Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells

Immy & I Sleep in Separate Beds??

November 18, 2023 Andy Wells
Kill Your Inner Loser / Andy Wells
Immy & I Sleep in Separate Beds??
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

My article - Sleep is Paramount:
Matthew Walker's book - Why We Sleep:

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Speaker 1:

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, andy, here I went from depressed and suicidal to living a life of abundance and joy. If I can do it, you show us how can too. So one thing that Imogen and I do, which is very normal to us, but every now and then when someone finds out they're interested. So I thought I'd talk about it here, and the thing that we do is we sleep in separate beds and technically we have our own apartments as well, so that we completely have our own space. I live on my own and Imogen house shares with a couple of other women, but for about a year or so, when money was tied, we did live together, but still in separate bedrooms, and we've always slept in separate beds, just pretty much always. Part of the reason why, or really the only reason why, is because we both sleep a lot better, and I think a lot of people fall into that category too. I honestly don't think most people sleep well with a partner, but I think it's so common in mainstream that everybody just assumes that it's what you do and is very normal. But I don't think most people have ever checked and said or asked themselves and their partner do we want to actually sleep in the same bed or would we like separate beds? And at the end of the day, obviously I'm a big advocate of everybody doing whatever it is they want to do. But it's just been so nice over the last you know, four or five, or it's five and a half years, five and a half years of our relationship being able to have that separate space. You know, decent sleep has been so unbelievably helpful to me, enjoying every day getting a lot done, and the same thing with Imogen as well. It's how I've been able to achieve all of my goals, or it's a big part of it. And obviously my sleep is really perfect, but infinitely better than the average sleep, and a big part of that is because I have my own bed. I have my own space. I can retire into the bedroom at whatever time I want. I'm not beholden to my partner's sleep patterns and when she wants to go to sleep we also don't toss and turn and fight over space or blankets. I get to have the room as hot or as cold as I would like. If I go up to go to the toilet, I don't wake her up. If she wakes up before me or I wake up before her, we don't disturb each other. There's all sorts of wonderful benefits of sleeping in my own bed and it's meant that I can really just wake up every day and focus on doing what I want to do, and she can do the same thing, because we wake up at like roughly sort of the same time, but I usually wake up at 4.30, 5.00 am, 5.30, depends, you know, whenever I wake up I don't have an alarm or anything, but I usually wake up early and she wakes up a little bit later, like 6.00 am, sometimes 6.30, 7.00 am. And so having our own separate beds and now having our own separate apartments well, for most of our relationship we were living in separate apartments, but that's meant that we don't wake each other up, we don't bother each other, we get to kick some ass and then come together and not be grouchers, I guess, not be grumpy and not that you have to be grumpy just because you didn't get perfect sleep but good sleep has definitely been instrumental in, like I said, a lot of the achievements that I've had over the last like 5.30 years, and I wrote an article called Sleep is Paramount where I talked about how sleep, decent sleep, good sleep, I guess you could say, has been really, really, really beneficial to me. There's also a really good book by Matthew Walker called why we Sleep and that book paired with my article and I'll leave a link in the show notes or the description to my article, but my article and Matthew Walker's book together. You know we both walk you through steps. If this is something you want to prioritize, like getting good sleep, we walk you through how to do that. All the things that have worked for me, all the different tricks and habits and things that I've built over the last I don't know I've been working on my, I've prioritized my sleep. I've cared about my sleep for probably the last like seven or so years, maybe eight years. And if this is something that's important to you, like having decent sleep or even achieving big goals, you make it 10,000 times easier on yourself if you have decent sleep. But you can follow this even if you're just having casual sex, right, like you don't have to let anyone sleep over that you don't want to sleep over. And this is something that I think a lot of guys feel a bit guilty about, like they worry that. But isn't it mean to like ask a girl to go home if she comes over to my place and we have sex, and then why kick her out? That feels mean. I personally in my life never let anyone sleep over that I was casually seeing or, to this day, that I'm still casually seeing See. Only exception is people that I really really, really like and that I've been seeing for a long time. So Imogen obviously can crash at my house if she wants to, but that doesn't really happen that often. The girl that we're dating right now that we've been seeing for a year, occasionally she can crash on our couch or we have a separate room with a separate mattress. Every now and then she can crash there, but outside of those two people who are quite special to me, and that is again probably like once every two months. That happens outside of those two. No, I never let a single other person sleep over Like it just wasn't ever something that I wanted to do. Now, if you want to let someone sleep over, wonderful, great, have fun with that. But I think a lot of guys don't want a woman to sleep over, but they're worried that it's bad or wrong or mean to ask her to go home, and so what I would always do is I would tell them beforehand. If I was seeing them at night, I'd tell them like ages before, like if they were coming over to my place and we were gonna have sex, I would text them that day or the day before and be like, by the way, sleep is super important to me. So if you come over, either be able to drive yourself home or I can order you an Uber or like we'll figure out what to do, but you can't sleep at my place, like that. Just, I like my own space and I'd phrase it like that. So I like my own sleep. Sleep is important to me. I need my own space. I want to get up in the morning and be productive. So that's what's gonna happen if you come over, and every single girl that I told that to was completely. People appreciate the heads up. The only challenge ever comes or the only, I guess, tension ever comes is if you're she comes over and she might be assuming or thinking that she gets to sleep over, then you guys have sex and then it's like 1 am in the morning and you're like, by the way, you have to go home now. It's like what the fuck? You could have told me this like 12 hours ago before I came over here this morning, when I got up, you could have told me that. So I like to give people lots of notice, lots of time to prepare for that, but every single girl that I've ever told this to is being completely happy. It hasn't ever been an issue. And so again, at the end of the day, do whatever you wanna do. I guess this podcast is me just giving you permission. If you don't want people to sleep over in your bed because sleep is important to you, you're allowed to tell them beforehand. If sleep is important to you, you're allowed to respect that and tell other people so that they can respect that too. And if someone ever doesn't respect it which basically never happens, by the way, but if someone ever did, then sorry, if they ever didn't respect it, there's probably not someone that you wanna see anyway. And again, I've never had a single person not be okay with going home after we have sex, as long as I tell them first. That's all I got for you today. Ladies and gentlemen, this one was pretty much aimed more at guys, but women, this is directed at you too. Actually, I say this is aimed at guys. There's a woman in my coaching program right now who has asked basically this exact question, but she's asked in the reverse, funnily enough. She felt like she was under some sort of obligation to sleep over at any guy's house that she had sex with. And she asked us like, do I have to sleep over? And we were like no woman, you're allowed to call yourself an Uber and go home, you don't have to sleep over. And so I think there's a default assumption that a lot of people have, where it's like after sex, they have to sleep over, or I have to sleep, like we have to sleep together, we have to literally go to bed together and get some sleep. And it's like why would you get terrible sleep if you don't want to do that? You'd sleep better in your own bed. Anyway, you're allowed to do that. And again, if you want to sleep over or you want them to sleep over beautiful, that's amazing, that's awesome. This is me giving you permission to not do that if you don't want to. And again, I have never let any casual sex partner sleep over. The only exceptions are girls that I'm dating for a long time, like Imogen and the girl that we're seeing right now, and even then that's like once every two goddamn months. So, at the end of the day, do whatever you would like to do. Just be honest and upfront about it and other people, for the most part 99% of the time really respect you being upfront and honest and having that integrity to actually say the thing you want or what you don't want. As always, ladies and gentlemen, go out there and crush those goals. If you've been wanting an amazing, awesome, elite sex life, tons of threesomes, plenty of wild adventures and great memories with awesome people, we would love to help you get there. Here's just a little bit of what our coaching clients have achieved in their time in the program. Renee had a threesome in just his second week of coaching, had a woman write him a love letter and he went on to have sex with 12 women in just 12 weeks of coaching. Corky had his first threesome, slept with seven amazing women and made a ton of awesome memories with them. Georgian Power both had sex with 10 women each in their 12 weeks, had a bunch of wild adventures along the way. 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