Living an Abundant Life From Depression

Speaker 1 0:01

Ladies and beautiful people and to hear I went from depressed and suicidal to living a life of abundance and joy . If I can do it , you sure as hell can too . A lot of the content on my podcast , on my YouTube channel , in my articles is tailored more at the guys and the girls that are a little bit further along . I have some guides and some content that's aimed at , like , complete beginners , but a lot of it assumes or I make a lot of assumptions in my content . I thought it would be fun if we go through and answer some really sort of beginner questions , and for those of you who are further along , i promise this content will still be really interesting to you because it might remind you of where you used to be . It might give you a little bit of empathy for some of your fellow brothers and sisters out there who are struggling with some issues that maybe you never really struggled with , and so what I've done is I've gone through Reddit , or I've gotten my lovely girlfriend Imogen to go through Reddit and she's gone through certain subreddits like seduction , ask the red pill , like a bunch of sort of beginner or more beginner friendly subreddits when it comes to dating , sex relationships and stuff like that , and she's picked out some really good questions and we're going to have fun answering these . So again , come along for the ride . I promise , even if this question is one that you can't relate to , i promise it's going to be really interesting And I want you guys to think about maybe the advice that you might give to this person or these people and their sort of questions , because you know , a lot of us have younger brothers and sisters or we might have friends that are a little bit more inexperienced . It's nice to be able to sort of think about how we would help those people . So the first question , the question for today's podcast , is how can I stop imagining my entire life with a girl that I know online ? My ex-girlfriend introduced her to me and we've only been interacting on social media . This question is a lot more common than I think you know . I've sort of covered in my content . Again , i don't usually cover really beginner questions like this And for a lot of us we might hear this question and be like bro , just ask this girl out immediately , like what the fuck are you doing ?

Speaker 1 2:12

Ask her out and then she'll either say yes or she'll say no and you can move on Like . It seems like a very quick , easy , simple answer , but I thought we'd dive deep and sort of empathize with this person , with this guy , i'm assuming And imagine what it might be like to be this guy . Imagine you've grown up , you've gone through society and society has told you you know , just be yourself , just sit there and wait and the right girl will come along . You know , if you talk to a woman for years , eventually she'll see that you're the one and it will be wonderful . Like never shoot your shot because you might get rejected . You got to just wait for her to fucking shoot the shot .

Speaker 1 2:47

Like all that sort of Hollywood kind of BS about just sit there and be yourself and never make a move . Imagine you'd grown up with that and I grew up with that . I had all that shit in my head . I didn't know that you could literally just tell a woman yo , i like you , would you like to go out with me ? I didn't know you could do that . I thought you had to sit there and just kind of get close to her and spend weeks or months being close to her , hoping that she would like you back and hoping that somehow it would just happen . I didn't know

Navigating Online Fantasies and Friendzoning

Speaker 1 3:16

that .

Speaker 1 3:16

Like 99% of the time , shit doesn't just happen . It's the man making the move . From the woman's point of view , if she doesn't think too hard about it , she might think things are just happening . But no , for the most part , you , as the man , are making some sort of move . So I understand this guy's perspective . I can't say that I've ever sat there and imagined my entire life with a girl that I know online and think about how painful that might be . Think about how painful that might be for this guy . Right , you're sitting there just fantasizing , daydreaming , imagining your entire life . I assume that means imagining being married to her , imagining having kids , imagining growing old like fuck man . Talk about being plugged into the matrix . That's got to hurt . You're fantasizing about something that hasn't even happened . That might not even happen . Let's be honest , probably won't happen statistically speaking , and we'll get to that in a second . So here's my advice to this guy and anybody who feels like they're in a similar situation , or for those of you who are a little bit further along and maybe this has happened to you in the past or something , here's my advice to your past self You friendzoned yourself .

Speaker 1 4:26

That's what this is , maybe even less than friendzoning , because at least with friendzoning you're friends with the person . Online interaction , like social media and online that's not even the real world . Like , you don't even know this person , she's just pixels on a screen to you and you've likely built up all of these fantasies of what it would be like to be with her , but they're just that . They're fantasies . They're not real , not yet , and they might never come true . Like they might never play out . She might not feel the same way about you . In that case , you would have been living in a sort of delusional world , and I don't mean that harshly , but that's what the word delusion means . It means not being in touch with reality , a world that isn't even real .

Speaker 1 5:10

It's like I said before , you've sort of plugged yourself into the matrix , and so my first piece of advice here would be all right , well , the first thing we got to do is figure out if you're living in reality or not . Like we got to unplug you and actually figure out the truth , and so the suggestion here would be I would ask her out literally just ask her out for a coffee or a drink . Just say like yo , you're super cute , let's grab a coffee or a drink sometime , would you like that ? That's all you have to say . You don't have to be smooth . You can literally just if you sit there and feel intimidated by that and go , oh God , i can't do that , just copy what I literally just said And then you can sort of tell yourself the lie or the little trick of like it's not me saying it , andy said it . I'm just copying what Andy said . So if that helps you pull the trigger , then do that . Just send her a text . Hey , i think you're kind of cute . Would you like to grab a coffee with me or a drink sometime ? If she says no , good , like , really , really good .

Speaker 1 6:09

Now you can move on and you can stop fantasizing about something that she doesn't want . Because I'm assuming part of this fantasy You know imagining your life together . I'm assuming part of this fantasy is that you want her to be happy , like you don't want to have a life with her where she's unhappy , right , and so if you ask her out and she says no , that's beautiful , because she's telling you what she wants . She's telling you what would make her happy and Being with someone else , like not being with you , is what would make her happy and ultimately that's what you want . You wouldn't want her to be like a caged bird , like trapped with you for the rest of your life . And so ultimately , even though you might tell yourself some stories of like fuck , it would be so painful if she said , no , it would suck , it's like no , sit there and actually think about it , like ultimately , isn't that what you want ?

Speaker 1 6:55

If she didn't want to be with you , wouldn't you want her to admit that to you or to herself ? and And the other thing might happen she might actually say , yeah , great , i've been waiting for you to ask me on . You've just been talking to me for the last . I don't know how many months , right , i've been waiting for this . Like , yes , i would love to go on a date with you , and now you get to go on a date together . You get to know her better . She gets to know you better because , like I said , the real world is real .

Speaker 1 7:21

On Social media you can't hear her laughing , you can't smell her perfume , you can't see the cute wager that she smiles when she's shy , and you don't get to talk about deeper topics and have her relax And really open up to you and and see her opening up to you . You can't see any of that online . That's why I say online is just pixels on a screen . It's why in my tinder guide and you know , everything that I do when I meet women Is I try and just get them out on a date as soon as possible . I'm not there to send a bunch of messages on tinder . I send like four messages on tinder and I ask for the phone number and then the first message I send on after I get a phone number is that hey , great to meet you . Well , thanks for your number . Are you free Friday at 6 pm ?

Speaker 1 8:04

Cuz I want to get to the point where I'm actually meeting the human being and If a woman ever says and some of them do if a woman ever says , can we talk a little bit more online , i will just say like no , i like to meet people . I want to get to know you . Like I'm not here to I don't know you over text , like I feel like we're just wasting time , not getting to the point where we can actually see if we like each other . I can't tell if I like you online , and So it would be a beautiful thing if she said if you ask her out , and she says yes , i'd love to go on a date . Great , now I get a chance at the thing that I want , which is getting to know her intimacy . There's no guarantees , like you might . You guys might not hook up , you might not be together , but it's more likely in person . It's never gonna happen online . And then Some other advice that I would like to give you and again , this applies to anybody else who might be in the same situation So that you can move towards a more healthier , like happier , frame of

Build an Independent Life, Avoid Unrealistic Relationship Expectations

Speaker 1 8:59

mind .

Speaker 1 8:59

I Would like you to build more of an independent life . I would like you to have a mission , a greater purpose than any one particular woman and , by the way , any women listening . This applies to you too . I say the same shit to women like have some sort of purpose , whether that's self-love , whether that's self-improvement , whether that's like a purpose higher than you , it doesn't really matter . But just have something that ranks higher than other people . If you can't think of anything , self-improvement is a great mission , like literally , just , i want to look a little bit better . I want to be a little bit more confident . I would like to be a little bit more self-loving . I would like to be a bit happier . I'd like to make a tiny bit more money , just like anything where you're just trying to improve a tiny little bit every day or every week . On top of that .

Speaker 1 9:45

For this guy in particular , this is Maybe a little bit harder for people who haven't heard this before to hear , but I Just really recommend you talk to more women . I wrote an article called the solution to all your problems . Go talk to more girls , because time and time again I See a guy that's just obsessed with one woman , and in this case it's a woman that you don't even know . You're obsessed with one woman and you put you pin all your hopes and dreams on her . You make her Responsible for your happiness . You basically say if I could be with this woman , if it would just work out , i'd be happy . It's like that's so unbelievably unfair on her , like why the fuck should she be the one to make you happy ? like you , being happy is Your job . Don't look to another human being to complete you . I always say you love yourself first and then another person is a bonus , and in a second I'll talk about how you can love yourself , because there are actionable steps that you can take to do that . But yeah , this is just one woman like .

Speaker 1 10:49

Statistically speaking , she's likely not the best match for you . How could she be ? there's like four billion women on the planet . You think that she is statistically the best match for you , or even a good match for you . Generally speaking , she's not going to be and and statistically speaking , it's likely that she's not even the one that you will end up dating for a long time . Like , almost nobody ends up marrying and sticks with for the rest of their life the first person that they date . Like it just it doesn't really happen . And this woman might not be the first person that you date , but like it's unlikely to be one particular person .

Speaker 1 11:26

We usually date quite a few people . We figure out what we like , we figure out other people , we learn how to interact with other people , how to communicate , we learn intimacy , we learn sex , we learn relationship skills . Sometimes we fuck it up . Most of the time we fuck it up until we get decent , like . Relationships are naturally messy and that's why I say don't Expect , don't have expectations , don't expect that this one person is going to be the one for me .

Speaker 1 11:49

And if you're sitting there fantasizing about the rest of your life with this person , you don't know her and you're fantasizing about someone you don't know and you've likely , because you've never met her as well , you've likely built up all these expectations and these stories of who she is . But understand , you're more in love with the idea of her , then her . You don't know her , you're not in love with her , you don't know her and you're sitting there fantasizing about a stranger , like that's why I gently said it's almost or it is delusional , and I mean that in a gentle way . I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you , but you're living maybe I'll say it's fantastical as in you're living in a fantasy . You don't know this person , you're in love with a stranger , you're in love with the idea of who she is and what usually happens In these scenarios . And this is why I've heard a billion times why women enjoy dating me or in dating people that have like a little bit more of an independent mindset . I'll phrase it like that .

Speaker 1 12:51

Time and time and time again I hear that women say man , i really like dating independent guys or guys that just don't fantasize that much about me like they . You know they want you to be sexually fantasizing about them , but not sitting there like fantasizing about the rest of their life together , because that's true , because that's just too much pressure on her . I've had that conversation with so many women where they're like I had this guy who really liked me and it just felt like pressure because he expected that I was going to be his perfect princess . Like he literally thought that like my farts don't stink , he thought that I was just up on this pedestal and he thought that I would make him happy and shit , and it's like I couldn't be myself . Like I literally couldn't have a day where I was emotional , because in his fantasies I was never emotional . I could never have a day where I was grumpy , because in his fantasies I'm never grumpy . I couldn't have a day where we argue , because in his fantasies we never argue . It's just too much pressure on her and that's why I said it's fucking not fair on her . And I know you're not doing that on purpose .

Speaker 1 13:53

But when we sit there and fantasize about anyone woman and women , any of you doing the same thing , fantasizing about any one guy , you're putting on this pressure on that person for them to make you happy and for them to be perfect . And they're not . They're just a human . They might be really attractive , they might be really cool , they might have a lot of money , but they're a human . They have flaws , they have weaknesses , they have moments of doubt and insecurity . And if you fantasize about what life would be like with them , you're not sitting there fantasizing about the real shit . Like what are we going to do If we ever have a day where we don't like each other ? what are we going to do if we ever have a big argument ? what are we going to do if she gets cancer ? what are we going to do if she goes through a depressed period and she gets fat and gains weight and just doesn't really care about her appearance for a while ? Like what ? how am I going to handle that ? and the answer is you won't handle that .

Speaker 1 14:44

You'll sit there and think everything's wrong and bad because it's not matching up with your expectations or your fantasies . Because your expectations and fantasies were unrealistic . They were like some cookie cutter fairy tale Movie or romance novel or something . It's why , you know , i did a video recently on my YouTube channel called fairy tale love is bullshit . I was talking about this exact concept of like . If you just look at someone and say this is the one for me , you know they're gonna make all my fantasies come true .

Speaker 1 15:13

This isn't , you know , like a fairy tale romance . It's like what happens when reality kicks in and she's gained a few kilograms after you've had kids . Or , you know , he's a little bit depressed because his boss fired him and he's taking a little while to get back on the horse and get a new job . Like , or you have a big argument and you don't know how to move past it , or you both have big disagreements about where to take the kids on holiday or how to spend your money . Like how do you solve those issues ? The answer is if you don't have expectations of it being perfect , you just go okay , well , this isn't perfect . Like it is what it is , okay , how do we solve this problem ? But if you're sitting there , or if you've spent all the time before that fantasizing About this perfect romance and what it will be like , then the second you hit a hurdle , or the second you guys have a disagreement , the second you hit a rough patch , you're going to say , fuck , this isn't lining up with my fantasies . What's wrong ? it's like nothing's wrong . Your fantasy was just unrealistic .

Speaker 1 16:08

And I'm not saying that relationships have to be suffering or arguing or any of that . But There are points of difficulty in almost every I would just say every relationship . Maybe there's some out there that don't have any , and those points of difficulty become less and less as you both grow and adapt together and become better at being in a relationship . But Part of that is almost like you have to roll up your sleeves and say , okay , we might get a bit messy here , let's , let's get to work , let's improve this relationship . But if you're just sitting there expecting that the relationship was supposed to be perfect like I said the second , it isn't perfect , which will inevitably happen at some point You just feel like something's wrong . You feel like , fuck , this isn't lining up and that's why people divorce . That's why the divorce rate in western countries is something fucking stupid like 70% . That's fucking fucked . That's wild . To me .

Speaker 1 16:57

It's because people expected to be this like Disney , fairy tale , hollywood bullshit notion . I think people in the past maybe didn't have that notion . And one thing that I've definitely done in my relationship with the image and we've been together at this point for like five and a half years Is when we walked into this relationship we both said I don't have expectations of this being perfect . I don't believe that you'll make me happy , like you make me happier , but i don't think you're the one reason that i'm going to be happy . I have my own life going on . We both had very independent lives and i'll talk about how to build independence in a second But we just didn't have any expectations .

Speaker 1 17:33

We literally didn't expect anything . In fact , we both had a very Buddhist mindset about it and you know , i had the mindset of like will probably break up at some point . Most relationships don't last . And she was the same . She's like yeah , we might break up . So how about we just Spend the time that we're together , improving each other's lives as best we can ? we make the most of the time that we have together . We really appreciate it and we be present and we be focused and we love each other to pieces . And If at some point , we break up or one of us dies or it ends because at some point every relationship ends right , either you die or one of you dies , or you both die , or you break up or something like . Every relationship ends at some point . And we knew that .

Speaker 1 18:13

We said that from the start , and then what we can do is we can sit there and actually focus on what's happening right now instead of fantasizing about the future . that's another thing to say here . If you've been sitting there imagining your entire life with the girl that you know online , you've been living in the future . You've been living in a fantasy . You're not paying attention here right now . That's why i said you plugged into the matrix . You're ignoring the real world , you're ignoring the present . You're focusing on the future and you continue to do so . Even if you end up with this woman , you will continue to focus and fantasize about the future . You miss what's right in front of you . And you see that .

Speaker 1 18:47

I see that a lot in relationships are like the two people want actually grateful and paying attention to what they had in the moment . They just fantasizing about the future . And then what did they say ? they say i feel like you don't even listen to me . I feel like you're not here with me . I feel like you don't pay attention to me . I feel like you're not present with me . Yeah , because you fantasizing about the future and if the present doesn't match up with your fantasy , you're just sitting there feeling like something's wrong or something's missing . You're not actually grateful and appreciative of what you have right there in the moment .

Speaker 1 19:17

Okay , let's talk about how to build that independent life . So i talked about having a mission . Self improvement is a great one . I talked about talking to more women , really just talking to more people and any women listening . The same thing if you're hung up on one particular guy to the point where you're fantasizing about the future and you don't even know if that future will happen like you literally fantasizing about something that hasn't even happened and might not even happen Go talk to more people . That doesn't mean you have to go sleep around that's not what i'm saying here but talk to more human beings . Talk to more people of the opposite gender . You don't even have to date them , just talk to them , just show yourself . There are other human beings out there that i could be friends with or i could potentially sleep with record date , record marry like this , other human beings that i can spend my time with . I don't have to obsess about this one particular person .

Speaker 1 20:03

Not everybody is gonna like you . That's okay and that's kind of the point that i'm getting to here . If you're fantasizing about someone that you haven't even really met , they might not like you . Like , literally , you might ask them out and they go sorry , i just see you as a friend . I've just been talking to you online because i thought we were good friends and you like fuck and it's like that's okay . They're not . Everybody is going to like you . That's why i say shoot your shot . Just ask The people that you like out for a date , drink a coffee and get to know them and get to figure out . Do they actually fucking like me ? like you can literally just say i like you , i find you cute , and that will immediately tell them , immediately tell you i don't see you that way . Or like Thanks , i have a boyfriend . This girl might even have a fucking boyfriend and you might not even know it , right , and so not everybody is gonna like you . That's great , that's beautiful . It's wonderful that people have different preferences . You know , gently i'll say this the world doesn't revolve around you , and i mean that in a gentle way . It means that you know some people might not fucking like you and that's okay . It's a . Go out there and talk to more people and find the ones that aren't you , whether that's friends , dating , sex relationships , whatever .

Building Self-Love and Independence

Speaker 1 21:07

A really good book that helps with all of this is by Byron Katie , sweet little old grandmother , and the book is called i need your love , is that true ? it's a really good book on showing yourself that You don't want to rely on one , or you don't need to rely on one person for your happiness . Like you don't need someone to love you , you don't need someone to be in your life . You can be there for yourself , and this book has actionable steps on how to do that . Because by obsessing about one particular person , you're putting all the burden of your own happiness on that person . You're basically saying Being with this person in a being with this woman or being with this guy will make me happy . Like i said before , that's really unbelievably unfair on that person . Why they gonna make you happy . That's your job , and so this book i need your love , is that true ? helps you figure out how to love yourself or make yourself happy , so that you're not relying on other people and then other people are a beautiful boner . You're not looking for someone to complete you . It's like i'm in a love myself . I'm gonna be complete , and someone else is a nice bonus to that . Some more ideas that i've figured out of people have told me that i've really hoped With building that self love , or building that independence , or building your own happiness . I'll phrase it like that .

Speaker 1 22:21

Obviously things like hobbies , obviously things like self improvement , spending time with your friends , figuring out a purpose , and if you don't have a purpose , just make self improvement and having fun . Having fun is a really good fucking purpose , by the way , like literally just spending every day and saying , okay , how can i do one thing to have a lot of fun today ? what i have to do today to have fun , that's a life purpose that can carry you for the rest of your life like that's maybe the most beautiful life purpose . On top of that , you can do things like mirror therapy , which i have done plenty of videos about . So go on to my youtube channel . My youtube channel is just called kill your inner loser And just search for mirror , and i've done like quite a few videos on mirror therapy , which is where you get in front of the mirror , you look into your own eyes and you say i love you to yourself , and that can be quite confronting , that can be weird , you might feel like all sorts of emotions , but if you just do this just once a day , just look into your own eyes in the mirror and say i love you and then just sit there for 30 seconds , maybe a minute , and just see what happens , see what comes up , see what thoughts come up .

Speaker 1 23:22

Sometimes a lot of negative thoughts come up , like i don't deserve love , i'm a piece of shit . Like , okay , good , that's useful information . The fact that you feel like you're a piece of shit is telling you that you're not happy with your life , or you who you are . And then you can ask the question and do this in the mirror as well say , okay , what would i need to do to not be a piece of shit ? Like , what would i need to do ? like , why am i a piece of shit ? what do i need to change or fix or improve ? will start improving , samira . Therapy is really useful at getting to the bottom of whether or not you like yourself , and I would say , generally speaking , i will bet the farm on this , i will bet $10,000 million on this .

Speaker 1 23:58

If you're sitting there imagining your entire life with someone that you know only online , i'm going to guess you don't love yourself . That isn't someone that I would say has healthy boundaries for themselves . That isn't someone that I would say really , truly appreciates their own time . That isn't someone who believes that they have a lot of worth , because if you believed those things , you'd be like no , like , i want to go meet this person . I'm not going to sit online and like fantasize . I need to know if she likes me or not . I have worth . I value my own time . I value my own love . I don't just give out love freely to someone that I haven't even met properly . No , my love is like quite special and I give it out to people that I want to give it out to , and none of that is a criticism , by the way . Like learning to love yourself is exactly that . It's something you learn to do . I don't expect people to wake up one day and just love themselves . I certainly didn't . It's been a journey for the last like 10 or 15 years , but mirror therapy helps with that .

Speaker 1 24:54

On top of that , i would go gathering some fucking evidence that you deserve to love yourself , and so one of my favorite exercises here is I call it 50 things that are likeable about yourself , and so you get out a piece of paper , you do it on your phone or whatever and you write down 50 things about yourself that are likeable . Like what's likeable about me . I'm kind to people , i'm genuinely polite , i don't try and hurt anybody . I have a pretty decent body , i have a great sense of humor , i'm really loyal to my friends , i'm great at fishing . I'm really good at video games . Like write down 50 things . And if you struggle to get 50 things , that's okay . Take your time with this . This is allowed to take the rest of your life , this exercise . You have the rest of your life to write down 50 things And you can keep adding to it beyond 50 , but 50 is a nice starting point .

Speaker 1 25:41

And if you can't get 50 things , maybe you try this for a month and you can only get like 10 things . I've had some people that can only get 10 things . There's two answers there . You can go and ask your friends and your family and say , yo , what is something that's likeable about me ? And don't say like what do you like about me , because that's like their own bias . You're trying to get like objective answers , like what is objectively likeable about me . Like , if you didn't know me and maybe you hung out with me for a couple of weeks , like what do you think that person would say is likeable about me ? Like , pretend you don't you know . Pretend like , take your bias out of it . What is likeable about me objectively ?

Speaker 1 26:16

Another thing that you can do if you really can't get 50 things that are likeable about yourself , then improve yourself . Like , throw yourself into hobbies , go to the gym , start talking to more people so you can become more confident . Go meet more people . Like you know , dress better , set some goals and start achieving them . You know and Rome wasn't built in a day . These things take a little bit of time . You just go slowly . But if you can't get 50 things that are likeable about yourself , hey , that's great . Let's start building that list And I would throw yourself into self improvement every day . And there will be some days where you , you know you're feeling a bit tired or lazy or whatever . That's okay , you know , but try every day . Just do a little bit more every day so that you grow to like yourself more and you become that more well rounded person who sort of deserves to have someone wonderful in their life . Right , because you won't be then sitting around fantasizing about someone else completing you , because you'll be too busy living a kick ass life . And then , funnily enough , that's when the really awesome people do come into your life , because your life is already kick ass , you already kick ass , and if you're not there already , like I said , that's fine . You slowly improve that ship .

Speaker 1 27:20

But right now , why should this girl be with you ? Like , do you really want her to be with someone who just sits around all day fantasizing about something that isn't real ? Like , doesn't she deserve better than that ? And I'm not saying better than you , i'm not saying you're unlovable , that's not at all what I'm saying But wouldn't you want her to be with something a bit more real ? Wouldn't you want her to be with someone who has ambition , who has goals And if you don't have those things , you can build those things But , like , wouldn't you want her to be around someone that has a kick ass life ? I don't think you have a kick ass life And again , i don't know you , i'm making some assumptions here , but I would assume , if you're sitting around all day fantasizing about something that isn't real , that , generally speaking , isn't the person who has a lot of options for dating or options for friends .

Speaker 1 28:04

They don't generally have a busy schedule , because if you have those things , if you're busy or you have other options , you literally don't have time or mental energy to sit around fantasizing about someone . You'd be like yo . I like this girl Do you want to go out with me ? And even if you're scared you'd slowly work up the courage to do that . You'd at least hang out with her in person , even just as friends . Like you'd at least just be like I want to go grab a coffee with you , we can be friends . I don't care , Like , oh , like , i'm too scared to ask about properly , but like , can I at least just fucking get to know you in person , because you'd be busy , you wouldn't have time to sit around .

Speaker 1 28:36

So , generally speaking , and often the fantasies that we have when we sit there fantasizing about one particular person I'm assuming in your fantasies you don't just sit around fantasizing about her I'm assuming in your fantasies you guys are together , you're going on adventures , maybe going on a road trip , you guys have sex , you guys hold hands , you have kids . Like you're doing shit right now You're not the person And again I'm making some assumptions here , but I'm going to assume you're not the person that's taking a lot of action and doing a lot of shit , and so for , even if you wanted to be with her , even if you end up being with her which I think , statistically speaking , you probably won't end up with her . We'll just say that . But even if you did end up with her , you're going to be doing shit when you're with her . So start doing that shit now , the kind of life that you want to live when you're with this person . Start living that now , and at least that makes it slightly more likely to happen . And if it doesn't happen with her , because your life is so awesome , somebody else will come along who goes wow , you're doing a lot of shit . You clearly love yourself or you clearly at least like yourself . That's cool . I'd like to be part

Building an Independent and Fulfilling Life

Speaker 1 29:39

of your life .

Speaker 1 29:39

Generally speaking , women and men too people want to be around people that have at least a mildly interesting life . We , generally speaking , want to be around people who are going somewhere , who have a growth mindset , who are working on some goals . You don't have to be this big , high-flying , ambitious , like killer or something , but just somebody who isn't sitting around fantasizing about things that aren't real . That's , like I said , sort of living in a fantasy , delusional world . So focus on being just a tiny bit better every day , like you can do it , even if it's scary . Just start really small , like baby steps . Maybe hit the gym once a week and you might suck the first six months of going to the gym , but you slowly get better . You know , you start going twice a week , then three times a week . I have guides on my website on how to go to the gym . I have done podcasts and videos on it . I've done YouTube shorts on it .

Speaker 1 30:32

So start figuring out , like I said , you know , some sort of mission or a purpose , just something that that means something to you . You know what I mean . Even if that's just every day , i'm going to have fun . Well , i want to get really good at fishing , or I want to just fucking get the world record in this goddamn video game . Or I want to dress better , or I want to be super loyal to my friends , i want to build really deep friendships and just start focusing on that shit . In other words , like some things that would be cool for you to have in your life or where you want your life to go . You don't have to know the entire big , higher purpose , higher purpose . But you know , just throw yourself into some sort of goal or a hobby or self improvement , like something that's a higher calling , that's more important to you than this one particular person . Because , again , if you focus on this one person , especially when you haven't even met them . That's just putting all the burden of happiness on them . It's not fair And I'm telling you from experience , like I haven't even said this yet .

Speaker 1 31:23

But generally speaking , women don't fucking stick around with someone who , like , puts them on a pedestal and expects them to be perfect and fantasizes about life with them . That sounds romantic in the short term . Plenty of women will love that in the short term . Generally speaking , women don't stick around for that shit . For life Like that just isn't appealing . On a long term scale We can flip the genders and say the exact same thing .

Speaker 1 31:43

A woman who's just sitting around fantasizing about a guy all day , every day , and doesn't really do anything with her life , that's fucking cool at the start . It's very flattering at the start . You know the guy might get a lot of validation from that . Oh my God , you've been sitting around fantasizing about me . That's wonderful , that's amazing . That shit doesn't last long term , like a year into the relationship , definitely by a couple of years into the relationship . You know you get to the point where it's just like fucking hell .

Speaker 1 32:09

Don't you have any friends , don't you have any hobbies ? Like why are you just sitting around obsessing about me , like I got my life to live And so you're just sort of on this pathway to what's called a co-dependent relationship or an enmeshed relationship , where you're both dependent on each other for happiness And that , my friend , is a recipe for fucking disaster . So build that independence . Figure out some things that are important to you , have more hobbies , be more social . You know those are some great goals .

Speaker 1 32:35

Pick one goal at a time and really go for it . Like I want to lose some weight Okay , make that your mission for the next six months . Or I want to make a little bit more money and get promoted at my job Okay , really go hard and hustle with that . I want to dress better . Spend three months on that , whatever it is . But pick one or two goals at a time and really go for them .

Speaker 1 32:51

Don't try and do too many things at once that you just you get overwhelmed . It's okay if you suck at some of these goals and self-improvement at the start . Like you will gradually improve over time . I was really shit at the start . I've been doing this for 10 or 15 years , right , so it can take a little bit of time , but I promise you an amazing life is waiting for you at the end of it . But you got to put yourself first , and this applies to all you ladies out there listening as well . Don't look to another human being to make you happy . If you want to be happy , you make yourself happy . Other people are a really nice bonus like a cherry on top , but the real substance , the real meat and bones , the real cake is your self love , your own goals , your own hobbies , your own independence and all of that .

Speaker 1 33:36

If you guys and girls want more help with this , i obviously offer coaching . There's a link in the description . I have a big , hardcore coaching program . I also offer one off $200 calls like a coaching call . You sit down with me and we'll go over all this stuff . I offer them one per person , so you only get one , but I'll leave a link in the description to that . Let me know if you guys in general you guys and

Promoting Self-Love and Empathy

Speaker 1 34:00

girls enjoyed this .

Speaker 1 34:00

I can do more of these . I kind of like this idea of like picking somebody's question And then we just empathize about where that person's at Cause . I think that's something that we don't do a lot in the community . Like we're very fucking empathetic I'll make that clear But like I don't think we do the very , very , very beginner questions . I think , generally speaking , we hit the more intermediate people or the people who are like a little bit further along . And so , yeah , i , i like this . I think I want to do more of these , but I'm curious what you guys and girls think . If you want to get in touch with me and tell me what you think like I really do generally want to hear go into my YouTube channel and just leave a comment . I read every single comment on my YouTube channel . You obviously can't really comment on , you know , podcasts , on Spotify and these channels , but go onto YouTube , just leave me a fucking comment . Let me know if you want me to do more of this . Like I said , coaching is in the description below .

Speaker 1 34:49

As always , ladies and gentlemen , go out there and crush those goals and build a bit of that self love . Yeah , like the mission with my podcast , the mission with my content , the mission of me here on this earth is to try and get everybody to like themselves just a little bit more . That's like a very important mission for me and to not put the happiness on other people . You know , other people are fantastic . I love other people to bits , but you want to have the the most special relationship , or you want to . The person you want to like the most in life is yourself .

Speaker 1 35:18

Because you're stuck with yourself 24 seven for the rest of your life , you can never escape yourself , and for some people , that sentence sounds scary like fuck , i hate myself and I can never escape myself . Yeah , what if you liked yourself , though ? What if you got to hang out with your best friend 24 seven for the rest of your fucking life ? Wouldn't that be nice ? What if you actually liked the person that you were with 24 seven , and you can get there , i promise . Do all the stuff I said in this podcast and take your time with it . It can take months , years , maybe even longer than that . You will get there , i promise , but start loving yourself . I know all of you can do it . I believe in you . Go , start making it happen .