Daytime Dates

Speaker 1 0:01

Ladies and non-bargoers . Andy , here I went from depressed and suicidal to living a life of sexual and financial abundance and joy . If I can do it , you sure as hell can too . This is the Kill Your Own Loser podcast . Let's get straight to it .

Speaker 1 0:17

A question that comes up quite a lot , quite a lot in my coaching group and recently in a couple of YouTube comments , is can you have dates that aren't in a bar ? So there was a guy on YouTube who left this comment basically saying hey , andy , like where have you had most of your dates ? I'm considering doing activity dates like playing pool or going for a walk or something , so that I don't have to just sit in a bar . And I said to this guy honestly , most of the dates that I've had over the last like five or God , it's been more than a husband over the last like eight years of my self-improvement journey , especially recently , i don't really go to bars anymore . I don't think I've gone to a bar . Actually , that's not true . There was two girls that we took to a bar . Yeah , the vast majority of them have just been coffee shops or sitting in a park or sitting on the beach or even going geocaching , which , if you don't know what that is . It's treasure hunting . It's like a fun little activity .

Speaker 1 1:18

I really don't go to bars anymore . I just don't enjoy them . And I don't enjoy going out at night anymore . I used to love it , i used to really enjoy taking girls to bars at night and I used to love the atmosphere and night and everybody's out and there was a certain sense of romance in it . But these days , no , i almost every day is the daytime date I prefer to meet girls at , you know 10 in the morning or midday or 3pm or something . I'm not 3pm , god . I'm going to sound like a boomer here , but 3pm is a little bit late for me these days , because I have a nice little routine in the afternoon I start meditating , i read some books , i listen to some music and I start slowly winding down or transitioning towards winding down for bed , and I tend to sleep pretty early . I'm usually asleep by 8pm , maybe 9pm at the latest , and so I don't like nighttime or bar dates anymore . And so I guess the point of this podcast , or my hope with this podcast , is to give some of your permission to have some daytime dates . And if you want to have nighttime dates , fabulous , go at it , have fun , awesome , amazing . But a lot of you don't want to go out to bars , or you don't want to go out at night , or you wish that you could meet girls during the day , especially those of you who are running your own business or you have a job or you have to get up in the morning . You don't necessarily want to be screwing your sleep up and staying up to 11pm or so .

Speaker 1 2:48

I had a coaching client I'll just say his name , fuck it Ed who's been on my channel many , many times , and he's happy for me to say his name . But Ed and I we went through this period way . He was really struggling to just be motivated and to feel good , because he was really struggling with his sleep And I said , okay , well , why are you not sleeping ? And we talked through a few things and he realized , oh shit , like I think the big thing that screwing my sleeper is , i'm having these dates with girls where I meet them at like 9pm , we go out to a bar for maybe an hour , maybe two hours , and it's 10 or 11pm before I even bring them back to my place , and then we'll fool around for a while , we'll hang out , we'll talk , maybe we'll make out , maybe we'll have sex , and it might be one or two or sometimes even 3am before I get them an Uber or drive them home or whatever . And that's really fucking with my sleep .

Speaker 1 3:45

And I remember that conversation vividly because I said oh my god , dude , i didn't know you were doing that . If I knew you were doing that I would have said holy shit , dude , why don't you just meet women during the daytime , like I do ? And that was a massive shift for him because I remember the conversation . He said do you mean I'm allowed to meet women during the day ? Like that's even an option ?

Speaker 1 4:05

We had this conversation where I was like , yeah , man , like the vast majority of my dates are during the daytime , i will either go to a coffee shop like Starbucks or something . You know I'll get a tea , or , because I don't really drink coffee , or I might get a decaf coffee And we'll just go sit and hang out in a park , or we'll go for a walk , or we'll sit somewhere and just look at all the people that walk by and we'll kind of just people watch them . We'll make up funny little stories for each person . You know we'll see an old lady walk past and we'll say I bet she's a secret drug dealer , i bet she's a kingpin and she's had like 23 people killed . You know , we'll make like fun little stories for every person that walks past and we'll just kind of hang out and chill And then I'll throw out a casual yo hey , i'm having fun , you want to come back to my place and fool around a little bit ? I just kind of like , have these chill daytime dates and it means that I'm not ruining my sleep . I told him all of that and he said , holy crap , i'm gonna start doing that . And he still has some nighttime dates . But he's had a lot more like daytime dates .

Speaker 1 5:04

And I've had this conversation with so many coaching clients and so many of you listening right now . Like I said , my hope is that if you want to have some daytime dates , this podcast will give you that permission , because if I'm doing it , you can definitely do it . And I think a lot of guys go , oh , but like , isn't that not as romantic or not as sexual ? Like , no , daytime dates are absolutely fine . Well , guys , worry about like doesn't that mean I'll be sober on the date ? Like I don't even know ? like , are you allowed to have a sober date . Yes , you can have a fucking sober day .

Speaker 1 5:33

I did a video on my YouTube channel which I'll link to in the description , or you can just go to my YouTube channel and search for dates while sober . I talked about the fact that I don't really drink . I haven't drunk in two and a half years . I'm probably going to go another year or so without drinking . Maybe I'll go the rest of my life without drinking , who fucking knows . But I don't drink And so I have sober dates , especially during the daytime .

Speaker 1 5:56

You're probably not going to have a cocktail in either a she , and I think for a lot of people who are nervous and put pressure on themselves to be amazing on dates and stuff like that , that might intimidate you because you might go oh crap , but like I won't , i might be a bit more nervous . I might not be as like smooth , so to speak , but you really don't have to be smooth on dates . And once you get over the nervousness that you might have around sober dates or daytime dates , i actually find them way more I don't know just nice , like I get a chance to meet the other human being properly without alcohol kind of getting in the way , and I understand . For a lot of people alcohol is like the social lubricant It helps you open up a little bit . But I've found alcohol also kind of blocks a lot of the parts that make up you , and the same with the girl . Then it can become a mask that you put over the top And it's not your true , authentic , honest self . So I actually prefer sober dates And I kind of like a little bit of the nervousness . I kind of like some of the butterflies I like when she's a bit nervous Sometimes . You know it's pretty rare these days , but every now and then I might feel a little bit of nervousness . I kind of like that , i really do .

Speaker 1 7:03

And I found that a lot of my clients that move to daytime dates kind of like the fact that they're doing something that you know . Most most dates , especially in the Western world , they are at night and they involve alcohol , and a lot of guys and girls too Like that kind of sense of doing something a little bit different , like meeting during the day and having a coffee or a tea and going and sitting in the park or going for a walk or something . It's nice . I kind of like it . So , yes , you have permission if you're listening to this podcast . You are allowed to do daytime dates . You can go and do a fun activity . Here's something that quite a few of my coaching clients , especially one guy in particular , have done . You go to like an art gallery or a museum . You just look at all the pretty art and you hang out a little bit , maybe hold hands for a bit , kiss her if you feel like it . There's so many different options for daytime dates , whereas I think at night most people just go out to a bar . Other types of dates that I've had You can go play mini golf .

Speaker 1 7:58

You can go , like I said , hang out in the park and lay on the grass together . I've done that on a few dates . You can go geocaching . If you don't know what that is , just go to geocachingcom . It's like a little fun treasure hunt . Somewhere around the world outside of the house . Outside , people have hidden these little treasures . There's literally millions of them hidden . They might be hidden in a tree , they might be hidden under some bricks somewhere . They might be hidden on the side of the road . There's these little treasures hidden everywhere . If you go to geocachingcom or there's apps that do the same thing you can find these locations and you go to that spot and then you have to try and find the little treasure That should be so much fun to do .

Speaker 1 8:39

On dates , i've had so many geocaching dates probably like 50 geocaching dates . It was something that I used to do all the time with girls . I love that shit . There's not really any rules with any of this stuff , like where you have to go or what the date should be or any of that . It's just kind of pick some stuff that you think might be fun or stuff that's fun for you , and bring her along for the ride . You can go and play pool , you can like . It really doesn't matter , just pick anything . Like I said , i go to parks , i geocache , i sit on the beach , i'll sometimes sit in the Starbucks , sometimes we'll go for a walk . I've had mini golf dates . That's another really fun one . I've had some clients in America that have taken girls to a shooting range . You know , play with some fucking guns , that stuff's always fun .

Speaker 1 9:22

But yeah , you guys have permission .

Speaker 1 9:24

Not that you need my permission , but you have my permission . Give yourself permission . If you want to have daytime dates and if you want to keep having nighttime dates , have at it . Nighttime is wonderful too , but don't feel like you have to . Something bad happens if you have daytime dates . I've done it for the longest time and it seems to be something quite rare in these circles . Honestly , like basically every single quote guru or person that I've talked to or collaborated with you know a guy that gives like advice for dating they all only talk about daytime dates . Sorry , sorry , sorry , nighttime dates .

Speaker 1 9:58

I haven't really heard anyone talking about the concept of daytime dates , of like hanging out in a park or you know , a coffee shop or whatever , because I think a lot of people think that it's not as like sexual or the vibe isn't like it's harder to take her back to your place . That's a question that I get asked a lot . They're like but do less girls come back with you during the day And I found like no , it's exactly the same number , if anything . The dates are a little bit more chill And so it's less sexual . I will definitely say

Daytime Dates and Sexual Retention

Speaker 1 10:28

it .

Speaker 1 10:28

Things , generally speaking , feel more sexual at night and a little bit more chill during the day , but you can still talk about sex . I will talk about sex during the day . It just feels a little more chill . It's like a chill , sober conversation about sex and bucket lists and what BDSM stuff do you want to try and all of that So you can still be sexual . I think it just feels for some people more natural at night And I get that . But no , you can absolutely be sexual and have a sex based date during the day .

Speaker 1 11:00

I find just as many girls will come back with you when you say yo , do you want to come back to my place ? you know can have a drink or we can fool around or whatever . I've found just as many girls say yes during the daytime . Like it really hasn't seemed to make any sort of difference . I won't say this is a hard and fast rule And I won't say this applies all the time , because it definitely doesn't . But I have found retention is better .

Speaker 1 11:25

Like the girls stick around and date me for longer when I have daytime dates , like . I think part of that . If I'm to come up with a reason why , i think it's probably because at night , if you're having nighttime dates and she's a little bit tipsy and you're a little bit tipsy , sometimes alcohol , or often alcohol like lubricates things and makes us do something that maybe we wouldn't have done sober , and so I think a lot of people hook up while they're a little bit tipsy And then later on go like yeah , like that was fun , but maybe I don't want to do that again . And so I've personally found having sex during the daytime like while both of you are completely sober it's more like rational , she's more like rational about having sex and it's less of like a drunken or a tipsy hookup . And I just have found that girls seem to stick around a lot more when I have a daytime date Because , like I said , it feels like they're making a more rational decision , like they're definitely sure that they want to sleep with you because they're sober is during the daytime they're a bit more rational and they're definitely more certain . Or if they say yes , they're much more certain , whereas at night sometimes we say yes and then we sober up and we go . That was fun , but I don't know if I'll do that while I'm sober . So , you know , take that with a grain of salt .

Speaker 1 12:35

I'm not saying that that applies all the time . I'm not saying that daytime dates means that you will always have sex and they will stick around forever . No , absolutely not . But the point of this podcast was to just if you want to have daytime dates give you permission to do so . So in the description or the show notes I will leave a link to the video that I did about dates while sober Fuck it . I might also leave a video to the geocaching video that I did If geocaching is something that kind of interests you . If you're like , wow , that sounds cool , i'll leave a video to that . I'll give you a guide on that and how it works , and all of that . I will also leave a link in the description to coaching . If that is something you would like , absolutely wonderful . If not absolutely wonderful , and no sorry , i love that you know what you want . As always , ladies and gentlemen , go out there and crush those goals .