Overcoming Approach Anxiety and Embracing Vulnerability

Speaker 1 0:01

Hello , wonderful people . I did a video a while ago on my YouTube channel and I went through a lot of the learning lessons that one of my coaching clients had sort of talked about at the end of his coaching . So I'll leave a link in the show next to that and we're going to go through the rest of it here . I thought I'd do it for you guys on Spotify . Have a bit of fun with this , because a lot of the advice that he has written and this was a post that he made in the group at the end of his coaching is really great . So coaching is really really really deep stuff and I think it applies obviously to all of you , whether or not you're in the coaching , whatever your goals might be . There's a lot here . Let's get straight into it . So , picking up where we left off from that YouTube video , the next thing that my coaching client said that he learned in his time in the program And even if you're not doing coaching , obviously all of this stuff applies just through general self-improvement .

Speaker 1 0:54

He said I don't have to be so picky with the women that I hit on . As long as she's a woman and she's mildly attractive and she looks like she won't hurt me , i will hit on her . He was sort of struggling a lot with putting all this pressure on himself that he could only talk to the absolute hottest women . And he was doing the classic thing where he would walk around for an hour and how many of you have done this ? I know I used to do this a hell of a lot . You'll walk around for an hour or two and you'll just kind of talk yourself out of every single girl . You know you'll say no , she's not attractive enough . Oh , that girl there , she's too attractive . Oh , she's on the phone , she's probably busy . Oh , she looks like she's in a hurry . I shouldn't bother her . And this client was sort of wasting all this time going out for hours and not really talking to any women because he was just waiting for the perfect situation . How many of us have done that ? That is such a form of approach anxiety .

Speaker 1 1:50

And the problem is , if you sit around waiting for the perfect woman , what will usually happen is you will then find the perfect woman . You know , maybe she's sitting down , she's reading a book in a park , she's not doing anything , like there's nobody else around . So you don't have to be nervous Like everything is perfect , and because you've been walking around for hours being picky and not talking to anyone , you will make these excuses in your head As to why you can't talk to her . Either because you're rusty , you don't have any momentum , you've walked around for hours and hours not talking to anyone , and so my favorite tip when it comes to cold approaching is as much as you possibly can push yourself to just talk to anyone You know , as long as she's not morbidly , morbidly , morbidly like 500 pounds obese , as long as she doesn't look violent or dangerous or something . Just if she's a mildly attractive woman , hit on her And that sort of helps you build this momentum so that then when you do run into a woman who's exactly your type or the situation is perfect , she's just sitting there all alone . Everything's wonderful . It's easier because you have momentum .

Speaker 1 3:01

Another thing this coaching client posted . He said as much as I can , i want to share all my fears and vulnerabilities with you guys , and if you're not in the coaching program , obviously you can share on my forums . You can share on YouTube in the comments Everybody in there is pretty nice and you can share with your friends . But he really unlocked the power of honesty and vulnerability . He was a guy who , at the start of the coaching , really struggled to open up , and anyone who signs up for the coaching I've mentioned this to you guys before We have like a bunch of videos and podcasts and like books that are part of the coaching program , and one of the first videos that I have is like how to share and be more vulnerable while still being masculine .

Speaker 1 3:46

And then we have a second video which is like how to share and ask for help without feeling like a burden , because a lot of people a lot of you guys and girls listening right now , you feel like you're a burden if you ask people for help Or you don't want to share your sort of struggles because you worry that , man , i'll be putting a burden on other people . No , i have so much to say on this , but I will just say this Most people like helping other people . Especially if you come to our forums or you join my coaching group or you post in our YouTube comments , all of those people specifically love helping other people And so you're not being a burden , you're not being annoying , you're not being unmasculine by sharing . People want you to share because they want the opportunity to help people . I say this to my coaching clients all the time . I say you're actually doing me a fucking favor if you share your fears and your vulnerabilities and you be open and you let me help you , because I enjoy helping people Genuinely . It's why I do this , it's why I'm sitting here recording this content . It's obviously why I do coaching . I like helping people And most people in this community , in our community , really like helping people And so you're actually doing people a favor if you share some of the stuff that you're struggling with .

Speaker 1 5:05

Another thing this client learned is if there's people around when I'm approaching , i can just play a trick and pretend that they're not there . Yeah , this is my biggest cheat code when you're approaching . If it's something you're really struggling with , like letting go of that concern of other people seeing you just pretend that they're not there . And I've done content . I've done articles and podcasts and videos on what to do if you're worried about people seeing you or hearing you hit on girls . Honestly , most people are just so busy and caught up in their own life They don't really care what you're doing And if they see you hitting on a girl , the default assumption is that you must know her , like if someone sees you talking to a woman , they're going to assume , oh , they must be friends .

Speaker 1 5:49

Or maybe they met at a party once and he's just introducing himself again and talking to her again . They obviously know each other . Most people don't assume you're just hitting on a random stranger , and so it's usually that you're deeply insecure and in your own head and kind of self-conscious . But other people just don't even know that anything's happening . They literally just see a guy talking to a girl and that's normal . Lots of guys out on the street right now are talking to girls And the assumption is , oh , they must know her . So you can sort of pretend that those people are not there and just do your approach . But an even easier fix is to just realize that most people don't give a fuck about you . You're really not that important . You're kind of just an extra in the background of most other people's movies . You know what I mean . We're also focused on ourselves and you can kind of play this fun little game .

Speaker 1 6:37

Next time when you come home , like after you've been walking around for an hour or two , i want you to try and think how many people's faces , how many strangers faces , you actually remember after you've gotten home . And I don't know about you guys , but for me I can remember maybe one or two people that I saw when I was out at best , and then , definitely one or two days later , i can't remember any of them . And a week later I can't . I really can't remember any of them A month later . No fucking way can I remember from a specific date the strangers that I saw outside , even if something interesting or weird happens , even if one of them starts screaming at other strangers or something , i won't remember them a week or a month later . And so the same thing with you , especially given you're not doing anything crazy , you're just talking to women . It's not like you're standing there screaming at people or getting into a fight or something . And so I promise you , even if someone does notice you hitting on women which is already really rare , most people are just too busy with their own life they won't remember you a day or a week or a month later , and so you can kind of take comfort in that and go . You know what The worst thing that happens is somebody sees me hitting on a girl , and then they'll forget me a week from now . So who gives a shit ?

Speaker 1 7:51

The next thing that my client learned is you can kind of take a step back from some of the day to day problems And the only thing that really matters is that you talk to more women . Now , obviously this only applies if your goal is to have sex or have a relationship , and if you have other goals it would be different . But it's a nice reminder that sometimes we get so caught up in the stuff that doesn't really matter the minutia , and this client had in the early days a habit of getting caught up in stuff that really didn't matter . You know what I mean . Like what should I text her ? That kind of stuff , stuff that , like maybe makes a five or a 10 or a 20% difference .

Speaker 1 8:28

But the thing that makes the biggest difference is playing the numbers game , talking to more women . I say this all the time What you text a woman might make maybe a 20% difference , maybe a 50% difference . Hell , let's go crazy and let's say what you text girls makes a 100% difference . Like you can double the amount of sex that you have if you just get better at your texting . But do you know what makes a 10 times difference Talking to 10 times as many women ? Do you know what makes a 100 times increase in your results , talking to 100 times as many women as you are right now , and so you can see how the numbers game trumps everything . The same thing if you're building a business , if you right now are doing , let's say , content creation just because that's what I do If you're in content creation , you could be getting 10 times the results as in 10 times the clients , 10 times the subscribers , 10 times the comments , 10 times the lacks , 10 times any metric that you want to measure . If you just did 10 times the content , you could get a hundred times the results . If you did 100 times the content And that applies to almost anything If you're not happy with your friendship circle right now , you could go to meet up and just talk to 10 times as many friends as you , as many people as you do right now , and you'll meet some cool people .

Speaker 1 9:53

Everything in life is a numbers game , and often we get caught up in the minutiae and the details that maybe don't matter as much as we think they do . They might matter a little bit , of course , but the thing that matters the most , or the thing that will have the biggest impact on your results , is just doing 10 times as much of the work And I think often people have a fear or maybe an unrealistic expectation of the work . And I've said this a million times When I was when getting laid and having sex was my number one ultimate goal I was talking to literally hundreds of women a week . By the time you add up the dating apps and going outside and talking to women , i was literally talking to hundreds of women a week And I think a lot of guys will talk to like three women , five women , maybe 10 women a week And they'll say I'm doing so much , i'm playing the numbers game . Why am I not having results ?

Speaker 1 10:45

No , do 10 times that , start with 100 women a week , and if you struggle with that , that's okay . Just start with talking to one or two women and then the next week try and talk to more and then the next week more . You can build up to it . I'm not saying you have to go out tomorrow and talk to 500 women , but you are allowed to , you are capable of that . I give you permission to do that . So a lot of the time we just we're really just not playing the numbers game , especially in business . I know for myself the times I struggled the most to pay the bills And when I really wasn't having the success with my coaching and with business that I wanted , i just stepped it up and did 10 times the amount of content And boom , two or three weeks later I would start getting clients rolling in . And there was always a two or three week delay , by the way , because it takes a little while to get the content out there and for people to watch it and all of that . But the point is there has been a direct correlation between me just doing 10 times the work and then I get 10 times the results . So play that numbers game . Go fucking hard , don't hold back .

Speaker 1 11:46

Another thing my client learned is all you really need to do when you're approaching women is just say you're cute , talk for a tiny bit and ask for a phone number . That's all you really need . Like that's the bare minimum . In fact , you can kind of even cut out the conversation if you're super nervous and you can literally just say hey , you're cute , i'm in a rush , can I get your phone number ? We can grab a drink . Obviously , if you talk for a little bit , you get better results because the woman gets to know you a little bit . She makes sure that you're not just some random , you know crazy stranger . But the point was , my client had put all this pressure on himself that he had to be some like smooth Casanova when he was approaching women And I said no , you know , the only thing that really matters is the compliment at the start , so that she knows that you're attracted to her and that you're hitting on her . And then you ask her phone number so you can go on a date . That's it . The conversation helps . Anything you talk about is great , but you don't have to have these perfect fucking conversations where you ask all the right questions and you're smooth and you're like James Bond and all of that shit . No , it's just a compliment , a tiny little bit of conversation and asking for a phone number .

Overcoming Overthinking and Taking Action

Speaker 1 12:52

Often we overcomplicate this shit , and it applies to other goals as well . There are so many goals where people just overthink it , especially with business . I mean , fucking hell , man , like people overthink it and they go I have to have a marketing strategy and this and that , and I have to do this and I have to do that , and they have like hundreds of things they think they need to do If you're building a business . Here is the only thing that matters Give value to people and ask them to give you money for that value . That's it . Give value and ask for money , and hell . If you give enough value , you technically don't . I mean you still kind of ask for money . You don't need to ask for it as much . So fine , i'll leave that in there . Give value , ask for money , but people overthink it and put all these extra steps in .

Speaker 1 13:37

People with happiness do the same thing . I've had so many client or coaching calls recently where people come to me and they say you know , here's all the reasons why I'm not successful , here's all the reasons why I'm not happy . And they've invented a whole bunch of things that they feel like they have to solve before they're allowed to be happy . Like they'll say , the reason I'm not happy is because I have a porn addiction and because , also , i beat myself up too much and my sleep is bad and this . And they'll give me like a list of 10 or 15 things that they feel like they need to fix in order to be happy or in order to reach their goals . And often I would just say why can't you just take action towards your goals , even while you have a porn addiction . Well , yeah , i understand your sleep isn't good , but you can still take action . You'll just be a little bit tired and the action won't be as good , but you can still take action . And that's often this huge fucking epiphany for so many of these guys and girls where they realize shit .

Speaker 1 14:32

I thought I had to fix all of these problems before I could even start being successful . And you're telling me I can still have some of these flaws or these problems or these hurdles and be successful . And it's like , yes , success literally just requires you to take action . You can take action while also being a mess of a human being . How do I know that ? Because that's what I've done for the last 10 years . I've been an absolute mess of a human being .

Speaker 1 14:55

For a long time I had issues with going outside . I was depressed during the start of my getting laid journey . I had so many things that got in the way . I would look at porn and self-medicate with that . I would drink , i would watch way too many hours and hours and hours of YouTube and play video games . But I also took action , and so maybe I would take one or two hours of action a day and I would go out and talk to girls or I'd work on my body or I'd lose weight or I'd dress better or whatever it might be . And then I would also drink alcohol and self-medicate and waste time and blah , blah , blah . The two things aren't mutually exclusive . And , yes , the less you self-medicate and , yes , the more you get your shit together , of course , the easier it is to build the life that you want . Often we just over complicate all this shit and think that we have to do all of these steps before we can start being successful . No , just start taking action . Just a little bit of action today and you'll be successful . Action is what matters . Another thing this client learned is when I'm out approaching and my brain says this is creepy , i just have to say one positive thought Yes , so this guy really , really , really struggled for a while with thinking that what he was doing was creepy or wrong .

Speaker 1 16:15

And a lot of you guys have this and I've heard it so many times where you think , like talking to women is bad and logically , you know it's not bad . You know you've read my articles , you've heard me say , you've heard me talk about honesty and ethics and all of that , and you understand that talking to women is often giving them something . You know you're walking up , giving them a compliment , making them feel good about themselves . You're being a gentleman . If they're not interested , you're leaving . You know , if they say they have a boyfriend , you're being super polite . You're trying to add value to their life . You're trying to give them . You know , make them smile , all of that shit . You know that logically .

Speaker 1 16:51

But sometimes you struggle to internal , like on a deeper , like emotional level , because there's just something inside you and it's usually just society's programming that says like , oh , i don't know , this is still weird . This is like wrong , this is unusual . Most other people don't do this . I'm being weird or I'm being creepy . And so what I trained this client to do was , every time his brain said this is wrong , i don't know , i feel creepy , i shouldn't be doing this , this is weird . I told him to just say one positive thought . Like You know , if his brain said this is weird , what I'm doing is creepy , he would then say I'm gonna make a woman smile today . Or I'm working on my self-esteem , this is really good . I'm out here working on my self-esteem , boosting my self-esteem by talking to more women . Or this is really good what I'm doing because it's helping me be a more confident person .

Speaker 1 17:41

Or his favorite one that he would go to is he has a long term mission Of having marriage and kids and finding a wonderful wife and raising his children and loving them and mentoring them , and all of that . That's his life goal . That's the thing that's the most important to him . And so I said you walking around and learning how to talk to women Is one step on the path to that future goal that you have , that future dream of having a wife and kids in a beautiful marriage . And so This is a beautiful thing that you're doing . Every single second that you're out there talking to women , you are earning That beautiful marriage . You're taking a step towards a beautiful marriage .

Speaker 1 18:21

How could that ever be wrong or weird or creepy or bad ? it's beautiful . And so anytime you think it's creepy , you guys listening . Anytime you think what you're doing is creepy or bad or wrong or anything else , zoom out a little bit and think of your long term mission like what is this leading towards ? what do you ultimately want ? For some of you , that's marriage and kids . Okay , this is a stepping stone towards it . So how could that ever be bad or wrong or weird . And if anybody ever did say what you're doing is bad or wrong or weird , you could say no , this is Part of my future plan , this is part of the bigger plan of me having marriage and kids . You can tell me marriage and kids is weird and creepy . No , it's not . And in for those of you who don't want marriage and kids maybe you just want to have a lot of sex and be happy and make the world a little bit better and give back to other people and all of that . Okay , that's your goal . I want to make the world a little bit better . I want to be able to give more to other people . Okay , part of that process is me learning how to have sex , learning how to have relationships , being more confident , loving myself more . This all feeds into those bigger goals . So then you can help The world . Or then you can be kind to other people . Then you can give back to other people because you feel like you have a lot to give because you've handled your needs . So how could that ever be a creepier , a weird thing ? that sounds beautiful to me .

Speaker 1 19:37

Another thing my client learned is I just have to think what is the next step . So he would often get himself a little overwhelmed by thinking too far ahead , and I literally had this conversation with another client yesterday . A lot of the time we look way too far ahead and we get really overwhelmed and we think , fuck , i have all these things to do , i've got all this progress to make . Oh , my god , like it's going to take years . What if I never make it ? blah , blah , blah .

Speaker 1 20:04

And I trained this client of mine to just think okay , what is the next step that I need to do , rather than what are all the steps that I need to do , which is overwhelming as hell . What is just the next step ? and we're talking here about humility And just looking one step ahead . That is humility . That's saying I'm not going to think about the grand plan of my life , because that can be overwhelming . And yes , i realized I did just say before Think about what all of this is leading to . It's leading to marriage and kids , or happiness or whatever . Blah , blah , blah , yep . But if you do that and you start feeling overwhelmed , this is the trick that you use Okay , what is just the next step ? I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed with all of the steps that I need to take to get to my marriage and kids , or to get to making the world a better place , or whatever it is . Okay , let me just think of the next step , and so this is kind of like a little trick that you can use when you're feeling overwhelmed .

Speaker 1 20:58

Another thing my client learned is and this is very similar to the previous one every time I go out or any time I'm struggling to approach , all I have to say is All I have to do is give a compliment or I'm just going to say hello to this woman , and so that's very similar to the previous one . Rather than thinking like , oh my god , i'm going out and approaching and I'm going to be so nervous and I have to talk to all these women oh my god , it's scary You just sort of dumb it down , or you bring it down a little bit and you say no , i'm just saying hello to a woman , i'm just saying hi to some girls , i'm just going to go say hello . And that's what I had to do myself when I was learning to approach , because I was so fucking terrified and if I called it approaching like I couldn't even call it approaching for a while there , because if I said I'm going to approach this woman . That would freak me out . And so I just change it and say I'm just going to go say hi to her and I would take off all the pressure , i'd give myself permission to suck and I just go say hi , and obviously I would actually be hitting on her . But in my brain I was like no , i'm just saying hi , and so you can kind of lower the expectation of the pressure that you put on yourself . And I still do this to this day , especially with content .

Questioning and Relaxing

Speaker 1 22:09

I when I sat down to record this podcast . Right now , i sometimes have days where I'm like man , i really don't feel like doing a full podcast today . I'm tired , you know , i'm stressed , i've got some shit on my mind , and so what I do is I tell myself I'm just going to go say hi to the audience , i'm just going to turn on the microphone and just say hello , i'll just talk , we'll just have a chat . And so you can kind of take a lot of the pressure of yourself if you just reframe what you're actually doing . Instead of cold emailing a bunch of prospects , you just sending out some messages and saying hi . Instead of recording content , you're just chatting . Instead of approaching a woman . You just going to sing hi to a girl . Hey , what's up ? I'm just saying hi to you .

Speaker 1 22:49

Another thing my client learned , and this is a big one he learned to ask questions , even if he thinks they're stupid questions . No question you ask will be silly . Keep asking questions . Yeah , this is something I try and drill into all of my clients and it's relevant to you , even if you're not a coaching client and you're just , you know , using the forums or something like that . A lot of the time , we sort of say that some of our questions are stupid And so we'll hold back .

Speaker 1 23:22

There's two things I can say to this . First of all , if you're a beginner , or if you're even asking for help , how the fuck do you know what a stupid question , what ? what question is stupid ? Like ? what if you ask a question and your coach , or the people on the forums or the people that are ahead of you , or your counselor , or will your mentor or whatever ? what if they say well , that's a brilliant fucking question , that's a great question . Yeah , good question . Here's the answer . A lot of the time , we think our questions are stupid , but they actually turn out to be very self aware , very intelligent , very high level , great questions That can help you and then other people . And the second thing I'll say is exactly what I just said before a lot of the time , the questions are really helpful to you and other people , and so if you don't ask the question , you're literally skipping yourself improvement . You're literally making it harder for you to change and get the advice that you want , because you didn't ask the fucking question and people can't mind read and somebody else might be sitting there Having the same question as you , and because you take that leap of faith and say , fuck it , even though I think this question is stupid , i'm gonna ask it anyway . That person who was sitting next to you , who was too scared to ask the question that you just ask , goes oh , my god , thank god that you ask that question because I wanted to ask it but I didn't want to sound stupid . I'm so glad you asked it .

Speaker 1 24:39

One of my core philosophies that I still do to this day is I try and always have myself in the position of student or learning rather than the expert , and so I'm really good , or a better way of phrasing that , a more humble way of phrasing that is . I've gotten pretty fucking Experienced at just admitting I don't know stuff and then saying , hey , listen , i'm a bit of a dumb ass , i don't know this . Can you tell me the answer ? And I get to learn 10 times faster than a lot of you . Because I'm asking 10 times the questions ? because I don't care if I look stupid in fact , i don't think I ever look stupid . How am I supposed to know something that I don't know ? There are no stupid questions Like if you don't know something , just say I don't know this . Can you please tell me the answer ? why would you be stupid for not knowing what you know ?

Speaker 1 25:29

Another way of rephrasing that is information comes to us because it is given to us . We don't take information right . Information is always given . Either somebody gave it to you verbally , like they told you something and you learned , or you read it in a book , which means somebody put it in that book , which means they gave it to you , or you went out and researched it from somewhere else , which means other people gave you the experiences and the tools and the language and the learning and all the things that are required for you to learn , for you to observe , like a baby cannot observe anywhere near as much as an adult can . How did you get to the point of being a good observer as an adult ? because a whole lot of people trained you and gave you knowledge and helped you learn , to Gave you an education and got you to the point where you could be a good listener or a good learner , and so information is always given to us , and so you can kind of phrase it like this instead of saying I'm stupid for not knowing something or this question is going to be stupid , you just say no , no one's given me the information yet . I just haven't been given it yet . And so how would that be my fault ? Why would my question be stupid ? Other people just haven't given me the information yet and they'll give it to me when I ask for it . So yeah , there are no stupid questions .

Speaker 1 26:46

My client went on to say that was another thing he learned . He said , like even good students sometimes ask questions that you might think are stupid . I would go even further than that and say the best students aren't afraid to ask the stupidest questions . And in my coaching program and I think in my content too and you'll see on my YouTube channel if you go , look at the comments in my replies and shit . I never tell someone that their question is stupid . I don't think I ever have Like you're welcome to go back and try and see if I ever have , but I really don't think I've ever said maybe like five years ago I might have , but in the last five years I just don't . Really I don't see questions as stupid . I see every question that someone asks as an admission or a little bit of courage , because there is a certain vulnerability in even asking a question in the first place And so I respect the shit out of that And I'm always going to respect the shit out of anyone that asks questions , especially if they think their question is stupid .

Speaker 1 27:45

Another thing my client learned is you will remember the stuff that is important . So he had a big worry that you know all the epiphanies I was giving him in the coaching program he wouldn't make the most of . And a lot of you have the same worry . Even if you're not a coaching client of mine . You sort of worry about like fuck , what if I haven't watched all of Andy's content and I don't have enough time to , because at this point actually ran the numbers the other day , i've done 1000 videos and podcasts combined when you add up Spotify and YouTube , i've done another I think it was like 300 and something articles , and then I've written something like another 150 emails , and so when you add all that up , it's roughly , you know , 1500 pieces of content , plus all the posts that I have ever written on my forums and the Good Looking Loser forums . There's like hundreds of posts there as well , and so when you add all that up , i don't expect any human to watch and read and listen to all of that .

Speaker 1 28:43

There's too much , and often we feel like a fear of missing out . I know that I've felt that about some of the people that I learn from and I , you know , follow . I'll feel like fuck man , what if some of the content that I haven't watched of theirs is genuinely life changing ? And here's another thing that people worry about What if I forget some of what I listened to ? And that was kind of the fear that this coaching client of mine had . He was worried that he would forget some of the epiphanies that I had given him or the links that I had given him to articles to read or the conversations we'd had on coaching course , and he was just kind of worried like fuck man , like I got to write all this shit down . What I said to him is no , it's okay , you will remember the stuff that is important , the stuff that is genuinely life changing to you . You will remember , and if you forget all the rest , that's okay .

Speaker 1 29:31

I like this quote that I've heard many times and it applies , you know , to me and probably to a lot of you listening . I as in I , andy have forgotten more than you have remembered . When it comes to , you know , sex , when it comes to business , whatever it might be , the things that I'm a little bit further along than maybe you are , i have forgotten more information than you have learned , and I really love that quote because I think it's fucking beautiful . And so it's not so much about what you forget but what you remember . And you will remember the important stuff , i promise you . I promise you you will learn , you will figure things out , you will remember And all the stuff that you don't remember , all the stuff that you think is life changing , all the stuff that you think is super important for your success , and you're terrified of forgetting it , and you know , you put all these reminders in your phone and you write it down and you get frustrated at yourself when you fall back to your old habits and you don't , you know , integrate this new thing that you've learned . I promise you everything will work out , and I promise you , when you do reach your goals , you will not care that you weren't perfect , you will not care that you forgot half of what was taught to you , you will not care that it was messy , i promise .

Speaker 1 30:45

Another thing my client learned is to say I'm better than this rather than I'm bad , and so what we're talking about there is using motivation , but in a positive way . He was someone that often beat himself up , or more he would beat himself down , and what I said to him is , rather than just saying , you know , i'm not good enough or I'm bad , or this sucks or what's wrong with me , you phrase it like this You say I can do better than this , i know I'm better than this , i'm capable of more than this . You see how that's still putting pressure on yourself . You're still motivating yourself , but you're doing it in a way that lifts you up . You're looking upwards , or you're looking ahead and saying , in the future , i can be better than this , i know I'm capable of more than this . This is nothing compared to my final form , rather than what most people

The Power of Mindset and Effort

Speaker 1 31:31

do .

Speaker 1 31:31

When they put pressure on themselves , they beat themselves down and they say I'm bad , i'm wrong , i'm stupid , i'm a loser . You just insure or you perpetuate the looseness . You perpetuate that you'll continue to be bad . You perpetuate that you'll continue to make mistakes because you're focusing on it . You're saying I'm bad , i make mistakes . Yeah , now you'll continue to make mistakes because you just said I am the person who makes mistakes , i am bad . You literally made it your identity . You labeled yourself as someone who is bad , or a loser , or someone who makes mistakes , rather than I'm better than this , i can do more than this which is you labeling yourself a winner and you labeling yourself the thing you want to be . So getting him to focus on having that winner's mindset , as I call it , rather than a loser's mindset . In other words , focus on the victories , focus on what you want , don't focus on what you don't want .

Speaker 1 32:20

Another thing he learned is when you try to give as much as you possibly can , people give back , and this relates obviously to like business . It absolutely relates to relationships and friendships . Obviously , it relates to workplace and jobs and career . It obviously relates to sex and casual relationships and dating , and so we really drilled into this client and quite a few of my other clients . This is something I talk about a lot in the coaching Give as much as you possibly can .

Speaker 1 32:47

Mother Teresa has a quote where she says give until it hurts . I don't want you to hurt yourself , so I say give until it's a little bit uncomfortable . That's the phrasing I use . But give as much value as you possibly can . The universe is a mirror . It all comes back to you . It reflects back to you . People want to help those who help them right , and people want to be kind to people that are kind to them , and so I always talk about any women that you date , even if it's just a casual relationship . Leave them better than you found them . Always be adding to people's lives . Give to your friends , give to your family , tell people you're grateful for them and all of that kind of stuff . I will add the caveat Some people take that to the extreme and they don't give anything to themselves And they go .

Speaker 1 33:29

Oh , so does that mean I have to sacrifice ? No , i'm not talking about sacrifice . I'm not talking about hurting yourself . Give to yourself first , and then what you have left over . Give to other people And you will have plenty left over . There's always a little bit that you can give to other people , even if it's literally just one positive sentence or one smile . You can smile at a stranger , You can be there for someone . There's different ways of giving to people .

Speaker 1 33:56

The next thing my client learned is if you work a job but then you leave after a few weeks or months , nothing bad happens . Just don't put it on your resume . He was someone that was in the process of getting a new job And he , like many people , put all this pressure on himself that he had to find the perfect job Right And it had to be the one that he would stick out for the next like five years or 10 years , and everything would be perfect And the pay would be perfect And the people would be perfect . He was just putting a lot of pressure on himself And obviously you know you want to go to a job . That's great , yep , wonderful . I get that . But it was getting a little bit debilitating for him , the amount of pressure that he was putting on himself , and so I told him exactly this . I said look , if you , the worst that happens is you go to a job , you find out after a month that you hate it and you quit , that's it . And then you just don't put it on your resume And if anybody says how come there's a small gap in your resume , you just say I was taking some time to travel , i took some time to see my family , i was in between jobs , i was building my resume , i was helping my friend do some shit , i was doing this , i was learning .

Speaker 1 35:03

I was like it literally doesn't fucking matter . And even if you have a big gap in your resume , same shit . And I've always had this opinion . People get weird about gaps in the resume . Like I think it's one of those things that people over exaggerate And they think , fuck , if I have any any gap in my resume , i bet you nobody's going to hire me . Yes , there will be some people that don't hire you because you have a gap in your resume . There will be lots of people that ask about the gap in the resume , but asking is not the same thing as rejecting . A lot of the time they're just asking because they're curious And so you just answer the question honestly . But yeah , i think people overstress about gaps in the resume And my mindset's always been . If I have gaps in my resume like I have a gap in my resume when I went to prison And anyone that didn't want to hire me because I had a gap in my resume , well , cool , that's probably not the place I want to work at . Like , cool , i'll go work somewhere where they don't care that there's a gap in my resume And maybe they ask about it and I explain and they're like that's cool , good , i'll work there .

Speaker 1 36:10

Another thing he learned I said this before is everything in life is a numbers game . So we talked about that before in this podcast . I won't hash on too much about that , but it really has blown my life , brilliant my mind . It's blown my mind in life how many things turn out to be just a numbers game . Just if you want 10 times more results , do 10 times of the work . If you want to be 10 times happier , make happiness your priority and do 10 times as much towards that . If you want to be a very peaceful , loving person , make peace and love your goal and then do 10 times the work towards that . If you want money , do 10 times the action towards making money . If you want an amazing sex life , talk to 10 times as many women .

Speaker 1 36:50

It's not rocket science , but we often forget that work or effort counts for something And we sit there and say , man , but I'm trying , it's not working . And it's like , yeah , because you're not trying hard enough . The biggest example I see of this is guys who are insecure about something , like I did a coaching call with a guy the other day who was insecure about being Pakistani , like like brown , and I've had lots of Indian dudes say the same thing , lots of Asian dudes say the same thing , and they'll go man , you know , I just have this like chip on my shoulder . And I know I have this chip on my shoulder , but I can't help but look at white guys and just think , man , it's like easier for you . And so I said to this guy okay , how much easier do you think it is for the white guy compared to you ? Like , give me a number . And he said I don't know , man , i think it's probably twice as easy for him . And I said , okay , then work twice as hard . And now you're on his level . Work three times harder Now you're beating him . Work 10 times harder , now you are absolutely wiping the floor with any white guy . Boom , you win . And so I think we often forget that work and effort counts for a hell of a lot . Counts for everything really accounts for most of it . Very similar to one I said before

Embracing Failure and Giving to Others

Speaker 1 37:59

.

Speaker 1 37:59

Another thing my client learned is don't refer to things as a failure . Embrace the fact that I might suck at things at the start , but I'm going to keep trying the next day than the next day , than the next day , and at some point I'll get decent . And so in that example , or to further that statement , yeah , there aren't really any failures . It's all a learning experience . It's a stepping stone on the path to greatness . I don't know anyone who just woke up great , even the people that you think woke up great . People go to weird examples like they'll go to like Michael Jordan or someone like people who have natural talent , and it's like do you understand how much these motherfuckers worked to get to where they are ? Do you understand the effort that they put in ?

Speaker 1 38:40

Alex Hermosi , who was someone that I follow , who does a lot of entrepreneur and business and motivation advice , has said this so many times . He's like you know , it's really funny that people call me right now an overnight success . They tell me that I just blew up on YouTube and he's made a video where he shows off like a screenshot of his oldest content that he recorded . It's from six fucking years ago And he did several videos a week for six years and Spotify podcasts and articles in the other coaching program and a Facebook group and all this other shit and Instagram and Twitter and all of that . He's taken six years of consistent content to blow up And yet people will call him an overnight success , and so I see that a lot where people will look at the people that have made it , so to speak , or that are further ahead , and they'll go man , you know they , that person has talent or they're lucky or they've .

Speaker 1 39:34

You know the world looked out for them , but not me And it's like no , they worked their fucking arse off . You're just ignoring all that work and not realizing that this person probably failed a million fucking times in order to get to where they were , and so failure is essentially a stepping stone to get there . It's a mandatory stepping stone , as far as I can tell , to get to where you want to be , at least with any big goal , with smaller goals , sure , sometimes you don't fail You just because it's a small , easy goal . I'm probably not going to fail if I clean the kitchen right now . But any big goals , yeah , failure is basically a required step .

Speaker 1 40:11

Another thing my client learned is there's nothing else I'm going to do anyway , so I may as well keep trying . And what he means here is a lot of the time when guys and girls go through those moments where they feel like quitting or they feel like failing . I will run them through this fun exercise and you can do this yourself right now where I'll say , okay , let's say that you quit self-improvement or you quit working on your goals . Right , let's say you just you give up and you've had enough and you can't do it anymore . Okay , what are you going to do ? And they'll go . Well , i don't know . I guess I'll go to my job . I guess I will play lots of video games . I'd probably have to drink alcohol or smoke weed or you know , do something to self-medicate , porn or something . And I go , okay , cool , that's the first couple of months after you quit .

Speaker 1 40:56

What are you going to do for the rest of your fucking life If you don't get to have your goals ? you don't get to have the life you want , you don't get to achieve anything , you don't get to have success . How are you going to spend your time for the rest of your life ? Are you going to play video games for the rest of your life ? Are you going to drink ? Do you think alcohol and video games and porn are going to satisfy you until the day you die , which could be like 80 or 90 or 100 ? Do you think you're going to enjoy those activities for that long ?

Speaker 1 41:23

And every single person thinks about it for a bit and then they're like oh fuck , that'd be really boring And I probably hate myself . Fuck man , like , is that my life ? do i want to just sit around ? and so i always come back to this statement . It's like , yeah , you're not gonna do anything else with your life anyway , you may as well work on self improvement . Everything else seems boring .

Speaker 1 41:43

Once you've had a taste of goals and success and self improvement , taking those first few baby steps , there's nothing really else like it . Once you've had a little taste of achievement , even if it's just a tiny little taste , like you've only had a tiny little bit of success , the fuck is the point of like going and spending the rest of your life playing video games or alcohol or porn . that shit will satisfy you temporarily , maybe even for a few months , possibly up to a year , but not for the rest of your fucking life . And see , you didn't have choice . You're stuck here . Sorry , you swallowing the red pill . You've gotten into self improvement . There is no choice here . You stuck here . See , may as well keep working on your fucking goals , because what the hell else are you gonna do ? And there's a lot of comfort in that .

Speaker 1 42:24

I've told that to so many people , like so many coaching clients , and i've said in several podcasts and a lot of people . when i do that , i can see them visibly relax and they like , fuck , you're right , there's nothing else i that would really make me happy other than working on my goals and making progress . Okay , i guess i don't really have a choice , do i ? so , yeah , yeah , see , may as well enjoy it .

Speaker 1 42:46

Another thing my client learned is , if you give to girls , they'll often surprise you with how much they give back . And it's similar to what i said before about like , giving value to other people . But You know a lot of guys and girls definitely go through this as well . In fact , one of the imagines friends is kind of going through this right now . What people will hold back in relationships are even just casual sex , because they're worried , like if i give too much than that makes me a doormat , or The fucking word of the day right now is simp . You know , if i give too much to a woman , than i'm a simp ram , a beta male ram , faggot ram , a car or any of these things .

Speaker 1 43:19

And often and my client found this often we find like if we just give wholeheartedly to other people and we don't expect them to give back to us or not , like you're not giving because you want them to give something back to you , but if you just give because it feels good to give , because you like who you are , when you give , you're giving for yourself first of all . But often the other people do surprise you and they give back and that feels fucking amazing . It really genuinely feels nice and girls are fucking lovely . They really are . And any guys sorry , any girls out there listening i'll tell you the same shit about men . Men are really nice , guys are really nice , like guys and girls are really fucking nice . Most people are really nice and i think if you can just open yourself up a little bit and give a little bit more , be a little bit more vulnerable , be a little bit more open .

Speaker 1 44:04

You'll be surprised at what comes back . Very similar to that the last thing that my coaching client learned is , if you're honest , it often inspires women to be courageous and honest too . So he wanted to be more honest in it's something that was very important to him and it's very important to a lot of you . Obviously i cover honesty a lot And he found the more that he was able to open up and be vulnerable and honest and all of that good stuff . A lot of the women then opened up and were honest and vulnerable with him to and any women listening , i'll say the same to you .

Speaker 1 44:36

Some of you , you know , maybe you're a little bit Broken hearted or a little bit closed off . You're worried about getting hurt . If you can just practice your honesty and practice opening up , you'll be surprised that people give that back and people often meet your honesty and your openness with nothing but respect and admiration and kindness and empathy and beautiful things happen , whereas when we're closed off , we're just gonna be met with other people that are closed off . It's hard to trust someone that is closed off . It's hard to be kind to someone that is closed off . You won't be an asshole to them .

Speaker 1 45:08

But You know it's like , think about a dog . I like the example of dogs because it's very relatable . Think about a dog , maybe a golden retriever that just comes running over to you and he's got a big dumb smile on his face , in his tongue , is out in his panting , and it just looks like his face is saying i love you . And he just comes up to you and he just wants to pattern , is wagging his tail and he just gives you nothing but love . You can't help but love that dog . And then think about a dog that maybe is just like he's not necessarily barking , but he's just like closed off and he just ignore you . And you go near him and he kind of like steps away a little bit and he's just He doesn't want to look at you , he just kind of ignores you . It's harder to give that dog love , isn't it ? compared to the first example , humans are exactly the same . If you can be a little bit more like that golden retriever you don't have to be perfect , but just a little bit more open , a little bit more loving , a little bit more generous with yourself and what you give You'll find that people then start treating you like the same way they treat a happy , lovable golden retriever . They will literally look at you and think , man , this guy's so lovable or this girl's so lovable , as opposed to closed off . So those are some of the things that my client has

Coaching Program Expansion

Speaker 1 46:19

learned .

Speaker 1 46:19

As I said , i will leave a link in the description to the video the previous one that I did where I talked about what he had learned . If you would like coaching , i obviously offer that . Cam and I right now are building the coaching program up like crazy . We're adding all sorts of members only videos and content and all that good shit . We've also and I've talked about this on my channel We've also just promoted to guys to like mini coaches , so we technically have four coaches in the coaching program that you'll get access to all at the same time . Amazing , holy , fucking shit . Link in the description below . As always , ladies and gentlemen , go out there and crush those goals .