for it. So, as always, ladies and gentlemen, go out there, crush those goals, have a bloody good time doing it, and if you would like any help with any of this coaching. I tell you what. I'll just run my nice little pre-made outro and you can all listen to that. You've been sitting around trying to achieve your goals on your own, making a little bit of progress, but nowhere near what. You know you're capable of Time to get serious. Ravi got serious by joining my coaching, following in my footsteps and creating his own kick-ass coaching business, motivating other people and changing the world. Joe had a ton of sex and learned to open up deeply with women. He started his own successful photography and dating business, quit his job and he's earning lots of money. Jack went all in with his sex life, moved across the country to pursue his dreams, had a bunch of wild sex and a threesome, quit porn and made connections in the LA party scene. Click the link to coaching in the description below. It's time to go all in with this thing and do this thing for real.

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