Abundance mentality vs scarcity mindset (It's not what you think it is)

Speaker 1: 0:00

Ladies, gentlemen, inanimate objects and pets. I went from depressed and suicidal to living a life of abundance and joy. If I can do it, you sure as hell can too. I want to talk a little bit about abundance mindset, because it's a concept that a lot of people strive for. A lot of people would love to be a little bit more free of their scarcity mindset. A lot of people would love to not care so much about money or about sex or relationships or love. They'd love to feel that peace that comes from not needing something and not being desperate for something, not being unhappy about the fact that you don't have something. And so abundance mindset or abundance mentality is something that a lot of people deeply want, even normal, average people who have no concept of self improvement.

Speaker 1: 0:53

But I talk about this quite a lot that there's a misconception around what abundance mentality or abundance actually is. People often think about it on a shallow or shallow is the right word A shallow sort of level where they think if I just had an abundance of money, then I would have abundance mentality. You know, if I was rich, then I would feel abundance with money. If I had so much sex that I just couldn't even believe it, then I would feel abundance. And I'm here to tell you that that isn't necessarily true. Having more abundance absolutely can make you feel that abundance mentality. But I've seen it time and time again, hundreds or thousands of times, where someone has an abundance of sex, you know they improve their life, they go out, they talk to women or men or whatever, and they have these beautiful, amazing sexual and intimate experiences and they have a complete abundance of sex. But they're not satisfied. They don't feel like they can truly let go. In fact, they still have a scarcity mindset and maybe they've had sex with 100, 200 women, but they still worry about each girl not replying to their messages, or what if this girl breaks up with me? Or I need this girl to like me, or I can't face rejection.

Speaker 1: 2:14

You see the same thing with money. I'm sure you can think of somebody that you know, maybe a celebrity, maybe you know a rock star. But think of somebody that has money and fame and wealth and power and popularity. But they're not happy and they become almost like a Scrooge McDuck. They're terrified of losing their money. You know they have all this money and all this wealth, but now they have to defend it. Now they have to fight against ever losing it.

Speaker 1: 2:41

That's not abundance mentality. It's an abundance but it's paired with a scarcity mentality or a fear of becoming or having a scarcity in the future. You know, I have all this money, but what if I lose it? I have all of this sex, but what if a woman doesn't like me? What if it's not enough? What if somebody else says that I'm not cool enough? What if somebody else says that I haven't slept with enough women, even though it's been 100 or 200 women?

Speaker 1: 3:05

And there are plenty of people out there that will say you don't have an abundance, and if you have a scarcity mindset, or if you haven't really internalized abundance mindset or abundance mentality. The second somebody criticizes you and says, oh, you're actually poor, you don't have much money at all. Or I know this person who has more money than you. Or actually there's this person over here who has more sex than you, or with more attractive people than you, or, more of it, like, more passionate than you, or they're having three sums, or they're doing kinkier sex, or they're doing it with more attractive partners. All of these things in that house of cards that you've built comes crumbling down and all of a sudden, you don't have enough. Now you're back into scarcity.

Speaker 1: 3:43

And so I'm going to read out a couple of quotes and then I'll talk a little bit about them. The first one comes from Mother Teresa, who was amazing at humility and being okay with what she had and had a true abundance mentality, even when she didn't really have much in the way of abundance. You know, before she was famous, before she really had anything, when she was just a random nun who went to India to try and help some poor people, some homeless people, she didn't have anything in terms of abundance and she wrote this. But she was still happy, was the point. She still felt like she had an abundance and, more to the point, she didn't feel like she was terrified of not having an abundance. And that is the heart of abundance mentality. It's not about having an abundance, it's about being okay with not having an abundance, it's about not needing the abundance, which sounds very counterintuitive, but it's that I don't give a fuck attitude. It's yeah, I'll be happy if I have millions of dollars and I'll be happy if I have one dollar, I'll be happy either way. I don't rely on that abundance. But yeah, one of her quotes or one of her prayers that she used to say a lot deliver me, oh Jesus, from the desire of being loved, from the desire of being extolled, from the desire of being honored, from the desire of being praised, from the desire of being preferred, from the desire of being consulted, from the desire of being approved, from the desire of being popular. Byron Katie, one of my favorite authors, has a very, very, very similar quote where she says I often say if I had a prayer, it would be God, spare me from the desire for love, approval or appreciation. Amen.

Speaker 1: 5:32

In other words, what these two women are talking about, and any Buddhists who talk about this concept or anyone who's reached true abundance mentality. What they're talking about is true freedom comes from letting go of the need to have other people love you. Letting go of the need to have other people think that you're amazing or that you're rich or that you're cool. Letting go of the need to have them listen to you, letting go of the need for them to approve of you or appreciate you or tell you that they're grateful for you or love you or give you sex or any of that, when you can let go of the need to have any of that and you can just be okay with whatever happens. You can be okay with abundance and you can be okay with not having an abundance. That is true freedom.

Speaker 1: 6:14

No longer are you suffering from this feeling of I don't have enough or I'm not enough or I'm not good enough or I need to do more. You can let all that go and you can be okay with where you are right now and then you can start working on having a little bit more if you would like to. But it doesn't come with that pain and that suffering of I need more. I'm not going to be happy until I have more. In other words, what I'm talking about here true abundance mindset or abundance mentality, true peace and happiness comes from saying you know, I have enough for right now, in this moment, and in the future moment I would just like a little bit more, and so I'm going to work towards having a little bit more. But right now I have exactly what I need. I have enough. If I'm not getting laid right now, that's okay. Maybe I'm not meant to get laid right in this moment.

Speaker 1: 6:59

In the future, I would like to get laid, so I'll work towards that. If I don't have any money right now. Okay, well, right now I don't need any money. I'm not supposed to have money. If I would like more money in the future, then I'll work towards that and I'll start slowly improving that. In other words, you don't have to suffer to reach your goals. You don't have to spend the entire journey saying I don't have enough, I don't have enough, I don't have enough, I'm not going to be happy till I get there.

Speaker 1: 7:20

I'll be happy when I'm getting laid more, or I get more money, or I have more fame, or people like me, or people respect me, or I've lost weight. No, that's you just procrastinating your happiness, and I went through that myself for years and years and years. I told myself stories of I'll be happier when I have more sex. I'll be happier when I have more money. I'll be happier when I have more friends. I'll be happier when I lose weight, when I'm cooler all of these things and those are beautiful, noble goals. I'm very happy that I am improving my sex life. I'm very happy that I'm currently working on improving my financial position in life. I'm very grateful that I'm paying off the debt. I'm very grateful that I'm losing weight.

Speaker 1: 7:59

I'm grateful that I'm building a relationship with Imogen, but I no longer tell myself that I need these things in order to be happy. In other words, I no longer tell myself the lie that I should be unhappy until I reach those goals, because you just keep inventing. If you do that, you keep inventing new reasons to be unhappy. And I did that for years. Most of my life, I told myself that I would be happy when I reached the goal and in doing so, I was telling myself that I won't be happy until I reach the goal. So again, the trick or the it's not even a trick, but the true peace and the true abundance mindset and the true happiness, the true freedom comes from saying I'm okay while I work towards the goal and I'll be okay when I reach the goal, and I'll be okay after I reach the goal. It will all be okay, I'll enjoy this journey and I will work towards it. And every single step of that journey is a blessing. I don't have to wait until I get there before I'm allowed to be happy.

Speaker 1: 8:56

We put all these conditions on our happiness. We tell ourselves I'm not allowed to be happy until I get laid. I'm not allowed to be happy until I make more money. I'm not allowed to be happy until I build a relationship, until I have a wife and kids, whatever it might be. It's such a strange condition and we think that that is what is going to get us to our goals. And in achieving these goals, we think that's what's going to get us to what's happiness? In other words, we pay a short term and often a long term, often a life line, lifelong payment or price of happiness.

Speaker 1: 9:29

We give up happiness now, in this moment, which really is the only moment that exists, and we say I won't be happy, but I will be happy in the future. I'm gonna pay down a payment of happiness right now in order to be happy in the future. It's like what if you were just happy right now? And tomorrow and the next day and the day when you reach your goal? You're allowed to be and obviously, if you're sad, there's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 1: 9:54

I'm not saying that you're not allowed to be happy. Obviously, sorry that you're not allowed to be sad, but you are allowed to be happy. You don't have to sell yourself short and say I'm only allowed to be happy when I'm good enough. You're good enough right now. If you're listening to this, you are good enough. Right now. You might not feel like that. You might have put conditions on your happiness, conditions on your worthiness, conditions on you deserving whatever it is that your goal is, but I promise you you are right now worthy.

Speaker 1: 10:23

You are right now good enough. You are right now deserving of whatever it is that you might want, of happiness, of whatever else. It's right there and you're allowed to reach out and grab it. Technically, it's inside you. You have the power right now to be happy if you let yourself. But a lot of the time it's just the conditions that you put on your happiness, the barriers that you put in the way, and we all do it. I've done it a million times in my life. It's just about realizing that that's what you're doing. You're telling yourself I'm not allowed to be happy until I have a lot of sex, or until I have a lot of money or a lot of fame or a lot of wealth, or until I change the world, or until I help more people, or until I have more YouTube subscribers or whatever it is that you're currently putting in the way of your happiness. But you're allowed to be happy right now.

Speaker 1: 11:10

So to summarize true abundance mindset, I guess you can say true abundance is not necessarily having a lot, although that can often help, but it's more about not needing to have a lot. It's about being okay with wherever you are right now and then, if you would like to, working towards having a little bit more in the future. So if you have a lot, that's beautiful. If you don't have a lot, that's beautiful too, but you're okay either way. This is pretty much the foundation of Buddhism. You know they call it non attachment, but the word abundance mentality means exactly the same thing. It's the same thing as stoicism, which is realized that your thoughts and your internal mindset is what you have control over, and your mindset is the thing that makes you happy, not external events. Because if you can be happy when you have nothing, then you can be happy when you have everything. And when you do have everything, if you get to that point where you're super rich or you have a lot of sex or whatever it might be that you want, you're not then terrified of losing it because you're like I'll be absolutely fine if I lose all of this, then I'll be fine.

Speaker 1: 12:21

And I've had people sort of ask me a question sometimes. I've had friends, I've had coaching clients. I've had you, the audience. From time to time people will ask me and say, andy, what are you doing to protect your brand? What are you doing to make sure you know I don't know your YouTube channel doesn't get deleted because you'll be screwed if that happens? You've built your entire business on YouTube and Spotify and your blog and you know all of that. You'll be screwed if that goes away. And I sort of say no, why would I be screwed? I'd be okay. What on earth makes you think that I'd be screwed? And they say you know, but you lose all your income. Okay, well then I can just make more, can't I? What's the fear? And people often have this fear and they feel like they need to protect things.

Speaker 1: 13:07

And I didn't earn the money that I'm currently earning. I didn't have all the sex that I'm currently having. I didn't get to this place in my relationship with Imogen. You know we've been together for six years at this point and we're unbelievably happy together. I didn't get to this point to be terrified of losing at all. I just wake up every day and I feel gratitude and I'm happy that it's here.

Speaker 1: 13:30

But if it ever wasn't, I would be okay with that, if Imogen was to die tomorrow or leave me tomorrow, then I would be okay with that too. I would welcome that. I might be sad, I might cry, I might grieve for a while, but I would be okay with that. And if I lost all of my business, if I lost all of my money, that's okay. I would just start anew if I wanted to. Or I'd become homeless and go around and travel the streets and ask people for money and see what that life is about. Who knows? But I would be okay. I would figure out a way. In other words, every problem has a solution and I would just look to the solution and see what I would want to do.

Speaker 1: 14:07

But if I didn't have that true abundance mentality, in other words, if I wasn't okay with having it or not having it, then yes, I would feel that scarcity and that scarcity mindset and I would be all about protecting what I have built. I would be all about defending. I would get very emotional if I ever felt like anyone was threatening my content or my community or my income or any of that. But if you're truly okay with having things or not having things, in other words, if you have that true abundance mentality where you're okay either way. Then nobody really threatens you. You no longer see the world as scary or threatening. Instead, you see the world, or the universe or life itself as abundant as looking after you, as everything will be okay or I will make it okay, I will find a way for it to be okay, I will let go of my negative thinking, I will find solutions, I will take action, I will do all of that stuff and I will be okay. All of this stuff I talk about all of this stuff in my video course. The video course is called Play to Win. I'll leave a link in the description below to that. You can pay a dollar for that.

Speaker 1: 15:14

But all of these concepts with abundance, mentality and I don't give a fuck attitude and non-attachment with Buddhism, all of these ways of thinking or ways of going about your life it's okay if they don't necessarily click right away these concepts are concepts that I've been exploring and working on and building into a habit and really coming to understand over many years. Now. I've been doing this stuff for quite a long time. You know I first started overcoming my depression, for instance, when I was about 22,. I'm now 36. So if we count overcoming depression as a form of self-improvement. I have been improving myself since, you know, like 14 years ago. So it's okay if stoicism and true abundance mindset and all of that, it's okay if these concepts don't really click with you immediately at the start. Take your time with them, be gentle with them. All of these are tools that are there to help you. You don't necessarily have to have a fully abundant mentality or abundant mindset. Nothing bad happens if you don't.

Speaker 1: 16:20

I have just found in my life abundance mindset and abundance mentality has brought me so much peace, so much love, so much happiness and actual true abundance in the proper sense that it can never be taken away from me. It's infinite abundance. If I'm okay with losing it all tomorrow all of the money, all of the sex, everything, even my body I'm okay with dying tomorrow. If I'm okay with losing everything tomorrow, then I have true abundance. Nothing can ever be taken away from me. And that is such a beautiful position to be in, because it feels like you wake up every day and the entire world is your friend and the universe loves you and there's nothing to be afraid of and everything's okay.

Speaker 1: 17:01

And that is a place that so many of you helped me get to. So many of you who've been my coaching clients, so many of you who've listened, so many of you who've talked to me and helped me grow in myself. Every single one of you that asks me questions or talks to me or improves your own life. You're my teacher. You teach me so much and I'm so unbelievably grateful, and that is why I can sit here today and just be okay. It's why I can sit here and feel this peace and abundance. It's all thanks to you. I'm very, very, very grateful. I really, really, really appreciate you. I have nothing but love for you, thank you.