Finding Solutions to Life's Problems

Speaker 1 0:00

Ladies and people who have all of the solutions already . Andy , here I went from depressed and suicidal to living a life of sexual and financial abundance and joy . If I can do it , you sure as hell can too . This is the Kill Yourself Lose Show . Let's get straight to it .

Speaker 1 0:18

A lot of the time we're so focused on the problems in our lives and what's going wrong and we can get very overwhelmed and stressed out , and then we can get stuck in a I Can't Do It mindset , in other words , learned helplessness , and we start thinking it's helpless , it's hopeless , there's nothing I could do . I'm stuck and I'm overwhelmed by my problems and I'm not going to be able to fix them and I don't know where to start . Blah , blah , blah . I had this discussion with a coaching client of mine quite a while ago , and he made a post in the coaching group about all of the stress that he was going through and all of the things that were happening at work , and everything he wrote was just problem after problem after problem after problem , clearly getting himself very overwhelmed and stressed out . And so what I did was I went through and quoted every problem that he posted , and after each problem I said I want you to give me a solution or give us a solution to this problem . So , rather than just sitting there and listing out all of your problems , with each one of these problems that you wrote , write a possible solution . Write a possible solution . Write a possible solution . I just said that to every single problem that he listed , i said to him I don't want you to get there or to sit there stressing and feeling like a victim and feeling like it's helpless and phrasing things like all these problems are happening to you . Don't focus on the problems or the feelings , or the hopelessness or the stress . These are things that you're just kind of telling yourself , that are just making you spiral . What we want you to do is put all that shit aside . It's just kind of noise for right now , like yes , sure , the problems exist , but let's focus mostly on figuring out some solutions . So tell us one solution for every single problem that you wrote . I said if you can't think of a solution and hey , that happens sometimes , we can't always think of solutions Just say so and ask for help , and that's a solution . And to any of you listening , sometimes that is this solution . You don't know how to solve the problem , so you go and ask people hey , can you think of how I could solve this problem ? Brilliant , that's a solution . Asking for help is a fucking solution . I'm sorry This guy replied to his own post and just listed out all of the problems again , but each time he said , okay , here's a possible solution to that .

Speaker 1 2:37

You know , my boss said my work isn't very good right now . Okay , i'm going to spend 10 minutes every day with my boss in a meeting saying , hey , how can I improve ? Like , he just listed a possible solution for every single one of the problems that he had written . And so I said to him like awesome , so like , how do you feel now ? And he said okay , i actually feel a lot better .

Speaker 1 2:55

And what I said to him and I'm going to say this to all of you was look , the answers were inside you the entire time . As soon as I get you to focus on looking for solutions , in other words , as soon as I get you to go hunting for those solutions instead of obsessing about the problems , you have a possible solution for every single problem . It's not like you're sitting there completely unable to think of a solution , and that's kind of the thing that we get caught up in . When we're so focused on problems We don't think that we're capable of coming up with a solution , we start talking in terms of a victim mindset . Like this is happening to me there's nothing I can do , it's hopeless , i'm stuck , it's always going to be like this And we don't even start the task of looking for solutions . But as soon as I got this guy and I've done this with plenty of other coaching clients and plenty of you listening as soon as I get him to actually start seeing if he can come up with any solutions , he came up with a solution to every single one of the fucking problems that he had listed . We , as in the coaching group , didn't need to do anything . We didn't need to come up with a single solution for him . He had them all inside him the entire time . He just wasn't looking .

Speaker 1 4:04

And that applies to pretty much every single one of you listening . Every single one of us has the power to fix our problems and build the life that we want . You literally already have everything that you need . You're just not pausing for five seconds to stop obsessing about problems and then actually looking for solutions . You're not searching inside yourself for an answer or a possible answer . You don't have to know if it's the correct answer . I think sometimes we stress ourselves out with that pressure as well . We go okay , i have to know what the solution is . No , no , no , just come up with a possible solution . Just come up with a possible thing that you could try , and then you try it , you see if it works , you see if it's helping , you see if it doesn't , you try something else . Blah , blah , blah . But we all have at least a couple of possible answers .

Speaker 1 4:49

I have never in my life met someone who tells me their problems and then I say , okay , just pause for five seconds . Can you give me just one possible solution Like it doesn't have to be a good solution , just can you give me a possible solution ? Never in my life have I met someone who can't . I've met plenty of people who say I can't and then I go no , stop , let's pretend for five seconds that you could . So tell me a possible solution . Just think of the first thing that comes to your mind and they will eventually say something and I'll be like sure , let's try that , let's see if that works . I don't know if that'll work . Might be a good solution , might not be , but let's try it . Boom , now you have a fucking solution . It might not be the solution that you end up with , but it's a solution . You try that . You see if it works . If it doesn't , you try a different solution .

Speaker 1 5:37

And so I like to think of us as you know , people or vessels of fucking intelligence , or whatever . I like to think of us as like a filing cabinet that already has all the answers already filed away somewhere inside . It's just up to us to reach inside ourselves and go hunting for that solution . But a lot of the time we're so focused on the problem or we're so focused on our own helplessness and our own victimhood that we don't even try . We don't even see . If there's a solution inside , we just say no , i don't know what to do . It's like , have you even tried ?

Speaker 1 6:11

This is something that my girlfriend , imogen struggled with a lot in the early days as well . She spent a lot of time just saying I don't know , i can't , and I gently banned those words from her vocabulary And I said , if you ever say to me I can't or I don't know how , i'm just going to gently bring it back to yes , you do , come on , try . And she was so sort of caught up in the first couple of years of saying I can't , I don't know what to do , and I would just gently hit the pause button and say is it true that you don't know what to do ? Or are you just so desperate to say that you don't know , that you haven't even checked ? Like , how can you answer me in five seconds with the answer of like I don't know ? How could you possibly have that statement ready to go ? How could you be ? how could you know ? I say to you do you have a solution ? How could you say within five seconds I don't know . Five seconds is not enough time to know that you don't know . In other words , you only tried to think of a solution for five seconds . You're gonna have to try a little harder than that . Think for five minutes , think for an hour , and then you can say I don't know . And again , i've never met anyone who actually spends five minutes or an hour thinking , who then says no , look , i've thought for an hour . I don't know .

Speaker 1 7:26

Every single person is able to come up with at least a possible solution . Again , it doesn't have to be the right solution , it doesn't have to be a good solution . It can be a really dumb ass idea , but at least it's a starting point . Now we can try that . We can see it didn't work . We can try something else . Every single person I've ever got to focus on looking for a solution comes up with a possible starting point . And again , i said this earlier sometimes the starting point is all right . I genuinely don't fucking know , but I know that I can ask for help Okay , that's your solution .

Speaker 1 7:57

Asking other people . I can go read a book . I can look it up on YouTube , i can Google . Sometimes Google is the best goddamn solution .

Speaker 1 8:03

I have given that solution to so many of my coaching clients where they'll say what's the answer to this , andy ? And I'll be like I don't know , why don't we Google it ? Google is a fucking amazing and especially now that we have AI like chat , gpt and all the rest of them . Man , like we have the world's entirety of information and knowledge at our fingertips . Like , there you go , that's your solution . Go looking for the information , go looking for the solution . Or ask other people , ask an expert , ask your friends , post on a forum , post on Reddit , post on my forums , come to my coaching group and we can help you . Like there are all these solutions out there if you just are willing to look for them . And if you can't find any solutions , just ask for help .

Finding Solutions and Support

Speaker 1 8:41

Cansors are somebody else has gone through this same problem , or at least they know someone who has , or they've gone through a similar one , and you can ask for help . And then they can go hey , why don't you try this ? Why don't you make this your step one ? See if this works , let's try it out . So you all have the answers within you .

Speaker 1 8:58

I like to say we're all versions of God . You are essentially all God . We just get so caught up in thinking like I'm hopeless , i'm helpless , i don't fucking know . So at the very least , you can ask other people for help and that is your solution . My coaching is obviously there . If you feel like you would need that , i would love to help . If you don't have any money for that , the forums are there absolutely free . Everyone on there is very , very , very giving with their information and their help . They would love to help you . So go out there guys . Look for these solutions . Realize that you have the power to fix your problems and build a killer life . If it is to be , it's up to me . You've got the solution inside you . Stop obsessing about the problem and just dive into the self and try and find those solutions . I promise you they are in there . They might not be the correct solution that you end up with , but I promise you have a starting point inside you , as always . Ladies and gentlemen , go out there and crush those goals .