Overcoming Resistance to Personal Change

Speaker 1 0:01

Good morning you brave boys and girls . I want to talk about something that comes up quite a lot when we first get into self-improvement , when we start changing ourselves , when we start evolving , especially when it comes to our appearance , like when we start losing a bit of weight , maybe dressing better , working on our style , stuff like that A lot of the time , resistance and this feeling of like this isn't me , i can't dress like this , like I'm changing too quickly , i don't know if I can do this , i don't know if this feels right for me A lot of those sort of feelings or that resistance comes up at the start And I went through this stuff . My assistant coach and good friend , cam , went through this resistance And right now in the coaching program we have a client who's dressed like a nice guy all of his life . He's always dressed like the average guy . He wears normal shirts , normal pants , like no accessories whatsoever . No real effort has been put into the style or the clothing choice . It's very safe , like dressed to fit in , and I used to dress exactly the same way Most people do . Like that style of dressing where you're just wearing normal shirt , normal pants , like no accessories , decent shoes . That's average . For a reason . It's the most common way that people dress . People dress not to stand out , like in particular , they don't want to stand out , they want to fit in , and so what we've done with this client is we've said look like , just start really small , buy a cheap watch , buy a ring , buy a necklace and just kind of go from there . And he's felt all this resistance to that And in his own words he said look , i see your point , i can look into accessories , but I just worry that it might seem out of character to the people around me if I start wearing all these accessories . I personally have never worn rings or necklaces before And this comes up quite a lot And a lot of you might be feeling the same way when you first start improving whether that is changing your style , fixing or improving the way that you look , whatever it might be . A lot of the time we feel this fucking resistance And I think a big part of it is because people attach so much of their self worth to their clothes and their style , like their outward presentation , even if they have terrible style or very safe style , and it makes sense Like , if you think about it , you're wearing safe clothes so that you don't stand out because you worry people will judge you , attack you , bring you down .

Speaker 1 2:33

Thank you , tell you , like odd , do you think you're better than us ? the same thing with diet . A lot of people don't go on a diet or go to the gym because they worried that other people will say Look at you taking yourself all seriously all of a sudden . Who , like who's going to the gym all the time ? look at how shallow you are , like just caring about your appearance . like The same thing with money . How many people don't ask for a raise or don't start their own business or don't decide ? you know what ? I want to be a millionaire . Because they worried that that will make them stand out too much , that people will attack them . And guess what some people might , especially with something so obvious like dressing better . If you just improve your style or wear a couple of accessories or just buy some nicer threads , some nicer clothes when you dress better , yet some people might feel a little bit threatened by that .

Speaker 1 3:21

Like some people don't like change , especially when it comes from their friends . Like , if these people are your friends , they've likely built up a relationship with you , they have some level of comfort around you and if you start to change , quite quickly they might feel like fuck , like everything I thought I knew was changing , like fuck , like Everything I thought I knew is wrong . It also sometimes is a mirror held up to them , like they might view it in their mind as your sort of saying or implying hey look , i'm taking myself more seriously . You should too , even if you never say that to them . That's how a lot of people take it . That's why so many people talk other people out of goals Because they themselves feel insecure . They feel like fuck .

Speaker 1 4:05

If you change , then I don't have any excuse for being fat or for watching Netflix every day off and not building that business , or for not dressing better . You are like a giant mirror held up to them , no matter how Caring and gentle you are , no matter how much you say like look , i love you , i don't want you to change , like I'm just changing for me . A lot of people will still feel very , very insecure about that . It's why people hate rich people . It's why not everyone does , obviously , but it's why a lot of the collective masses , average people , hate rich people , or hate people who build a business , or hate people who are successful . Hate like rich celebrities because they're like , fuck , like . You're basically showing me that I can't , that I could do this , but I haven't . I've chosen not to . That's why they lash out and say things like all that person was probably just born successful . It's because they're tall , are you know ? they never had to work for it .

Speaker 1 4:55

You make excuses to make all they make excuses to make themselves feel better , and that's understandable . But if it's coming from your friends when you first start this self improvement project , look if they're really critical of you and it's not just like one or two jokes and then they get over if they like , continue to be really critical of your self improvement journey And they're actively trying to talk you out of it , like they're trying to actually bring you down . You can just spend a little bit less time with them And look if they're hardcore , trying to bring you down , like they're actively trying to fucking hurt you or talk you out of your goals entirely . Maybe that's not the best person to spend time with . I have guides on my website on how to make amazing friends who are loyal , who would take a bullet for you , who will have your back . Go and read that .

Speaker 1 5:40

Just going to kill your in the loser dot com search for the word friends , i have an entire fucking guide on how to make friends , like how to make really good friends who will push you with your goals . We also have a forums . There's plenty of amazing guys on there Who will push you with your goals . They will not talk you out of your goals and obviously , if you want the most hardcore version of that , that's what my coaching program is for I've literally screened to find the most open minded , action oriented , kind , empathetic , motivated , hardcore individuals on the fucking planet . And so if you want access to a bunch of groups or to a bunch of guys that will push you , motivate you , not talk you out of your goals and in fact , do the exact fucking opposite . There's a link in the description to the coaching program , and so what I said to this client of mine you know when he talked about I'm just worried that , like friends might Think that I'm changing , you know that they might think it's out of character what I said is Look , the current version of you isn't getting laid

Overcoming Resistance to Personal Growth

Speaker 1 6:43

, is he ?

Speaker 1 6:43

because that's his main goal right now . He's someone that hasn't had a lot of sexual experience and he wants to build that up . He's getting towards his 30s I think he actually might be 30 . And he's at that point where it's like , look , i want to be the experience , i want to meet some women . I eventually , you know , want something Where I can settle down with someone and I don't see a path to get there . So I want to . You know , work on my dating skills , right ?

Speaker 1 7:03

So I said the current version of you isn't getting laid , is he ? so wouldn't make sense for you to evolve , to grow , to try something new ? in other words , being out of character . It might be exactly the thing you need to do to get the life that you've always wanted . And it's not even necessarily out of character , It's more like a leveling up of your character , like a video game . And I said to him look , again , we're not telling you . Because I'd said this point to him a couple of times . I said look , we're not telling you to completely and utterly change as a human being . It's literally just wear a necklace and a watch and a ring , literally just three accessories . I promise it's less of a big deal than you think . It's just you plus some accessories .

Speaker 1 7:46

And I think , like I said , a lot of the time , we feel this incredible resistance when we start evolving or we even just think about starting to evolve , especially , like I said , something that is so forward facing or so external as our appearance because , yes , people will literally see that you've changed . So same reason that people feel resistance to going and losing weight or hitting the gym because they're like fuck , but what if people like literally noticed that I've changed ? And if you've spent your life and I get the feeling that this coaching client of mine sort of has if you've spent your life just not really standing out , it can be terrifying . It can be really fucking terrifying to say I'm going to wear some accessories and then people will notice me because you've likely gone your entire life not having people notice you . But the thing is , if you want definitely if you want to have sex and meet some women , you are going to have to stand out . Like , by definition , you're saying I want people to notice me , i want women to notice me , well then you have to be noticed .

Speaker 1 8:47

Any of you that want to start a business . It's like you can't just have a business in secret , like there's going to be some level of marketing or putting yourself out there , like I have , like doing content , like there's some level of I want people to notice me , otherwise , how the fuck would they know you exist ? They won't know to give you money . You can't have a business where nobody notices you , and so a lot of the time , we feel this resistance . But understand that that resistance is just there because you've been safe your entire life . That resistance isn't a bad thing . It's just your ego or your body saying look , i've been safe my entire life . I think it's safer if we just play it safe And it's like , yeah , that is nice and safe .

Speaker 1 9:25

Look at where safety got us in 2020 , right , with all the lockdowns and all of that . The world was obsessed with safety to the point where people were like , hey , let's not even go outside and do basic human fucking functions like interacting with other human beings , having friends going to work . Like , let's not even do that because we fuck , we got to be safe . Yeah , that didn't exactly make us happy , did it ? Safety isn't the only priority . I would say . Safety is , in my life , something that I kind of run away from . I'm not that I'm actively unsafe No , i'm not like jumping off fucking buildings and running in front of traffic . So safety still is important to me to some degree . But this obsession and this compulsion with safety that a lot of us have And fair enough that's like a biological imperative , right ? That's where it comes from . It's not a bad thing You're not retarded for obsessing about safety But when we're talking about something that is an active roadblock to the life that a lot of you want , when we're talking about something like dressing better so that the opposite sex notices you , safety isn't getting you anywhere .

Speaker 1 10:31

Safety hasn't worked until this point . You can look at the evidence of that . Like have I had the sex life or the dating life that I want ? If the answer is no , then okay , fuck , maybe I need to change something . Like probably not going to continue doing what I'm doing and then just magically one day have success . No , i'm probably going to have to do something different .

Speaker 1 10:48

Same with building a business , especially if you do it the way that I've done it , where you just put your face out there and put your ideas out there and your philosophies . Yeah , that's fucking confronting . It can be fucking terrifying , but if you want to build a business , you're probably going to have to do that . You might not have to put yourself out there in the public sphere the way that I have . But you're at least going to have to let people know that your business exists . You're going to at least have to let people know that you exist , and part of that is putting on a good appearance . Part of that might mean you have to dress better or you have to take yourself seriously . You have to take your business seriously . You have to take your body seriously . You have to take your sleep seriously . You have to start taking yourself seriously And , yes , i understand that for a lot of us that is very confronting .

Speaker 1 11:32

I said to this coaching client of mine you know , this isn't like only you . Basically everybody feels like this Cam . You know , my good friend and assistant coach in the program felt exactly this way when I first got him to start dressing better . He came to me for coaching something like you know , four years ago , three years ago , and He dressed I'll say it in his own words , because he said this in many times he dressed like fucking shit . His clothes had holes in them , like literally his shirt had holes in them . When he came to me To train , like to learn how to talk to women , he literally showed up in person to a coaching session where we were gonna go out and talk to women and his shirt had holes in it And it's like are you really gonna go and have , say hello to women and be like hi , i like you . Would you like to go on a date with me ? Would you like to have sex with me when your clothes have fucking holes in them ? what the fuck did you do ? are you like Baby sitting caterpillars or something like ? who the fuck is eating your clothes ? do you have a pet goat ? why the fuck are there holes in your t-shirt ?

Speaker 1 12:38

And so he felt all this resistance when I was like , look man , like let's improve your style , let's go to , you know , h&m or Zara and let's just like try some different clothes , like see what you fit in . He bought some clothes and he bought this amazing fucking jacket and this cool fucking hat and he looked really good . He had some jeans . He looked like fucking sick . I looked and he had a necklace and I was like , bro , holy shit , dude , like you've gone from like I don't like to give numbers , but you've gone from like way below average to like holy fuck your top , like 5% , like people are gonna notice you now , dude .

Speaker 1 13:09

And he was so uncomfortable like literally he was looking down at the ground . He was like shifting his weight uncomfortably . He was like adjusting his clothes is like this doesn't feel like me , man , this is weird , i can't do this like this . I don't know , man , i shouldn't be wearing this like I can't do this . And I was like bro , it's okay . I promise , if you just wait two or three weeks Where these clothes for two or three weeks , you will get comfortable . And he did . And look at him now .

Speaker 1 13:32

He literally coaches people , amongst other things , on how to dress better , how to increase their style , how to find their style , all of that kind of stuff . Like he's literally a fashion expert . How , by just taking these fucking baby steps and understanding that like , okay , look , i feel uncomfortable , i don't feel cool , i feel wrong . Like these clothes don't feel like me , i feel fake . But maybe I'll just stick out at for three weeks and see how I feel . And so that's usually my suggestion to guys . I'm like just Buy a really nice jacket , wear it for three weeks . Doesn't have to be expensive , by the way , but just buy a cool jacket from H&M or something , or Zara , fuck . You can even go to a thrift store if you don't have much money . Just understand . Generally speaking , thrift stores don't have as cool clothes because people tend to buy them really quickly , so any cool clothes in a thrift store tend to go pretty quick , but you can still find some .

Speaker 1 14:24

The point is where a cool jacket , try wearing a better hat , throw on a fucking necklace , then try wearing a ring , and just do one thing at a time Or go all in like cam didn't wear it all at once . You can do that too . But take your time with this shit . Take some baby steps with this shit . Like whenever you feel that resistance or that fear , run towards that fucking fear . Like I know , in my life , anytime I feel resistance towards something that I know will be good for me , you know , like dressing better Or putting myself more out there with business , like I will tell myself off , fuck , like there has to be . I bet you there's so much growth for me If I just do this thing that's scaring me , or that I feel resistance towards . Like the fact that I feel so much resistance and hesitation , it's probably a sign that this will be really good for me .

Speaker 1 15:07

And so you know , i said to this client just Go on Amazon , go to H&M , just just go somewhere and find like five necklaces that you think are cool . Show us what they look like and we'll give you some feedback . Or just go try on a jacket . This is my other tip that I give people go to H&M or go to Zara , try on a whole bunch of different outfits and don't buy any of them . Just take photos in the change rooms with all of the different outfits and post it to us in the coaching program . And if you're not in the coaching program , by the way , i offer two hundred dollar one off coaching calls as well . There , only one per person . But You can bring all these photos that I'm telling you to take , these different outfit examples of yourself . You can bring that to the two hundred dollar call if you want . So those calls are two hundred dollars . We can sit down and I can be like , yeah , this one , that one , this one , that one . Or , if you want , you can just post it on the forums . You know the forums are free but Get some feedback on different outfits . But you only have to take like little baby steps with this shit .

Speaker 1 16:02

And trust me , guys , i really do understand the resistance . I felt it too . Do you know how much fucking resistance . I felt like dressing better when I dressed average and boring and safe my entire fucking life . Do you have any idea how much resistance I felt when I was like first putting myself in front of a microphone And doing these podcasts was fucking terrified . Go back and listen to the oldest episodes , scroll all the way down to the bottom And listen to the first couple of episodes . I'm so fucking nervous . I even say that I'm so nervous I don't know what to talk about . I was even more nervous when I started my YouTube channel and I have to put my face in front of the goddamn camera . It's really terrifying . It's really , really , really terrifying . I felt so much resistance . But guess what was on the other side of that resistance ? Growth , beautiful things , me sitting here in front of you now and paying all of my bills from coaching . That only exists because I put myself out there and I push through that resistance and that hesitancy and that nervousness .

Self-Improvement and Personal Growth

Speaker 1 17:00

So yes , if you dress better , in other words , if you take yourself more seriously , if you lose weight or work on your sleep or stop going out and parting with your friends so much because you want to prioritize your goals , you know any of these things that we do in self-improvement . Yeah , you might feel some resistance . People might even say like , hey look , you're changing . Hey , man , you're changing . I promise you , if you feel that resistance , that towards something that deep down you know would be good for you , there is growth on the other side of that . There's treasure on the other side of that .

Speaker 1 17:31

Amazing things will happen if you just take that deep breath , give yourself permission to suck and just go one tiny little baby step at a time . That's all I'm asking . One little baby step , just take one little bit of action and then do the same the next day . And just one little baby step every day . You got this , i promise . Like I said , if you need more help with this , i am right here . I have $200 coaching calls . I have a hardcore 12 week coaching program . We have payment plans for that . If money is an issue , let me take you by the hand . Let me help you lead that life that you've always fucking wanted . There's a link in the description below .